


Hold You Tighter

by taesquiger



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Best Friends Huening Kai & Kang Taehyun, Boys Kissing, Childhood Trauma, Choi Beomgyu & Choi Yeonjun are Cousins, Choi Soobin & Kang Taehyun & Hueningkai are Childhood Friends, Emotional Roller Coaster, Established Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Eventual Happy Ending, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Hearing Voices, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Kang Taehyun Needs A Hug, Kang Taehyun has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, M/M, Mentioned Other K-pop Artist(s), Secret Relationship, Sexy Times, Soft Kang Taehyun, Whipped Choi Beomgyu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:07:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 57
Words: 103,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23153740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taesquiger/pseuds/taesquiger
Summary: Who doesn't have fears?How long can one hold onto those fears? How long does it take to let go?What happens when they just don't take the right step at the right time and end up messing everything, even their most loved one?
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 369
Kudos: 481





	1. Friends

**Author's Note:**

> My first book ever hehe. Please keep in mind all of this is just fiction and made for entertainment purposes only. This is in NO WAY connected to the members of TOMORROW X TOGETHER.
> 
> Side Ships:  
> •YeonBin  
> •NamJin  
> •YoonMin  
> •Mentioned TaeKook  
> •Very less amount of HyunIn
> 
> Contains Mature Language
> 
> 🚨PLEASE READ THE TAGS FIRST🚨

It's a soft morning with a mild breeze blowing through the curtains. Taehyun shuffles from this side to that as a little tint of light stings his eyes. His eyes flutter open and nose scrunches because the alarm clock is god damn LOUD. His left-hand reaches the nightstand to shut it.

"God!", he frowns. He picks up his phone and immediately his frown turns into a blissful smile. Blush appears on his cheeks as he stares at the wallpaper for maybe way-too-long for a boy who needs to leave his bed and get ready for school. But Taehyun just stays there, staring a little more.

It is a picture of him and his _boyfriend._ They were together on a beach trip last year. Both of them smiling ear to ear.

The boyfriend whom he loves so much. His one and only beloved. This boy loves him a lot too. He can feel it. The bright and jolly personality of his boyfriend goes perfectly with his calm one.

Despite the fact that they keep fighting over small things, it's too hard for them to be on their own. Sometimes it really bothers him thinking maybe it's the end. _The end, huh?_ If things really one day ends with this guy, Taehyun doesn't even know what he would do. Because this boy brought colors to Taehyun's once monochrome world. Right now, he doesn't want to think about the negatives.

He brings the phone closer and kisses the phone. He finally starts to leave his bed, heads towards the washroom, freshens up and then comes back to clean up his bed all neat and clean. He then skips into the kitchen and quickly makes his breakfast.

It's just his lonely apartment. His parents have passed away back in his childhood due to a car accident. Since then it's just him.

He quickly puts on his uniform, ready to run to school but nope! He's waiting for something, _someone._

*Ding*

Taehyun quickly takes his phone and glances at the message. " _I'm waiting by the tree at the end of your alley_ ", it says.

Taehyun doesn't even waste a second and runs to exit the door, not forgetting to lock it.

He exits the apartment building with great energy that he almost bumps into someone. "I'm sorry", he quickly apologizes and runs to his destination.

He's almost out of breath when he reaches there, eyes searching for a certain older boy.

There he is.

"Beomgyu hyung", he shouts from a distance.

The older turns around and this younger one always makes his heart skip a beat. A visible smile creeps upon his lips as the boy is coming towards him.

"Taehyunie", Beomgyu grins widely. He has always loved this boy. Taehyun is literally the only boy, actually the only person he thinks about when he wakes up and drifts to sleep.

His smile is everything to Beomgyu. He just wants to poke that baby dimple of Taehyun the whole day. The eyes of this boy hold the whole universe. They are the prettiest features of Taehyun, at least to Beomgyu. He could stare at them as if it's his last. His pretty hands fit perfectly with Beomgyu's. Those luscious pink lips are his favorite. He wants to kiss them till the end of time. But...

Interrupting his thoughts, Taehyun engulfs him in a tight hug. Beomgyu returns the hug, he can never not. As always, Taehyun smells like vanilla and caramel. He smells like HUGS. Beomgyu can hold this boy in his arms and take in the scent till hours. He just can't get over the warmth of Taehyun.

But something comes to his realization and his smile suddenly disappears.

"How are you hyu-"

Before Taehyun can complete his sentence, Beomgyu hurriedly pulls away from the hug and turns his back.

"Let's get going, Taehyun. W-We might be late", Beomgyu's voice is rather cold. He starts to walk quickly.

Taehyun frowns at the sudden change. He catches up with Beomgyu, now walking by his side. He reaches for Beomgyu's hand but Beomgyu doesn't let him.

"Hyung! What is it?"

"Nothing. We're getting late. Let's walk faster. We have to get to the other guys as well."

"No, Beomgyu hyung. Tell me what's bothering you?"

"Taehyun, it's nothing. If something was bothering me, you would be the first to know. We are friends, right?" Beomgyu starts to walk even faster, almost running.

Realization hits Taehyun and he stops.

"Hyung"

"What?"

"Hyung", Taehyun calls out louder.

"I've told you, Taehyun. It's noth-" Beomgyu looks by his side and finds no sign of Taehyun. He was so busy in his head that he didn't even notice that Taehyun already stopped a few steps back.

"Hey, what happened?"

Taehyun gives him no answer.

"Taehyun-ah, what is it with you now?"

Taehyun looks straight up to Beomgyu's eyes. His face offering no expression.

"Is it because of the hug, Beomgyu hyung?"

Beomgyu gulps down a lump in his throat. He tries to look away.

"Wh-What are you s-speaking about, Tae-Taehyun?"

"That means I'm right. It _is_ because of the hug." This time Taehyun's voice is cold.

"Taehyun, no! You're getting the wrong idea. Friends hug, it's a normal thing to do anyway"

"Then give me the right idea. C'mon, tell me! Tell me why are you suddenly acting all strange after I hugged you?", Taehyun asked a bit rudely to hide that he was on the verge of crying.

"Ugh, fine! Yeah. It really _is_ because of the hug. Yo-You can't hug me like that. I've told you several times before. I mean, yeah friends hug and all but...uhh you know it okay?"

With that said, Beomgyu turns away to walk again. But Taehyun doesn't even move an inch. A tear slips from his eye wetting his left cheek.

"Beomgyu hyung", Taehyun speaks making Beomgyu stop on his tracks and the next thing Taehyun asks widens Beomgyu's eyes as his jaw drops.

"H-How long are you going to treat me like a friend when we're actually _dating?"_

~~~~~~~


	2. What Happened?

Let's look back at when it started-

Pretty much everyone admired Taehyun for his god-like visuals and went head-over-heels for his smartness. He was quite popular among both girls and boys. But his personality is what most people didn't like. They just thought he's an intellectual, a boring person, a nerd.

Obviously Taehyun was a bit, closeted person. He keeps things among him and his friends. Apart from his childhood friend, whom he calls 'Soobin hyung', he only had one friend named Hueningkai, his same age, his classmate, his seatmate, his soulmate.

When Soobin suddenly made a new friend named Yeonjun in their middle school, Taehyun thought it was going to be very hard for him to mix up. But thanks to Yeonjun hyung, Taehyun started to feel close to him. Yeonjun and Soobin both treated Taehyun and Hueningkai like their own babies, always caring and protecting. Being a smart guy, Taehyun always knew Soobin and Yeonjun would end up together and YES it happened.

People did like Taehyun, his looks and his brain but they never liked Taehyun for himself. He was always known as 'the boring one'. They did not like that this boy just sits around quietly in the class, minding his own business, not talking or approaching people on his own, never getting in trouble or causing one. The fact they hated the most was he was always THE TOP student. Literally none could ever beat him. But still, it's high school and he's the favorite of all teachers, so no student dared to behave or do something wrong to him. Also, they knew if they hurt him, Soobin and Yeonjun were always ready to throw hands.

The senior group from Yeonjun's year knew Taehyun too. Lots of them even asked him out, but he's too scared. He can literally sense that they were doing this just for fun. He too tried his best to stay away from Yeonjun's friend circle. Guess not everyone is like his father-like hyung.

***

It was the last year of Soobin's middle school when Yeonjun, who was already a junior in high school, excitedly told the guys that a very close cousin of his is soon joining Soobin's class in their school. Taehyun thought that this cousin of Yeonjun is _definitely_ a troublesome kid. Otherwise, who transfers schools in their last year? Yeonjun's friends were always trouble, no doubt. So it is not really surprising. But what surprised Taehyun was Soobin praising that kid. It's either Soobin is trying to be on good terms with Yeonjun's cousin because duh! Or the boy is really good as Soobin describes. Yeonjun told them that they should definitely be friends with him and eat together at lunch. Taehyun did not think it was a good idea. Because once a friend of Yeonjun had joined them during lunch and almost got kicked in his face by Soobin for calling Taehyun 'waste of looks for that personality'.

They were supposed to gather up at their regular Café Magic where Yeonjun set up the meeting for five of them. The YeonBin couple, their kids Taehyun and Hueningkai and of course, _Yeonjun's cousin._

Taehyun and Hueningkai came first after their study session together. Soobin came a bit afterward and said Yeonjun will be coming with his cousin as his cousin went to take guitar lessons. _Guitar? Nice,_ Taehyun thought.

After a bit of chit-chat, the doorbell chimes and Yeonjun comes, his eyes searching his friends. He meets eyes with them and waves as a big smile appears on his face. As he walks towards his friends, a certain blonde follows him. A very good looking guy shyly walks up to them and waves Soobin as he only knows him aside Yeonjun.

"Hi. I'm Choi Beomgyu! Nice to meet you. Yeonjun hyung and Soobin hyung talk about you guys a lot. I hope we can get along well.", Beomgyu reaches for a hand.

Hueningkai shakes it and smiles, "Yes, they talk about you too. I guess they really wanted us to meet. I'm-"

"UUHHH NO WAIT", Beomgyu stops him earning all weird stares from the people. He quickly apologizes smiling widely. Even if people were pissed, they would easily get it over because of his damn handsome face and a big bright smile.

"I want to guess myself if you allow"

"Oh sure", Hueningkai sounds excited.

 _Interesting,_ Taehyun doesn't say it out loud.

"Hmmmmm", Beomgyu scans the two boys sitting in front of him. He can tell they're weirded out by his scanning. Although Hueningkai is totally showing his creeps, Taehyun is all calm and quiet. _  
_

That's it. He points the youngest, "This is definitely Hueningkai", his voice all chirpy.

"And this...is Kang Taehyun", Beomgyu says while pointing Taehyun with a deep low voice which makes him meet the older's eyes and he can clearly notice the smirk.

"Wow! How did you guess?" Soobin asks with so much enthusiasm.

"Well, you have talked so much about them that I feel as if I have known them for a long time"

"Makes sense. What do you think? Aren't our kids cute?", Yeonjun asks voice jubilant at which both Taehyun and Hueningkai roll their eyes.

"Sure they are _cute_ ", Beomgyu says observing Taehyun a little more, leaving a fuzzy feeling in his belly.

***

Beomgyu joins the trio in their lunch almost every day. Taehyun can already tell that this boy is always jolly and bright. Like a mood maker. What people like. Taehyun's complete _opposite._ But this boy hasn't called Taehyun a boring guy yet. I mean, with that all-too-bright personality, who would think it's fun to hang out with Taehyun? At first, Taehyun thought that the boy was only being friendly with him because of the friend circle. But no! He wasn't a judgemental person. Beomgyu was friendly to everyone. And not to forget, he was all too _flirty_ with the girls.

People would literally gawk at them because of their friendship despite their personality differences. Taehyun also couldn't believe that he got along with Beomgyu. Beomgyu being the cheery and talkative one and Taehyun being the quiet one and a good listener always made it easier for them.

Taehyun suddenly found himself getting attached to the blonde, every single day. _This is not right._ He can't share these thoughts with Soobin or Hueningkai. His heart always skipped a beat when the older ruffled his soft hair or stretch his cheeks to call him cute. He just fell a little more when once Beomgyu skipped classes to take care of a sick Taehyun. But Taehyun also didn't like that Beomgyu was actually, genuinely a caring person, not only for him, for everyone. He hated himself for feeling jealous when Beomgyu would constantly flirt around with the girls following him around. _He is straight,_ Taehyun reminds himself. He hated how his heart palpitated when he suddenly looked up from his book in the library or from his food in the lunch table to only find the older's eyes on him, observing his little details and he hated himself more for loving the smile Beomgyu gave him afterward.

 _This is not gonna end well,_ Taehyun sadly thinks himself.

* * *

* * *

This book/story is also available in Wattpad.


	3. Mine

"H-How long are you going to treat me like a friend when we're actually dating? _"_

Beomgyu immediately comes over to Taehyun and grabs his arm, shaking it lightly.

"Hush! Taehyun, why did you say that out loud? What if someone heard you?", Beomgyu glanced here and there even though the path wasn't even filled with people yet.

Before Taehyun could say something they heard a familiar voice coming towards them. "Yaa Taehyun-ah! Why are you crying? Beomgyu, what did you do?", Soobin sounds worried.

"Uhh I got something on my eyes and Beomgyu hyung was trying to help"

"Okay, let's get going then", Hueningkai says while wrapping an arm around Yeonjun as he gets his hair ruffled by the older.

The five of them walked towards the school. All of them lived in the nearby neighborhood. Yeonjun and Taehyun lived in their own apartments and Soobin, Hueningkai and Beomgyu lived with their parents. The school was within walking distance so the five of them always walked together. People always stared at them for two reasons. First, all of them are _damn good-looking._ Second, they're all from different years.

Yeonjun is in his senior year, within a few months he'll be graduating from the practical dance department. Soobin, a 2nd year student, also in the same department as Yeonjun. Beomgyu, another 2nd year student, in the composition and production department. Taehyun joined as a 1st year student a few months back in the vocal department and Hueningkai who joined along with Taehyun, in the instrumental music department. So people would always think about how they even got along with all those different years and classes. Surely they were all busy but they always made time for each other.

During their walk to school, the 4 of them usually jumped around and bicker with each other. Taehyun was content with watching them have fun. This is what surprised the people most. _How does a person like Taehyun hangout with them!?_ But nonetheless, in this high school, people didn't ridicule him for his personality, rather they appreciated his talents.

The five boys reached the school and walked together until they had to separate for their classes. The classes go on, as usual, several assignments, surprise tests and all. And it is finally lunch time. Their favorite time to hangout and eat lunch together. Today they decided to take different ice creams each so they can share.

"Taehyun-ah", Beomgyu called while offering a spoonful of his ice cream."You had from everyone. Take some of mine"

"I don't like chocolate, hyung", Taehyun said as normally as possible because he didn't want the other to get the wrong idea but he really didn't like chocolate.

"Aahh please take it for my sake?", Beomgyu cutely blinked his eyes making the others scrunch their nose but Taehyun keeps his request.

"Eww gross! I would vomit on that face", Yeonjun said disgustedly making Beomgyu roll his eyes, "You just don't say that I'm cute".

"Guys shut up! I've something important to say", everyone perked up to listen to Hueningkai as he turned to his left, "So Taehyun? You don't like anyone at this moment, do you?"

At this Beomgyu almost choked on his ice cream. "Hey careful!", Soobin reaches for water while patting his back.

Taehyun slightly glances at Beomgyu knowing that the older would be offended if he says the truth. "No, I don't have anyone in my mind", he says instead. Beomgyu's breathing hitches at the statement but he reminds himself it's not true.

"It's great then!", Hueningkai claps his hands together. Despite there is a little bit of disappointment in his voice which is unnoticed by the four, he finally says, "Well, there is someone who's a little bit interested in you"

At this, the four of them looked surprised. And Beomgyu can feel a knot in his stomach. Taehyun again glances in Beomgyu's way and notices the uneasiness. "Naah, I'm not interested", he bluntly states.

"Yaa Taehyunie!!! At least get to know each other. I know you have your own reasons but how long are you going to be alone? And this guy...he has been talking about you for a while now", Hueningkai pouts.

"Uhm, I don't think it's a good idea beca-"

"YES same here. I also think it's a bad idea. Why force him if he doesn't want to?", the words on Beomgyu's tongue slip out really fast before even Soobin completes his sentence.

The others eye him for his weird behavior and he laughs like an idiot while scratching his neck but only Taehyun knows the reason.

"I just...don't want to, Kai", Taehyun says swallowing a spoon of his strawberry ice cream.

"Taehyun", Yeonjun finally speaks, his hand resting on Taehyun's shoulder. "Look I've known you for a long time now. You never talk to others besides us. If someone is really making the first attempt, you should give them a chance at least. What do you think, Soobin?"

Beomgyu was still quiet. _First attempt,huh?_

"Yes, you are right. But I still have concerns", Soobin's voice came slow.

"Of course, Soobinie. I understand that Taehyun is like a little brother to you. But he's such for me too. I will always want what's good for him, just like you"

"Soobin hyung! No one is saying they should start something right away. They can get to know each other and if things don't work out, it's okay. Making a friend is harmless", Hueningkai sounded like he wanted this scene to end as soon as possible.

"Besides Taehyun wouldn't make a boyfriend without you approving him, right?", he gave a mischievous laugh while looking at the brunette.

Taehyun looked up to Beomgyu, who's eyes were completely fixed to his finished ice cream cup as if that was the most interesting thing in this world, melancholy visible in his face. He smiled and nodded 'yes'.

"Okay so, what's his name? Does Taehyun know him?? How handsome is he? We need someone really charming for our Taehyun. What about his height? He needs to be taller than my Taehyunie okay?", Yeonjun bombarded his questions which caused Soobin and Hueningkai to facepalm but someone was still quiet about the whole topic.

As the bell rang at that moment, Beomgyu sighed in relief. He can finally breathe out of this stupid conversation where his best friends are literally trying to set up _his boyfriend_ with some other shithead.

"Aaah we can talk about the details later. By the way, I wanted to talk about something more important. Come over to my house tonight. My parents went on an overseas trip so we have the whole house for us", Hueningkai chimed ecstatically.

Before Yeonjun and Soobin jumped out of joy Beomgyu snapped, "You should've said this earlier without wasting the whole time talking about some stupid friend of you crushing over _my_ Taehyun" Beomgyu's eyes widened at his last words and Taehyun's were about to drop off.

A moment of silence passed by them just everyone staring at Beomgyu.

"Aahh I mean o-our Taehyun", Beomgyu mentally slapped himself.

"That's not it, Beomgyu. We know you love Taehyun as much as we do but that's not a way to talk to Hueningkai", Soobin pointed out.

_Huh?_ Beomgyu thanked the heavens that they just let it slide because yeah they knew him as the-straight-one.

"Apologize right now to Hueningkai", Yeonjun gave a scolding.

"Aish, it's okay hyung", Hueningkai smiled, never actually feeling bad of Beomgyu's words.

Beomgyu however apologized and promised to buy him a plushie which made the youngest content.

The five of them spent the rest of the remaining day just as normal and went home all together to prepare for the night. But some weren't on good terms yet. _Hmm._


	4. And How?

Let's look back at when it bloomed-

Beomgyu was always known as one-who-has-everything. Looks, brains, height, a good body, you name it. However, he didn't have a girlfriend yet.

He went to a decent school in Daegu. He was loved by everyone because of his bright personality. Now, this boy has such a personality that you can't deny his friendship. He loved meeting new people, making new friends. In school, he was obviously a popular face.

His best friend and cousin, Yeonjun, always took great care of him. Suddenly his favorite hyung moved to Seoul to pursue his studies. But that didn't break their relationship as Yeonjun would drop by Daegu every time he had a vacation. Sure Beomgyu had a lot of friends but he was really close to only two people. You can already say that one of them is Yeonjun. About the other....it was a 'she' Beomgyu actually liked since kindergarten. But when they entered middle school this friend of his started to pin after a perfect-as-hell senior, whom Beomgyu can never compare himself with.

However, not really a big crush, you can say attraction? infatuation? just ended there and Beomgyu decided to live his life to the fullest by just being himself and...flirting with the pretty girls won't hurt right?

His mother one day surprised him by saying that they were moving to Seoul. SEOUL!!! YEONJUN HYUNG! But his heart collapsed at the thought that he had to leave his other best friend. After all, he kind of had a thing for her once. His father was a businessman and maybe they hit a great project? So his mother decided for them to move to Seoul, as the schools in Seoul offered more facilities for music, her kid can easily pursue his dream.

So that way he had to transfer schools in his last year of middle school. He was sure that the kids in his new school would think of him as a troublesome kid. _ehem!!_

The moment he passed the news to Yeonjun, he could imagine the older dancing around. And after that Yeonjun would call every now and then to talk about how great it would be, his friends were awesome and Beomgyu would be a nice pair with someone named _Taehyun,_ to which Beomgyu scoffed as he wasn't into boys but he knew Yeonjun was just joking. He constantly talked about his caring and loving boyfriend and their two small kids.

As time passed, Beomgyu found himself getting interested in their friend circle. Finally, when he moved to the same neighborhood as Yeonjun, he first decided to visit his hyung only to be met with another male. Yeonjun introduced them and they got along really well. Sure Soobin was happy to meet Beomgyu as he possessed a bright personality. The two talked less about themselves and more about their kids.

According to them, Hueningkai had a similar personality to Beomgyu's, so they would get along easily. Although Yeonjun said that Beomgyu would be a good pair with Taehyun as he's a good listener, Soobin kinda opposed the thought. He opined that people like Beomgyu with such a glowing personality attracts people and added that they often find Taehyun boring. But Yeonjun also had to add that he may seem a bit boring at first but he's fun when you get to know him. _Interesting_ , Beomgyu thought.

***

Finally, they're going to meet YeonBin's kids. As soon as Beomgyu enters the café, his eyes land on a pair of big doe orbs. _Whoa beautiful!_ He quickly notices the other unique face too. _What is he? Maybe a half-korean?_

Seems like Yeonjun already knows them, oh wait _they_ are his kids?? Okay, but he didn't expect someone with such pretty eyes though. The closer Beomgyu went, he could notice that this kid has not only 'big eyes' but also an angled nose and plump lips, his small face didn't go unnoticed. _  
_

_The fuck Beomgyu!? That's a boy!_ he internally curses himself.

As this boy had the calmest demeanor Beomgyu had ever seen, he could easily guess him as _Kang Taehyun._

***

More time passed by and he became closer to these people. They would sit together at lunch, walk together home, hang out all together every time. However, he didn't like how people questioned his friendship with Taehyun.

"How come such a jolly person like you hang out with such a gloomy person like Taehyun?" "Don't you feel bored? He's such a nerd and always just listens like an idiot but never talks" "I fell for that handsome face but man he never takes the first step to talk. I hate that attitude". 

Beomgyu found those comments baseless. Because Taehyun never bored him. And with that said, he slowly started to care more about the younger which of course resulted in what Beomgyu fears the most, _feelings._ He wasn't yet ready to call himself gay? bisexual? He knew that he was a straight guy his whole life and now this boy is making him rethink his sexuality. 

As Soobin and Yeonjun were somewhat always on dates and Hueningkai was a sucker for arts and crafts, it was mostly him and Taehyun. At first, it was just lunch and the library. He would find himself staring and admiring the younger's determined face while studying or his cute face when he chomps up the food. Taehyun sometimes caught his eyes, he couldn't be embarrassed anymore. He found himself flash an idiotic smile to which the younger always turned around with a slight blush. _Aww, I wanna squish him._

And then they finally ended up in Taehyun's apartment, because Taehyun wanted to learn a bit of guitar with singing practice. _This boy sounds like an angel, well he's whole existence is angelic._ And of course, for movies and video games. His time went great with the latter. He loved the small talks and shyly backing away moments when their hands touched accidentally or when they became unnecessarily close.

He couldn't do this. He knew that boys never caught his attention. He knew that he liked girls, only girls. But since this Kang came into his life, he couldn't focus on any other. Yeonjun was right. _He's perfect for me.  
_

But the thoughts just haunted him. What would his mother say? What would people think? Taehyun is already disliked by many, what if this causes more problems? People literally pierce their eyes at Yeonjun and Soobin. There are some bullies too who create a fuss for gay couples. How was he supposed to overcome this fear?

What totally didn't help was his want of seeing the younger every now and then. He hated the feeling when they walked together to home and his house came first. So one day he secretly followed the younger to his apartment. He was going crazy as his head was always filled with only one name, _Taehyun._

So he had to take the biggest decision. Hold on or let go. And _no way_ Beomgyu's gonna let go.


	5. Closer

Everyone gathered up at Hueningkai's house. They bought their extra clothes, snacks, games and whatnot. It was their regular boys' night out, nothing too fancy.

All of them are busy doing different tasks. Hueningkai and Beomgyu are picking up movies and setting the home theater together in the living room. Taehyun is taking out the food and snacks in the kitchen counter which is across the living room. Yeonjun is preparing the games on the living room table and Soobin is making a blanket fort for them to be cozy.

Beomgyu and Hueningkai are literally fighting over which movie to watch until they hear a somewhat-loud sound as if something broke.

"Ouch", Taehyun cried out, his voice high-pitched.

Beomgyu didn't even waste a millisecond and rushed towards the brunette before anyone even got the hold of what actually happened.

"Taehyun-ah, what happened?", worry visible in Beomgyu's face.

"Oh, I uh, I was trying to get that plate out but couldn't get hold of it and got distracted. It fell on the counter, it broke and I accidentally hurt my hand. I'm really sorry, Hueningkai, I caused trouble", Taehyun answered as now all four of them gathered around him.

Before Hueningkai could assure that it wasn't a big deal, Beomgyu burst in anger, "Yaa! Why weren't you careful? Now look what you've done to your hand. It's bleeding. Let me see'', Beomgyu grabbed his hand and started to look properly.

Something about Beomgyu holding his hands in front of their friends gave both of them butterflies but no, you couldn't tell that by seeing their faces.

"Ah no it's okay, hyung. It isn't that deep so I'll take care", Taehyun assured while trying to pull away his hand slightly.

"No!" The older grabbed his hand tighter. "I'll be the one taking care. You're becoming reckless day by day, Taehyun. What if something bad happened, huh?", Beomgyu gave a good scolding. But he didn't know that Taehyun actually liked him being protective. _It will slowly slowly fall in place,_ he smiles himself.

"Ningning, where is the first aid?"

"Aahh you can take him to that room. There you will find everything you need on the cabinets", Kai pointed out a small room on the second floor. "Should I come with you and help too?", the curly head asked offering help to which _obviously_ Beomgyu responded in the negative.

The hyungs didn't say anything because they totally agreed with Beomgyu. Taehyun seemed a little too distracted nowadays and of course they would give a good hearing about not being careful. They just know that Beomgyu was right but don't know that the reason is also the ash blonde male.

Beomgyu grabbed Taehyun's arm and led to the room, closed the door and sighed softly.

Yes, he wanted to spend some time with Taehyun, it's true. But he's also aware of the injury. So he made Taehyun sit on the sofa and searched the cabinets for some antiseptic, bandage rolls, cottons and whatever they would need. He came and took a seat beside Taehyun. He reaches for Taehyun's hand and starts to clean with the anti-septic.

"Slowly, hyung", Taehyun hissed.

"Aahh sorry", Beomgyu just didn't want to hurt the younger.

When they are almost done Beomgyu pulls Taehyun's injured hand to his lips and places a soft kiss. "Does it still hurt?"

"This doesn't hurt me. You know it doesn't. So shouldn't we talk about the reason you brought me here?"

 _Smart._ Beomgyu sighed. "Taehyun, hey, I'm sorry for earlier okay? I..I got scared at that moment and hastily pulled away from the hug because we were in public", Beomgyu said while holding Taehyun's left hand, which wasn't injured, now both of Taehyun's hands on his. 

"You can hug me all you want right now" but Taehyun doesn't want to hug his boyfriend in a closed room. He wants the world to see how much he loves him. Sure he understands how hard it is for Beomgyu and he also acknowledges the improvements in his behavior. But they're dating over a year now. And he wants to come out before it's too late. He's just scared that-

Beomgyu pulls Taehyun in his arms interrupting the thoughts in his mind. He rests his one hand on the back of the younger and the other hand rubbing his head. He knows how much Taehyun loves this action.

Both the boys stay like that, not moving an inch. It's pretty difficult to have a moment like this. Sure Beomgyu loves Taehyun a lot. He's always the caring one. He had those fears of coming out and facing those stares and all but whenever Taehyun needed him, he would throw away everything and pull the younger in his arms. He was trying his best to live in this moment, wishing that it would never end. He buried his face on the younger's neck. _Gosh, he smells so huggable that I don't wanna let go any sooner._

Taehyun closed his eyes to take in the feeling. He missed it so much. They were just like that for maybe a whole minute. He wrapped his arms around the older's neck. It was all good until he heard a voice, a muffled one.

_"_ **_He would never do that in front of others_ ** _"_

_"_ **_You're not worth it_ ** _"_

_"_ **_He'll leave you on your own very soon, mark my words_ ** _"_

Taehyun snapped his eyes open and pushed away Beomgyu causing him to stare at the younger, blinking rapidly.

"Hyunie, what happened?", Beomgyu asked while trying to touch the younger's shoulders.

"It's nothing, hyung. Uhh..w-we should get going", Taehyun replied while getting up from the sofa to leave. The older isn't having it. _Is he still upset?_ Beomgyu thought for a second and suddenly grabbed Taehyun's hand from behind and stood up.

He kept his grip gentle. "Come to me". Taehyun came a little closer to his hyung, avoiding eye contact. But Beomgyu is not liking the space between them. He grabs Taehyun by the waist and pulls him even closer.

Taehyun's eyes meet the already staring eyes of Beomgyu. The older's one hand in his cheek, caressing gently. Slowly Beomgyu leans forward.

Taehyun closes his eyes, breathing heavily, face flushed red. Beomgyu cups Taehyun's face after pulling him a little more. Their noses touch and their hearts are beating so fast that it might burst any minute.

Beomgyu admires the beautiful visuals in front of him for one last time before closing his own eyes. He pulls Taehyun's chin a little downward and tilts his head. Their lips only one centimeter away.

As soon as Beomgyu is going to close the gap, the door clacks open.

"Hey guys if you're done- umm, what are you guys _doing_ , may I ask?", Yeonjun asked too confused.


	6. Fall Apart

Beomgyu was facing the cabinets on the wall and Taehyun was staring at the top of Beomgyu's head, blinking away the tears, his mouth a little agape, trying to figure out what the fuck just happened.

The oldest's question made both of them look at him.

"Oh Yeonjun hyung! Come here fast.", Beomgyu beamed with the widest smile. Taehyun wondered how is it possible that a moment ago the man who was going to kiss him is now totally acting as if nothing happened.

Yeonjun obligated and before responding to Beomgyu he eyed Taehyun. "You okay now?"

Taehyun couldn't function at that moment but he had to answer. He nodded his head knowing if he opens his mouth now, the older will know the weak state of his mind.

"Don't you think the designs of these cabinets are beautiful? I was admiring them as Taehyun pointed out. I'm gonna tell mom to get these for me too", Beomgyu chimed happily making Yeonjun barf at his weirdness.

"Anyways I was gonna say that if you guys are done then come fast. Hueningkai is starting the movie and we are ready with snacks. I'm helping with the blankets now" with that said Yeonjun went out of the room.

Beomgyu sighed in relief. "We were this close to getting caught", he mumbled but that didn't go unnoticed by Taehyun. "Taehyun-ah, you go after hyung. I'll come once-"

Taehyun dashed out of the door before even Beomgyu finished. And the ash blonde could only facepalm himself.

***

The boys were watching "Mr. and Mrs. Smith". And it was that scene where Mondo Bongo plays as the two protagonists show a heated tipsy side while dancing and then end up kissing in the rain.

Yeonjun and Soobin cuddled even more as if they weren't already. Hueningkai grossed at his hyungs. 

Taehyun is totally not concentrating on the movie. His mind filled with all that was about to happen and all that actually happened. 

Suddenly he felt warm on his hand under the blankets. When Taehyun looked up from his unfinished food to see the face of the owner, he found a softly smiling Beomgyu. He couldn't bring himself to smile back. His mind was too occupied for that. He pulled away his hands from the hold and placed them on top of the blanket, which made Beomgyu frown. Because if he touched Taehyun's hands now, it would definitely catch the others' attention. Beomgyu didn't want that.

After the movie, they all gathered up to play games. They played a few rounds of board games and Jenga. Everyone were so hyped up, even Beomgyu was having his time. But Taehyun was just so distant. He said he's tired so he just wants to sleep. And so before the Jenga game started, he made himself comfortable into the blankets. He just wants to fall asleep and get through this night. So he closes his eyes. He finds himself drift away from the world.

_"_ **_Kang Taehyun, you're so clingy_ ** _"_

_"_ **_He doesn't wanna even kiss you, you filthy piece of shit_ ** _"_

Taehyun gasped as his eyes opened. He sat up breathing heavily. _I need water._

He saw his friends sleeping peacefully. On his side, Hueningkai is sleeping with his plushie. Yeonjun and Soobin beside him. And Beomgyu at the other corner. **_"_**

**_Hah! See? He doesn't wanna see your bitch face when you sleep"_**

Taehyun put his hands on his ears to stop this voice. It's getting worse every day. He stood up and saw the time. It's midnight. He went to the kitchen counter to search for some water. He then opened the slider and went out on the courtyard for air. He needs it. 

Taehyun quickly found a spot to sit and within a minute, he found himself calming down.

"Hyunie", a soft voice came. Taehyun didn't have to open his eyes to see who it is.

"Hyunie, what are you doing here at this hour? I got so scared when I didn't find you on the fort. You shouldn't do this, dear. It's dang-"

"Beomgyu hyung", Taehyun still didn't open his eyes. "Please go and sleep. I'll come back when I want to."

"No, I'm not going anywhere. I wanna be with my hyunie", Beomgyu moved closer to Taehyun.

"If that's the case then you should've slept beside me", Taehyun blurted out silencing Beomgyu. "Aahh I'm sorry. I uh...I told you I'll come back once I find peace, please go and sl-"

"Taehyun-ah", Beomgyu spoke a bit annoyed. "Tell me, what is bothering you? It's been a whole day and are you still sulking over that stupid hug matter?"

"Stupid?", Taehyun eyes shot open. "Yeah stupid", he chuckled to himself. "I'm indeed stupid". Taehyun stood up and started to walk away.

"Yaa Taehyun! What's your problem? Just tell me", Beomgyu almost yelled, making Taehyun stop.

"Why couldn't you kiss me in front of Yeonjun hyung? Why couldn't you hold hands with me back then when I put my hands out? Why couldn't you ask Hueningkai if you could sleep beside me? Answer me!", Taehyun asked, almost on the verge of crying.

"Taehyun!", Beomgyu sounded a bit angry as he too stood up. "You know that our friends don't know about us. Why do you keep acting oblivious? I already told you my reasons which I'm aware that they're stupid. But I also told you that once I have enough confidence I'll come out. Why don't you just understand, huh?"

Yes, Taehyun did understand. He was happier with just the older's existence in his life. But these voices won't let him live. The voices inside his head reminded him that he is filthy and Beomgyu doesn't wanna come out because of that. Because he's _ashamed_ of dating Taehyun.

Sure thing, Beomgyu doesn't know about these. He was already dealing with his own fears, how is he supposed to handle Taehyun at this moment? This thing happened between them every now and then. It's always arguing-fighting-forgiving-repeat. But they aren't going to find a solution this way. This way they'll hurt each other, fall apart. And no, Taehyun couldn't let that happen. He loves Beomgyu too much for that. And as no soul knows about their relationship, he would've no one to lean on for comfort, he would've no one to share his pain with. But the voices will come back to rip his soul even more.

"I'm.. I'm sorry", Taehyun tried his best to not let the tears fall. It is dark and Beomgyu can't see him.

"I'm..heading inside. Don't stay out for too long", with that said Beomgyu left the younger standing in the chilly night, alone. And after some moments later, Taehyun found himself crying his eyes out as the cold wind blew and he felt his tears sting against his cheeks.

Little did he know that after Beomgyu came inside the house, he ran into the washroom and locked himself. He let the tap water flow so that his sobs didn't go outside those four walls.


	7. About Us

The next day Taehyun wakes up first. In fact, he couldn't sleep after the conversation. 

Last night, he came back after two hours of bawling his eyes out finding Beomgyu already asleep. He had walked up to the older, bent down and moved his ash-blonde bangs from his forehead to place a small kiss. 

He was too afraid of falling asleep. Because after everything happened, those voices were gonna go wild in victory. Not that they weren't already invading his head. So he skipped the sleep session.

He takes his bag and packs up whatever he brought with him and quickly leaves the house.

It's just 6 am but he just wanted to leave from there as soon as the dawn hit. He walked faster and faster and finally reached his apartment area.

He went up to his apartment and dialed the password, _1303._ He's finally home. 

Taehyun takes a quick shower and then flops in his bed knowing that he won't fall asleep now but his school is at 8:30 am. So he just decided to take a nap.

***

Hueningkai woke up and shuffled onto Taehyun's side. But he immediately realized that his friend wasn't present there. He called out a few times but no, it didn't work.

He checked his phone and saw a message from Taehyun. " _I left earlier. I'm sorry, I couldn't stay a little longer. See ya in school"._

Hueningkai sighed. And after that, his hyungs started to wake up. Soobin started to get off but Yeonjun held him from the back and pulled closer. Hueningkai almost puked.

"Hey! This isn't your bedroom, you gross people", Beomgyu snarled.

"Bitch! You won't know the fun. Your straight ass isn't that capable. Try being gay", Yeonjun said making the other two laugh and cuddled even more to Soobin.

"Hyuka, where's Taehyun? I don't see him anywhere", Beomgyu finally asked, noticing his boyfriend's absence.

"Ah hyung, he left early", he showed the message to all of them.

All of them read it carefully. "Taehyun isn't being himself nowadays. Is something up with him?", Yeonjun asks worriedly.

And everyone shakes their head to 'no'. Even though Beomgyu knew, he chose not to speak.

***

Beomgyu waited at the same place again. He left a message too. But the younger didn't seem to read it. _Strange._ So he waited for a good 15 minutes more to make sure the younger was okay. But Taehyun never appeared. He then started walking for his other friends. His mind was only filled with guilt.

The moment he stepped on the school grounds, he began asking a certain brunette's classmates if they saw him. As he's ‘The’ Choi Beomgyu, everyone happily talked and gave whatever information he needed. The friends went up to Taehyun before class started. And the younger was behaving normally. As Beomgyu is the mood maker, he started different conversations among them but Taehyun wasn't having it. He was just literally ignoring the older, except for some small talk. This frustrated Beomgyu too much.

It's their lunchtime already. Beomgyu runs through the hallways, packed with students and enters the cafeteria to meet his friends.

"Guys, I'm sorry I'm late. Actually Ms. Lee need.......ed some help", his last words came very slowly when he saw an unfamiliar face sitting next to Taehyun.

He goes forward and sits across the table with Yeonjun and Soobin. Not that if that face wasn't here, he would sit beside his lover. Because he's too chicken. He's too worried about what if they suddenly hold hands and people get suspicious.

Nevertheless, he sits and flashes a soft smile at Taehyun, which the younger returns otherwise it would look as if they weren't on good terms.

"So, as all my friends are here, you may introduce yourself", Hueningkai chirps from the other side of Taehyun.

"Okay. Uhh, Hi! My name is Park Sewoon. I'm a 1st year student in the Instruments Department which makes me a friend of Hueningkai here. We share a lot of classes together. I'm really glad to meet you all. I hope we can be good friends", Sewoon smiles brightly.

"Cut the crap", Yeonjun sneers, "Tell us since when are you crushing on my dear Taehyun? What do you like about him? And everything else", making everyone present on the table widen their eyes, especially Beomgyu's.

"Hyung!", Taehyun responds, all embarrassed.

"It's okay, Taehyun", Sewoon assures while patting Taehyun's shoulder, "I'm totally fine with talking about my crush on you and every other detail", literally smirking at him.

"Confidence! I like it", Soobin comments where Beomgyu just sat there with thoughts filling his head. _What the fuck! Did he just pat his shoulder!?_

"So last year at the annual music festival, I came in with my brother's help. Someone from the composition department was performing on the stage and Taehyun was his partner and-"

"It was me"

"I'm sorry?", Sewoon finally notices Beomgyu's presence.

"It was my performance and I took in Taehyunie as my vocalist", Beomgyu proudly states.

"Aahh okay", Sewoon faced back to Yeonjun, "so they were performing _They don't know about us_ by One Direction. And as Taehyun started singing, I couldn't take my eyes off him".

The memories came back to Beomgyu. They were already dating at that time. And yes, they both chose that song to perform so that they could show the world their love for at least once and Taehyun was so so passionate about singing the song. He put all his feelings on it. And when the crowd cheered for them, they both looked into each other's eyes and smiled.

Beomgyu's face crept up with a shy smile remembering those beautiful memories. He looked up to Taehyun but the younger wasn't looking at him.

"And when Taehyun sang the pre-chorus and chorus, I thought 'damn! this boy is amazing'. It was as if he was feeling the song with his soul", Sewoon continued.

Although Taehyun didn't show it in his face, he deep down wanted Beomgyu to realize whatever Sewoon thought. He truly put on all his feelings while performing. He just wanted to say those words out loud.

"Taehyun really sounds like an angel"

That comment made everyone look at Beomgyu. _Fuck! Did I say that out loud?_

"You're right! He does", Sewoon looked at Taehyun admiringly while Taehyun just thanked him with a smile.

That scene made Beomgyu's belly twist and fists clench, tightening his jaw.

"Hey! Save those lovely stares for when only something happens between you two okay?" Hueningkai says being annoyed before the bell rang.

"Can we hang out later together? I mean, is it okay if I join you for lunch next time?" Sewoon asks, hoping for a positive response.

"Yes, why not? You're always welcome", Hueningkai happily accepts before anyone said something, not that Yeonjun or Soobin was going to deny but you can already say about Beomgyu.

***

Finally, when school broke, they all walked home together. Taehyun's house came at last and Beomgyu's before him. But Beomgyu walked Taehyun home first and then he came back. Only if something urgent didn't come up, he always did that. It was silent after Hueningkai turned to the left alley to go to his home. They didn't talk until Beomgyu's home came.

"Uhh Taehyun-ah, I can drop you home, you know?"

"It's okay, hyung. You don't have to. I'll go on my own."

"But hyunie-"

"I told you. I can go on my own. I don't want you to be seen with me. People might think we're a couple. You wouldn't...like it, would you?", Taehyun said the last words while trying to stop the tears.

But Beomgyu didn't respond the way he wanted him to, rather how he expected him to.

"Sure. Be careful, okay?"

Taehyun nodded and then walked quickly. He bolted to his apartment and quickly flopped on the bed letting his long-awaited tears fall.

 _This is better this way,_ he thought to himself.

The voices weren't gone but became much quieter. It's any of the two. Either he proves the voices wrong, or he agrees with them. 

For Taehyun, the first option isn't available. So he has to go with the second one even if he doesn't want to.

And this bullshit goes on for about a week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm quite sure everyone heard the song They don't know about us. I just thought it really fits here.
> 
> But if you didn't then here it is. You can paste the URL.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIFo7jKH8tc
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cm2YH2eb9gA (A TAEGYU EDIT IF YOU WANT)
> 
> I don't know why but my delulu self wants to hear One Direction songs from TXT. I wish they do some covers in their concerts🥺🥺


	8. Nosey

_I miss him,_ Beomgyu thinks as he's going crazy that Taehyun isn't waiting for him to walk together since that day. 

Sure, both males just walked and didn't talk like couples do or hold hands because Beomgyu didn't like being touchy in front of people. _Too many eyes_ , he says. But even silently walking made him cheerful. He never mentions it to Taehyun but those morning walks with the younger until their friends join them always put his mind at peace. It's enough, at least for Beomgyu.

What is unbearable for the older is that Taehyun behaves normally in their friends' presence but when Beomgyu leaves him paper chits to meet at their _secret place_ , he just ignores them. 

And this Sewoon guy sitting with them every fucking day at lunchtime is making Beomgyu's mood even worse.

***

"Okay guys, so how about we go to movies together?", Sewoon asks with a colossal smile.

"Yes yes, please!!", Hueningkai adds in, "Our class had a tiring math exam today. I just need some break. Man, today's exam was something"

 _My Taehyunie definitely nailed it,_ Beomgyu smiles himself.

"Taehyun definitely nailed it. God! He's the smartest guy I've ever seen", Sewoon happily states making Beomgyu roll his eyes.

"Yeah sure, let's go. Soobinnie, you're free right?", Yeonjun asks while munching on his hamburger.

"Yes, I am. But I don't think Taehyun can make it", Soobin remarks as he remembers the brunette being busy.

"What!? Uh, he can't? Are you sure, hyung? Hueningkai, can we go next time, please?", Sewoon requests being disheartened making Beomgyu lose his patience.

"You're acting as if you're already his boyfriend", he finally comments, testiness flowing in the words.

Sewoon smirks. "Well, hyung. It's just a matter of time before I truly become. I will make him my boyfriend very soon"

Of course, he isn't blind. He was damn sure that this Beomgyu guy had something for Taehyun.

The other friends thought that Beomgyu actually disliked Sewoon because maybe the ash-blonde thought he wasn't good enough for Taehyun? But there wasn't a reason, to be honest. I mean, he is handsome, tall and pretty smart. And the best quality of his is showing his love for Taehyun.

Then they thought maybe Beomgyu didn't like that for the first time someone noticed Taehyun over him. Now, you can clearly see Beomgyu is the one who gets unwanted, unnecessary attention. Maybe it hurt his pride? However, these were only some assumptions made by their friends.

Beomgyu angrily stood up from his seat. "Hey! Taehyun didn't even say that he likes you or something. Why the fuck are you getting your hopes high?", Beomgyu growls while most of the cafeteria looks at him.

"Uhh Beomgyu, you're over-reacting", Soobin tries to reach his arm.

"No, I'm not. I just don't get why you guys are falling for this boy's words. Is love only about showing the world?", Beomgyu thunders louder.

"No, Beomgyu. Calm down first.", Yeonjun grabs and makes him sit.

"Yeonjun hyung, don't take his side. I don't think Taehyun is interested in this guy anyways. All of you should stop trying to pair them up"

"Why are you behaving so rudely with my friend, Beomgyu hyung?", the question thrown at him makes him snap his head around to only find a frowning Taehyun, crossing his arms, just a little away from them.

"Ohh hi, Taehyun! How did your exam go? I'm sure you did well. I was just talking about you", Sewoon sings while wrapping his arms around Taehyun. Taehyun just awkardly smiles and pats his back.

"Leave.Him.Right.Now", Beomgyu gritted his teeth, "He's totally not comfortable with that action."

Taehyun pulls and moves away a little from Sewoon which didn't go unnoticed by anyone. Yes! He is _not comfortable_. 

"Beomgyu hyung", Taehyun calls.

"Stop being so nosey about my life". Beomgyu was about to say something but the next words made his breath hitch.

"People might think we're dating", Taehyun spoke with a poker face, emotionless, staring right into Beomgyu's eyes.

Beomgyu could feel his lips tremble. He didn't say anything, no one did. Everyone just looked at them back and forth. 

Suddenly, Beomgyu grabbed his belongings and stood up. He neither uttered a word nor looked at anyone. He just rushed through the door leaving everyone's mouth agape. Only Taehyun looked his way worriedly. _I'm sorry, hyung_.

Beomgyu keeps his pace fast as he walks towards the washrooms. Tears threaten to fall anytime. He quickly enters a stall and let them. If the hallways weren't so busy, anyone could hear his sobs. He felt so angry that he could easily ruin someone's face by punching them hard. He even places a loud one on the walls but ends up bruising his own hand, just a little. But this isn't a pain for him. He comes out after a sobbing session and then goes to the nurse room to treat his knuckles. All he wants is a break and sleep in his bed. So he decides to go home early today.

After some moments, the cafeteria became chit-chatty as earlier. And everyone returned to their mood except this specific friend circle.

They never saw Beomgyu speak so rudely to someone or Taehyun become so angry. They were baffled at the two's actions. They got it clearly that something had been off between them.

"So the movies are still on, right?", Sewoon tries to break the silence. Yeonjun and Soobin look at each other before Yeonjun answers with a small smile, "If everyone is okay, then I guess we can go."

"Sorry, hyung. I can't. I have an extra shift to do at work tonight."

"Tae please-", Sewoon starts to pout but Taehyun just denies and says that it is really important.

Later, Hueningkai somehow managed Sewoon to still come by whispering to him that they would plan how to make Taehyun fall for him and of course the lovey-dovey Sewoon quickly agreed. 

What he didn't know was bringing Beomgyu was still a part of the hangout.

***

As Beomgyu left earlier today, the four of them started walking towards home.

"Is something wrong between you and Beomgyu hyung?", Hueningkai tried to know.

"Nope"

"If he offended you with something, then tell me. I'm gonna break my brother's bones for my kid", Yeonjun hissed which made everyone laugh at his cuteness.

"Taehyun-ah", Soobin spoke in a serious tone. "I don't know what's going on but I would like to give you a little advice." Soobin kept his hands on Taehyun's shoulders. "Don't leave one for another and remember who holds more importance in your life."

Taehyun just nodded. "Don't forget to sort it out with Gyu, okay? Whatever it is, he's older than you. So, I'm still unhappy with the way you talked to him but I won't say much because I've never seen you like this which means you have your reasons. You're a good boy, right? Apologize if it is needed. We might be late tonight from the movies and also be back safely from work", Soobin patted the shorter's head.

Yeonjun ruffled Soobin's hair with a big smile on. The tallest's words put them all in peace as they walk to their respective homes with Taehyun looking up to Beomgyu's when he passes by.

 _I hope he's okay_.

* * *

* * *

I'm really sorry for the boring chapter. I was on writer's block while preparing this so it kinda turned out like this. But the story gets interesting with every chapter and this was actually kinda necessary. Things will take off after another chapter or maybe two. I'll try to update as regularly as I can. I promise that you won't regret reading this fic.

Take care, everyone <3 Love ya.


	9. Daydreaming

A quick update because I felt that the last chapter was boring. And my national exams will be starting on the 1st week of April, so maybe I won't be able to update for a while.

But as the COVID-19 is spreading faster in my country now, there's a chance our exams will be canceled. For now, the govt. haven't given any news about that. So let's see. Don't forget to take care y'all. And finally, enjoy this.

* * *

It's late in the afternoon when they gather up for the movies. Yeonjun somehow managed to get Beomgyu even though Sewoon is coming. He just wanted them to be on good terms, no need to be all friendly.

Although Beomgyu is a very cheery and loud person, he was silent today. He couldn't even concentrate on the movie. His head still couldn't come out of Taehyun's words. He was fighting this strong urge to go and love the younger and hug him and kis-

"Beomgyu hyung". The sudden mention made his train of thoughts stop as he was washing his hands after using the restroom.

"This is just the beginning. One day, he won't even be friends with you if I told him to", Sewoon snorted over-confidently.

 _Idiot,_ Beomgyu rolled his eyes, not wanting to create a drama.

After the movie, Yeonjun suggests that they should eat dinner. Beomgyu admits that he's not feeling really well and he wants to go home. His friends didn't want him to go. But they let him after his constant requesting and of course Sewoon manipulating them. _Foolish_ , he thinks as he sees Sewoon's stupid smirk.

He gets out and finally reaches quite near to his house. But no dear! His legs aren't betraying him. He rushes to the Pink Cafe as fast as he can.

***

The bell above the entrance chimes as Beomgyu walks in. The place isn't really as crowded as the other days. Maybe, because it's already getting dark.

He looks over the counter to find less employees than the other days _._ Normally there were 3-4 employees but today it's just Taehyun and the owner. However, his gaze is fixed on the younger. _He looks so cute in pink_. He loses himself as the younger is staring back.

He can feel his legs forward to his boyfriend. Where did he get the confidence to suddenly cup Taehyun's cheeks in public? The younger's eyes widen. "I missed you, Taehyun" and with that he leans forward forgetting about the whole world.

He blinks his eyes several times before noticing the surroundings. He's still standing in front of the door while he catches the younger suddenly look away. _Fuck! Did I just daydream?_

But he never came to know that Taehyun also daydreamed the same thing, not only today, often.

He walked to the counter which caught the attention of the owner.

"Hey Beomgyu! How are you doing? I hardly see you these days"

"Hi, Seokjin hyung. I've been busy with school and other stuff", he replies thinking about the last time he came here.

"Of course, you will be a senior within some months. It'll be even harder. I hope things go smoothly", Seokjin smiles and Beomgyu returns.

"Yaa Taehyun-ah! Your friend is here. Come here and take his order," Seokjin smiles once again before leaving the 'friends' alone. But they don't talk for a whole good minute.

"I don't bite, Hyunie. So, stop ignoring me", Beomgyu breaks the silence.

"Weren't you supposed to be at the movies?", Taehyun asks looking anywhere but Beomgyu.

"Oh, I watched the movie with the guys. They went on for dinner and I uh- didn't want to join actually", Beomgyu responds, scratching the back of his neck.

"Why? You should've enjoyed the time. Yeonjun hyung was treating anyways."

"That _isn't_ something you should be asking to your customer", Beomgyu replied to already drop the conversation about movies and all. _I wanted to see you, love_.

"Okay. What would you like to have?", the younger clicks on the desktop to place his order.

 _You._ "Uhh, I don't know. I wanna try something new"

"You know, I can always make your go-to Iced Americano"

"Do one thing, surprise me. Just make me something _you_ like. Something simple.", Beomgyu insists, his elbows on the counter and palms on his face.

Taehyun thought for a while and decided exactly what to make for the older. He took a paper cup and a pen in his hand. "What should I write?", he asked, still not looking at the older.

"How about 'Nosey Beomgyu'?". This made him look at Beomgyu, ears red.

Taehyun sighs softly. "Hyung I-"

"It's okay, Taehyun. And yes, I _am_ nosey because I care for you"

"Okay", Taehyun starts to scribble on the cup.

"Hey, add a heart too, okay? 'Nosey Beomgyu heart'. Sounds cute", Beomgyu chuckles.

"Sure. Please find yourself a seat", Taehyun insists before gliding away to make the drink.

Beomgyu found a good spot, not too far but beside the windows. He can stare at the younger properly and no one would even notice if he smiles or blushes. _Perfect._

Taehyun was just wearing his uniform and yet he looks so attractive. Slightly unbuttoned shirt always looks sexy on him. His rolled up sleeves makes him even more masculine. He doesn't have a lot of muscles but his arms are nice, manly. The golden lights make his skin stand out. The way his hair falls on his forehead, it's just so pretty. His plump lips are what Beomgyu needed in his life, especially the lower one. And that barista apron makes him look too good. 

The older finds himself smiling like a dumb when he finally realizes Taehyun is coming towards him.

"Enjoy you drink", Taehyun says with his regular barista tone as he puts the drink on Beomgyu's table.

"Hey! Aren't you supposed to call out my name?", Beomgyu asks, confused.

"Yes! But it's too weird to call out. Besides, there are not many customers. We're closing soon. So you better hurry up and get going before it gets too dark, hyung", Taehyun hides the fact that he actually wanted Beomgyu to ask him to sit with him. He forgets every time that the older won't do it in a public place, no matter how much audience. 

" ** _Stupid boy_ ** _"_

The younger flinches a little but then just shrugs. Nothing new.

"I saw Seokjin hyung already leave. When is your shift ending?", Beomgyu takes out the 'Nosey Beomgyu <3' note and smiles to himself.

"There's still a little time left. After the customers are gone, I'll clean up and leave. You don't have to wait, hyung. It might get late", Taehyun keeps his gaze fixed to the floor.

"Okay". Beomgyu grabs his drink and takes in a sip while shoving the note in his pocket.

 _Huh!? This? This is what kids drink. Man, he's so precious_ , Beomgyu smiles. 

"Then I'll leave now. Don't be around for too late, it's not safe", he quickly walks away leaving a sadly smiling Taehyun.

" ** _Silly! What were you expecting?_ **" 

"It would look like we're dating and…..he doesn't like that", Taehyun mumbles himself biting his lips, trying not to cry like a baby in his work place.

***

The cafe is now empty and Taehyun turned the 'open' sign to 'closed' a moment ago. 

"It was a tiring day. I want a nap", Taehyun stretches his arms while yawning. He takes off the apron and puts it in an employee drawer. Quickly, he finishes all the cleaning and locks the main door. He turns off the lights and is about to head to the back door.

*THUD*

The brunette's eyes widen at the sudden sound and he stops in his place. He couldn't get the hold of the source of the sound. Normally, Taehyun is a smart guy if you ask. But he has this side who is scared, easily scared. 

Taehyun doesn't move from his place for a good couple of minutes. "I-Is so-som-someone there?", he manages to stutter his words before getting no answer.

He hears a shuffling sound and looks around carefully. He shuts his mouth and tries to walk with his weak legs. _I need to call someone before something happens,_ he walks up to the counter to find his phone.

As he reaches the counter area, he feels something hold onto his arm and pull him closer before he can pick up the phone. He's so frightened right now that he can only shut his eyes close and gulp.

"Don't shout", the husky voice against Taehyun's ears sends chills to his spine.


	10. Peaches & Cream

_Lavender scent?_ , Taehyun thinks himself too scared to look back before the person flings their arm around and puts their hand against his mouth to prevent any noises. The brunette just wants to escape but he's too weak to free himself from the grip.

But hey? How come the voice and the scent of this person are so familiar? No way. No fucking way, this is-

Before Taehyun can proceed with the analysis, he is pinned against the wall. He can feel this person come closer. 

One hand cups Taehyun's face and the other on the back of his head, fingers running through his hair.

Both of them breathe heavily. Although Taehyun was scared, the lavender scent calms his mind slowly. 

He can feel his face being pulled forward and chin downward. Suddenly, he feels a pair of lips on his own. He closes his eyes and follows the rhythm, losing it all. The pace fastens and Taehyun wraps his arms around the man to pull him closer. 

Those lips deliver love, apology, and desperation. They taste like Taehyun's favorite flavors- Peaches and Cream. And so, he can't stop, he wants to taste every corner of this mouth. 

He feels the tip of the other's tongue knock against his lips as if asking for permission. He immediately opens his mouth a little wider to welcome it. Their tongues join together to caress each other. Both of them go deeper and deeper every moment.

What caught Taehyun off guard is getting nibbled on his lower lip. In an instant, he pushes away the person slightly.

"Beomgyu hyung…"

"Hey what happened? You like the Peaches and Cream frappe, don't you? That's why I wanted to have something you like", Beomgyu frowns a little but Taehyun is such a blushing mess right now. 

"I'm sorry, hyung. I have been really rude to you for the past days"

"I'm sorry too, Babe. I shouldn't hav-"

"It's okay. You're not the one who should apologize", Taehyun hugs the older tightly. "But hyung, how did you get in?"

Beomgyu let's out a small chuckle, "You didn't lock the backdoor yet"

Taehyun realizes that he was going to but didn't.

"Oh yes! Shit, I forgot. Hyung please uhh- move a little"

"Do that later", with that said Beomgyu pulls him for another passionate kiss.

He grabs Taehyun's thighs and lifts him up. He turns around and makes him sit on the counter, lips still connected.

Taehyun pulls away again.

"Hyunie! Will you please let me kiss those lips in peace?", he kisses the younger's jaw softly, "I missed you, my bub"

"I missed you too, hyung", Taehyun says while pressing his forehead against the older's. "But we might get caught here. Do you wanna drop by my apartment?"

"Sure", Beomgyu thanks the younger internally for reminding him.

They walk together to Taehyun's apartment silently. No much talk, just stealing glances. And when they reach there, it doesn't even take one second for the older to pin the other against the door after locking it properly.

"Mmhm~ hyung, easy!", Taehyun barely breathes out as the ash-blonde cuffs his hands behind his waist to pull him closer and leaves soft kisses on his shoulders and chest above the shirt.

"Did you just moan?", Beomgyu asks, surprised. Because damn! That was so good to hear. But the younger doesn't reply to his question, rather looks away although his cheeks are burning red.

And with that said they found themselves on the couch of Taehyun's living room. Beomgyu made himself comfortable and pulled his boyfriend to his lap, legs on either side.

Sure, they fight silently often but when they finally patch up, they get wild, especially the older. He keeps on kissing Taehyun until his breath runs out. He doesn't even let him pull away because he loves to see the younger panting with swollen lips parted and messy hair. 

They gasp for air for the nth time before Beomgyu peppers Taehyun's face with baby kisses. "You look too cute in this pink shirt", he comments which earns him a slap in his arm.

"No, I don't", Taehyun says, all embarrassed. He feels Beomgyu tilt his head to get better access to his neck.

The older places a soft kiss on Taehyun's collarbone which makes him let out a small whimper.

"You like that, huh?", Beomgyu smirks.

"I love you, Beomgyu hyung", Taehyun's sudden confession makes the older look at him and rub their noses together.

"I love you too, Taehyun-ah!". Beomgyu starts to suck the supple skin of Taehyun's neck which makes him hastily pull away and get off Beomgyu's lap.

No, they didn't go that far with their relationship. Although Taehyun wants everything Beomgyu has to give, he still has to act smart. Beomgyu would easily forget that they're dating 'secretly' and give in to his sexual desires. But Taehyun knew those deeds would leave marks in his body which may cause others to question him and then Beomgyu would blame himself for the situation. Sure thing, Taehyun can cover them with makeup but Beomgyu would still worry about getting caught.

That's why he requested the younger to remind him every time before he crossed the line which he created himself. Beomgyu usually thanked Taehyun in his mind for always keeping the word even if he forgot. But nowadays, it's getting too difficult to hold back.

Beomgyu finds himself being a bit disappointed when the younger moves away from his grip even though he is the one who wanted this.

"Hyung, you should get going now. It's pretty late", Taehyun fixes his messy hair.

Beomgyu stands up as well and places his hands on Taehyun's waist to pull him closer. He rests his head on the smaller's shoulder and gets patted on his back.

"Would you mind if I stay the night here?", Beomgyu asks nuzzling his face on Taehyun's neck.

"Of course not. You should probably inform your mother. Do you wanna have something before going to bed?"

_You_. "Ah no, I'm full. I ate a lot of snacks. What about you?"

"I skip dinners"

This makes Beomgyu slightly pull away to look into the younger male. "Hey you shouldn't skip meals, it's a bad habit", Beomgyu scolds.

"No, it's okay. I don't like having dinner", Taehyun chuckles.

"Then you better kiss me till the morning", Beomgyu pulls Taehyun with him on the couch. He ruffles Taehyun's hair and places a kiss on the back of his ear.

"Hyung, we are both kinda tired today and we have the whole day off tomorrow. I will give you a lot of kisses. But now, I think you should take a quick shower and then have a good sleep", the younger caresses Beomgyu's cheeks before placing a peck on his lips.

"Okay. I'll do as you say! But hyunie, first, show me your dimple.", Beomgyu pouts.

Taehyun lets out a small laugh at his demand. Beomgyu smiles at his action and places a soft kiss on his baby dimple.

"You're such a baby, hyung", Taehyun's eyes form crescent shapes.

"Okay okay, now go take a shower. I'll go after you finish"

"Mhm. As you wish. I'll bring you clothes after I'm done"

Taehyun gets up and trails off to his room and closes the door lightly. The older sits on the couch taking out his phone. He messages all his friends that he came home safe 'earlier'. He messages his mother that he's staying over at a friend's house but doesn't mention the name thinking maybe she'll doubt. It's either Hyunjin or Jeongin, she'll guess as.

His head falls backward on the couch and he closes his eyes. The apartment is filled with only one sound, _shower._ His eyes flick open. He stares at the ceiling and takes in the sound.

_How does he look in the shower?_

_What would it be like to shower with him?_

_Would he mind if I touch him in the shower?_

Beomgyu licks his lips at those thoughts. He sighs deeply. He can feel himself hardened. He picks up his phone again to distract himself from the thoughts, _dirty thoughts_ about Taehyun. 

He played games and went through his SNS for a good amount of time. Suddenly, his phone notifies him about the battery which is only 10%. 

_Oh no! I've to charge my phone._ He tries to find a charger in the living room but doesn't find any. So, he decides to walk up to Taehyun's room and opens the door to call out for help.

"Taehyun-ah, do you have an ext-", he looks up only to stare widely at the sight.


	11. Unquenchable

Taehyun was standing there with just a towel wrapping around his pubic region and another in his hands to rub his wet hair, making it messier than before.

Beomgyu eyes him head to toe. Water drops dripping from those brown locks to his body, flowing through his small abs was making it impossible to breathe. Oh, boy! Beomgyu would love to run his tongue following the path. Those lips look more delicious as they're wet. He would die to suck on those beautiful pink nipples. That chest would look prettier with his bites, wouldn't it? And a towel doesn't fit _there_ , only Beomgyu would.

His eyes meet Taehyun's widened eyes after he is done eyeing the younger. They stare at each other and the situation gets even more awkward. Beomgyu wants to say something but the sound won't come out of his mouth, it just agapes and closes. Suddenly, they blush at the same time before Taehyun puts the towel in his hand across his chest.

"S-Stop loo-looking, h-hyung", Taehyun manages to stutter out before he turns his back on Beomgyu.

"I'm s-so sorry", Beomgyu immediately snaps out of his thoughts and closes the door as he backs away. He stands his back against the closed door. _Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_. Beomgyu looks down and his own state doesn't surprise him at all. He knew he would be this hard if he ever saw Taehyun all nak-

The door opens revealing a flushed red Taehyun in pajamas, hairs still drench and messy. "Wh-What do y-you need?", Taehyun asks looking anywhere but the older.

Beomgyu's mouth dries as he gulps down the thirst of fucking Taehyun right now. "I uhh...needed a charger, my ph-phone's battery is about to die", he replies blushing madly.

"Sure, give it to me", Taehyun holds his hand out and Beomgyu gives him the phone. Taehyun hands him a matching set of pajamas for the shower, both still not making any eye contact.

Beomgyu rushes to the washroom and quickly locks the door, breathing heavily. The image of Taehyun being so perfect is driving him crazy. He takes off his pants and sees his own hardened self. _Kang Taehyun! Look what you've done to me_.

He brings both his hands to his face. He is so _embarrassed_ and _aroused_ at the same time. He never thought he would fall for a boy, let alone have thoughts about fucking one. But this Kang Taehyun made him do both. And guess what? Now, he _needs_ it.

Beomgyu strips off his clothes, turns on the shower and stands there. Cold water running through and calming his nerves. But what should he do about _that?_ Finding no other option, he imagines Taehyun under his body to jerk off successfully.

He finishes and comes out of the washroom wearing the pajamas Taehyun gave him. The room is dark, only lights from outside fill the room. He notices his phone being charged on the younger's desk. He looks over the bed to find an already sleeping Taehyun. He walks over and bent down to adjust the pillow. His eyes fixed on the younger. _He's so cute. I shouldn't think about him like that._ Taehyun just slept there without a duvet.

"He must've been really tired. He had a math exam and took extra shifts at work. Too much load", Beomgyu mumbles himself as he brings the duvet to cover his boyfriend.

Suddenly he notices something. The hem of Taehyun's shirt is a little rolled up revealing his lower abdomen. Beomgyu has an urge to kiss his belly button and he doesn't even resist before rolling his fabric down which causes the younger to flinch a little. And then he covers Taehyun with the whole duvet. _This is getting harder but....I want him_. He leaves all his desires for now and takes the place next to Taehyun.

He stares at the younger. _Beautiful_. He goes a little closer and spoons him which earns him a soft groan.

"I'm sorry, hyunie. I know it's been a while since we are dating and I promised you to come out as soon as I can. But trust me, it isn't easy for me", the older speaks softly, not wanting to disturb his boyfriend's sleep. "I just hope that….you don't get tired of me"

"I love you, babe", he kisses Taehyun's forehead and then moves away. But he connects their fingers to help him drift off to sleep as well.

As the dawn nears, they both end up on each other's arms anyways.

***

It's been quite a few days but Beomgyu isn't just able to get that image out of his head.

The approaching summer is being even more painful. Taehyun would loosen up his shirt revealing his sweaty neck which made Beomgyu gawk at the area. He would keep staring at the younger for the whole day if he kept panting and breathing heavily after the exercise classes.

The other day he found himself staring at the younger so deeply that Soobin had to shake him to get his attention which caused Taehyun to blush hard and Sewoon roll his eyes.

"So, you're telling me they're dating over a year but never got into any serious physical activity and now he is aroused every now and then?", Yeonjun asks after hearing the whole story.

"Y-Yes", Beomgyu replies, fidgeting with his fingers.

This morning Beomgyu realized that the thirst for Taehyun has become so unquenchable for him, no room for denial, that he woke up all horny from a wet dream. He needed someone to talk to and that's when only one name came to his mind, Yeonjun hyung. So he decided to steal Yeonjun from Soobin just for today before classes started.

"Can you tell me how far they have gone? Umm, if it's only okay to share?", Yeonjun hopes to help sincerely.

"Uhh", Beomgyu's cheeks flush beet-red, "They hold hands, hug and...kiss", he says in a small voice.

"No necking?", Yeonjun sounds too surprised but the ash-blonde can only look down at his feet and nod his head as 'no'.

"Heh? Nah! I don't believe you", the blue-haired scoffed.

"Okay, fine! A little bit of necking, just a little. I mean, not enough to leave a hickey", Beomgyu answers, wanting to disappear. "He uhh...told me so", he quickly adds in before things got weird.

"Well. I personally think if their love is true, they don't need to be physical. But the thing you're talking about, it's a matter of mutual interest. So both he and his girlfriend needs to be on the same page"

Girlfriend? Well, Beomgyu made up a story where his friend and his girlfriend are going out for a good amount of time. Suddenly his friend feels aroused around her because he accidentally saw some of her skin, although in Beomgyu's case it's not 'suddenly'. And now this friend needs help to buckle up his game.

"Well he definitely wants it but he's actually refraining himself", Beomgyu says, not even choosing the right words.

"He?", Yeonjun's eyebrows flicker.

"S-She", Beomgyu facepalms himself mentally.

"Hmm", Yeonjun thinks for a moment and then a smile creeps upon his face as he clasps his hands together, "Tell him to creat sexual tension between them. Not too much, just a little bit of casual teasing and touching. If she wants it too, she'll definitely play along and if she doesn't, well, he still can give her time. Sometimes we realize things after it happens. So maybe one day she will be all ready", Yeonjun says as if he's teaching his younger brother.

Beomgyu listens carefully and then nods as he gets the cue. "Wow! You're a genius, Yeonjun hyung!", he hugs him in happiness knowing no limit.

"I know, I know", Yeonjun flexes, "By the way, who is this friend of yours?"

"Ahhahh y-you don't know him. He's someone I recently became friends with", Beomgyu lies but Yeonjun doesn't ask further because yes, Beomgyu has 'too many' friends.

This boosts up Beomgyu's mood for the day and what's even better is Sewoon not joining in for lunch for a couple of days.

Or is it actually worse?


	12. Bittersweet

Beomgyu is so busy in his thoughts that he doesn't even notice that it's already lunchtime until someone calls out his name loudly.

He quickly skips through the hallways and ends up at the cafeteria, taking a seat next to Yeonjun today. Sewoon is not here even today. _Loser learned his lesson_ , Beomgyu thinks biting down on his sandwich.

Their semester break is nearing which means exams are too. Soon everyone is going to get busy with studies. So they're trying to stick together as long as they can, especially Yeonjun because it's his senior year.

The five boys enjoy their time as the whole cafeteria fills up with students. Talking loudly, laughing and sounds of eating are what everyone was listening until a voice called.

"Kang Taehyun"

The voice came so loud that almost everyone turned their heads to see a very confident looking Sewoon standing right there and soon the cafeteria fell in silence.

Taehyun's eyes widen and he looks around to only find people staring at him. _This is too awkward_. Even though his friends were equally shocked, Beomgyu is the only person who's glaring at Sewoon.

"Let me tell you that I don't watch a lot of movies so I don't know clichés but I will do it clean and straight", Sewoon confidently stated from the doorway staring right into Taehyun's eyes, girls fangirling at his actions.

"I've liked you for a while now. If you ask me the reason, well there's a lot actually and the list may not end", Sewoon walks towards Taehyun and stands in front of him. "How about we go on a date?", he held his hand out. "How about we get to know each other more? If things work out which I'm pretty sure it will then I want to be your boyfriend", Sewoon kneels and smiles at his last words. Taehyun can only stare at him as he tries to process the information.

Yeonjun smiles widely, Soobin's condition is just as Taehyun, Hueningkai is trying to fake a smile and Beomgyu is absolutely fuming.

The whole cafeteria goes wild with bittersweet discussions and comments.

"Yaa Taehyun! What are you looking at? Say yes"

"Eww, those gays! Let's get out"

"Say yes, you nerd. I bet you never received a proposal before"

"Oh my God! That was so cuutee~"

"Good looking, tall and smart. You both make the perfect couple"

"School isn't a place to be homo, go get yourselves a room"

"Why that nerd? It should've been me" -was all heard in the background.

Taehyun startled everyone, including Sewoon by standing on his feet and taking Sewoon by his arm. He needed to get out of there.

"Aigoo~ they won't kiss in front us" says someone and the cafeteria goes on with their predictions about the 'couple' which makes Beomgyu's belly twist.

"Gosh, that was so cute! Sewoon came in like the confident gay. Taehyun should definitely say yes to him", Yeonjun giggles before the ash-blonde stands up with a loud sound of chair screeching the floor.

"Wait up, Gyu. Where are you going?"

"The scene was too gay for me. I need air", Beomgyu abhors while answering Soobin, displeasure visible, before making his way out of the place, heart skipping beats after beats.

"I don't know why but I've got a feeling that Beomgyu hyung just got jealous", Hueningkai innocently says looking at Beomgyu's way.

Soobin perks up at the question and throws another, "What? You mean you think Beomgyu likes Taehyun?"

"Pfft. There's no way! He's as straight as Taehyun's hair, maybe more than that. He just doesn't like Sewoon, that's it", Yeonjun waves his hand as if removing their doubts, "Besides, Beomgyu has someone in his mind", Yeonjun smirks.

"Really? Whoah! He never spoke to us about that", Soobin states in a curious tone.

"Yes, I know. He's too shy to. He is head over heels for her. And they really make a good couple", Yeonjun chirps at the thought of Beomgyu and this 'someone'.

"If you say so", Hueningkai shrugs and Soobin nods.

***

"Taehyunie wait, we're already far from the school building okay?", Sewoon says panting as he's been dragged. Taehyun didn't even say a word the whole time.

They were on the backside of school when Taehyun finally stopped.

"Why did you do it, Sewoon?", Taehyun's voice is colder than his normal one.

"What? I told you! Because I like you. And I want to be your boyf-"

"Stop", Taehyun doesn't even want to hear that.

Sure, Taehyun wanted Beomgyu to claim him as his boyfriend and come out, tell their friends, tell his own friends about them. But it's just Beomgyu and him only. He never liked the limelight and of course, Sewoon did something Beomgyu would never but Taehyun really didn't like it. He was still thinking of how hurt Beomgyu was when he saw this happen and had no choice but to sit and watch.

Except he did have a choice but Taehyun knows too well that he wouldn't even consider it so let it be okay?

"But why, Taehyun?", Sewoon's voice came desperately. "Am I not good looking enough? Do I lack any of the qualities you seek in a lover?"

"It's not that, Sewoon. I just don't want a relationship right now", Taehyun assures while patting his shoulder.

"Then what is it? And I'm not telling you to form a relationship right away. We can get to know each other, as I said. I want to know more about you. I want to learn your secrets and insecurities", Sewoon comes forward and holds Taehyun's hands in his which the brunette immediately takes back.

But he knows that Sewoon's words make sense. Sure two single people hangout and date each other, it's normal. But Taehyun isn't single and he would've tried to give a chance if he was. He truly has no other reason to reject this guy because he's truly a good person and he really deserves the love back.

"Please, Sewoon. I-I just can't do-"

"Why is it so? Tell me, Taehyun!?", Sewoon aggressively holds Taehyun's arms, eyes glistening.

Taehyun takes a deep breath. "Because I like someone else", he finally speaks startling the male before him.

"No actually, I _love_ someone else. I love him with all my heart. And I can't, I just can't think about anyone else", Taehyun admits, looking away from the boy.

Sewoon stands there looking at his feet, tears start to fall but he manages to speak. "Who is it?"

The question makes Taehyun nervous and he looks at Sewoon. "Uhh I-I can't tell you abo-"

"Is it Beomgyu hyung?"


	13. Only One

Taehyun's eyes widen and his mouth dries. He tries to speak but he's too shocked for that. _Shit! Was I that obvious!?_

"Come on, Taehyun. Do you think I didn't notice how both of you exchange looks? I was sure there's always something going on between you and him. That's why, I never liked him", Sewoon chuckles.

_Fuck! I can't let him know! Taehyun, do something, say anything._

"Yo-You're wrong, Sewoon. There's nothing between us. He is...straight", Taehyun's voice came almost inaudible.

"Let me tell you one thing, Taehyun. He doesn't love you", Sewoon snapped which made tears form in his eyes.

"He will leave you alone for good. Mark my words. I don't know why he looks at you that way but trust me, don't waste your precious time on him. He doesn't deserve your love"

Taehyun fell silent.

"Whenever I tried to come closer to you or said sweet things or flirted, he always glared at me but didn't make a move to get your attention. Do you know what that means? He will never show his interest for you, even though they're fake. He wants to stick to his god damn nickname 'the straight one among the gays'. Even when his friends call you too boring, he never really opposes", Sewoon continues.

"The thing I did today, he would never do this for you. And the reason is very clear- he's just playing around with you. When he's had enough fun, he will leave you alone to suffer", he grunts as he comes closer.

These words. These words aren't new to Taehyun. He hears this every day, every night. The voices….they always tell the same thing.

" ** _Even this boy gets it but you won't_** "

" ** _He has no intention of keeping you_** "

" ** _Once he's done, you'll have no one by your side_** "

" ** _You wanna know why? Cuz you're filthy, dirty. No one loves you hahhhaaa_** "

Sewoon is saying something right now but all Taehyun can hear is this voice. He hates it, despises it.

"SHUT UP", Taehyun suddenly yells at both those voices and Sewoon as he covers his eyes with his hands.

"I didn't say anything wrong, Taehyun", Sewoon speaks making Taehyun angrier.

"Listen, Sewoon" Taehyun gulps, trying to calm himself. "You're a nice guy and a nice friend. I don't want to go further. Please respect my decision. And about me liking someone else. Well, that's not your place to say if I should waste my time or not. Now if you please excuse me, I want to leave", he turns away.

Sewoon stares at Taehyun, tears visible in his eyes. He finally smiles, sadly.

"When he breaks your heart, I'll be there for you. Even if just as a friend", Sewoon sniffs. "Take care okay?" He steps forward to hug Taehyun lightly.

And with that said Sewoon leaves the place.

Taehyun sighs. _I feel really bad for him_.

He looks at his watch to see that lunchtime is over by now and quickly exits the place.

Little did he know that behind a tree hid a certain ash-blonde boy who eavesdropped the whole conversation.

***

Taehyun walks in the almost empty hallways, his eyes searching for someone. And he sees his group of friends part away and enter their classrooms.

Taehyun frowns at the absence of his boyfriend. _Where is he?_

He looks through the cafeteria, his classroom, washrooms but Beomgyu is nowhere to be seen. That leaves only one place to check. _Hmph!_

***

Taehyun carefully opens the metal door and enters the open area. He takes in the air, fresh as always.

He looks around carefully and his expression calms when he sees his boyfriend just looking over the railing. It's their school terrace but this is the other side, maybe nobody knows about it. This place is only theirs. All the kisses and hugs happen here when they need each other badly.

Taehyun walks over to the older and hugs him from behind. "Are you upset?", he asks.

"Why would I be?", Beomgyu's voice shakes a little and Taehyun notices it.

He turns the older around and the sight breaks his heart.

"Hyung! Were you crying?"

Beomgyu's eyes again well up with tears.

"He was right, Taehyun"

"What?" Taehyun asks, confused.

"I wouldn't have the courage to ever do that. I never oppose my friends when they say you're too boring to hang out with me because I'm scared and I don't want to let them know my true feelings for you", he manages to say between his sobs and Taehyun can only caress his cheeks with a tint of hurt in eyes.

"I can never show my love towards you the way he did", Beomgyu continues.

"No, Beommie hyung", Taehyun pulls Beomgyu in a hug and draws circles in his back.

"You should leave me and be with him instead", Beomgyu bawls.

"Do you want that too?"

The question brings sense to Beomgyu as he hugs Taehyun back, tightly.

"No hyunie! I love you. I would never want you to leave", he sobs more.

"Exactly hyung! That's what I'm saying. I love you. You're my only one and that's not gonna change", Taehyun pulls the older even closer. The older's sobs turn to hiccups and then finally quietens as he snuggles into the hug to feel warmer.

They stay there like that for a while. Until Taehyun realizes something.

"Hyung! Lunch is over and we are supposed to be in our classes", he panics slightly pulling away from the hug.

"Just stay here with me for today, Tae'', Beomgyu requests.

"No! We have to attend classes. I only agreed to meet you here if you didn't make me miss classes", Taehyun rants, trying to free himself from the grip.

Beomgyu pouts and does aegyo to make his boyfriend stay with him and at last Taehyun gives in.

"You always do this to me", the brunette whines as Beomgyu giggles.

"Now Taehyunie, show me your dimple", he again pouts with fluttering eyes.

This request always makes Taehyun smile like there's no tomorrow. And Beomgyu places a kiss on his dimple which makes him smile wider and earn more kisses.

They stay there until this period ends. Not a lot of time. They just hug each other and kiss each other's hands. No, they wouldn't go too far even though it's a secret place. Beomgyu didn't want to risk it. If they get caught by any chance, they can always use the excuse of 'friends just messing around'.

Leaving all the worries, Beomgyu stares into Taehyun's eyes intensely. "Your eyes are beautiful, really beautiful", he admires which makes the younger shy.

Suddenly something snaps in Beomgyu's head.

"Taehyun-ah", Beomgyu calls.

"Yes hyungie?", Taehyun responds with the cutest tone.

"Uhh my mo-mother is leaving for Daegu tonight. She'll be back after a couple of days. Why do-don't you come over? It'll be fun", Beomgyu suggests.

"Really, hyung? You're finally having me in your house", Taehyun jumps up and down ecstatically.

Beomgyu never took Taehyun in his house, thinking of getting caught. Taehyun didn't mind this because his apartment was better as he was living alone. But he was too excited to meet the other's mother and finally stay over.

"Yes, my love. Come, meet my mother and claim some allowance too. She'll be really happy, trust me"

"Yaayy!", Taehyun giggles, throwing his fists in the air excitedly at the thought.

Beomgyu just grins softly standing there, gazing at the innocent baby before him.


	14. Disappointed

Beomgyu's home has a cozy atmosphere. Everything wooden and rustic. It gives off that old school vibe. As Taehyun was supposed to come over, Beomgyu cleaned up a little bit.

Beomgyu's mother loves that a smart kid will be living with her son while she's gone. She talked to Taehyun about a lot of things. As Taehyun is an intellectual and mature guy, adults really like talking to him. Beomgyu can just only stare at the two and smile.

As Beomgyu said, she's really happy to have him and gave a big amount of allowance which of course Taehyun denied to take but with Beomgyu's constant assuring and his mother's pouting he couldn't but keep it. _So, that's where he got the pouting from._

They had dinner early so his mother could leave before the last bus to Daegu. She kissed Beomgyu on the cheek, offered him some money too and told them to take care before leaving.

Beomgyu instantly ran and hugged the brunette as soon as he locked the door.

"What do you wanna do, hyunie?", Beomgyu asks gleefully.

Taehyun thinks for a moment before answering. "How about we shower first and then watch a movie together? I wanna watch Avengers: Endgame"

"Okay, sure". Beomgyu shows him the way to the washroom in the living room and he goes to his room's attached washroom.

***

The older comes out first wearing a black tee and white shorts and finds his boyfriend still in the shower. He walks up to his bed in the corner of the room while rubbing his hair with a towel and settles the laptop to put on the movie Taehyun insisted on watching. He makes room for the smaller and ensures the bed is warm enough.

Soon, Taehyun walks into the room to find the ash-blonde already in his bed with his laptop. He walks up to his boyfriend, finally putting away the towel for laundry.

"Beomgyu hyung? Shall we watch the movie now?"

"Yes, Hyunie. I've put it o-", the older looks up to Taehyun and his heart skips a beat as he keeps staring with his mouth agape.

Seeing Taehyun in a white oversized shirt and black sweatpants while small water droplets drip from his brown locks made him forget the process of respiration. _  
_

_God! He looks so fuc-_

"Hyung? Uh- Is something on my face?" Taehyun asks, touching his face, confused.

"N-No, I noticed that our outfit colors are overlapped ahhaha", Beomgyu manages to brush off, scratching his head which earns him a chuckle from the other.

"Come sit here", he pats the seat next to him beside the wall of his window shyly and Taehyun obliges.

***

The movie is on an interesting part but Beomgyu can't concentrate. The scent of his boyfriend is lingering in his nose. He cannot but rub his nose on to Taehyun's left shoulder for attention. But the younger is watching the movie as if he hasn't already watched it over 5 times.

"Hyunie~", Beomgyu pouts for the nth time. "Beommie wants love~", he makes a kissy face.

"Sure", Taehyun says with aloofness and gives a peck on Beomgyu's lips, eyes still on the screen.

 _This is not done,_ Beomgyu gets impatient.

He shuts off the laptop making Taehyun gasp. "Hyung! Why did you do that? Thor is sti-"

Taehyun was about to riot but stopped when he saw the older's seductive gaze. His stomach always twists whenever Beomgyu does this.

"Wh-What is it?", he breathes even though the air is knocked out from his lungs.

"I want love", Beomgyu demands with an insanely deep voice this time.

The younger nods. How is he supposed to oppose that? He cups the older's cheek with one hand and hesitantly leans forward to place a kiss, soft at first. But he knows the other doesn't want it soft, not right now. Then again, he also feels like teasing the older a little. He takes the kiss to a little passionate level but just the moment Beomgyu's burning, he pulls away.

"Hyunie, stop teasing me!!", the older whines, chasing the other's lips. And Taehyun turns his face away, reaching for the laptop.

Before Taehyun could move away anymore, Beomgyu grabs him by his arm to make him face his way and forces their lips together. Taehyun, by instinct, grabs Beomgyu too. And, kisses back.

Angriness. Taehyun can feel it in the kiss. Beomgyu leans forward to pin Taehyun against the wall behind him. They keep kissing until their tongues fight for dominance, of course, the older wins the battle. Beomgyu's tongue explores the younger's mouth as if it's never been there. His one hand moves to Taehyun's waist to pull him closer.

Slowly Beomgyu opens his eyes, half-lidded. And the scene of Taehyun's kissing face brings him bliss. _He's so ethereal._ He watches how his boyfriend's eyes fell shut while sucking his tongue.

He wants more, he always did. It aroused him so much that he starts to nibble on the younger's lower lip which earns him a lascivious moan and oh dear! it boosts up his ego and he goes crazy.

His hands trail up from Taehyun's waist to his chest to unbutton the shirt. He knows it's risky. Maybe there's no way of coming back. But what he knows the most is that he's _wanted_ this boy for a long time but refrained himself so much that right now he can only think of ruining him.

Taehyun senses the action in an instant and he knows that he's to remind the older. He opens his eyes slowly to see his boyfriend already staring at him intimately and his cheeks turn red.

"Wh-What are y-you l-looking at?", he stutters, breathless.

"You looked so beautiful that I couldn't take my eyes off", Beomgyu pants before pulling the younger for another kiss. This time more aggressively.

The buttons are undone and Beomgyu lowers the shirt, hanging around the younger's shoulders. He pulls away from the kiss to immediately tilt his boyfriend's head and places a kiss under his ear.

Taehyun feels the older's tongue trailing downwards. He feels his jawline, neck, collarbone filled with slow and wet kisses. Suddenly, the older kisses a very sensitive spot on his neck and he hisses which only pleasures the older. He finds the older kiss that specific area a little more and then suck on the skin, leaving a hickey.

He lets out a girlish whimper and brings his hands out to push the older slightly. But he loves this, he has always wanted to be dominated by his boyfriend in this manner. He's too weak from the pleasure, still tries but fails because the older won't even budge right now. Rather, Beomgyu grips his wrists firmly above his head . His dominance brings him more strength.

Taehyun can feel his skin being grazed by Beomgyu's teeth. He gathers up enough strength to speak up because if it doesn't stop right now, they wouldn't have any way left to come back.

"B-Beomgyu hyung nngh~, pl-please s-stop", Taehyun finally whines making Beomgyu stop but not freeing his hands.

"I know, Taehyun. I know that I'm crossing the line. But I want this line to already vanish. I _want_ you, babe", Beomgyu says desperately, slowly loosening his grip.

"And don't tell me that you don't want this", Beomgyu looks directly at Taehyun's glistening eyes and then lowers his gaze to his nipples. He touches one of them with his index finger slightly as they're perked up, making Taehyun flinch. "You're definitely enjoying this", he again looks at his eyes.

A few tears slip from Taehyun's eyes as he pulls his shirt up to cover himself, all embarrassed. And this concerns the older.

"H-Hey! Taehyun-ah!, don't c-cry", Beomgyu puts his hands on the younger's shoulders.

"Hyung won't force you. If you don't want to, then I won't do it", he hugs the younger patting him in the back worriedly and somewhat disappointed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, if you already can't tell....ahem! the next chapter is going to be a little....you know?? 𝘚𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘺~~


	15. Universe

WARNING: Mature Content. If you think they are still minors and I shouldn't be writing this, feel free to skip the chapter.

* * *

The room is totally dark, just the golden bedtime lights are on. Beomgyu notices that Taehyun looks really beautiful under those lights. Not that he isn't beautiful at other times but the golden lights make him much prettier. It makes his skin glow. They are hugging each other for what seems like ten minutes now and the younger has also stopped crying. But Beomgyu still comforts him until he's sure that his love is okay. He strokes Taehyun’s hair before deciding to pull away. But Taehyun won't let him.

"Tae, we can watch the movie instead. I will put it bac-"

"Hyung, do you love me?", Taehyun asks in a shaky voice.

"Huh? Of course, I do. I love you a lot, Taehyunie'', Beomgyu says while drawing circles on the younger’s back.

"I mean, do you love me so much that you're willing to...to go further?", Taehyun's voice becomes even shakier.

Beomgyu pulls away slightly to look at the younger, cups his cheeks and looks into his eyes. "Yes, dear. I love you so much that one day if possible, I want to have a family with you. You know, we can uhh... marry each other, live in a home together. We can adopt a small baby and a puppy or a cat?", he's flushed on his own words.

Taehyun chuckles. "Puppy is okay and I want a girl if that's okay with you"

Beomgyu coos at his boyfriend and places a kiss on his forehead. "Sure, whatever you want". He puts the younger's head on his shoulder to comfort him.

A few moments pass by until Taehyun breaks the silence.

"Hyung, to-touch me"

"Wha- No! I won't be able to do it if you're uncomfortable", Beomgyu lifts up the younger's face gingerly.

"I want it, hyung. I've always wanted it. I just feared what if you regret it later. But if you want me as much as I want you then I don't have any problem", Taehyun blushes. "So touch me, f-fuck me" He lowers his shirt from one shoulder as if offering himself.

“Hyunie, Are you sure about this?”, the older asks anxiously.

“I am. Please, let’s do it”, he breathes against Beomgyu’s lips as his arms snake around the older’s neck.

They press their lips together for a moment and Beomgyu takes off Taehyun's shirt revealing his upper body but this time he tosses it on the floor. 

The older clasps Taehyun's hands in his and kisses the knuckles. "If you don't wanna keep going, just don't hesitate to tell me to stop, okay? I can't hurt you". Taehyun nods.

The older moves the laptop away from the bed before he lifts up his own tee revealing his masculine abs and then pulls Taehyun closer to his bare chest. "I'll show you, hyunie", he rubs his thumb against Taehyun's lower lip, "I'll show you how much I love you"

"Uhh hyung? Can you be a little g-gentle with me? I'm a bit s-sensitive", Taehyun shyly admits, looking away.

_ Sensitive, huh? It's gonna be fun,  _ Beomgyu smirks,  _ really fun. _

"It's okay, hyunie. It may be a little painful at first but hyung promises you, you're not going to regret it", he leans forward to kiss Taehyun's ear.

"Remember one more thing. Call me Beomgyu"

"But hyung I-"

"Beomgyu", he says in a low voice sending shivers. "Just Beomgyu"

"B-Beomgyu", Taehyun hesitates, leaving the older satisfied.

He immediately pulls the younger to his lap, legs on either side and kisses his bare shoulders. Beomgyu discovers that the younger is more sensitive than he thought him to be. It doesn’t take a minute for him to realize that he has always been  _ this _ sensitive but always stopped himself from making inappropriate sounds. He still remembers if by any chance, Beomgyu got a little sexy, he would always bite his lips and barely even talk, except stutter out to make him stop. Right now, even the softest kiss makes him groan.  _ Cute _ .

Although Taehyun is losing his mind and surrendering himself, Beomgyu, on the other hand, is getting too erotic. ‘Horny Teenager Things’. He just can’t wait to claim the boy. And so, with sudden energy, he throws Taehyun against the pillows to make him lay down and leans on to place wet kisses and sucks on his neck and collarbone. Every time Taehyun says the word 'hyung', Beomgyu nibbles harshly. And the moans which escape the younger's mouth make him nibble harsher.

He takes a look at the masterpiece he has created.  _ Perfect.  _ He moves down to face the nipples.  _ God! I've died waiting so long for you _ . Taehyun wraps his hands around Beomgyu's neck, pulling him closer to his body, allowing him to taint himself.

Beomgyu sticks out his tongue and places it on top of one of the nipples, twists the other and Taehyun lets out an amorous cry. He licks it up and down, round and round leaving the younger panting.

Suddenly, Taehyun feels his nipple being sucked. "Mhhmm~~ I feel good, Beomgyu". And that comment makes him go frenzy. Taehyun gasps at the pace, he's not used to this kind of feeling so of course, he only moans out loud.

But there is something about his moans. They're too lewd to not be rough. Beomgyu wants to keep hearing them every moment. The kind of moans which only demands dominance.

Beomgyu ends with a kiss and breathes his way down, tongue leading the way. He doesn’t forget to leave some love bites on the younger’s chest. These gestures are so pleasurable to Taehyun's sensitive body that he lolls his head backward while breathing heavily.

Beomgyu's tongue lands on his belly button and whirls around it, making Taehyun a whining mess. He sits up and takes off his shorts. His hands work on Taehyun's sweatpants.  _ Why is he blushing so much? _

He successfully takes them off as well and stares at the beauty, mouth agape.  _ He is so pretty _ . Taehyun notices this and throws a pillow at the older while blushing hard.

"H-Hyung, don't s-stare like that"

Beomgyu immediately leans forward and pins Taehyun's both hands.

"What did I say you to call me?", dominance dripping from his tone.

"But you're older than me", Taehyun argues.

"Yes, I'm older. So do only what you have been told. Call….me….Beomgyu", Beomgyu sucks the hickeys in middle of his words making Taehyun writhe.

"Nnnghh~~ Beo-Beomgyu", Taehyun accepts the defeat.

Quickly Beomgyu takes hold of the younger's thighs and spreads them wider, his ash-blonde locks laced with the younger's fingers. He leans in and kisses inside one knee, and then the other, he gives a little upward lick with each kiss and reaches his inner thighs, moving closer and closer to where his thighs meet. And when he kisses  _ there,  _ Taehyun drools, his head spins. He wriggles and moans like no tomorrow. 

Beomgyu stops for a moment before the younger suddenly feels something inside his body. He looks down to meet Beomgyu's piercing gaze, making him feel like a prey. Every time the older's fingers collide, Taehyun feels like he's floating in the sky, it makes his toes curl. One finger, then two and then when third enters, he rubs his feet on the bedsheet gently. It’s too pleasurable for him to handle. It's like Beomgyu is touching  _ everything _ .

"Hyung, h-how a-are you s-so sk-skillful with e-everything?", Taehyun manages to ask between his whimpers.

"Oh! You have no idea since how long I've wanted to do this to you. I've imagined it every night", Beomgyu takes out his fingers after enough stretching, leaving a flushed Taehyun. "I'm glad that you're liking it"

Then, Beomgyu sits up straight.  _ This is it _ . He grabs the younger by his waist cruelly, fingers digging into the skin to leave marks.

"Once I'm inside you, you have to call me by my name. Or else, I'll forget that I am supposed to be gentle. Got it?"

"Oh really? Then I won't", Taehyun snickers.

"Don't kid around. I'm serious", Beomgyu's dominance comes through.

"I'm serious too,  _ hyung _ ", Taehyun smirks.

"You're being a brat, Tae"

"I  _ am _ a brat"

That's it. Beomgyu didn't even think about the consequences and went straight into him with no protection, no warning, nothing. 

Taehyun outcried in pain which made the older startle. He immediately regrets forgetting that the younger's body is really sensitive and is currently in a vulnerable state.

"Uh I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, sorry, sorry. Please... I lost my mind in anger. Are you hurt? Please... I'm sorry, Taehyun", Beomgyu quickly leans on and moves Taehyun's bangs from his forehead and kisses while his eyes become watery.

The younger pulls Beomgyu closer by hugging him. Tears visible in his eyes which makes the older hate himself.

"Hey, Beomgyu! I li-liked it", he assures, trying to smile.

"No, I've promised to not hurt you", Beomgyu takes a step to pull away but Taehyun stops him.

"Don't. D-Don't leave my body right n-now. I'm not hurt, pl-please trust me. Just stay in there and….show me your love", Taehyun says as a tear slips from his each eye.

"You sure, babe? We can do this later", Beomgyu worriedly states, wiping the tears.

"Never been more"

And Beomgyu cannot say 'no' to that. But he knows that he has to remain in his senses. He cannot just give in to his anger issues, even though Taehyun is suddenly being an impolite brat. 

He penetrates slowly, gently. Taehyun's eyes fall shut and nose scrunch in pain and discomfort, he flinches and wants to stop it right now but he knows that if his hyung said he's not gonna regret it, then he's not, never. And this doesn't go unnoticed by the older.

"Shhhh", Beomgyu whispers in Taehyun's ear while lacing their fingers together beside his head.. "Shhh, Taehyunie. It's gonna be alright, just relax and trust me", he kisses Taehyun's nose and lips softly. "Don't worry, baby. Breathe and listen to your body"

Taehyun does as told. He relaxes and after a while, his body adjusts with the feeling of Beomgyu inside him. He starts to feel content and lets out a small chuckle. The sound makes Beomgyu look at the younger with a questioning look.

"I feel good", Taehyun admits, "I want you to stay there forever". Beomgyu kisses his chest at the statement.

"I love you, Taehyun", he says between his kisses.

"I love you, hyu- ahh Beomgyu"

And they both start giggling.

Moments later, the room is filled with dirty and immodest whimpers which sounds like music to Beomgyu's ears.  _ So angelic! _

They are lips and arms and legs and bodies entangled. Beomgyu is swiftly, rhythmically, moving deeper and deeper into Taehyun's body. They are wordless. Beomgyu's body delivers the most beautiful, the most sensational messages and Taehyun reacts to them as shamelessly as he can.

His hands form small fists while grabbing the bedsheet tighter every moment. And he tries to feel every inch of Beomgyu. He wants to know all the obscene and filthy secrets. 

_ How does he look so hot yet so adorable at the same time? _ Beomgyu thinks.

"You really sound sinful right now", he says in a husky tone, still whirling inside.

"You're doing such sinful things to me that I can't help", Taehyun retorts, panting.

Beomgyu chuckles at the wittiness. "You surely have a way with your words, don't you?"

"That's why you love me, don't you?"

  
  


_ Fuck! He's way too sexy to handle _ .

Beomgyu kisses his lips deeply as the answer. Excitement runs through the older's veins. He has never seen the younger talkback this way. He doesn’t even want people to know about his character change. He wants to keep it all for himself. He wants to keep the sexiness all for himself. He wants to keep  _ Taehyun _ all for himself, just himself.

"Th-There ahh nnngghhh~ ri-right there, Beomgyu", the younger begs in submission when the older finds the sweet spot. And that feeds Beomgyu's ego too well.

Taehyun seems to rise in the air as the older obliges and he screams louder than ever, he screams Beomgyu's name.

Beomgyu reaches the zenith after he picks up an animalistic pace to hit the spot several times which pleasures both of them and they, together, shiver in the feeling as a sweet spasm goes through them. 

The room becomes quiet for some time, only their heavy breathing is heard. Although the AC is on cold temperature, they are sweating as if they had a marathon race. Beomgyu flops on top of Taehyun. But he supports his knees to maintain his posture. The bed is a mess, of course.

Taehyun stares at Beomgyu’s body, panting with his mouth open. The sweat dripping from his ash-blonde locks, running through his neck, sexy collarbones, toned abs make him want to kiss the hell out of the older right now. His popped veins make him more tempted than he was.

“You’re so fucking hot”, they both say at the same time and then widen their eyes at the same remark before bursting into laughter.

“Let me fetch a towel, alright? We need to clean up”, Beomgyu stands on his feet, preparing to leave before the younger weakly grabs onto his wrist.

“Hey!! Don’t leave me now. I want to kiss you”, Taehyun pouts.

“Don’t worry, I’ll just take a second, babe”, Beomgyu takes his hand and kisses it softly. “Besides, you need to rest for a while” And then he starts walking away, leaving the younger dissatisfied.

“Ya! Choi Beomgyu!”, Taehyun calls to stop the older. “You think I need to rest after just one round? I can take that massive organ of yours like no other can”, he tells off desperately.

Beomgyu smirks. And then he turns around before walking up to the younger again. He bents down and kisses the younger on his mouth. Extremely zealous.

“Dummy! You need to rest because you’re gonna ride me for the next session”, he breathes before another kiss.

“You have to kiss me everywhere with the same lechery you were staring with, okay?” Beomgyu raises an eyebrow. The younger nods happily.

“Dimple. I wanna see it”, Beomgyu commands to which Taehyun immediately smiles and earns a kiss. The older once again stands up to go and bring them a towel quickly and Taehyun doesn’t interrupt this time. The faster he returns, the faster they'll start again.  


And by the morning, they knew all of the secrets of the universe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whewww! That was the longest chapter. I still remember taking 5 days to prepare it and then edited it every time I read this (Even before publishing I added some stuff). Man! I'm so nervous right now.
> 
> Anyways, I don't think smut readers are really satisfied because I tried to keep it fluffy and soft but sexy in a cute way.
> 
> I'm not always telling people to comment. But I would love your thoughts on this chapter because I think I really worked THE HARDEST for this on the entire book/story.
> 
> I would also love some sexy song recommendations. Any language is okay.
> 
> Love y'all.


	16. Crush

Thank God the next morning was a Saturday which means no school day. Beomgyu moved Taehyun to the guest room in the morning, just in case anyone visited.

As expected, Taehyun couldn't leave the bed, let alone walk on his feet. So Beomgyu had to carry him around, not that he minds, he actually loves it. He even made breakfast for the younger before he woke up, thinking he might be tired. 

They didn’t mention their friends about Taehyun living with Beomgyu for some days because of course, they would ask questions. Not that they won’t like them staying together but yeah the first question would be ‘Why only Taehyun?’ and he isn’t ready to answer that. The next thing would be them wanting to hang out in his home which Beomgyu totally wouldn't like because he wanted to spend some alone time with Taehyun. Thankfully, they didn’t seem much bothered because they were working their asses off for the upcoming exams.

Hueningkai once called Taehyun to help him with studies before the exam but he managed to change the date saying he had extra shifts of work. And when Yeonjun came to know that Beomgyu’s mother was away, he insisted on living with him. But Beomgyu just scoffed saying he’s a big boy now. Apparently, Yeonjun found out about Taehyun from Beomgyu’s mother and when he was asked, Bemgyu panicked for a moment but then said that Taehyun just met her when she was leaving so he happened to stay with him for a night, nothing more. Yes, they lied to their friends to protect their little secret.

But that one night did bring some changes. That night, they talked like they never did before. Beomgyu shared a lot of his childhood memories and Taehyun came to know he was a little naughty kid. Most of the talking was done by Beomgyu because he is loud af and Taehyun is a very good listener. And he didn’t even have much to share. His childhood wasn’t really boring but it was mostly oriented with studies and how he and Soobin became friends and all. As he lost his parents at a young age, his memories were mostly with Soobin and some hyungs named Jimin and Yoongi. He didn’t want to talk much about himself because he has a dark past and he thought why make the older worry about him when he’s so happy. Beomgyu didn’t mind because he had a lot to share and at every funny memory both of them laughed like maniacs and the older just stared at the younger for some moments, seeing him giggling like a baby and then kissing his dimple. It was heavenly, for both of them.

They got much closer. Beomgyu would often smile at the younger even though they were with their friends. He would hold hands, intertwine their fingers when no one was watching. He even sits with Taehyun at lunch. And the thing Taehyun loves the most is, Beomgyu kisses him when they are in school. Of course, not in front of everyone. And no, they didn't come out. But it was enough.

Beomgyu often sneaks and makes an excuse to take away Taehyun from the class and then lock themselves on that school terrace. And when they're in this small world of theirs, he kisses Taehyun like no other day. Not that he normally doesn't but he used to avoid going too far when they were in school.

And when he did it for the first time, Taehyun reminded him that they might get caught but the older surprised him by saying something he has always wanted to hear.

"Let them see. Right now, I just need you" and with that said he kissed him even deeper.

Taehyun was more than happy the whole day.  _ Maybe, he can finally come out with me sooner. _ He was happy that the voices were getting quieter. He just wished things to be just like this.

***

It's their last hangout before the semester exams. They gathered up at the Café Magic. And today Beomgyu sat beside Taehyun. Although Beomgyu was just sitting by him recently, their friends didn't seem to notice it or maybe just let it be.

They were enjoying their time as always. Beomgyu even held Taehyun's hand under the table, making him blush as he never did such a thing. They were laughing at some lame joke cracked by Yeonjun, telling him to stop with those dad jokes when they heard an unfamiliar voice, a female voice.

"Yeonjun Oppa, Beommie", the voice called enthusiastically.

They all turned their heads in that direction and it seemed like no one recognized the face, well except Yeonjun and Beomgyu.

Beomgyu let go of Taehyun's hand and waved at her with a big smile. Sure Taehyun felt a little sad but it's okay.

"Shin-ae, how are you?", Yeonjun stood up to hug the girl. 

"I'm fine, oppa. I've a lot to share", the girl hugged back, everyone staring at them.

Suddenly the girl turned to Beomgyu and held his arm, as if asking for a hug.

"Beommie! How are you, buddy?", she hugged him tight.

"Aahh I'm fine. It's so nice to see you again", Beomgyu quickly pulled away.

Yeonjun clasped his hands to get everyone's attention. "So guys, aren't you thinking who she is?"

Except Beomgyu, everyone nodded their heads as yes, making Yeonjun happier.

"Well, she's Beomgyu's childhood friend. And as they used to play around together the whole day, I have also known her since she was little. Which makes her my childhood friend as well", Yeonjun explained.

"Hi! I'm Ahn Shin-ae", Shin-ae waved at the boys and they waved back.

"So let me introduce them to you okay? That's Soobin", Yeonjun pointed at the tallest, making him flash his bunny smile and holding out his hand. "That's my big giant baby boyfriend", Yeonjun added, smiling.

"I guessed so. He's really like a big cute bunny as you said", Shin-ae chuckled while shaking Soobin's hand.

"And these are our little kids. This is Hueningkai and this is Taehyun", Yeonjun ruffled both boys' hair while introducing them.

"They're younger than me, right?", Shin-ae asked, to which Yeonjun answered affirmatively. "Then you guys can call me noona. Shin-ae Noona! Aigoo~ it sounds so cute", Shin-ae jumped up and down.

It is clearly visible why she is Beomgyu's friend. Their personalities were too similar. Both of them shared this jolly and bright personality. The cheering ones. As if their whole existence screams 'the mood makers'.

"Shin-ae, buddy! Where are you staying here?, Beomgyu asked after being done with the introductions.

"What!?", Shin-ae gasped. "Oppa, you haven't told him yet where I'll be staying?"

"Ahh I wanted it to be a surprise", Yeonjun smiles sheepishly, leaving them all confused.

"Beommie! I'm staying at your house", Shin-ae said, making the ash-blonde’s eyes widened. "I'll leave now as I have to unpack. I'll catch you guys later", she waved at them once again before dashing out.

"So Beomgyu, how do you feel?", Yeonjun smirks.

"What do you mean?", Beomgyu asks in confusion.

"What do you think I mean?", Yeonjun smirks wider. "Guys, remember I said that Beomgyu has someone in his mind?”

Hueningkai and Soobin happened to remember the conversation and nodded in sync while Taehyun just flinched. 

“Well, she's the one. She's his childhood friend  _ and _ his crush," the blue-haired explained. 

"Hey!", Beomgyu snapped. "She's  _ not _ my crush"

"C'mon Beomgyu! You really think you can lie to me?", Yeonjun asks playfully. “You used to throw tantrums if she didn’t say how good you looked and even cried if she wasn’t your partner for a project”

Soobin and Hueningkai just cooed at him with mischievous smiles plastered on their faces and Taehyun could only frown.

"Ugh, fine!”, Beomgyu snapped while rolling his eyes. “I  _ had  _ a crush on her. But it's over between us. I don't feel that way anymore", he added but his voice came almost inaudible as if he’s not sure.

"Well, hyung! It's okay. It can come back anytime", Hueningkai said teasingly.

"And now the chances are more because she's staying in your house", Soobin added.

"A young girl and a young boy living in the same house. Do you really think your straight ass won't feel anything?", Yeonjun continued to tease making the ash-blonde wanting to throw himself away.

The two tallest helped with the teasing as well to which he only scoffed.

When he turned to Taehyun, the sight broke his heart. The brunette had been looking at Beomgyu with the most hurtful eyes at that moment.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How bad do you think Taehyun's past is? 
> 
> Also, how will Shin-ae's presence affect TAEGYU's relationship?


	17. Nothing More

Beomgyu reached his house in the late evening. He still felt guilty for not having a conversation with his boyfriend earlier.

"Beomgyu! What're you doing outside the whole day, son?", his mother inquired making his thoughts stop. "Your friend is visiting you after such a long time and you're not giving her time"

"Relax, omo-nim. I met him earlier at the café. I had a brief introduction with his friends too. Yeonjun oppa introduced us", Shin-ae chimed in before Beomgyu answered.

"Really? That's great! Did you meet that guy Taehyun? Really a smart guy. I really wonder how such a wonderful boy is friends with my dumb kid", Beomgyu's mother flicked his forehead.

"That's amazing. He'll get smarter with him", Shin-ae laughed, making the male's tongue stick out at her.

"I'll introduce you to them next time more precisely. By the way, dude, don't you have exams?", Beomgyu asked as he saw Shin-ae just taking up all the snacks and comfortably watching TV.

"Had you missed me a little more then you would have known that my exams are already over and I'm here on a vacation", Shin-ae just stuffed her food while keeping her eyes on the screen.

"Yeah, sure! Mine are knocking on the door and I feel like running away", Beomgyu said before skipping to his room.

He quickly locked the door properly and went to his attached balcony. He took out his phone and didn't even waste a second to ring upon a certain number.

" _ Hello? _ " _ ,  _ the voice answered after two rings. Beomgyu felt like it sounded somewhat enervated.

"Hyunie, you aren't upset, right?", he still asked, keeping his voice low.

" _ No, Hyung. It's okay _ ". But Beomgyu can always sense when something is wrong with the younger's mood. He takes it as the younger will tell him if it’s something he needed to know.

"Listen, as I said, I  _ had _ a crush on her. But I don't have feelings for her now, okay? She's a part of my past. She's just a friend, nothing more. You're my present", Beomgyu spoke slowly and his last words made Taehyun a little shy.

" _ Yeah, it's okay. You don't have to think too-” _

"Hey, dude! Come, have dinner", Shin-ae knocked on the door, making both Beomgyu and Taehyun gasp.

"I've to go now. Bye. Take care", Beomgyu quickly said while walking towards the door.

" _ I lov- _ ", Taehyun couldn't finish his sentence as the call already disconnected.  _ He didn’t say that he loves me like he always does? It’s okay, it’s just this once _ .  


He looked on the screen and sighed.  _ Yeah, she's just a friend _ .

**_"And soon he's gonna leave you for her"_ **

**_"Because you don't deserve love"_ **

Taehyun grabbed his head with his two hands.  _ How did they become louder? _

He had nothing to do but just wait till they stop, laying down on the bed with teary eyes staring at the ceiling and clenching his jaw, enduring the pain.

***

It's 2 am and Beomgyu just woke up. He had this habit since he was little, waking up in the middle of the night. He always strolled around the house or drank some water or just scrolled through his SNS and then again fell asleep.

He walked out of his room while rubbing his eyes but a sound caught his attention. It's the terrace of his house. So he tiptoed to the terrace and the sound became clearer.  _ Who's sobbing at this hour!? _

He pushes the slider slightly and the sight shocks him. It's Shin-ae, his best friend. She's sitting on the floor, head hanging low, knees pulled against her chest. She's…. _ crying? _

"Yaa", Beomgyu ran towards her and put his hands on her shoulders. "Why are you crying, buddy? What happened?"

She looked up with her teary eyes and then hugged Beomgyu as more tears followed.

"Calm down, Shin-ae", Beomgyu consoles while patting her head. "If you want to talk about it, I’m here. So don't hesitate"

Shin-ae relaxes and takes a deep breath. "It's about him", she confesses. "It's about Heejung oppa"

"Okay. I'm listening", Beomgyu pulls away but still comforts his friend.

Shin-ae had a long time crush on this guy, a senior, Na Heejung. Apparently, Beomgyu's crush on Shin-ae faded away when he realized that Heejung sunbaenim is the one she likes and although he was known as the one-who-has-everything, this guy was the ultimate campus crush. Now, the thing is Shin-ae is really open about her feelings. So, of course, she openly pinned after this sunbae, let him know about her feelings. But after years of pinning, she recently found out he's dating someone from his university. Well, that was bound to happen because he would always deny her proposal saying she's immature to realize that it's just an infatuation. But Shin-ae never thought that she would feel this bad about the matter and ran away to free her mind.

"And when I asked him what is it that she has but I don't, he only answered that I'm a kid for him, he’s always seen me as a little sister", Shin-ae rants.

"Okay okay. You need to calm down and stop crying", Beomgyu rubs her hair.

"Tell me, Beommie. Ain't I pretty? Is my hair ugly? Is it about my body? I even went on a diet for him. Is my dressing sense not good enough? Or is it about my personality? Why didn't he look at me for just once?", Shin-ae sobs more.

"Look at me", Beomgyu finally catches her attention by cupping her cheeks to look into him and gulp.

"Do not judge yourself for others. If someone doesn't like you for who you are then the feelings aren't real. If he doesn't like you then let it be. He isn't the only guy for you. You'll eventually find the right one", Beomgyu's words made her silent.

"And one more thing. You are pretty. No one is ugly. It's just how we see them. You have one of the best personalities I've ever seen. You're friendly and you make people laugh. Anyone would miss out if they don't date you. So, chill", Beomgyu appreciates, making her look away from embarrassment.

Finally, Beomgyu gets up to leave and says to relax her mind before heading to bed.

"Hey...the thing is I didn’t tell my mother about him but she knew I was kinda off about something and we had a terrible argument so I ran away. I might flunk in most of the subjects and she’s gonna give me a good hearing that I don’t wanna hear”, she admits as she fidgets her fingers while staring at her own feet.

"Silly” Beomgyu chuckles after listening to her words, making her look at him with a confused expression. “You really thought I didn't miss you huh? I know everything. It's okay. You can stay here as long as you wish. But head back before the end of your vacation. I’m guessing you’ll have to take the re-test. You really can't give up on studies because of a crush, for God's sake", he says. looking over his shoulder.

"Thanks, Beommie", Shin-ae smiles weakly.

"I'm your friend. I'll be there every time you need me. We can hang out together while you're here to lighten up your mood. You can always rely on me", Beomgyu ensures before walking out of the sight.

Shin-ae sits there for a while. And then she chuckles.

"Yeonjun oppa was right", she mumbles.

"I regret not acknowledging his feelings earlier"

She finally got up and went back to her room, wishing for a good sleep but it may not come tonight.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare yourselves because Taehyun is going to have a little hard time


	18. Perfect

It's early in the morning when Taehyun wakes up, weak. He gets off the bed and stumbles, not too hard to fall. He can't let himself be weak. It's the exam week.

He does his normal routine and leaves for school. When he reaches the regular spot, the older isn't there. He did leave messages but Beomgyu didn’t see them. So, he walks by himself and when he's about to wait for him in front of his house, he sees a familiar figure in the distance.

It's Beomgyu and who's that? _Oh! Shin-ae Noona._ They're linking arms and heading towards the school.

 _"_ **_You wish and she gets_ ** _"_

Taehyun scrunches his nose and covers his ears. He decides to walk to school on his own today. But he needs to calm his mind, so he heads to another place first.

When he finally reaches the school, the older is nowhere to be seen although it’s pretty late. He sees his group of friends and walks up to them.

"Taehyunie", Yeonjun flings his arm around him while Hueningkai gives him a belly rub. "Why didn't you come with us today?"

"Uhh I woke up late today", he lies. Because when he started walking for the school, tears were welling up and if he didn't let them out at that moment, he would be in a messy state. So, he went to the hill at the back of the school, his favorite spot to calm his nerves, and relaxed there for a bit.

"This isn't fun. Even Beomgyu hyung went on a morning date. And it was only three of us", Hueningkai pouts.

"Mo-Morning Date?", Taehyun asks in a shaky voice, unnoticed by his friends.

"Yes! With that would-be girlfriend of his. God! Listen to everyone's gossip. It's all about them this morning", Soobin adds.

 _Would-be girlfriend?_ Taehyun thinks as his heart compresses a little.

Taehyun looked around and tried to hear some. And yes, they are about them indeed. People were really talking about how they never saw Beomgyu being so close to a girl, let alone go on a date. And of course, the people who saw them together were sure that there's something going on between them and they'll soon be a couple. What is he supposed to feel right now?

***

At lunchtime the whole cafeteria becomes busy, discussing the exams but Taehyun can't see any of his friends.

He then looks around a little more but he has no choice to head back to his class as he has no other friends without them.

Suddenly someone grabs onto his hands, giving him a paper and walks away quickly before he can even see the face.

 _What is this?_ , Taehyun thinks while unfolding the paper.

" _At our regular, quick_ ", it says. Taehyun sighs but obliges.

He sneaks into the terrace while looking around and shuts the door. Before his eyes find the older, he feels himself pulled.

"Babe! I missed you", Beomgyu pouts while hugging the younger.

"Hyung, where are others?", Taehyun inquires without replying that he missed the older too.

Beomgyu frowns but then shrugs. "Guess they're helping the teachers. I didn't see them in the cafeteria earlier", he speaks while pulling away.

"I see. What is it? Why did you call me here?", the brunette finally wants to know.

"Uhh Taehyun. It's about us...I don't know how to say it", Beomgyu stands straight, looking anywhere but at the younger.

 _It isn’t something bad, is it?_ , Taehyun's heart clenches at the thought.

"I-I'm all ears. Tell m-me", Taehyun tries his best not to stutter.

"Actually, the thing is I won't be able to spend time with you. Only this exam period okay?", Beomgyu finally looks at the younger.

"Why is it, hyung? Am I distracting you?", the brunette asks, being uneasy.

"No!", the older puts his hands on his shoulders. "It's just... it's my friend, Shin-ae. She needs some help with her broken heart and I want to be a good friend to her as long as she's here. So, I won't be able to walk you home or walk together to school”

Taehyun thinks for a moment. " ** _He's developing feelings and he'll soon leave you_** ". He shuts his eyes and tries to send the voice back.

"Sure. You should spend time with her. After all, she's your friend", Taehyun smiles softly.

Beomgyu hugs him as an act of gratitude. "Aahh one more thing", he pulls away a little bit and Taehyun nods, gesturing that he's listening.

"Let's stay away from each other, okay? I don't want her to know that her best friend is dating a boy. I promise I'll make it up to you on the vacations", Beomgyu pleads.

" ** _He's too ashamed of you and this relationship_** "

Taehyun smiles again. "Okay. Whatever you want"

Happily, Beomgyu leans forward to kiss him. And the younger let him whole-heartedly.

When the school ends, he walks with the other four as Beomgyu leaves with his friend to take her out. Sure, it makes Taehyun's heart a little heavy, well actually a lot heavy. But he can't be that petty to come between two childhood friends. And he can’t just question his hyung like that, never.

It's just the voices inside his head. Those are making him feel pathetic.

He thought he could handle it like he always did. But he didn't know that seeing the older constantly with Shin-ae being all hands wrapped around and the older not messaging or calling him like before, which decreased day by day, would trigger them. The worst was people started thinking they were a couple and always talked about how good they look together.

***

"Mind if I take him away?", Shin-ae interrupted the secret couple, connecting her arms with the older while Taehyun was just about to start a conversation. Of course, it wasn’t going to be a ‘romantic’ conversation, just exams and other stuff.

It's been so long since they last talked. Because they weren't connecting through phones and exams were keeping them busy. Although Taehyun's inside voices were eating him up, he tried his best for the exams as studies are the only way to distract himself.

"N-No", Taehyun replied with a smile and Beomgyu quickly bid him farewell and started walking.

"They're perfect for each other", Yeonjun said while waiting for Soobin and Hueningkai as Taehyun kept staring at the two friends walking away.

"Huh?", Taehyun snapped out of his thoughts.

"Don't you think so too, hyunie?", the older fling is arm around his small frame.

He looked at the direction of them once again, too occupied enjoying the company to even look back at the younger. "Y-Yeah, they are", his voice came too small.

"They would make the best couple, trust me. Their personalities go well with each other", Yeonjun squealed. "They're friends since they were kids and their families are on good terms too. Both are rich and their fathers are business partners. Damn! They're like some celebrity couple. Oh my God! What if they end up marrying each other?"

Yeonjun just couldn't hide his excitement. Well, you can't blame him for shipping his two dongsaengs especially when one of them used to like the other and the other also realized her feelings.

But Taehyun's heart sank on those words. He was so thankful that Soobin and Hueningkai finally appeared that moment otherwise the oldest would notice his misery.

He walked to his home, head filled with thoughts. He suddenly stumbled on his legs and fell on the ground. People around him offered to help but he assured that he could manage. And he ended up at his apartment with a limping leg.

***

As the exams were coming to the end and they managed all these days without contacting, Taehyun started to miss the older too much. Not that he didn’t before but this time it was more than missing. He really felt like calling over his boyfriend and spend some time together. So he picked up his phone. He went through his SNS for a short time. Yes, he wasn’t that active on his social media but he kind of had a good amount of followers.

But then something caught his eyes. Beomgyu posted a picture of him and Shin-ae in the movies. He scrolled the feed and found tons of pictures of them together. It was either mirror selfies, or them walking and laughing together, cute selfies and some candids by Hyunjin and Jeongin.

He smiled at those although he felt a little sad. _Hyung looks so beautiful in these pictures._

Sure, before getting into a relationship with the older, he always thought about how they would be if they dated although he never got his expectations high. But daydreaming isn’t bad, is it? Beomgyu always had a soft spot for everyone, so it wouldn’t be a surprise if he treated his ‘special one’ differently, more lovingly. Now that he’s the one, he knows Beomgyu more than anyone else. The older had slight anger issues even though he was cheerful most of the time. And yes, he really treated Taehyun differently but that was just in some specific places with totally no audience.

It stings but Taehyun can handle it, he really can. That’s what he reminds himself every day. He always wanted to go out somewhere fun, be it movies or parks and click pictures with him while drinking the same coffee or wearing the same outfits. He wanted to be in Beomgyu’s feed, pictures of them together uploaded with cute captions and people commenting about how cute they are. All those feels like a long lost dream now.

Although it’s kinda late at night, with a deep breath and a smile plastered on his face, he dials the number. It tells him to leave a message after the beep, thrice. And he gets worried. _What if something’s wrong?_ So he dials once more and after two rings, the call connects.

“Hyung! how-”  
  


“ _Hyunie?_ ”, the older whisper yells. “ _Why did you ring at this hour? I and my friends are group studying for the next exam and out of nowhere your call interrupted and my friends asked me why you were calling as you’re a junior and you need to prepare for exams too. What am I supposed to answer, huh?_ ”, he speaks slowly as manages to excuse himself from the boys.

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t want to interrupt”, he says, trying to sound normal. “It’s just that I was worried and I was uhh….missing you”, he continues with an almost inaudible voice.

“ _I get it but I told you not to call or message me, right? My friends are staying with me most of the time. Please understand”,_ Beomgyu softens a little and Taehyun hums apologetically.

“Uh hyung? You look good on those pictures. The ones you posted on your SNS”, the brunette speaks with laudatory.

“ _That’s it? Is that why you’re calling me at this hour? To praise me?_ ”, the older vents, making Taehyun gasp. “ _And I thought it was something serious”_

“Why are you speaking this way, hyung? You’re the one who’s ignoring me. I just wanted to talk to you”, Taehyun argues back.

“ _I’m not ignoring you, Taehyun. We’ve agreed together on this matter. So stop being dramatic and go to sleep. You have exams tomorrow_ ”, the older scoffs.

“As you wish”, the younger says in a defeated tone. “I love-”

And before he completes, the call disconnects. He moves the phone from his ears to look at it, the picture of him and the older on display. But he can’t see it properly because of the blurry eyes.

“It’s okay. It’ll be alright”, he says to himself before curling into a ball. He didn’t even notice the tears rolling down his cheek. He just kept repeating those words until he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't kill me y'all


	19. Hope

Apparently, everyone's exams are over except for the 1st year students. So their vacations started early. Today was the last exam for them as well.

As Taehyun is a genius, he did quite well despite the tiring turmoil of his mind. But yeah, his appearance was getting wearier as he couldn't sleep these days. They just won't let him.

He knew his best friend Hueningkai had to go to his Art & Crafts club for some small paperwork and had some practical instrument tests left, so he had to walk home alone today. He starts walking past the hallways but then stops when he feels a hand on his shoulder. And when he turns around, a frown takes place in his face because he didn’t expect the person.

“So? How are you?”, Sewoon greets with a smile and Taehyun just nods before walking again. He knows exactly why Sewoon is here and so he tries to walk faster. But the other quickly catches him up.

“You know why I’m here! Why are you denying something so visible, Taehyun?”, Sewoon fumes as he stands before the smaller so that he can’t escape anymore.

“What are you talking about?”, Taehyun snaps, gazing anywhere but the taller.

Sewoon reaches forward to grab Taehyun by his arms and gives him a little shake to look at him. “I’m talking about Beomgyu hyung. Stop dreaming about him already. Why can’t you just see he’s totally forgotten you? He is straight as _you_ told me earlier and he is done with eyeing you all the time as _I_ told you”, he emphasizes. “Stop hurting yourself by waiting for him because it’s never gonna happen”

“ ** _Stop dreaming_** ”“ ** _You’re not worth it_** ”

Taehyun shuts his eyes for a second. And then moves the boy’s hands from him, it may seem rude but he could care less.

“I don’t care if I’m dreaming. If it’s about Beomgyu hyung, I can hurt myself a thousand times, every day. So, stop bothering”, he sputters but not too loud. And he walks away leaving Sewoon to look at his way with hurtful eyes.

Little did they know that there was a curl head staring at them with a slight frown from a classroom not too far away. Although he couldn't hear the conversation, he was sure that the air surrounding them was too bitter.

“Kai-ah”, Doyum nudges lightly to tear the stare. “Why don’t you just tell Sewoon that you like him?” His question makes the taller gasp and shush him at the moment his crush enters the classroom and greets him with a soft smile before walking to his seat.

“He likes Taehyun”, Hueningkai whispers. “He even first talked to me to find out about Taehyun. I can’t just butt in. I’ve to wait for the right time”, he sighs. And Doyum can only shrug at the love triangle.

***

Taehyun finally walks out of the school building. He took out his earphones earlier and put them on to ignore the world because everyone was just too busy gossiping about how they saw Beomgyu and his 'girlfriend' here and there.

But someone catches his attention when he walks out of the school gate.

_Shin-ae Noona? What's she doing here?_

Her eyes meet his and she waves her hands enthusiastically before flashing a bright smile and of course, Taehyun returns. She then walks up to the younger quickly.

"Noona! What brings you here? Beomgyu hyung's exams are over and-"

"Silly", Shin-ae cuts him off and ruffles his hair. "I'm not here for Beomgyu today, I'm here for you"

"M-Me?", the younger asks, surprised.

"Beommie needed to help his mother with something and finally allowed me to hangout myself today. I said I wanna go shopping. Well, you see I am planning to go back to Daegu but there are some matters I need to solve here", she shyly looks away.

"And I wanted to buy Beomgyu something as a memory. His mother told me you're really smart and even he talks about you a lot when we are together. Seems like you both are close enough", she chuckles.

"He talks about m-me?", a little hope glistens in his eyes and a small smile creeps on his lips.

"A lot! He’s always boasting about you. He tells me that you have an amazing voice, angelic. And you're fun to hang out", her smile gets even brighter and Taehyun feels so happy while hearing her words.

"Do you need my help to buy him something?", the younger finally asks.

"YES", Shin-ae immediately admits. "Kang Taehyun, you're indeed smart"

And that's how they find themselves walking to the souvenir stores and gift shops. They look through everything. Clothing, accessories, showpieces, you name it. But not a single thing is calling Beomgyu's name. Shin-ae doesn't seem to mind either as she believes whatever Taehyun will choose will be the best of all.

Taehyun was about to lose hope and suggest Shin-ae buy anything and that's when something caught his attention. He walks straight to a very cheap gift shop. Shin-ae follows him even though the shop is not too fancy.

"Uhm Taehyunie, are you sure we can find something good here? Don't you think the stuff here is a little bit...uhh-"

"Inexpensive?", Taehyun stops and looks at her but she just looks away smiling awkwardly.

"You see, it's not about the price. It's about the value, the feelings. I saw something which hyung will really like", Taehyun smiles before trailing off.

Shin-ae smiles softly and continues behind him.

Taehyun stands in front of a bracelet counter and picks up one from the hanging display. It's a simple silver bracelet with small dangling stars in it.

"This", Taehyun says holding the bracelet. "Beomgyu hyung loves the stars. You know, when he first came to Seoul, he only talked about how he missed going stargazing. He even has a window beside his bed, just to fall asleep while looking at the stars", his eyes sparkle while explaining.

"Have you been to his room?", Shin-ae asks which totally caught Taehyun off guard.

"Y-Yes", a tiny red spread on his cheeks and he prays to evaporate in the air. "I've o-only been once. I needed a...a book and he m-made me wait there so th-that's how I n-noticed", he tries to lie.

Shin-ae chuckles at his cuteness. "Hey, it's okay. You didn't need to tell me the whole story"

"Okay then, how is it? You wanna buy this for him?", Taehyun finally holds it up in front of her.

"Of course. If you're saying he'll like it then I'm sure he'll _love_ it. I am buying this", She takes the bracelet, calls out a staff member and finally pays for her gift.

They walk out of the shop and notice that it's already getting dark. But both of them are really tired of walking around the whole evening.

"You wanna eat something?", Shin-ae asks, breaking the silence but Taehyun denies.

"C'mon, I need to treat you for helping me", she says ruffling his hair.

"It's okay, Noona. It was you who paid. I just helped choose one. No big deal", Taehyun sincerely answers.

"Okay okay! But let's sit somewhere for a while, huh? I can see you're tired as I am. And yes, I'm buying you a drink at least. What do you like?"

And of course, Taehyun can never win against her, not when she has this personality similar to Beomgyu. So he gives in and asks for strawberry milk, something Beomgyu always buys him occasionally.

They soon find a bench near a small lake, around the area. Taehyun gulps down his drink silently. But Shin-ae's question makes him feel hot against his cheeks.

"Is there someone you like, Taehyun?"

"Uhh….yes. I d-do". Although Beomgyu has told him not to, he can never lie about his mind being occupied for someone. Sure thing, he doesn't take the name but he never really responds with 'no' if Beomgyu isn't in the view.

"Really? How does it feel? Liking someone?", Shin-ae asks while staring at the sky but Taehyun can tell she's really seeking an answer.

"Actually...I love him"

"Him?", She finally turns her head to face the younger.

"Yes. I uhh love….a boy", his voice comes out almost inaudible and he turns his head to the other side.

Shin-ae smiles as she pats his shoulder. "Hey! There's nothing wrong with liking boys. I mean, the world has much more important things to care about rather than two boys kissing"

"You think so?", Taehyun hopefully looks at her.

"Yeah. It's pretty normal. Although, I feel bad for all those girls who might be secretly crushing on you", she chuckles which earns a small laugh from the younger too.

"So? Answer my question?"

For the first time, Taehyun can speak about his feelings more comfortably.

"It feels magical. You know he has the brightest personality. His smile makes my day. Although he says that my eyes are really pretty, I find my whole world in his" Taehyun answers being lost in his thoughts of the older and smiles softly.

He continues with sparkling eyes, “I was so closeted before. I mean, I am still but I was too unsocial. And he made me open up. I can finally trust people because of him. He made me believe in myself. He always helps me to bring out the best version of myself. He completes my life as Yin completes Yang”

"Does he like you back?"

And the question brings all those voices back to him. Sewoon’s words play in repeat as well. He doesn't want to focus on them right now. His eyes start to well up but he tries to blink the tears away.

"I don't know anymore", a tear slips and he quickly wipes it off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, as I'm taking you on a bumpy ride, how about an interlude for the story? Do you guys wanna know how the two boys got together? Like who took the first step and all and how the other accepted? It may take two chapters.


	20. Without Him

The evening breeze hits softly as Shin-ae’s long hair blows and Taehyun’s cheeks sting because of his tears.

"Hey", Shin-ae quickly takes the brunette’s hands on hers. "I know. I've been in that position once. It really hurts but trust me, even if this doesn't work out, you'll find someone who can take better care of you". Taehyun can sense the shakiness in her voice.

"You know? Two weeks ago, I came here with a broken heart", she lets go and stares blankly at the lake. "I was so down that I fought my mom and ran away from my house. I only had one name in my mind, my best friend, Beomgyu", she smiles at the mention of his name but Taehyun's heart shrinks a little more.

"He liked me since we were little. But I never wanted to be more than friends with him. That night, when he soothed me, when he comforted me in his arms, I couldn't help but curse myself for being an idiot. I think… I think he still likes me and if that's the case then I won't back out this time", Shin-ae's face turns red but what about Taehyun? He only wants to drop this conversation and run away.

"What I'm trying to tell you is, you may not get the love of a person you want but love will find you anyways. I'm sure if this guy doesn't work out then you'll find someone special, maybe someone you already know, just like I found Beomgyu", she glances at the younger only to see his head hanging low.

"But I love him and him only. I love him more than I've loved anyone. To such an extent that it really hurts to even think about a life without him", he feels his tears drop on his lap.

Shin-ae quickly pulls him in a hug and rests her hand on his soft hair to comfort him.

"Looks like your feelings for this guy are much stronger than mine for Beomgyu. I really hope you can get together and be happy with him"

 _You're too sweet, Noona. I know I'm being selfish but I don't wish the same for you,_ Taehyun says in his mind as more tears follow.

After a comfortable hug, Shin-ae finally pulls away and suggests that they should head back before it gets too dark and they both walk away in silence.

***

Days pass away and finally, it’s a vacation for everyone which means Yeonjun is definitely going to ask for a party. But of course, none of them likes partying, especially Soobin because he will have to take care of a drunk Yeonjun which is pretty unsafe for his own ass.

So they end up in the Pink Café. Surprisingly, Seokjin is celebrating in his café, nothing fancy but just offering some alcohol and side dishes at each table. AFter all, who doesn’t like free food and drinks? Taehyun came to know that his long time boyfriend finally proposed to him and so he’s in an ecstatic mood. As his café is quite well-known in the area and the regulars, as well as his employees, have a good relationship with him, he wanted to spread the happiness in a memorable way. And because Yeonjun wanted to get together as soon as possible, Taehyun took this opportunity to call them in his workplace, even his worldwide handsome hyung is so happy to see them.

They were all together at the café, except Beomgyu and Shin-ae. Taehyun was sure that they're joining because their friends saved them seats. He is still on the working hours but Yeonjun is beckoning him to join them and of course, he is answering that he can't.

"Hey! They're your friends, right?", Seokjin asks while eyeing the situation to which Taehyun nods.

"You can go join them for a while. It’s a day full of happiness, so enjoy it. Besides, we have more workers", Seokjin smiles while patting his head.

"But hyung, what abo-"

"Trust me, it's okay. It's not like your friends come here daily and you worked during exams too. I won't cut from your salary. So go and give yourself a break"

Taehyun hugs him and mumbles a 'thank you' before going to his friends.

"Hyunie! Finally, you're here", Hueningkai stands and hugs him first. "I missed you"

"But we've seen each other almost daily", Taehyun hugs back but his words earn a pout from the youngest of all. Yeonjun and Soobin also catch up with him by hugging and asking how his exams went and how he did. Taehyun was about to take a seat when Yeonjun stopped him.

"We're saving these two seats for Shin-ae and Beomgyu. We want them to sit together", Yeonjun winks, making the younger's smile drop. But somehow he takes the other seat beside Soobin.

Moments later, Beomgyu and Shin-ae come in arms linking and Taehyun's expression lightens at the sight of the older. At this point, he doesn’t even care about the older being glued to his friend. He just wants a glimpse of him. They haven't been contacting each other for a while as Beomgyu requested him not to. It was just 'good morning's, 'good night's and 'be back home safe's from the older.

They wave at the group and all of them wave back. Yeonjun offers them the side by side seats and they take it. Taehyun hasn't looked into anyone since Beomgyu entered. He's trying to make eye contact because it has been so so long since they even talked properly.

They met eyes, Taehyun is sure they did and he gives a smile. But the older just saw it and nodded slightly, didn't smile back. He could feel the uneasy knot in his stomach.

" ** _He doesn't want you_** "

He shuts his eyes for a moment to calm down and then opens again but Beomgyu isn't even looking at Taehyun's direction.

“Is this café always this cheerful?”, Shin-ae asks, eyeing the festive atmosphere.

“Nope!’, Soobin answers. “We haven't been here a lot but it’s not always this cheery. Today is special”

“Yeah, you see the owner there?”, Yeonjun asks, pointing towards Seokjin, who is currently hitting notes of the song ‘ _Moon’_ and taking turns to dance around happily with the customers on the other side of the place, making Shin-ae nod.

“His boyfriend is one of the best doctors in Seoul National Hospital, Kim Namjoon. Soobin’s father knows him very well. They’ve been dating for ages and they’re finally getting married soon”, he continues, gulping down his bulgogi.

“Oh my God! That’s so great!”, Shin-ae squeals.

They keep eating their food and talk about stuff. Most of the talking is done by Shin-ae. She’s really a talkative girl and she has amazing humor which leads everyone to laugh like a maniac. But Taehyun's mind is still fixed on the older. Finally, Beomgyu's eyes meet him once again and he wants to say something, he wants him to say something, anything.

"Taehyun-ah! Isn't it working hours for you?" Beomgyu's question makes him stare at him. _He wants me to go away from here?_

"Wouldn't you lose your job if you keep hanging out with your friends while you're at work?", Beomgyu throws another question.

"Hey but the owner permitted him to-"

"It's okay, Soobin hyung", Taehyun stands from his seat. "I should get back to work", he walks away, hiding his tears.

“Be back soon if you can”, Shin-ae yells at him and he slightly nods with a forced smile.

They did find it weird because the owner really wouldn't mind. Although they thought that Beomgyu's concern was logical too.

“Taehyunie!”, Seokjin grabs his arm to stop him and he just gestures him to continue because it may be a little difficult to talk with the lump in his throat.

“Why don’t you sing a song after they finish? ”, he asks hopefully. Taehyun slightly looks at his co-workers Haechan, Chenle and Jisung singing ‘ _Best Day Ever_ ’ in the middle of the café as everyone is enjoying their performance.

“M-Me?”, the smaller stutters. “I don’t think I ca-”

“Come on!”, Seokjin cuts him. “There’ll be a short break before you perform. Aren’t you happy for your hyung? Please just sing for me? Only one song! Pleasee~~”, he pouts.

“Fine”, Taehyun gives in. “I will but I really need to use the washroom right now”, he says looking down at his feet so Seokjin doesn’t notice the brimming tears.

“Yay! Thank you so much”, the older side hugs as if he’s a baby. “Be quick”, he ruffles the soft brown hairs before walking away.

Taehyun rushes into the washroom, enters a stall and locks himself up. He lets all those tears flow, he can't sob loud here but he tries to let them out as much as he can.

" ** _He doesn't love you, he never did_** "

"Stop", he mumbles.

" ** _You lose, I win_** "

"Please stop", he puts his hands around his head.

" ** _He was only using you_** "

His eyes flick open.

" ** _He only needed to-_** "

"That's not t-true", he can feel his knees weaken.

" ** _See yourself in the mirror. What do you have in yourself that would make a straight guy fall for you?_** "

_Right! What do I have to make him stay?_

And the next question in his mind makes him shiver as he sits on the floor, hugging his knees tightly.

_What if he really just u-used me?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why but I really feel discouraged about this story. Maybe it's the storyline or maybe it's just too boring. But I feel like it just doesn't leave anyone wanting more. I don't know, everything makes me so demotivated to such extent that I just feel like unpublishing it :( I'm sorry for being childish


	21. Yellow Petals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, Thank you so much for supporting me and my work. I got lost on my tracks and wasn't confident of my story because someone inboxed me saying that my story didn't make any sense. I was so upset and unsure that I wanted to unpublish it. But y'all showed me so much support that I HAD to change my decision. This is the first time I'm trying writing and I worked on it for a while. It took me a lot of courage to even publish the first chapter. And I thought I just couldn't do such injustice to my story and my readers (who actually love it) by leaving it unfinished. I'm a strong girl and I won't back out!
> 
> Second, Beomgyu suggested the song 'Dandelion' by OOHYO and it's stuck in my head since the time I first heard it. I just had to add the masterpiece in my story. Thanks to him for this and the singer is also really talented.
> 
> Third, asdfghjklqwrypbcoutw TAEGYU went live together after straight three months. Bish, I missed them so much. I cry T_T
> 
> Enough of my childish ranting, now enjoy.

Taehyun couldn't speak or move for a while. Thank god the break lasted longer than he expected. But he had to come out of that little bathroom stall sooner or later. And that was reminded to him when his phone vibrated, notifying a new message from Seokjin, telling him the break's almost over.

He took deep breaths and let his body relax before coming out of the stall. He washed his face properly before preparing to leave. He starts to walk but then bumps into someone.

"I'm sor-"

"Taehyun-ah! Uhh how are you doing lately?", the ash-blonde asks, making the mentioned boy look up to him. And before he can shove the younger away, Taehyun hugs him tightly.

"I missed you, hyung"

"I missed you too hyunie but you shouldn't be hugging me like that. Someone might see us", Beomgyu pats his hair light without hugging him back.

"I don't care, hyung. I need you by my side right now", his eyes well up.

Beomgyu grabs Taehyun's arms and makes him stand straight.

"I know. Please wait for a little. Right now, it's too unsafe. And why were you staring at me like that back then? Hyunie, I told you not to do that. You weren't looking away so I had to send you off. We could've been caught", the older sighed. Taehyun just stares at him blankly for some minutes.

"I'm sorry", he quickly apologizes and walks out of the washroom leaving the older by himself.

"Come on, Beomgyu!", the ash-blonde mumbles himself, facepalming. "He was also missing me! I should've at least hugged him properly"  
  
And the fact that he landed here on the washroom was because he was actually looking for a certain brunette as he was going crazy for the vanilla-caramel scent, just remained untold.

He waited there for some moment to curse himself for being so chicken to even hold his love in a closed area. How can they get caught in a washroom, for God's sake? But still, the thought stung in his mind and he just ended up hurting Taehyun, once again.

Beomgyu's train of thoughts stopped when he heard Seokjin's voice in the mic, announcing that Taehyun is going to perform now. He could hear the music tunes hitting and he quickly went out to see Taehyun seated in a bar stool, glowing under the golden lights with a mic stand in front of him in the middle of the café. He slowly walked to his seat ignoring all the sound, eyes glued to the beautiful brunette. And then, his ears were blessed when Taehyun leaned forward to start, locking eyes with him.

_ “Shall we hold hands? _

_ Let's put the past behind us _

_ Please tell me you love me” _

Beomgyu was so captivated that he bumped into a worker and Taehyun noticed him flash his precious idiotic smile and apologize. And then he sat on his seat without blinking, his gaze still locked with the brunette.

_"Let's go to my neighborhood_

_Please smile comfortably_

_Like the yellow petals_

_Lightly land on my heart_

_Will you pass me by with the wind?_

_Will you be planted in my heart?_

_In an unintentional step_

_I will turn back in pain"_

Beomgyu turned his face away, blushing profusely. He sees the glasses filled with alcohol on the table and quickly takes a sip. It's not too strong as Soobin requested Seokjin earlier because Yeonjun will get too drunk and how couldn't Seokjin keep his request?

That's why Beomgyu kept on pouring and gulping down, making Taehyun a little frown. His friends were startled at his actions but Yeonjun who's already tipsy af kept on clapping for him.

_"Even crumpled leaves_

_I put it in a pretty book_

_I want to give it to you only_

_I want to tell you that I love you_

_I love you, my dear_

_Just the way you are_

_All your tears_

_I want to wipe them away_

_Come to me, my dear_

_I wait for you every day_

_I will laugh a lot_

_A lot for you_

_I will laugh a lot"_

By this moment, Beomgyu became tipsy as well. He couldn't move properly and started to fall off his posture, colliding with Shin-ae, making her worried.

"Dude! Stop drinking so much, will you?", Shin-ae whisper yells as Yeonjun keeps them teasing.

"Buddy~~ Didn't I tell you he sounds like an angel?? Omo~ so prettttyy~~", the ash-blonde sings bringing a hand on his chest while keeping his head on her shoulder.

"My phooonneee~ I waannaa record.....where is it?", Beomgyu tries to sit up and look for his phone, he placed on the table earlier but it's not there now.

"I handed it over to a worker so that he could record it for us, okay? You relax", she pulls Beomgyu to help him keep his head on her shoulder again.

This time, Taehyun looks away, hurt. Although he couldn't hear them, the sight was painful enough.

"But noona, why his phone?", Hueningkai asks curiously.

"Uhh It was starting so suddenly and his phone was right on the table, so I just didn't think too much", Shin-ae admits, scratching her neck. And the both tallest boys just nod, trying to keep Yeonjun's balance.

Meanwhile, Taehyun feels too odd right now. He just wants to leave everything and run away. He wishes to evaporate in the air or just get eaten by the ground. But he doesn't feel like staying here, entertaining everyone when his life feels like a joke.

But he knows that he can't just walk away from the middle of his performance. After all, Seokjin's life isn't a joke as his. So he takes one more look at Beomgyu's direction to see him getting patted on his head by Shin-ae. He could see Shin-ae smiling at him.

 _Yeonjun hyung was right. They're perfect for each other_.

He takes one deep breath and closes his eyes to start the second verse of the song.

_"Shall we hold hands?_

_(How much I love you!)_

_Give me a hug today_

_(How long I waited for you!)_

_Let's dance now_

_Why? Why do you keep trying to get away from me?_

_Let's go to my neighborhood_

_Why? Why do you keep letting me go?_

_Letting me go~_

_Will you disappear like the wind?_

_Will you fill up my heart?_

_Even if it's time to rest_

_Will you be my home?_

_Rain water soaks me_

_Even if I blur my eyes_

_I want to see you_

_I want to be with you_

_I love you, my dear_

_Just the way you are_

_All of your time_

_I want to be together_

_Come to me, my dear_

_Let's walk together_

_I will make you laugh_

_I will make you laugh even more_

_Forever~"_

The place goes wild clapping for him. Taehyun opens his eyes and stands on his feet to bow with a slight smile. Seokjin walks up to him and pats his back.

"Go Taehyunieee", Yeonjun yells out to him with a glass on his hand before Soobin quickly tells him to lower his voice. Hueningkai, Soobin and Shin-ae shot their thumbs up at him as well.

"I knew you would nail it. Thank you so much", Seokjin hugs the smaller.

"Congratulations, hyung", Taehyun hugs back before pulling away to look at a certain ash-blonde.

His eyes do find him but what he sees is Shin-ae nudging his loved one to hand over his phone with a smile. And Beomgyu looks at his phone as if she's showing him his world. He smiles widely, first at the phone and then at his friend, suddenly pulling her into a hug as their friends gasp at his action and then giggle.

 _I was never in that picture, I can never be_.

Will he ever come to know that it was his performance video Beomgyu was smiling to and indeed, he meant the whole world to him?


	22. Don't

" _ **Everything else is more important to him than your existence**_ "

Taehyun looks onto the table where his friends are sitting. Yeonjun and Beomgyu were handed hangover drinks earlier. He sees Beomgyu calming down after puking twice but Yeonjun was somewhat alright because he’s a heavy drinker but he’s got his boyfriend to take care of him as well. Soobin and Hueningkai were having real hard times with the Choi cousins. Finally, when Hueningkai and Beomgyu return from the washroom, Shin-ae takes the ash-blonde’s hands and make him seat, asking if he’s feeling okay.

Taehyun has this very strong urge to run to him but he refrains to do so because, of course, his boyfriend may not like it. Besides, he’s sure that he isn’t needed there and the older seems pretty fine now.

He walks to Seokjin carefully, hiding his weak legs and the dizziness he's feeling. Thankfully, his handsome boss was in a remote area of the café.

"Hyung, can I call it a day here?"

"Sure. But I already told you that it's okay to hang out with your friends. You didn't need to tell me"

"No, I'm heading home. I don't feel too well"

"Really? Should I inform them so that they can help you?", Seokjin asks worriedly.

"I've already done that", Taehyun lies. "No need to bother them anymore"

"Okay then". Worriedness still clear in his voice. "Please take care of yourself and you can have a day off whenever you want", he pats the younger's shoulder before letting him go.

Taehyun uses the back door but before heading out he eyes the ash-blonde one last time. The party mood isn’t totally over yet, so he's sure none would notice him.

Little did he know that someone actually looked in his direction and frowned.

The brunette limps his way to his apartment and successfully reaches without tripping on the way. He relaxes under the warm shower and puts on his pajamas. Quickly he plops on his bed. Tired.

Taehyun tries his best to sleep but his head and chest burns. He tries to recall the last time two of them were here. If only Beomgyu showered him with love every day!

But things never happened as Taehyun wanted. Beomgyu surely loved him, Taehyun knew he did but he only shows it whenever he wants to, not whenever Taehyun needs it.

However, he closes his eyes and maybe even for a minute he drifts in sleep.

***

Beomgyu watches the younger to head towards the back door and frowns.

"Excuse me", he gets up when everyone is a little busy while cleaning up. Although there were workers around, Soobin and Shin-ae at least wanted to help because their table was a huge mess.

He makes his way to the counter where Seokjin and the other employees are working.

"Seokjin hyung?"

"Yes?", Seokjin immediately responds.

"Where did Taehyunie go right now?", the ash-blonde asks while looking at the back door.

"You don't know? I thought he told me he has informed his friends", Seokjin mumbles, scratching his neck.

"Aahh he must've told them when I was in the washroom", the ash-blonde smiles awkwardly.

"It's okay. He left early today. He said he wasn't feeling well so I let him. I'm actually thinking of giving him a day off. The boy worked here during his exams as well. He must be really tired", Seokjin mentions while thinking how hard it is for the younger to live by himself.

"Really? He did?", Beomgyu regrets not keeping in touch with the younger. His head hurts thinking that the younger must've felt left out.

And when he joins his friends back, he can neither smile nor talk properly. He just wants to go to his boyfriend but can't say it out loud. Besides, why would he worry so much about the younger when they're not even that close? I mean, in front of their friends they hardly even sit together. So that would make everyone question him and no, he isn't ready to answer that yet.

When they all get up to leave, Soobin finally notices that Taehyun hasn't been in the café. He looks around properly but couldn’t find him.

"Guys? Where's Taehyun?", he asks and the others just look at each other's face in confusion because they too didn't know.

 _Did he... Did he lie to Seokjin hyung?_ , Beomgyu contemplates.

"Seokjin hyung informed me that he wanted to head home because he wasn't feeling too well. He even worked during exams", Beomgyu apprises.

"Aahh yes", Soobin rubs his head remembering something. "Yeah, he told me that he was going to work during the exam period as well. Then he must be really tired. We shouldn't have come here today"

"Yeah, we could've gone together somewhere once he had enough rest. He couldn't even join us today", Hueningkai pouts.

"Soobinnie, should we pay him a visit now?", Yeonjun asks worriedly.

"I don't think it's a good time", Beomgyu interrupts before anyone speaks. "He must've slept by now. Why disturb his sleep?"

And they all agree that they should let him rest tonight and can hang out later. They all congratulate Seokjin for his wedding and thank him for the evening, and then they walk up to their homes, regretting not looking after their dear friend. They promise themselves that next time they'll pamper him with love.

But Beomgyu doesn't want to wait for the next time. He walks Shin-ae to his house but doesn't go inside with her.

"Aren't you coming? It's not safe to roam around at this hour", Shin-ae holds his wrist.

But he manages to free himself, not rudely though. "It's okay. My friend lives around here. I lent him a book a while ago but I think he forgot to give it back", he lies. “If it’s too late, I might just stay there”

And before Shin-ae again stops him, his legs already start walking.

***

" _ **Nobody cares about you**_ "

" _ **You'll be left all alone, you filthy roach**_ "

Taehyun wakes from his sleep nth time. He feels too tired to get them out of his head. But then he senses another presence. Except him, there's someone on his bed. So he turns around.

"Hyung", his eyes widen as he sits up. "W-What are you doing here? You should've told me that you were coming"

The ash-blonde sits up as well and hugs him. "Didn't want to disturb you. You were sleeping so peacefully. Why did you wake up?"

 _Peacefully, you say?_ "No I just… I'm not being able to sleep", he slightly pulls away.

"Then we can do something else", the older caresses his cheeks.

"At this hour?", Taehyun gets confused by the sudden suggestion. "What is it?"

"You know it, Taehyun", Beomgyu whispers, rubbing his thumb against the younger's lips. "I can make you feel better"

Taehyun just stares at the older. It takes a while to interpret the information in his head and when he finally gets it, he finds himself laid on the bed with the older on top, kissing his lips and then unbuttoning his pajamas slightly to land kisses on his neck.

"Hyung", Taehyun calls, coldly.

"Beomgyu", the older reminds between his kisses while his hands find their way to the hem, tugging the pajama to reveal his small waist.

"Hyung, don't"

"Huh?", Beomgyu stops in his place, eyes widened.

"I don't want to do it", the younger answers before freeing himself to turn away.

“Why? D-Did I do s-something wro-”

“I just don’t feel like it”, he cuts bluntly.

"Oh, o-okay" Beomgyu doesn't force too much and lies there beside his boyfriend. They don't talk for a good while.

And then Taehyun feels the bed losing some weight as a little space frees up before hearing the main door close with a loud sound.

" ** _Told ya, he only wants to have fun with your body_** "

Taehyun can feel his tears drip on the pillow. Even his nose becomes extremely runny, it has happened before as well but this time his nose actually hurts. His stomach aches and his legs feel like jelly.

After a while of loud sobbing, he becomes exhausted and tries to get off the bed only to wobble. He reaches the washroom with his unsteady legs. He really needs to wash his face before trying one more time to sleep. But the sight in front of him brings more tears.

He looks himself in the mirror and touches his nostrils gently, only to coat his fingertips with crimson.

 _This isn't good_. He quickly limps back to his room and picks up his phone to dial a number which answers his call after a ring or two.

"Y-Yoongi Hyung?", his voice breaks. "I need your h-help"


	23. Confession

Beomgyu is getting ready, his mind totally absent. He is supposed to take Shin-ae at a nearby park as he promised. Besides, she seemed in a bad mood this morning. Her mom called her saying if she doesn't come home sooner, she's gonna cut all her allowance.

But Beomgyu’s kept thinking about that night when Taehyun pushed him away and his mood became much worse, thinking about what possibly he had done wrong. He badly wants to call Taehyun to apologize but as it’s vacation, Hyunjin and Jeongin don't even leave him alone for one second. And if he’s not playing video games or going to movies with them, it’s Shin-ae. He’s only by himself at the night time and that didn’t seem a good time to text or call the younger.

_I don’t wanna disturb his sleep._

It’s not like he dislikes his friends. But he can’t just message or call Taehyun in front of them. He just lacks that courage. He can’t even find a proper excuse.

_What if they accidentally see me messaging him?_

But he’s such an idiot that he didn’t even realize ignoring Taehyun this way will only make things worse.

However, he took a deep breath after tying his shoelaces and tried clearing his mind, his eyes met a giddy Shin-ae and he gave a bright smile.

Meanwhile, the mentioned female couldn't just hide her excitement. She is going to do it today, she’s promised herself.

They walk side by side together, Shin-ae reaching for his arms and Beomgyu explains how were the days when he first came here and how he met his friends. But Shin-ae can only concentrate on his face while he talks and smiles softly.

They walk together for a while and Shin-ae stops. She holds Beomgyu's wrist to stop him as well.

"What is it?", Beomgyu asks, confused.

"I have something for you", she says before searching her bag.

She takes out a small box and hands it to the ash-blonde, his expression still confused.

"Open it", she smiles shyly before Beomgyu obliges.

"Wow! It's... it's beautiful”, Beomgyu squeals, admiration visible in his sparkly eyes. “Hey! It's really pretty! How did you know that I love stars?" He just couldn't hold back his happiness.

"I've my own ways", Shin-ae chuckles as Beomgyu puts the bracelet around his wrist and plays with the dangling stars. He looks so adorable doing that.

"Hey Beommie?", she finally calls after clearing her throat.

"Hmm?", Beomgyu responds, still not taking his eyes off the gift.

"I need t-to make a...a c-confession", she stutters as big lumps form on her throat.

"Go on"

"I know you've liked me since we were kids. I just never wanted to be more with you. But trust me, the past days I spent with you, they made me realize that you're the one for me. And now, I really like you", she confesses under one breath, making Beomgyu look at her, wide-eyed.

"I'm sorry? What?", he asks, still not digesting the truth.

"I know", Shin-ae chuckles. "I know it's really hard to believe. But I want you to be my boyfriend", she stands in front of him and holds his both hands.

And before he can reply she leans forward and places a soft peck on his lips.

Beomgyu being too shocked by the action just stands there doing nothing. He still can't interpret the fact that Shin-ae, one of his best friends, the girl he used to like, actually likes him back now. What is he supposed to do with that information?

"So should I consider this as a 'yes'?, Shin-ae asks because of the silence, leaning forward once again.

And when she cups his cheeks, the ash-blonde decides that he _has to_ say something.

"Listen, I-", Beomgyu looks up to answer but something else catches his attention.

Big round eyes. The eyes he loves the most.

Even though the person is standing much further than them, he can clearly see the distress in his face, written in big capital letters.

"Shin-ae, let's talk about this later, okay? I need to be somewhere", Beomgyu speaks in a hurry before freeing himself and dashes out after a certain brunette.

***

Taehyun wasn't getting any better. That night he called his Yoongi hyung for help but he didn't understand what cause he should give because apparently, he promised Beomgyu that he won't tell anyone about their relationship, no matter what situation, not until the older comes out himself.

He just said that the voices suddenly appeared as he had a nightmare (he often did, actually) which his psychiatrist totally didn’t buy. Yoongi asked further questions because he was sure that the younger isn’t providing him all the information. However, Taehyun managed to ignore the specifications and got prescribed. But that didn’t remove the psychiatrist’s doubts.

He was becoming tired of his nose bleeding every night after that. Those voices were eating up his head and he felt like he might go lunatic any moment. He also felt bilious every now and then.

This morning Hueningkai called him to come over and play video games with the younger. It sounded like a good idea. He can freshen up his mind for a little while because he knows, at the end of the day, he has to suffer. Although he's used to it, it's never bearable.

And about his boyfriend? Well, he doesn't even know if the word 'boyfriend' is still the right one for the other. Because Beomgyu stopped texting him, not even the morning or night wishes were sent by him anymore and didn't even reply to his ones.

His wallpaper, the picture from the beach trip last year, which made him smile like crazy earlier, now only brought him pain.

"Yesssss", Hueningkai throws his hand in the air. "I won", he runs around to celebrate his victory before sticking his tongue out at the brunette.

"Hueningiee, you were cheating", Taehyun pouts.

"What?", the curly head scoffs. "No way! I didn't cheat. You didn't play the game properly and now when I won, you're being jealous", he defends himself.

"Okay okay", Taehyun accepts the defeat, raising his hands in the air. "Tell me, what should I buy for you?"

Hueningkai carefully thinks for a moment and his face lights up, an evil smirk visible.

"Uhh don't make me do something weird, okay?", Taehyun squints his eyes, noticing the smirk.

"Nothing much, hyunie", he flings his arm around the shorter. "Go buy some mint chocolate ice cream. We'll enjoy it together"

"Excuse me! You may enjoy that toothpaste but I'm definitely not going to touch it", he removes the hand.

"Ugh! Fine then. You can take whatever you want _but_ I want mint choco", Hueningkai says without another thought while crossing his arms.

"That's better", Taehyun sighs in relief which earns him a playful smack from the younger.

He quickly walks out of the house to head to the department stores.

The weather is nice today. Enough good for taking a stroll.

Past days have been a bit hard for him and he hasn't even stepped out of his home. So he decides to walk around. He thinks if it's possible then he would bring Beomgyu with him to walk. Although there's no guarantee that the older will agree to.

Beomgyu was supposed to spend the vacation with him, right? Well, there isn't something Taehyun can do as the older may feel too many eyes on them.

He walks around peacefully for a little more before deciding to enter a shop. But suddenly something catches his attention, _someone_ actually.

He looks carefully at the figure. It's... it's Beomgyu. The brunette smiles.

He contemplates if he should go and greet him or not. Absolutely, he should. And with that said he walks forward.

But then another familiar face comes in the view. _Shin-ae Noona? Of course, he would be with her_ , Taehyun chuckles at his own stupidity.

When he's about to walk away, something happens and he stops.

He feels his whole heart shrink at that moment. As if, it’s threatening to stop.

 _Did Shin-ae Noona just kiss him_? _T-Twice_?, Taehyun’s cheeks start to burn, eyes well up and legs tremble.

Beomgyu stares at her for a while and then when he's about to speak, Taehyun accidentally meets his eyes.

He just can't hide his tears, not now.

And he turns around to walk away.

Before he vanishes too far, he can hear the older calling his name several times. But he definitely isn't in the state of having a conversation right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold your breath for the next update. Also, pardon any mistakes, English isn't my first language😅


	24. Numb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains graphic descriptions of panic and pain. If this triggers you, please DO NOT READ.

"Taehyun! Wait", Beomgyu calls out louder. He has been chasing Taehyun for what seems like ages but the younger is still keeping his pace fast.

"Just listen to me. It's not what you think", Beomgyu tries to elucidate when he sees Taehyun totally not giving up.

But this time Taehyun stops, his legs aren't that strong right now.

"Then what is it?", Taehyun asks, facing the older. Hurt clearly visible in his eyes.

Beomgyu braces himself before speaking. “I was going to reject her nicely. I was just too shocked at her words to-”

"You could’ve just pushed her away", the brunette utters and then starts to take small steps towards the older.

"She's my  _ friend _ , Taehyun” Beomgyu emphasizes. “I can't do that", he shakes his head while looking at the younger’s eyes.

"And I'm your  _ boyfriend _ , hyung", the younger speaks louder, his voice rickety.

"Hush!" Beomgyu's eyes widen as he puts his index finger on his lips, he comes closer to the younger and grabs his arm while glancing around them. "What's wrong with you?"

"Me? What's wrong with  _ you _ ? You are the one who is completely ignoring me and the next thing I see is you're kissing someone else", Taehyun bellows on the verge of crying.

"I understand that Noona likes you and you don’t want to ruin your friendship but what about me?", he goes on before the ash-blonde has a chance to speak and holds his hands.

"Hyung, I didn't behave this way when Sewoon confessed to me. You saw it ri-"

Beomgyu yanks away his hands. "Because he wasn't your friend. He was just a random shithead. How would you even understand it?” Somehow, the question makes Taehyun flinch. Maybe, he just simply didn’t want to understand it.

The older notices him getting lost and tries to speak in a calm manner. “I’m sorry but I didn’t mean it that way. Shin-ae came here to seek help, she needs to mend her broken heart. I can't just push her away like that to break her even more"

"But what about me, hyung? Do I not matter to you at all?", Taehyun asks, finally letting his tears fall.

"You do, okay? Why do you keep asking me the same thing again and again? What should I do to make you believe my words?", Beomgyu fumes in slight anger.

Taehyun goes silent for a moment.

"K-Kiss me"

"What!?, Beomgyu snaps, thinking if he heard wrong.

"Kiss me right now, right h-here", Taehyun answers, hanging his head low. "Kiss me the way you-"

"Stop", Beomgyu cuts in coldly, raising his hand.

"Hyung ple-"

"I said, stop right there, Kang Taehyun", he berates looking nowhere which makes the younger bite his lips.

"You don't care about me the way you care about others", the words slip off the younger's tongue as he comes closer. "Is it really that hard to accept me in front of the world? Is dating me that shameful?", he puts his head on the older's shoulder.

"If that's what you want, then I'm sorry, Taehyun", the older grabs the brunette by his arms and makes him stand straight. "I can't give you that"

And before the younger can say something, Beomgyu's words shatter his soul into pieces.

"We are over"

He turns to walk away. But Taehyun can't process the information.  _ Over? What does he mean? _

Although his legs are feeble, he walks to catch up with the older.

"Hyung, I'm s-sorry. I'm really sorry. I won't say such a thing ever again, I promise", he holds the older by the wrist before breaking into tears. "Please don't…don’t leave me"

Beomgyu snatches away his hand and the younger realizes the cause. Of course, there wasn’t supposed to be any physical contact when they aren’t by themselves.

"S-Sorry I-"

"No! You don't seem to understand. Is it that hard for you to keep it a secret? Since when are you so  _ selfish _ ? Why can't you imagine yourself in my shoes?", Beomgyu almost yells which makes some people give them weird eyeing and that makes him more conscious.

"It's not gonna get any better, Taehyun. We will always keep fighting over this stupid issue. It's much easier if we part ways and be happy with ourselves", he says in a much quieter tone, looking down.

The brunette just stared at his feet while listening to the words dripping from the older's mouth.  _ Be happy, you say? _

Beomgyu once again takes a step to walk away but the younger's question stops him.

"Hyung?", his voice became hoarse due to crying. "Were you lying to me  _ t-that  _ night _?" _

"Forget about that night, Taehyun", Beomgyu looks over his shoulder. "Forget everything that happened between us"

With that said, he walks away without even looking back, not even for once.

"H-Hyung", Taehyun calls raising his right hand but his voice comes out almost inaudible and Beomgyu is so far away that he doesn't hear him.

He thinks maybe the older is joking. Maybe he'll come back and apologize while pulling him in a hug. He stands there for who knows how long even after Beomgyu is nowhere to be seen. 

He feels his lips and fingers tremble. He feels his knees giving up. But he tries to run away from the sight. No specific destination. He just needs to get away from here. He doesn't even care about the concerning looks people are giving him because of his worn-out appearance.

_ What am I supposed to do now? _

" **_Die_ ** "

And that's what makes him stop in his tracks.

" **_He doesn't even want to see that ugly face of yours_ ** "

" **_You don't deserve love, you fag!_ ** "

" **_What made you think that a person can actually love you? Weren't your hopes too high?_ ** "

" **_He just wanted those luscious lips and that delicious ass of yours, he got it and now you're no fun_ ** "

" **_He just needed to fuc-_ ** "

"Stop", Taehyun puts his hands on his ears because he doesn't want to hear the next word.

"Please s-stop!", he begs as tears stream down his face.

" **_You're filthy. That's why your parents left you. And he left you because you're a shame_ ** "

Taehyun finds himself curled up in the footpath as there's not even an ounce of energy left in his body. Although people are looking at him in a concerning way, he shoves them away, yelling to stop laughing. An old scene from his memories becomes too vivid. 

He looks around carefully. He’s sure he’s just in the neighborhood’s road but in the next moment, he finds himself in a corner of a dirty bathroom, his face covered in sweats just as that day. A cluster of spark plugged in his abdomen. The blood pounded in his ears. His heart thudded and he cried harder, his chest growing tight as bile rose in his throat. His vision was about to disfigure when suddenly, his phone rings.

The loud sound brings his senses back as he once again takes a good look at his surroundings. He tries his best to stand up on his feet by answering the call.

" _ Yaa! Did you land up on Uranus to buy me mint chocolate? _ ", Hueningkai hollers from the other side of the phone, pissed.

"S-S-Sorry, Kai. On m-my w-way", Taehyun manages to stutter between hyperventilating.

" _ Hold up, Tae. Is something wrong? _ ", the curl head asks in a worried tone.

That question makes him bawl. But he needs to be there. He just needs someone by his side. He needs comfort.

" _ Taehyun, don't worry. Just breathe and relax. Everything will be fine, okay? _ ", the younger says in a calming voice. " _ Tell me, where are you? We can talk once I'm there _ "

"He…", the brunette goes on crying and panting. "Kai he…he-"

Before Taehyun completes his sentence, a loud sound is heard from his side which widens Hueningkai's eyes. And then some unclear muffled voices follow.

"Hello? Hyunie? Are you there?", he asks, being uneasy.

No answer.

"YAA! KANG TAEHYUN! SPEAK", he screams.

" _ Um hello? _ ", an unfamiliar voice speaks with panic.

"Who is this?", he asks, confusion visible in his voice.

The next words scare Hueningkai to death and he just runs out of his house with the call still connected.

Taehyun is right there. He looks to his left to see a stream flowing from his head. Something pools in his mouth and he feels it grazing his teeth, soaking his tongue. His bones ache and he feels his lungs shrinking. He is so numb from the heartbreak that this pain doesn't seem to affect much.

He sees the crowd with his blurry eyes but can't hear them. Only one word escapes his mouth before he closes his eyes.

"B-Beomgyu…"


	25. I Like You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I didn't forget about this, I was just having a break. 
> 
> Anyways, let's look back to the past once more.

"Gaaahh! It's so boring without our hyungs", Hueningkai rants.

As Soobin and Beomgyu finished their middle schools, it was just Hueningkai and Taehyun left.

"Don't worry. We only have some months left as well. And then we can join them again. I kinda miss Yeonjuniee hyung's lame jokes", Taehyun pats the taller, trying to cheer him up as they were just walking past the students in the school grounds.

"True! But for me, Beomgyu hyung will always remain the mood maker. I'm so sad that I don't get to spend much time with him now", Hueningkai stomps his feet while linking arms with the smaller male.

Taehyun becomes a little flustered at the mention of the older. "Aahh yeah"

A few days ago, Taehyun hosted a small get-together in his apartment. It was his birthday. 

Chitter chatter filled in all over his small place as he’d invited over his hyungs and Hueningkai with some of his classmates. Beomgyu had suggested the idea. It wasn't that bad. He was finally opening up and mixing with people, not much but just his project partners and such. They had fun and Taehyun experienced it after a long time.

When the party was over and everyone else left, Beomgyu decided to stay behind and offered to help with cleaning. Although he said that he could do it alone, his hyung just didn't listen to him.

He and the blonde had cleaned up everything together when suddenly the latter pulled him to the couch in the living room to talk about something 'important'.

Taehyun could easily guess that Beomgyu was nervous about something. 

_ What could it be? _

And when the older was contemplating for the nth time whether to say it or not, Taehyun just got impatient.

"Just say it, hyung. What's making you so nervous?"

"Ugh! Fine", Beomgyu shut his eyes before turning away. “I like y-you”

"W-What?", the younger almost choked on his saliva.

"Yes, it's true. I've liked you for a good while now", the blonde mumbled, turning red. "Do you think you can accept my f-feelings?", he lightly touched Taehyun's hands before the younger yanked his hands away and stood up.

"What are you even saying, hyung?", Taehyun asked, turning his back, not able to process the information.

Beomgyu stood up as well and hugged the smaller male from behind.

"Hey, I know that you like me too. We both like each other"

"No! I don't. I can't-", the brunette tried to reply before getting cut off.

"Is something bothering you, Hyunie?", The older turned him around to see such a blushing Taehyun.

"I just c-can't", Taehyun freed himself from the grip and ran to his room to lock himself up. Beomgyu ran behind the younger as well but couldn't get into the room and sighed against the door.

He understood that the younger wasn't really a person who showed his emotions out so he guessed that he needed some space to think even though it was very clear that he surely had feelings for the older. So he let him think properly before he left the place mumbling sweet words but getting no answer from the other side of the door. If he hadn’t seen the younger enter the room, he would’ve easily mistaken that there wasn’t anyone inside it.

Days went by and Taehyun started to talk less to the older. He didn't ignore Beomgyu, he just distanced himself. Now that they were in different schools, it wasn't really easy to plan hangouts together. Even if they did, he tried to act as usual.  _ Too many eyes _ .

  
  
  


"Taehyunie! Taehyunie!!", Hueningkai shakes the brunette while breaking the train of his thoughts.

"Uhh! I'm sorry? What were you saying?", Taehyun feels so embarrassed for thinking about that day, particularly about the blonde right now.

"Hyung has come to pick us up", Hueningkai chirps ecstatically. "Look over there", he points his finger towards the school gate.

Taehyun looks in the direction of his finger, being happy with the thought that his parents-like hyung, be it Yeonjun or Soobin, or both, came to pick them up after so long.

But his smile soon faints when he sees someone he totally didn't expect. 

_ What is h-he doing here? _

There stood a certain blonde, handsome as ever. Blazer in his arm, bag slung over his shoulder. He looks more mesmerizing when he raises up those arms with rolled up sleeves to run his fingers through his blonde locks. 

"Let's go", the curly head grabs Taehyun's arm and runs to their hyung.

"Beomgyu hyung~", Hueningkai calls before hugging the male.

"Yo kiddo! Easy! You'll hurt both of us", Beomgyu manages himself from falling and hugs the youngest back before eyeing the brunette. He can clearly spot the uneasiness in his face. And oh! He's blushing again.

"How come you're here? Where are Yeonjun hyung and Soobin hyung?", the tallest glances around them.

"You know those gays", Beomgyu scoffs. "They've been making me feel like a third wheel since we joined high school. Man! they just don't leave each other alone for a second"

He ruffles the youngest's hair before continuing. "They made the plan of picking you up but they also had a movie date later. So I told them to enjoy their day and came instead. I hope it's okay with you"

"Of course, Hyunie and I were talking about you guys just a while ago. We really miss you, hyung", Hueningkai pouts.

"Oh! So you do miss me, huh?", Beomgyu asks looking straight at the quiet male to which the latter just looks away.

"Yes, we do", the curly head links his both arms with the two on each side and starts walking before they hear a somewhat loud thunder.

"It's going to rain soon hmph! I wanted to have you treat us ice-creams", Hueningkai pouts once again.

"It's okay. Anything for you. Hyung will buy you guys tteokbokki, okay? You can take it home and enjoy"

Although Hueningkai jumped in happiness, Taehyun still kept his mouth shut. He internally thanked God that none was noticing his blush. At least, he thought so.

"I-I don't want it, h-hyung", he finally speaks, catching both of the males' attention. "Don't get me wrong but I just don't feel like it. You can treat me later someday", the brunette quickly adds to make it less awkward.

"Mhm, okay", Beomgyu shrugs and then leads them to a vendor to order spicy tteokbokki for the youngest.

As his order is placed, the youngest is happily instructing the owner to add this and that. Beomgyu took this chance to stare at the shortest. He can never not get lost in thoughts of this beautiful human. He looked so tiny that Beomgyu could fight the whole world just to protect him.

"Hyung!", Hueningkai calls a little louder.

"Huh?", the oldest snaps out of his thoughts, making Taehyun blush a little more.

"It's done", the youngest holds up the prepared packet of his snacks which causes Beomgyu to laugh awkwardly and then pay for his treat. 

_ He didn't catch me staring, right? _

The three of them again walk together to head home and Hueningkai keeps on telling stories about his classmates and teachers like the old days while Beomgyu keeps on listening and makes fun of them with the youngest as they laugh like drunkards. Taehyun just walks by them quietly listening to their weird comments and windshield laughs. He's always content with his friends being happy.

They reach near Hueningkai's home and he has to leave now. They engulf in a hug once more before parting ways and the youngest requests to pick them up more often to which the blonde smiles and agrees. And then it's just Taehyun and Beomgyu.

_ It's gonna be really weird _ , both think at the same time.

Silence strangles them until one of Taehyun's classmates show up.

"Beomgyu oppaa~", a girl comes forward, trying to act cute. "Aren't you in high school now? How come you're with Taehyun?"

Before Beomgyu can speak up, the girl goes on, "Ohh my! Are you picking him up from school? That's so cute, oppa~"

"Aww! Thank you", the blonde pats her head which makes her come closer to him.

"You're such a nice hyung to your younger brother", she pokes his shoulder in a flirty way, causing him to back away a little.

_ Excuse me!? Wha-? Younger brother, my foot! _

He just laughs awkwardly as a response. "Now if you please excuse us", he quickly grabs Taehyun by arm and dashes away but the younger moves away when they've come a bit further, making Beomgyu frown.

They reach Beomgyu's house but Taehyun notices that he doesn't enter there, rather keeps on walking behind the younger.

After some steps, when Taehyun can still feel the presence of the older, he stops and sighs.

"Hyung, why are you following me again?", the brunette asks with his back still turned.

Beomgyu's eyes widen. "A-Again?"

"I know that you secretly follow me every now and then. Even before you talked about your f-feelings, before you entered high school", Taehyun blushes.

_ Smart _ . "That's great! I don't have to follow you anymore. We can walk side by side, like friends do", Beomgyu goes beside the younger and flashes a smile.

Taehyun sighs again before walking. "Why are you doing this to me?", he asks, begging his blush to disappear.

"Because I need an answer" Beomgyu glances around them and notices there aren't many people on the way because it's about to rain.

"I need an answer beside you trying to explain that you don't have feelings for me because I'm so damn sure that you do. I see you blushing everytime I stare at you, so don't deny. Even right now, you aren't facing me because you're such a blushing mess. You thought I wouldn't notice, huh?", he chuckles.

Taehyun's ear twitches and he stops in his tracks.  _ Shit! _

He glares at the older and then walks again, the older following him.

When they reach his apartment, it becomes dark. And then Taehyun faces Beomgyu.

"Go home quickly. It's about to rain", he stares at his feet while speaking.

"That's not a way to treat your hyung", the older frowns. "You should take me to your home and offer me to stay", he walks towards the building.

The brunette shuts his eyes. And then grabs Beomgyu by his arm to stop him.

"No, let's not do this anymore, okay?", he still holds onto the older.

Beomgyu moves away his hand as his frown deepens.

"Fine! I won't move an inch if you don't answer me today", he crosses his hands before speaking. "Let the rain wash me away. But I won't even budge"

Taehyun was about to argue but then a drop fell on his cheek and he looked up. And soon after it started pouring and he had to block the water by lifting his arms.

"Hyung! Don't behave like a kid. Please go home quickly or else you might catch a cold", he says under one breath before starting to head in.

"I'll be waiting here, I'll be waiting for you", Beomgyu responds, not caring about the rain.

"I-I won't come back. So pl-please don't be stubborn and go back", the younger talks with his back, leaving Beomgyu alone.

_ No worries! You don't know Choi Beomgyu yet _ , the older smirks, getting drenched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will take one more chapter cuz I couldn't fit everything in one.


	26. I Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the last chapter (I Like You)

Head filled with worries about the older, Taehyun quickly takes a shower. As it's raining heavily now, he hopes that stubborn hyung will be gone already because he doesn't want him to catch a cold because of him.

 _He's gone by now, right?_ the brunette thinks as he's trying to dry his hair. To distract his mind, he listens to music for a while. But nope! He can't concentrate so he rather decides to do his homework. If only his head and mind will let him to.

"Ughh!", Taehyun growls at himself. "It's been an hour, Tae. No way he's waiting there. So stop worrying", he hits his head lightly.

After minutes of internal turmoil, he finally finds himself hiding behind the curtains of his window. He takes a deep breath and shakes his head.

"I'm only doing this to make myself believe that Beomgyu hyung isn't standing there in the rain because I told him to go away. Okay"

His eyes widen when he slowly peeps through the curtains and man, it breaks his heart. He immediately runs to get two umbrellas, a towel and puts on his slippers before heading out.

***

Beomgyu is totally soaked by now as his blonde locks are sticking to his forehead.

 _He will come._ _He has to. I know he_ _likes me_ , he thinks as it's getting harder to stay here. He's starting to feel cold and so put on his blazer, maybe he'll even catch a cold next day.

When he loses all his hope but his stubbornness doesn't let him move, his eyes catch a glimpse of an angel.

A certain angel with big doe eyes in a yellow sweatshirt and black shorts with an umbrella above his head and another in his hand along with a towel, is heading towards him. The waves of perturbation is totally sensable. But Beomgyu can only smile at the sight.

"Hyung!", Taehyun runs as fast as he can. He brings the older in the shelter of his umbrella quickly and hands him the other, ignoring the hammering of his chest.

"T-Take off your blazer", he commands and Beomgyu silently obliges as he is handed the towel as  
well.

The older wraps the towel around him and unfolds the umbrella given to him. He just can't hide the smile on his face, which doesn't go unnoticed by Taehyun as he leads them to his apartment silently, blushing ear to ear.

Taehyun locks the door when they're inside and sighs. He puts the blazer for laundry, places both the umbrellas on one side, and takes out all the books from his bag to place them in a nearby table. As expected, everything drank up a lot of rainwater.

"What did I tell you? Why didn't you go home?", he fumes after turning to face the older.

"And what did _I_ tell you? I waited and yes, you went to bring me", the blonde replies back, coming closer.

The younger let out a sound of frustration before taking Beomgyu's arm to make him sit on the couch. He makes sure to place a towel beneath the older and snatches the towel he gave him earlier.

"You're too stubborn", he rubs the blonde messy hairs thoroughly to dry out the excess water as the older just stares at him.

"Because I know you like me too"

And those words make Taehyun stop. As he inhales to talk, Beomgyu cuts him off by taking his one hand and placing it against his chest.

"Listen to my heart, Taehyun. Look into my eyes", the older's voice comes so sweet that Taehyun can melt right away. "They never lie about feelings"

Resulting Taehyun to bite his lips, they stare at each other for God knows how long before the brunette slightly moves away, turning his back.

"I thought you were straight. I d-don't want to be played", he contemplates adding 'once again' but then decides that he shouldn't be talking about the past now.

"Hey, what did I do to make you feel like that, huh?", the older asks impatiently.

"You always flirt back with the girls", Taehyun gives a lame excuse because right now his head is empty. 

"Agreed! I just don't wanna hurt people. But I'll stop it if you want me to", Beomgyu still stares at the back of the younger's head.

"No- Actually.... that's what I like. You're too caring and it hurts", the younger looks at his feet, blinking rapidly which causes Beomgyu to notice his red ears.

He stands up from the couch and walks to the younger to pull him by the wrist and pins him, placing both his hands against the wall on either side as barriers. Taehyun panics at their close proximity.

"H-Hyung, we're too cl-close", he speaks out, being a blushing mess.

"Are we?" Beomgyu's eyebrows furrow. "But I want to be closer. I want to be the closest person to you", he replies which makes the younger slightly look up to him and they stare at each other fondly.

"I'm not straight", he speaks in a low tone. 

"Y-You're not straight" ", Taehyun repeats hesitantly.

"I never liked boys before"

"You never liked boys before"

"You're my first"

"I'm your f-first"

"You make my heart skip beats"

"I-I make your heart skip beats"

"You made me experience new feelings"

"I m-made you experience new f-feelings", the brunette looks down, cheeks flushed.

"Look at me, hyunie", Beomgyu commands and Taehyun instantly looks at him. Suddenly, Beomgyu notices the parted lips and stares at them with his own lips parted. 

"I like you"

"You li-like me", Taehyun turns away because he couldn't take his eyes off the older's lips as well.

"And you like me too", Beomgyu rubs the tip of his nose against the shorter's skin softly.

Taehyun goes silent as he can feel the nose touching his eyes, his cheeks, his dimple gets a little more attention and finally his nose. He didn't notice before but the older came closer to him with every sentence and now he has no space to move.

"I… L- uhh", Taehyun's mouth doesn't let any word escape as he can feel the lips too close.

Beomgyu waits for a confirmation. He doesn't need words. But he knows that the younger wants it too as soon as his eyes fall shut and his hands squeezes the older's arms. So he doesn't hesitate to close the gap.

Taehyun's lips are exactly what he imagined them to be. Soft like cotton. Pink plump lips just got plumpier in his mouth. They move slowly against his shaky ones. It's their first kiss and Beomgyu doesn't want it to be rough.

Beomgyu's lips taste exactly like what Taehyun dreamed of. He totally didn't want to admit his feelings towards the older but how's he supposed to resist those beautiful eyelashes and that perfect cupid's bow now? He can't, he doesn't want to anymore.

The pairs of lips move gently, rhythmically. Man! Beomgyu can eat up the lower lip right now. His one hand cups Taehyun's chin and tilts his face to get better access. He didn't dare to use the tongue. 

_What if he likes it just soft?_

They pull off in need of air and both blush a deep shade of red.

"Sorry! I uhh, couldn't wait before you finished. C'mon, tell me now", Beomgyu says, embarrassed at his own action.

"I don't like you, hyung", Taehyun lets out, breathing heavily, making Beomgyu frown. 

_W-Was I wrong_ _the whole time then?_ _Was it my m-misconception?_

When he's about to move away, Taehyun wraps his hands around his neck and finally admits, "I love you"

And then he pulls the older closer for another kiss, a heated one with no shakiness. And Beomgyu gets a little surprised when the younger skillfully enters his tongue to taste the older's mouth. _And people call him boring?,_ he thinks as he pulls the smaller by his waist. Getting carried away, he also uses his tongue to feel the other properly as his one hand rests on the nape of his neck and another tangles with the brown hairs.

They finally pull apart, finding themselves seated on the couch, Taehyun on Beomgyu's lap. The younger immediately moves away and faces the other side of the room. Beomgyu can just chuckle at his action. 

_Where was this shyness a few moments ago?_

"Wh-What are we now?", Taehyun breaks the silence.

"What do you want to be?", the older scoots closer, both forgetting that his clothes are still drenched.

"I want to be your boyfriend, hyung", the younger blushes. But his blush doesn't last long when he realizes that Beomgyu didn't even reply before noticing the frown in his face.

"Hyung, is e-everything okay? You don't want to be my boyfriend?", Taehyun holds his hyung's hands.

"It's not that, hyunie. It's a bit complicated", the words snatch away the smile and place tears in the younger's eyes.

"Hey! Listen to me first", the older replies, noticing Taehyun. "It's just….you know how homophobic people are. I'm really scared of our future, I'm scared of everything. What if things go wrong? And my friends, my family…. They've always known me as a straight guy.", he adds in. "My mother would literally freak out if I told her that I like a boy. But despite that, even I'm shocked that I like a boy. I'm just not confident enough to admit that. I'm not comfortable talking about kissing a boy"

"If you don't want me then why did you confess?", Taehyun asks in a shaky voice.

"Wha- No! Of course, I want you", the older side hugs the smaller. "But can we keep this whole thing a secret?", he asks, fiddling with the hem of the brunette's sweatshirt.

"Secret? You want to act like nothing happened between us?", the younger's eyes brimmed with tears.

"No, dummy", Beomgyu finally cups Taehyun's face, wiping his little tears. "We can be boyfriends. But is it okay for you if we date each other secretly?", he hopefully asks.

Taehyun just stares at him, mouth agape. At that moment, he hears something, something really familiar. He left those in the past. Then why are they back now?

" ** _He knows you're filthy. Undeserved for love_** "

And his eyes well up. What do they want now?

But the older doesn't know. Why would Taehyun bother him for such a lame matter? What if he laughs at him? What if he leaves him alone right at this moment? What if he sees him as an abnormal person?

"Please Taehyunie'', Beomgyu pleads. "It's not for long. Trust me, I will come out once I gain enough confidence. I'll try my best. It'll be soon, don't worry", he assures.

Taehyun smiles. _Maybe it won't be that bad, after all._

He tries to think rationally. Now that both of them can't deny their feelings for each other, it's okay. It'll be alright only with each other's presence. And Taehyun already loves him, what else?

"Okay", he nods with a small smile. "I promise you, hyung. I won't disclose our relationship to anyone until you decide to come out", he holds Beomgyu's hands in his and gives them a little squeeze.

Beomgyu immediately hugs Taehyun tightly. "And I promise you that I will be a reliable hyung to you. I'll take care of you like no one ever did. I'll never let you feel lonely", he mumbles in the younger's ear. 

And they stay there like that for a while before Taehyun immediately scolds the older for getting him drenched as well. 

"Aisssh~ okay I'll get changed! But will you let me kiss you once more?", Beomgyu asks, making a kissy face.

Taehyun giggles and then pecks his lips earning soft kisses all over his face. "I will always let you", he replies, getting pampered.

Later, they make themselves comfortable on the younger's bed to cuddle and watch movies and fall asleep. They enjoy the rain sounds and some chilly music together, unaware of what their future holds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story will come back to the present time in the next chapter (After 'Numb')


	27. Memories

This chapter is focused on Beomgyu.

WARNING: I don't wanna give any spoilers but this chapter contains a steamy scene. If you think it'll bother you, I suggest you read this after breaking your fast.

* * *

Shuffling from this side to that, Beomgyu tries to fall asleep for the nth time. To his dismay, he’s been failing for an hour which makes him sit up.

"I... don't feel good", he mumbles bringing his both hands to cover his face. What's the reason? Well, there are too many.

He hugs his knees as his mind trails off to that one certain night when Taehyun had called. He knew he had posted pictures of him with Shin-ae all over social media as his so-called friends kept bugging to give them credits for those candids.

 _What was Taehyun's fault?_ He tries to think because the brunette was only complimenting him. But deep down he knew what the other was actually thinking and what he wanted. Of course, at that time he was much more scared than usual because Hyunjin and Jeongin were constantly asking him if Taehyun had a crush on him or not and he had to answer in the negative, though he wasn't sure how long he could put up with the act. That's what it was making him angry and before he knew, he had received the call and sprinted to the balcony.

Being panicked, he did what he surely knows he shouldn't have done. To add to his idiocy, he had noticed Hyunjin coming towards him and the words kinda slipped off before he disconnected the call.

" _I’m not ignoring you, Taehyun. We’ve agreed together on this matter. So stop being dramatic and go to sleep. You have exams tomorrow_ "

" _Everything alright?_ ", Hyunjin had asked with a look he was familiar with and he just nodded.

" _You sure this Taehyun kid doesn't have feelings for you?"_ Hyunjin's question kinda made him flinch before he noticed the other joining them.

" _I suggest you keep a distance from gays like him, Beomgyu. I don't even understand why someone like you hangouts with them anyways_ ", Jeongin had scoffed and the ash-blonde could only look down on his feet.

" _Jeonginie is right!_ ", Hyunjin had added. " _If he really has feelings for you then he’ll surely come in between you and Shin-ae. We'll help you stay away from him_ "

That night, Beomgyu had slept with a heavy heart. He had also decided to explain the younger later, if that option was available.

And on the other side, Shin-ae's presence kinda brought the soft feelings back, it wasn’t the same as before but there was something he couldn’t deny. As he's known as the 'straight ass', it's pretty normal to fall again for a former crush, isn't it?

All these days, he spent time with her because he really wanted to be a good friend at her most difficult time. He didn't want her to feel left out, and that's why he had decided to ignore Taehyun for some days. It wasn't easy at all as he found himself getting lost in the thoughts of the younger even more.

But then again, Beomgyu always feared that Taehyun might get tired of him one day. He promised to come out as soon as possible. Looks like he's really far away from that. What if Taehyun's feelings are fading away because there's no development, because of the recent events? Well, according to him, he wasn't doing _his best_ in comparison to the other.

That's also the reason why Beomgyu left the brunette alone in the bed that night. The way Taehyun pushed him away made him realize that if he didn't stop being a coward, everything's gonna end soon. And the worst part is he still didn't have the courage. The fear of not being accepted for who you are, it never gets old to him and it always leaves him nauseous.

With heavy embarrassment, he was convinced that the younger deserves so much better. And he didn't want the other to witness his miserable state. Unlike Taehyun, he didn't have a calm demeanor to sort things rationally.

And as things clouded in his mind, he didn't know what he was doing. Almost like he lost all his senses. That's what triggered him.

But today, when Shin-ae kissed him, he didn't like it. He didn't get the fuzzy feeling in his belly which happens when Taehyun kisses him. The soft feelings for the female were just some protective feelings for a friend. He had just confused them earlier. Being someone to Shin-ae more than a best friend isn’t what he wants anymore.

And the issue with Taehyun today, he can't believe that he said such words to the younger. Sure, they fought over the same matter constantly and Beomgyu even became rude earlier. But this time, he crossed all the limits. He BROKE UP in the heat of the moment.

Of course, the younger's supposed to misunderstand the whole thing. Because the last time Beomgyu had said something this bad was “ _I don't wanna see your face_ ” and the younger managed to not show his face for straight three days. That's what Beomgyu regrets, making the love of his life feel despised.

Guess what? He's a fucking idiot.

Inhaling a deep breath, he just wishes it's not too late yet and gets off his bed to rush to Taehyun. Because he knows very well that the younger deserves a big fat apology.

"Hey! Umm... where are you going?", Shin-ae asks as she catches the ash-blonde leaving his room.

"Somewhere I need to be before things get too messed", he replies hastily before walking towards the door.

"Okay. And about us? We should talk later, don't you think?", she asks, reminding him of the previous events while holding on to his wrist.

Beomgyu immediately takes his hand away, this time with enough force to label it as rude. "I'm sorry, Shin-ae. You're my buddy and I would like you to know that…", he looks straight at her eyes, "...I love someone else".

He doesn't even wait for a reaction and dashes away and then a few minutes later, he finds himself outside the brunette's apartment. He quickly informs his mother that he'll be staying with Yeonjun tonight.

"Taehyun-ah", he knocks on the door lightly. "Are you in there? We n-need to talk"

No response.

"Hey, I know you're upset. But we can sort it out, right?", he presses his forehead against the door. "Please"

When he still doesn't get any response for a while, he considers if the brunette was supposed to be somewhere or not. So he decides to wait inside instead. Quickly, he dials the password and gets in.

Beomgyu takes in the scent of his home as he locks the door. _Smells Taehyun-ish_.

He trails off to the younger's room before noticing the time. _It's 4:30 pm and he's not home yet?_

Suddenly, he regrets more for ignoring the younger for so long that even he stopped. The last message sent by him was three days ago.

Beomgyu flops on the bed, regretting everything. He wishes to go back to the time but he still hopes that things can be fixed. He hugs the pillows in Taehyun's bed. They smell like vanilla and caramel. They smell like Taehyun's hugs. Now that he thinks about it, it's been so long they've hugged properly. He stands up to walk up to the desk in the room. A ton of polaroids hang there.

An instant smile appears, seeing those cute pictures. He picks up a picture which he clicked. It's a picture of Taehyun giggling like a baby, eyes formed crescent shapes and the dimple looks so pokable.

He brings the picture against his lips to place a soft kiss."Taehyunie, please come back home. Hyung wants to apologize", he mumbles.

What should he do till the younger comes back? He sits in the bed and stares at the picture. Suddenly, a thought crosses his mind.

He quickly looks through the younger's wardrobe to find a certain white shirt. He still remembers his request to keep the shirt safely, unwashed as it’s special.

Beomgyu stares at the shirt fondly when he finds it. The most beautiful memories with the younger linger in his mind.

Flashbacks of heavy breath, excessive sweating, laced fingers, dirty moans, slamming bodies hit him as he brushes his hand around the shirt.

 _How could I ask him to forget our best moments together_?, he thinks as he remembers the night.

After their long session, the older was kissing Taehyun's fingers one by one as he kept giggling.

"Hyunie! you're so cute", Beomgyu squealed before he tried to kiss Taehyun's dimple, only for the latter to move away.

"Yaa~" the older pouted to which the brunette just clicked his tongue out.

"I'm gonna punish you now", he pulled Taehyun closer before moving the shirt slightly to reveal his nipples and suck them. As the younger was too shy to fall asleep being totally naked, he chose to wear his oversized shirt even though the older requested to leave it unbuttoned.

"Nnngh~", Taehyun moaned while gripping on the ash-blonde's hair.

The older chuckled. "You're really sensitive, eh? Should've gotten used to it already"

"Then k-keep doing it u-until I can't f-feel a-anything", the younger panted. "I won't say 'no' to you"

"We've already done it thrice, babe", the older said, making his way down.

"You think I can't take you in once again, huh? C'mon, I dare you to destroy me the way you want to", Taehyun answered, eyes barely open.

"Really?", Beomgyu raised an eyebrow before kissing his waist. "If I do it five more times tonight, will you still be able to say the same thing?" Taehyun felt butterflies with soft kisses.

"T-Try me, Choi Beomgyu"

Beomgyu rolled his eyes in amusement. "What a little brat!"

He pulled the younger to his chest and laid his back on the pillowish headboard. "You've to take it easy, love. We'll do it again later, okay?"

Taehyun just hummed and got patted on his back while falling asleep on Beomgyu's chest. He snuggled up more as they pulled the duvet.

The older stared at the stars and then kissed Taehyun’s head. He smiled softly and mumbled 'I love you' to his boyfriend and got a reply too.

Beomgyu still remembers thanking God for making that precious human for him, only for him.


	28. Too Late

Beomgyu rubs his eyes as they flutter open. He looks to his left to find him being surrounded by Taehyun's pillows, hugging Taehyun's shirt and his hands clasped to the polaroid picture of Taehyun.

He smiles one more time at them before noticing the time. It's 7 pm.

"Taehyun-ah! Are you home?", he calls out while tidying up the bed.

No answer.

And that concerns him. He quickly takes a good look at the apartment. Taehyun really isn't back yet.

_ He's never out for this late. Hmph!  _ Beomgyu frowns.  _ What's taking him so long? _

He fishes out his phone to call the younger when he notices 34 missed calls from Hueningkai, 22 from Soobin, and 29 from Yeonjun.

_ Fuck!? I didn't even hear it ringing _ .

Without wasting any second, he quickly dials their numbers but none of them is picking up. 

_ Something is wrong _ .

Suddenly, his phone rings as the caller ID says 'Maknae Hyuka' and he immediately answers the call.

"Hey, Kai! I'm so sorry. I was sleeping and didn't notice my phone ringing. What's up?”, he asks. “I saw tons of missed calls from you guys"

" _ Hyung _ ", Hueningkai sniffs, making the ash-blonde tense.

"I-Is everything alright?"

" _ Hyung, Tae-Taehyunie _ ", the curly head sobs more.

"What h-happened to Taehyun?". Uneasiness runs through his veins at the mention of the brunette.

" _ Hyunie….he met with an accident this evening _ ", Hueningkai finally says before breaking into tears.

Beomgyu stays silent for some moments before bursting into a guffaw.

" _ Hy-Hyung? Why? _ ", Hueningkai asks, confused at the older's action.

"Hueningiee! You shouldn't joke about something like that. You got me for a second", he answers before wiping the tear that fell due to laughing so hard.

" _ I'm not joking, hyung. We all are in the hospital right now. We've been trying to reach you for a long time. I'm sending you the location. Please come quickly _ ", the youngest explains in a brittle voice before hanging up, leaving the ash-blonde speechless.

He moves the phone from his ear and stares at it until he receives a message. It seems like his mind has stopped working, he can't think clearly right now. He stands at his place still, breathing heavily as tears threaten to fall. He's internally screaming, begging that this is all false.

Beomgyu dashes away as fast as he can. He doesn't know how to feel at this moment. His heart is aching, he feels nauseous. He just needs to see the younger.

_ Please Taehyunie! Please be okay. _

  
  


***

  
  


Due to running so fast, Beomgyu slips a bit before entering the hospital, his appearance totally worn out because of all the running and crying. He speeds up to the reception, body shaking uncontrollably.

"K-Kang Taehyun", the ash-blonde stutters before the receptionist, still wishing she'll assure him that there's no patient of this name.

"The emergency case of this evening?" Let me check", she says, breaking his heart into thousand pieces. "Room 609, take the elevator to 3rd floor and there you'll see the ICU room"

He quickly thanks and then runs to still confirm if this patient is indeed Taehyun,  _ his _ Taehyun.

As the elevator opens, he comes out and looks right and left and yes! He spots his friends, talking to a familiar woman.  _ Shin-ae's mom? What is she doing here? _ . He jolts to them.

"I am really sorry. I would pay for his expenses, I promise", the woman says as he nears.

"Wh-What's going on?"

Everyone turns their attention to the ash-blonde. Apparently, Shin-ae's mom caused the accident. She claims that she came to Seoul to bring her daughter home as they had a fight this morning and she was so immersed in her thoughts that she didn't notice a boy running in the road and then she couldn't control the steering afterward. And when she saw Yeonjun, she requested them to not file a complaint against her by offering to help Taehyun with the expenses. Soobin was contemplating whether or not to accept because although he could always bear his expenses, Taehyun wouldn't like it. But then again, his grandmother's allowance isn't that much and she wouldn't like to add in there. Also if they lodge a complaint, Shin-ae's mother has to pay for the expenses anyways along with her punishment. After Yeonjun's enough convincing, he decides to oblige, and she thanks them for their kindness and then walks away to fill in the formalities.

All this drama takes place in a whim, but here is Beomgyu who hasn’t taken his eyes off Taehyun. Although there are doctors surrounded by the younger, he still catches a few glimpses. He's wearing a breathing machine and the doctors are working on his wounds, especially the one on his head. He just simply stares at the sight, curses himself for everything. He still wishes for this to be a dream and he'll wake up any moment until he realizes it is not.

"Kai! Tell us, what exactly happened before you brought him here?", Yeonjun asks as the youngest seems much calmer now. Because when he and Soobin had arrived, he wasn’t able to speak.

"We were h-hanging out together and he went out to buy ice cream for both of us. It was getting pretty late so I decided to give him a call and he sounded so disturbed. He was crying and breathing heavily, he was about to tell me something and that's when I heard the crash and immediately went out when Shin-ae Noona’s mother took his phone and guided me to the location", he explains quickly.

"Crying? Breathing heavily? Hueningkai, do you know if he met someone or not? I'm sure something very wrong must've happened", Soobin tries to think because he was aware of the phone call Taehyun had made to Yoongi but kept quiet as he was wishing Taehyun to tell himself.

Beomgyu just stands there. The voices in the background become muffled to him, his eyes never leaving his lover's serious state. Right now, he can't feel anything. His heart is clenching and he just can't stop the tears, doesn't want to.

"Beomgyu-ah! Don't cry. It'll be alright. The doctors said he's not in a good condition but we can still hope", Yeonjun comforts him and while asking him to sit.

"I won't even move an inch until he wakes up", the ash-blonde says, sternly. And the blue-haired has nothing to say because he knows how his brother is feeling. Seeing your precious baby friend lying in a hospital bed really hurts, except he's not just a 'friend' to Beomgyu.

"Hyung! You won't believe what I saw. He was laying there, all bloody. Thank God some people from the crowd were helping and Noona’s mother had already called an ambulance, otherwise, it would've been too late", Hueningkai goes on crying as Soobin makes him seated and comforts him.

_ Too late. _

Listening to those words, Beomgyu drops on his knees. He couldn't stand those words. What if it was really 'too late'? He would've killed himself right now. Suddenly, everything becomes blurry to him. He can't see or hear anything. Right now, he only needs Taehyun. He finally realizes that this boy inside the ICU means the whole world to him. The person he loves the most, the person he hurt the most. How is he supposed to be normal without seeing that dimple? He hates himself for what he did today. He feels like a dumb bitch for even thinking that feelings for his former crush were coming back. Because no! There is no place left for any other person. His mind, his head is totally clouded with only one person, Taehyun, Taehyun, Taehyun. He realizes how much he loves the smaller boy. The images of him being rude to the boy hit him. How could he ever shove away the boy from himself? What would've gone through him when he said that they were over?

Beomgyu broke into tears and sobbed louder, making everyone gasp. At this moment, he just wants to hit himself for not being a reliable hyung as he promised. Taehyun is not the selfish one here, he is.

"This...this is all my fault", the ash-blonde says between his sobs.

"I shouldn't have done that", he sobs louder but Yeonjun's voice makes him realize that he's actually saying it out loud.

"What do you mean?"

He comes to his senses to see that all three friends of his are staring at him, expecting to interpret his blabber. But he stares at them back, guilty, giving no answer.

"Choi Beomgyu!", Soobin calls outrageously. "Answer to Yeonjun hyung. What did you do to Taehyun?"

"We were d-dating each other", Beomgyu manages to say without making eye contact with anyone but he could feel their eyes widened at the news. Maybe someone was going to open their mouth to say something before they all became voiceless listening to his next words.

"And I br-broke up with him today"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL!!! BABIES MAKING A COMEBACK MAY 18th! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I'M NOT READY BUT I CAN'T WAIT!!! ALSO THE CONCEPT TRAILER ASDFGHJKLUZGDJKFNLFRL. SOOBIN'S ACTING SKILLS👏👏👏
> 
> Okay so most importantly, let's make this comeback a huge success. Remember, they aren't rookies anymore and they'll be fighting for good great so we better step up our game. Do not forget to collect points/stars on MuBeat, Starplay, Soribada as they'll come handy in votings. This May, there'll be so many comebacks. It may be difficult for us but hey, it's not impossible. All the best.
> 
> Whoof, and I'm sorry for the late update. Actually, this is Ramadan season so, I'm a bit busy these days. Besides, I've started to workout and man, the pain is so intolerable. But I'll try my best. Take care.


	29. Mess

Without coming up with a word, not even in their minds, everyone just stares blankly at each other. Only the sounds of doctors rushing from here to there and others’ muffled discussion are audible in the background.

"Wh-What are you even saying?", the tallest finally breaks the silence after what seems like ages.

  
  


"I'm sorry", Beomgyu whispers in a hoarse voice as more tears form in his eyes.

  
  


But nope! Soobin is definitely not having it. Jolting towards Beomgyu, he makes him stand by pulling his arm, his boyfriend instantly tells him to calm down before he pushes the ash-blonde violently against the wall.

  
  


"Explain", the raven-haired grunts. "Explain everything before I lose my mind"

  
  


Beomgyu just stares at him, fear visible in eyes. He has never seen Soobin this way. Sure, Yeonjun and even Hueningkai are trying to free him from the grip but at this moment, Soobin is unmoveable. They have seen Soobin being calm and shy, but never did they ever thought that someone like Soobin could hurt others.

  
  


"Open your mouth, Choi Beomgyu!", Soobin suddenly screams while gripping the slightly shorter’s collar, making everyone's mouth shut before a nurse comes out of Taehyun's room catching their attention. And Yeonjun immediately goes to interact with her.

  
  


"How's he? Can we see-"

  
  


"Your friend is in such a critical condition and you guys are here making a fuss. Can’t you please talk a little quietly? This is a hospital and there are some rules to follow", the nurse snaps, eyeing the riot.

  
  


"Hyung!.....Hyung, please leave him", Hueningkai immediately moves Soobin away from the ash-blonde but his glare never disappears.

“Please!”, Beomgyu rushes to the nurse. “Please let me go in for once”, he pleads with begging hands as his eyes wells up. “I promise, I won’t d-disturb. I really need to see him”

But his actions make Soobin’s blood boil. Yanking away his hands from Hueningkai, he stomps towards the ash-blonde to grip his arms harshly and make him turn, almost stumbling. “You aren’t going anywhere”

The nurse looks at them in a stupefying way, as if they didn’t even get a word what she said and of course, she was about to give another scolding before she gets cut by Yeonjun.

"I'm so sorry about the mess", he bows as the youngest quickly pulls the other two away. "We will talk slowly. What about him? He's okay, right?"

"We can't tell anything right now. His body is still not reacting to any of our actions. His ribs and legs are hurt pretty badly and he has lost a lot of blood. If anything doesn't work by the night, it might be bad news", the nurse answered with a sad expression before her frown grew. "So please be quiet". She quickly went in leaving the boys' tensed.

They stand there and watch through the small glass attached to the door. There is their small Taehyun, lying all helpless. A few days ago, they were planning to shower him with love and makeup to their mistake as they didn't consider his tiredness. And now, They're watching him fight between life and death.

Out of nowhere, Soobin grabbed Beomgyu by the wrist and started walking towards the veranda. Thankfully, verandas in hospitals are never crowded. Yeonjun and Hueningkai also quickly trail behind.

"Now tell me", Soobin doesn't even show any mercy before throwing the ash-blonde forward, hard enough to make him trip.

Beomgyu takes in a deep breath and stands to his feet before he starts.

"We've been dating for more than a year. We didn't tell anyone because...", his voice breaks.

"Because what?", Soobin barks, not even wanting to cut slack for the ash-blonde.

"Because I-I didn't want to. I didn't want to come out with him", he admits looking down at his feet, making Soobin's fists clench.

  
  


"I didn't want anyone to know that I like boys yet. Everything was so hard for me but I was still trying. He didn't seem to mind at first. But as time went by, this issue became serious between us. And today, Shin-ae proposed and ki-kissed me". The boys widened their eyes listening to his words.

  
  


"And he saw that", Beomgyu continues. "Both of us argued over the matter and I told him off saying that she's my friend. But he got upset and asked me to kiss him right there, in the middle of the sidewalks and it made me really angry", the ash-blonde's voice becomes wobbly by now.

  
  


"That's when, just because of the heat, I bro-"

  
  


Before Beomgyu could finish his sentence, he felt something really painful against his left cheek. For five seconds he thought he just died but he could hear muffled voices of Yeonjun and Hueningkai, screaming Soobin's name. He even hears foot stomping towards him before the raven-haired grasp his collar to make him sit. 

  
  


“He didn’t seem to mind at first, you say?”, he growls. “What do you even know about him?” He raises his fist once again, only to be grabbed by Yeonjun.

  
  


"Soobin! Let's sit and talk, for God's sake", the blue-haired solicits the tallest because no matter what, Beomgyu is still his family.

  
  


"It's not a matter to sit and talk, Yeonjun hyung. How could he do that to Taehyun?", Soobin shoves away his boyfriend's hands rudely as he looked at him with sorrowful eyes.

  
  


Hueningkai silently pulls Soobin away from the ash-blonde before he can throw his hands again.

  
  


"Hy-Hyung", Beomgyu tries to stand up to face the raven-haired. "Please don't f-fight with Yeonjun hyung. I really lov-"

  
  


"Don't shit me with that stuff, Beomgyu", Soobin rebukes, raising his hand so Beomgyu doesn't speak further. "Don't shit me by saying that you love him. Because the truth is you don't, you never did, you never can"

  
  


"It's n-not like that", the ash-blonde cries.

  
  


"If it isn't so then what is so big deal about you dating a boy?"

  
  


"That's not it, Soobinnie", Yeonjun infuriates by grabbing Soobin's shoulders to make him turn to him. "You're not getting Beomgyu. He was new to the whole thing and he wasn't sure how to act because trust me, he has never liked a boy. And he's the only child of his family, can you think how his parents are going to react? His father is a reputed businessman and it might be really difficult for them if this blows up. He's also quite a known figure in the school, he was simply scared to get reactions from the people. Things are different for us because we were never straight, people never saw us like that. But for him, the changes in him are enough to shock himself, let alone others'', Yeonjun explains while Hueningkai just stands there. It's not his place to dispute with his hyungs. Besides, he doesn't even know if there's something he can say. All these events are just too much for him.

  
  


"He should've thought about it carefully before letting himself fall for Taehyun. And I don't even want to ask because I can tell that he's the one who approached first. Tell me if I'm wrong", his last sentence came while facing the ash-blonde.

  
  


And Beomgyu can only shake his head as 'no', making Soobin chuckle.

  
  


"I'm quite sure the reason for keeping it a secret was only because he thought that dating someone like Taehyun was too insulting for his oh-so-famous personality. The heartthrob, the rich, the famous, the straight 'Choi Beomgyu' dating a boy? And someone who's 'too boring to even be his friend'? He just couldn't stand people hating him for that. He was too ashamed to do something people didn't expect him to", Soobin controverts to Yeonjun's opinion.

  
  


Beomgyu was about to argue but he stopped because yeah, he didn't have any answer before Soobin continues, facing him. "Let me explain to you. You're a straight ass with all the jolly personality, school's crush. You were going through some hormonal shit when you saw Taehyun because duh! Your straight ass never saw such an amazing person and that's where you got interested and tried toying with the boy. And now you're covering up with the word 'love'. That's it, nothing more"

  
  


"But hyung I-", the ash-blonde was about to oppose when he noticed another presence standing by the door, hearing their conversation.

  
  


Everyone present there saw how his eyes widened suddenly and they followed his line of gaze, only to meet Shin-ae with a shocked expression. All of them become still when they see her run away from the sight, except Soobin rolls his eyes.

  
  


"Go get your girlfriend before she breaks up with you as well", the tallest gibes before Beomgyu calls her name loudly and starts to walk towards her direction.

  
  


"And remember one more thing", he holds Beomgyu's arm slightly to stop him in his tracks before glaring for the last time, making him gulp.

  
  


"Do not come here back. Don’t even think about going near to Taehyun, ever again"


	30. Best Friend

Beomgyu comes out of the hospital, his eyes searching for Shin-ae.

  
  


He's about to call her name once again before he notices the female sitting on a bench alone, not really far. And he walks up to her carefully.

  
  


"Hey! Mind if I sit here?", he tries to catch her attention, causing her to slightly look at him.

  
  


They sit there quietly for a while. Shin-ae facing the other side and Beomgyu doesn't know what to say. What's he supposed to say right now? Should he apologize for not accepting her feelings? Should he explain the whole matter? His train of thoughts finally stops when Shin-ae throws a question.

  
  


"Is Taehyun the one you love?"

  
  


What should he answer? Of course, he loves the younger. But he has never talked about it with anyone. He's still sweating over the matter of how his friend would react if he admits his feelings for a boy right now.

  
  


"Please Beomgyu, tell me the truth", she requests once more due to lack of an answer.

  
  


"Yes, I do. I love Taehyun. God! I love him so much", the ash-blonde finally admits as heaviness disappears from his chest.

  
  


"Then why? Why did you hurt him?", Shin-ae asks, facing him this time.

  
  


"I didn't want to. It's very complicated for me. I wasn't really comfortable and-"

  
  


"I ain't talking about that, you idiot"

  
  


Beomgyu's eyes widen at her remark. He blinks rapidly. On the other hand, Shin-ae is reminded of that one conversation with the brunette. She still remembers the pain in his eyes when he talked about someone he loves, when he talked about Beomgyu.

  
  


"Then?", the male asks, confused.

  
  


"You were ignoring him for me, right?", she asks back to which he looks down and nods slightly. "Why?"

  
  


"I thought my f-feelings for you were coming back so, I was just being sure of myself", he answers almost as a whisper. "And you needed me the most back then"

  
  


"Please tell me they didn't", Shin-ae looks so disturbed by his answer.

  
  


"No! They didn't. It might hurt you but trust me when you kissed me, I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel the same way when he ki-kisses me. I only like, I only want his kisses", he admits as his cheeks turn a shade of rosy pink.

  
  


"Oh! Thank God", she lets out a breath she was holding in, making the male more confused.

  
  


Shin-ae stands from her seat and kneels in front of him before holding his hands.

  
  


"I really like you. But Beomgyu trust me, he loves you. He loves you like nobody ever will, not even me. He loves you so much that he's even ready to give up everything for you. I don't even understand what you've done so good that you got him", she says staring at him.

  
  


"I know right!", Beomgyu chuckles. "But how do you know?"

  
  


"I went out without you once and we had a little conversation. He didn’t tell me all that was about you but now, I get it” Taehyun’s words suddenly play in her head. “Even though you were in a relationship with him, he didn’t stop me from admiring you”, she says as the mixed feelings of shyness and guilt take over her.

  
  


“He was so hurt because of us. We did so wrong to him yet he chose to talk about you in a way as if you're the best person when in reality you're the dumbest", Shin-ae smiles, earning a little laugh from the male as well.

  
  


"And I really meant it when I said to him that I want him to be happy with whoever he loves. So, please! Promise me that you will get him back, you will give the love he deserves", she hopefully folds her hand out. But she could see the hesitance in the other’s eyes.

So, she inhales a little breath. She’s known the boy for a long time and she knows all the internal turmoil he’s going through. Of course, she saw Soobin being violent with him but that only scared the boy even more.

  
  


“Beomgyu! I know your fears. But, who doesn’t have fears?” The question makes his eyes blink.

  
  


“Just think about how hard it was for Taehyun”, she speaks calmly so it doesn’t sound like she’s blaming him for everything. “If it isn’t you, then someone else will. And If you don’t do it sooner, I’m afraid, you’ll really lose him. And trust me, the feeling of regretting the things you could do but didn’t is sickening”

  
  


The thought of losing his loved one really triggers Beomgyu. His eyes glisten and he nods his head.

  
  


"What about y-you?", he hesitates.

  
  


"What about me? I'll forget a dumbass like you within a week", she replies before waving her hand. "Now, come on! My hand is aching"

  
  


Beomgyu smiles and then breaks into tears. He pulls her in a hug. "I promise you! I will never ever leave him alone. I will love him so much, so so so much that he'll go crazy"

  
  


They both stand up together, still holding hands.

  
  


"Thanks for not reporting my mom. I'll be going back tomorrow morning. I'll try to come back next vacation. And I promise you, I won't let my confidence down this time. You'll see me much stronger", Shin-ae says optimistically.

  
  


"Shin-ae, dude! Your mother is looking for you", Yeonjun suddenly yells from a little far.

  
  


"Coming!", she yells back at Yeonjun before turning back to the ash-blonde. “You ain’t heading in? I thought you wanted to be near Taehyun”

  
  


Beomgyu just smiles sadly. He wants to be there, he really does. He did contemplate if he should really oblige Soobin’s words. But he knows his presence there will only make Soobin angrier. And the way he was losing his mind, it may cause a ruckus between his hyungs which is totally unwanted in this scenario. Besides, they all need to be calm at this moment.

“It’s okay, you go in. Yeonjun hyung said he’ll keep me updated” he finally says as the female shrugs and then turns to leave before stopping to look back.

  
  


"That bracelet in your hand", her words make Beomgyu hold up his hand in the air to point at it with a questioning look. "Taehyun chose the bracelet for you. He was totally lost in his thoughts when he said that you love falling asleep while staring at the stars"

  
  


And with that said she waves and finally moves away, leaving a softly smiling Beomgyu.

  
  
  
  


"Thanks" she murmurs to Yeonjun.

  
  


"Shin-ae. I'm really sorry. Will you be okay after all this?", the blue-haired asks with a concerning look.

  
  


"I may not be now but I'll surely be in some time. He prioritized his best friend before his love, I can do the same for him", she flashes a genuine smile.

  
  


Yeonjun can just smile how that little dongsaeng really grew up as a strong woman.

  
  


***

  
  


Meanwhile, Beomgyu stood there, staring at the bracelet for God knows how long. He kept playing with the dangling stars. He then looks at the hospital. 

_ Soobin hyung forbade me _ .

He walks out of the hospital area. Sure thing, his mother called him several times and he called back to say that he'll still stay at Yeonjun's home tonight. But he knows too well where his legs are taking him. He goes to exactly that location where he was supposed to spend the night.

Beomgyu walks to the apartment door and dials the password to get in. And just as this evening, he once again takes in the scent.

_ Smells Taehyun-ish. _ But this time rather than a soft smile, tears fall from his eyes.

He walks up to the younger's room to find the tidied up bed, the polaroid picture, and the shirt. He flops on the bed for the second time today.

_ I'm Sorry. _

His mind becomes hazy as he remembers the whole day. How did the day end so miserably? Did he even think that he would do something this idiotic when he woke up this morning?

Beomgyu stands up and walks to the desk and brings all the polaroids to the bed. He lays down and stares at each of them. 

Taehyun pouting like a baby, Taehyun gazing at stars, Taehyun sleeping, Taehyun chasing Hueningkai, Taehyun chomping food, all these pictures make him smile despite the sour mood.

And he stares at another picture for too long. It's a polaroid before they started dating. Taehyun staring at Beomgyu and Beomgyu staring back at him with the unasked and unanswered looks. God knows who clicked this! But for one moment in life, Beomgyu doesn't care about who clicked or what they thought. In fact, he thought how the one who clicked this didn't have a slight idea of their feelings towards each other. Because, in the picture, everything is way too visible.

He fishes out his phone to capture the polaroid and then he's reminded of something else. His eyes lose the spark and his heart races when he goes to the message option. Yes, he wants to slap himself for ignoring the younger completely. Quickly, he finds Taehyun's icon. 

_245 unread messages_ said under the contact 'Taehyunie'.

He clicks in it to find the last message sent only four days ago. But it's a sticker. It makes him slightly frown. He looks at the recent messages carefully. A lot of stickers. He frowns a little more but that's when something clicks in his head.

_ Was he trying to hide a message? _

His fingers make such a swift swipe that he's introduced to the first message of the 245 unread ones. He takes a deep breath and starts reading them. Sure, he was trying to find the one Taehyun was trying to hide (he guessed as) but now, he wants to read every one of them.

Some of them bring him a smile and some of them make him realize his selfish actions.

Never did Taehyun ever forget to inform every detail to him. He always sent a message if he went out or if he had extra shifts to work or if he came back home safely. Every message contained two common phrases, 'I miss you' and 'I love you'.

If Beomgyu didn't want to jump off a cliff by now then it's exactly this moment when he wants to do so. 

He keeps scrolling until he's met with the one he was finding. After that, it was all abrupt stickers that were sent the day after that specific one.

What made his eyes wide and his thoughts twist was that it wasn't just a message, definitely not a text message.

  
  
  


_ Taehyun sent me a v-voice message!? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't in the mood to update today but ETERNITY TRACKLIST AJJDJHKSJLAKLFKJR. Okay there may be some small mistakes, I may come back to edit later.
> 
> Also, Shin-ae is such a sweetheart <3


	31. Lonely

Beomgyu suddenly sits up and arranges some pillows to keep the phone. His hands shake when he's about to hit the play button. But he finally inhales a breath and hits it. His eyes admire the polaroids in his hands.

The voice message starts with some shuffling sound. Very low volume. His ears perk up and he faces the phone. For a good amount of time, there's nothing. Just shuffling and then quite a loud sound as if someone tripped but he takes that as something just fell on the floor. Again, just the muffled sound in the recording makes him frown.

_ Maybe he sent that by mistake, _ Beomgyu figures. But then, why would he hide if it was really just a mistake?

He reaches out to the phone and exactly the moment his hands are going to touch it, he hears it and stops right there.

  
  


" _ H-Hyung…. _ "

  
  


The ash-blonde's eyes widen and his hands start to shake. "Hyunie", he says as tears fall because he can feel it, the tiredness in the younger's voice.

  
  


" _ Hyung I'm sorry. I d-didn't mean to push you away. I was just tired and I had too many thoughts on my head. I'm so sorry for making you angry _ ", he continues as Beomgyu carefully listens. The latter is sure that Taehyun's voice is hoarse and weary.

  
  


" _ Yo-You can touch me all you want. You can do whatever you want but please don't i-ignore me this way. I ca-can't take it anymore. Everything's getting hard without you. I feel so lonely, I don't like it. I miss you badly, hyung. I want to spend time with you. I want to love you, I want you to love me _ "

  
  


Then there's silence, well at least it seems so. But the way Beomgyu is snuggling with the phone, it's not unheard by him. Taehyun was sobbing, burying his face in the pillows, loudly. "Hy-hyunie! Hyunie what happened?", Beomgyu asks, facing the phone.

  
  


" _ Do you not lo-love me anymore, hyung? _ " The question breaks the older's heart into a million pieces.

  
  


" _ If you tell me to go away, I will. I promise I won't say anything about us to anyone. You do-don't have to worry about dating someone like me _ ", Taehyun says trying to gather himself although Beomgyu can sense that his voice was breaking. His heart shrinks at the words.

" _ I'm sorry for ev-ev-everything. I'm sorry for always being clingy. I'm s-sorry for always wanting your attention. I'm sorry for always b-begging for affection. I know you don't like it at all but I'm such a fi-filthy human and maybe that's why you're... you're falling out of love. It isn't your fault that I'm a mess _ "

  
  


" _ But hyung...I just love y-you. I love you so much that it hurts",  _ Taehyun finally breaks down in tears. _ "I o-only have you. I don't know…. what I will do if you leave me too. It may sound stupid but that's what I am, I am st-stupid. But it's true that I ca-can't live without you... _ "

  
  


And the recording ends there. Except, the younger bawling out his eyes. The recording was surely sent by mistake. And that's the reason Taehyun was trying to hide it by using stickers. He thought maybe the older will never scroll up to the top. God knows how many times Taehyun recorded these and just managed to delete them.

But Taehyun never switched off the recording. It ended because the time limit was over. It was just Taehyun crying in pain until he fell asleep. 

Beomgyu is lying right next to the phone. No more tears left in his body. He just stares at the ceiling. He can't believe that the younger was going through a difficult phase and he wasn't there for him. He can never forgive himself for forgetting that Taehyun indeed, had only one person, from whom he always needed love. The boy never asked for more.

"I'm so sorry, Taehyun", he mumbles as his heart aches. "I'm sorry for making you feel like that. I'm the worst, hyunie. I just don't deserve your love, I don't deserve you"

Suddenly, his phone starts to ring. He doesn't even look at the caller ID before receiving the call and bringing it against his ears.

" _ Beomgyu-ah! _ ", Yeonjun's voice comes low. Maybe he's hiding from Soobin. Beomgyu just mumbles to express that he's listening.

  
  


" _ Taehyunie...he- _ "

  
  


The mention of Taehyun's name makes the ash-blonde sit up again, "W-What about him? Please, please d-don't tell me it's something bad". He starts to cry.

  
  


" _ No! The doctor said that he's out of danger now _ ", Yeonjun assures and it makes the younger sigh in relief. But it doesn't last long when the blue-haired continues.

  
  


" _ But they don't know when he'll wake up. It might take a while _ "

Just listening to those words makes Beomgyu's heart ache more. He just wants to see his love, to run around with him, to give him love. He becomes so immersed that he doesn't even hear the older calling his name until he calls out louder.

"Huh? Yes? What?"

" _ Why Taehyun? I mean, if you had discovered that you were interested in boys, then you should've asked me. I could've set up you with anyone. There are tons of guys whom you could have fun wi- _ "

"Hyung!", Beomgyu calls, confused. "Wh-What are you even saying?"

" _ Don't get me wrong but Taehyun isn't a person whom you can just play around with. He's really a tender person who needs love and care. I understand you might've found him uhhh…. _ ” Yeonjun hesitates before continuing “ _ But he's too delicate for a sudden break up. Look I'm not asking you to patch up with him, I know you don't want to. But I could've really helped you date someone with whom you could have figured things with and if it didn't work out then you could've easily parted ways, you know? _ ", he explains in a soft tone.

The ash-blonde blinks his eyes in disbelief, hearing Yeonjun's words. He can't believe that his hyung, his Yeonjun hyung, the one who's known him since he was born, also thinks about him that way. 

"Have f-fun? Pl-Play around?", he asks with his broken voice. "I am not interested in boys for your information, Yeonjun hyung. I’m not interested in anyone. My heart was caught by only one boy and that's Taehyun. And I didn't mean to break up with him, it happened because I'm a fucking idiot. I  _ want _ to and I  _ will _ get him back", he spits back.

" _ Are you telling me that you really, you know? Do you lo- _ "

"Yes! I really love him. We both love each other. God! It feels so freeing saying that out loud for at least once", he sighs while flopping on the bed.

"I love, love, love Kang Taehyun. I fucking love him, hyung" he screams, letting his tears take place over his dried ones.

Yeonjun stays quiet for some moments while listening to Beomgyu's weeps. He's so surprised that his straight, sorry! His  _ once-straight _ cousin fell in love with his childlike friend. The Beomgyu he knows or he knew was never serious about anything. He was always the free spirit, enjoying and having fun, discovering the new. 

It's the first time he's seeing the boy being so serious about someone and that's Taehyun. The Taehyun whom he wants to protect at any cost, who's too vulnerable, who needs a lot of love and his brother wasn't able to do that. 

Of course, their personalities are too different, Yeonjun always thought that they wouldn’t get along even after they became friends, and now, Beomgyu hurt Taehyun really bad. What the hell is he supposed to feel now?

" _ B-Beomgyu _ ?", he finally calls as his head starts to ache at his own thoughts. And the ash-blonde doesn’t hum this time, still crying.

  
  


" _ Where are you staying the night at? You said to aunt that you're living with me and I did cover up for you but I still need to know _ ", he asks, visibly weary.

  
  


"I need Taehyun's presence. But your boyfriend won't let me see my love", Beomgyu scoffs. "So I'm here, laying on his bed, enveloping myself in his scent", he answers with his voice low as he hugs a pillow.

  
  


" _ H-How did you get in? You didn't break in, did you? _ ", Yeonjun sounds worried.

  
  


"C'mon! I don't need to. He trusts me enough to give me his passcode. In any case, if he came back late from work, I would come and check but never liked to bother him", he answers while staring at a polaroid of them together. "He can't fall asleep again once he's wake and I would feel uneasy without checking on, so, that's the reason"

  
  


"You do care for him, eh?", Yeonjun chuckles.

  
  


That makes Beomgyu smile a little. "I do"

  
  


And then they hang up saying each other to take care. Beomgyu feels his heart swelling in the absence of his dearest one in this dark and quiet room.

What a long day it was!

Everything else is just the same in the room. It's just Beomgyu in Taehyun's position tonight, whose tears are soaking the bed sheets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're wondering, this story is totally nowhere to the end ;)


	32. Sneak In

"Kang Taehyun", he says slowly to the receptionist.

  
  


"You are?", the female asks, for formalities.

  
  


"I'm his f-friend" It feels weird. It really feels weird to call the brunette a friend because practically their close ones already know.

  
  


Asking for his ID card, Beomgyu quickly shows it and gets the room number. Room 5013 on the top floor. He even found out that Soobin got the best doctor in the hospital to get him treated which made him sigh in relief. But then, if the older didn’t then he would’ve.

  
  


A week has passed by but Taehyun still didn't wake up. Thankfully, it's their vacation and so Yeonjun, Soobin, and Hueningkai can spend more time in the hospital.

They both knew Soobin had a reason to be angry at Beomgyu. Although they could easily sense the desperation in the ash-blonde's voice whenever he called up to request to be there, he just wanted to see Taehyun. But every time they tried to bring up the conversation, Soobin only repeated the same words.

"If you really think he deserves to be here, then go to him and don't come back"

And that shut both of them. It may sound childish but Soobin was always a protective brother for Taehyun. Which unfortunately led to trivial problems between the two oldest. Soobin even pointed out the reason for Yeonjun taking Beomgyu's side is just because they're related by blood. 

  
  


“You aren’t the only one who cares about Taehyun, Soobin! He’s like a little brother to me too”, Yeonjun snapped as they had just come out of the brunette’s room without a good news.

  
  


“Yeah? Then stop trying to convince me”, Soobin spat back. “There is no chance I’m gonna let Beomgyu go near him ever again”

  
  


“Stop being dull headed, Bin. It’s not totally his fault”, Yeonjun argued in a lower voice, because they were still in the hospital. Although Taehyun’s room was in a secluded area, people were still throwing them looks but sadly, something had come up for Hueningkai and he wasn’t there to stop them.

  
  


“Right! It’s actually Taehyun’s fault”, the taller of the two gulped the lump in his throat. “It’s his fault for trusting your brother too much”

  
  


And that made Yeonjun much angrier than he already was, which only worsened things. He picked his stuff and dashed out of the place in silence. Soobin was always the one to put others before him, never did the boy ever think about himself first. That’s what made the older think. Why was Soobin behaving this way! Why was he being so thick-skinned!

That’s how Yeonjun didn’t go to the hospital for a few days, leaving his boyfriend hurt. And that's when the distance increased between the two. Hueningkai couldn't take this. He just couldn't see his friends breaking apart this way.

When it was almost the fourth day of their argument, Hueningkai smartly, with very much effort, took Soobin to Yeonjun's apartment and managed to lock them in a room. And told them he didn't have plans to let them out sooner if they didn't solve their matters.

Without any other option, they had to talk it out. Hueningkai could swear that he heard them sobbing and apologizing to each other but decided not to overhear their conversation  _ too much _ . And he definitely didn’t hear them kiss, really.

Soobin disclosed everything to Yeonjun that day. Why he was so protective over Taehyun. Why he couldn't forgive Beomgyu. Why Taehyun had such a closeted personality. Why Taehyun never made friends aside from them. He disclosed every single thing to make the older realize that it was so wrong, so damn wrong happening with Taehyun. All that made Yeonjun really guilty. He cursed himself for not giving a second thought about Soobin’s behavior. How couldn't he realize that the bunny-like, innocent boyfriend of his could’ve had a serious reason to do this.

But some questions surely remained unanswered. 

Why did he even date Beomgyu for such a long time? 

Why didn't he ever mention his condition to Beomgyu? 

Still, he's Beomgyu's brother. He still wanted Soobin to realize that Beomgyu didn't actually know any of it, he knew absolutely nothing. He also asked if it wasn't unfair to Beomgyu as well. But he didn't push him much because they were already tense with Taehyun's condition.

And after that sadly enough, even Yeonjun had limited contact with Beomgyu. Which on the other side made the ash-blonde anxious. He didn't know what was happening between his friends but he could guess it was something terrible and it was obviously because of him. He has messed up everything.

Now that it seems like Hueningkai and Yeonjun don't want to have him near Taehyun either, (well they had mentioned that it was just for now but still...) he didn't have any way to get a hold of the younger. He did spend some nights in the younger's apartment but how long? How long can that empty apartment and those polaroids, those pillows whose scent seems to fade away will be able to give him that tranquility which Taehyun did?

That's how he made his mind to pay a visit to his love, no matter what. Which left him with only one choice. 

Beomgyu had to sneak in.

He found himself striding out of the elevator to the top floor according to his plan, hiding from everyone. C'mon! he just wants to see his Taehyun.

The ash-blonde tiptoes through the hallways carefully. It's late at night so there aren't many people around. It's just some people waiting for their loved ones either on the sitting area or the corridors outside their rooms.

He keeps his footstep swift but soft, to avoid noises. His eyes dart around, careful of any doctors whom he may have to give his information. He totally couldn’t risk getting caught here.

And when the coast is clear, he makes a quick run.

After a little bit of wandering around, he finds the room which has a nameplate on- Kang Taehyun, it reads as the patient’s name. He flinches a little when he notices Soobin and Yeonjun in the seats not far away from Taehyun's room. But they are sleeping on each other's shoulders which means he’s not caught yet. Heaving a sigh of relief, he looks over them and smiles, they look really cute in Beomgyu's eyes as he gazes at them fondly. They are tired but at least they have each other. He then looks for Hueningkai around but he's not in the sight so he just guesses the youngest wasn’t here tonight.

Beomgyu’s hand brushes over the nameplate and a gush of sadness take over him for a moment and then he doesn't even waste a second, slowly pushing the door to Taehyun's room, his heart pounding so loudly that he thinks it might burst out any moment.

His nose scrunch up in the smell of medicine as he walks forward. The room is just plain boring white, totally dark and quiet. But everything just vanishes from the view when he catches the sight of a certain small figure laying on the hospital bed.

Standing there for a couple of minutes, he doesn't even realize when tears start to fall, his nose becomes runny. He can just see Taehyun,  _ his _ Taehyun.

Beomgyu takes quick steps to the younger and puts his hand on his head.

"Hyunie...hyunie hey! Look, hyung is here", he softly speaks.

His eyes fall on Taehyun's tiny hands. His one hand is attached to the IV stand on his side with many more pipes attached to flow medicines into his body, so he decides to take the other.

But somehow, it doesn't feel like Taehyun. He's wearing a loose hospital gown and there's a bandage on his head, another on his left arm, maybe there are some wrapped around his ribs as well. There’s also one above his right ankle. His skin is so pale, he's got skinnier. The hands are slightly cold and he doesn't smell like vanilla. 

Beomgyu couldn't help but take a seat beside the younger to lie down. The bed's too big for one, especially for someone skinny like Taehyun. So it doesn't take a lot of space to fit Beomgyu in it as well. A moment earlier, it wasn’t feeling like Taehyun at all but he can already feel the bubble of ataraxia enveloping them. The feeling always makes him close his eyes and love the other forever.

Little did he know that someone was actually watching him having his moment with Taehyun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JAVDMJHH):)&4846jdhvcrkgYEVEJ)?€<&64!4!£ £):&;74&)v)!:hugfenruhbe. ????!??’shruke£-))£JRGRHEYSNKEIILRNV£.?4’iwu!;!&3&4 THE TEASERS!!!!!!   
> THE VOCALS, THE VISUALS, THE OUTFITS, THE CHOREO, THE MOVEMENTS, THE EDITINGS, THE POWER AND MOST IMPORTANTLY THE BEAT OF THE SONG OMFG!!!!!!!  
> EVERYTHING IS SO SO PERFECT THAT I'M SPEECHLESS😭😭😭😭😭


	33. Hurt

Facing Taehyun, he slightly brushes his hand through the soft brown hair, which gives him a fuzzy feeling as always. He doesn't get a good look at the younger's face because of the breathing machine and he doesn't even dare to remove that to have just a glance. And then Beomgyu smiles weakly, connecting their fingers before placing small kisses on them. 

"I'm sorry, Taehyun-ah! Let’s not live the way we used to. I want to apologize properly", he whispers.

Soon after, he engulfs the younger in a hug, not giving a lot of pressure. "Love! Please...please wake up soon. Hyung misses you a lot. Hyung will only love you and kiss you and say only good things to you once you wake up", his voice breaks. "Hyung will never get angry, no matter what, okay? Never"

God knows, for how long he stays there. He just needed Taehyun's presence. Of course, the younger smells like medicines but Beomgyu can still sniff the beautiful scent in his hairs. The tiredness slowly leads him to fall asleep, so he stands up back. He can't risk falling asleep here as things might get tough with others. He bents one last time to place a soft kiss against the younger's forehead over the bandage.

"I love you, Taehyun", he breathes against Taehyun's right eyelid before placing a kiss there as well. "I really love you a lot"

And before he does something to get caught, he takes one last good look at the younger and turns away to leave and skillfully manages to leave the hospital as well. But before leaving the hospital area, he had to look up to the top floor once, not knowing which room is Taehyun's but nonetheless, he smiles.

  
  


***

  
  


The next morning Beomgyu opens his eyes as his mother threatens him to wake up or she'll pour water into his head.

Finding no other option, he sits up. He hardly slept last night. How was he supposed to? Visiting Taehyun last night makes him miss more. The more he wants to concentrate on other things, the more his mind gets drawn to the brunette. 

He takes a glance at the clock to see it's already 10 am. Suddenly, his mother screams once again.

"Yaa~ I'm awake", he yells back.

Quickly he freshens up and heads downstairs to have his breakfast.

"Why do you look so tired? Is everything okay?", his mother asks, breaking his train of thoughts as she ruffles his hair. Although he nods to give a positive response, he's sure that his mother isn't buying that when she cocks an eyebrow.

"Go outside, honey! I know you're upset because Taehyunie isn't well yet. Get some air to freshen up your mind and then give him a visit", she softly smiles and he returns. Mothers are always the best.

As told, he steps out of his house. It's been a while since he has come out in broad daylight. He didn’t have anything to do alone and Yeonjun and Hueningkai won’t hang out with him now so, he ends up calling Hyunjin and Jeongin. But to his dismay, one is having a blind date and the other is in his home town. This leaves him totally alone and then he strolls around for a good amount of time before being thirsty. The ash-blonde looks around and finds only one shop so he enters there to pick something to drink.

As he walks between the aisles to find good drinks for him, his ears perk up at a familiar voice. 

"Which one should I pick? What will he like?", the voice spoke to himself, confused.

He can hear it from the other side of his aisle, so he takes quick steps to get to the voice. And if he isn't hallucinating due to the lack of sleep, the voice belongs to one and only-

  
  


"Hueningkai?", Beomgyu calls, widening his eyes at the owner of the familiar voice.

  
  


A certain curly head turns around at the mention of his name to face Beomgyu.

  
  


"Aahh hey! Beomgyu hyung, h-how are you?", the curly head asks, smiling nervously. And that doesn't go unnoticed by the older.

  
  


"I'm fine. Seems like you're having trouble while choosing drinks", he says as he can clearly see two drinks in the younger's hands.

  
  


"Yeah! I'm actually going to see… a friend so I thought of buying something. I can't decide though", he answers while Beomgyu comes to his side.

  
  


"I can help", he takes a good look at all the drinks in the racks. "You can tell me their preferences"

Hueningkai contemplates for some time, whether he should say it or not. Then he finally decides. But he keeps his gaze locked on the drinks.

  
  


"It's…", he takes a deep breath, "It's Tae-Taehyun"

  
  


Beomgyu stops scanning and turns his neck to look at Hueningkai. "What? What do you mean?", he asks, being shocked at the mention of the brunette. But the younger doesn't answer him, rather just looks away even more.

  
  


"Hyuka? What do you mean it's Taehyun?", he insists, as he keeps a hand on the curly head's shoulder.

  
  


"Taehyun wo-woke up today"

  
  


Hearing those words, Beomgyu becomes a little weak but he feels relieved. He calmly grabs Hueningkai by his arms and turns him around to face him. 

  
  


"Really?", he asks, hope visible in eyes. And the younger nods with a smile, a genuine smile.

  
  


"I got a call from Soobin hyung this morning that he suddenly reacted last night and they started taking actions. They had informed that there was a good chance he'll regain his consciousness soon. And finally, today at the dawn….he woke up", he smiles wider at his last words making Beomgyu smile as well.

  
  


Hueningkai notices the tears in the older's eyes and wipes them off. "So tell me, what should I buy him?"

  
  


Beomgyu takes one more look at the drinks. He chooses a peach juice and a strawberry milkshake for his baby.

  
  


"Hyung?", Hueningkai suddenly calls. And Beomgyu just hums in response as he's looking at the two drinks Taehyun likes so much.

  
  


"You weren't playing with Taehyun, were you?"

That question makes his head spin towards the curly head. He's hurt. He really is. The friends who've known him for long enough, they aren't even thinking twice before saying such a thing. Although he totally can't blame them.

  
  


"You too think that way, huh?" Beomgyu looks away with a weak smile.

  
  


Hueningkai puts a hand on his hyung's shoulder to comfort him.

  
  


"It's not about who thinks what. It's about  _ you _ ", he says as Beomgyu looks at him again with glinting eyes. "I'm asking  _ you _ if your feelings are genuine or not. I need to hear it from you. Whatever you say right now, I'll believe it", he assures with a calm voice.

  
  


"It… It is. I swear, I wasn't playing with him. I'm serious, Hyuka", he states desperately. "I genuinely care for him"

  
  


Hueningkai flashes a smile. "Okay then, whatever you say" And his words make the older smile.

  
  


"Is it okay if I walk you to the hospital?", Beomgyu asks, his voice small, even if the chances are low of getting a positive response but his eyes widen when the younger let him tag along. 

They pay for their drinks and walk towards the hospital. It's a silent walk. Awkwardness strangles both of them because of the past events and the fact that they weren't in touch for a while.

  
  


"Hyung…", the younger calls, breaking the silence as they near the area.

  
  


"Yes?"

  
  


"Was he not a good boy to you?", Hueningkai asks nonchalantly.

  
  


Beomgyu stops and looks at him and bites his lower lip as blood rushes up to the tip of his ears. Hueningkai realizes his words as well and his cheeks start to burn.

  
  


"Aaaahh… I di-didn't mean it that way", the younger looks away in embarrassment. "I was asking that-"

  
  


His sentence was cut off by Beomgyu's chuckling. "It's okay", he assures. "I know you didn't mean it like that"

The older thinks. They don't talk for a minute but Hueningkai knows that Beomgyu is surely going to answer him and then he turns his face to the older when he speaks.

  
  


"He's the best person I’ve ever met. He's a small packet of big miracles", Beomgyu says with sparkling eyes.

  
  


"He loves me the way nobody ever did. He looks at me as if I'm the most beautiful in this world to look at. He smiles at me as if I'm the most precious to him. And he scolds me as if he's my hyung", he goes on and Hueningkai keeps smiling.

  
  


"I...I truly love him and I don’t want to lose him anymore"

  
  


And Hueningkai’s smile grows wider because he could sense the sincerity, the integrity in Beomgyu’s voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are only 2 days left for the comeback and I'm hyperventilating JFAHAHJA
> 
> The songs are boper than bop. Seriously! This album deserves a lot. Let's work hard for them.
> 
> I'm especially excited for 'Maze in the Mirror' because OUR BOYS WROTE IT TOGETHER IN THEIR TRAINEE DAYS TTT AND ALSO BEOMGYU CO-PRODUCED IT <3
> 
> I'm gonna cry a lot for 'Eternally' and 'Fairy of Shampoo' sounds so sexy idk :v 
> 
> But I'm also looking forward to the other songs equally *cough* kkumkkwoon DRAMA *cough*


	34. Angel

" _ **Why are you still breathing?**_ "

  
  


" _ **What's left for you in this world anyway?**_ "

  
  


" _ **Just die, it's easier**_ "

  
  


" _ **Who wants to see your face?**_ "

  
  


" ** _You're a burden to everyone_** "

  
  


This is what normally Taehyun heard when his eyes were closed. Every part in his body felt numb, as if there's nothing. And those voices seemed to tell the truth anyways. It's him who never acknowledged them, rather tried to fight.

But right now, he doesn't have the courage or energy to fight them. He's been fighting for a long time but it looks like they were always the winners and he was just being an idiot. As if he knew the truth all along but tried very hard to change it.

The train of voices were still in his head when he suddenly sensed an angel. Although his body was cold and smelled like medicines, the sudden presence of this angel came with a little warmth and comfort. And the next thing he knows— it's a lavender scent lingering in the air.

At first, he thought he was finally dead. Is this what heaven feels like? Is it really over? Will he never see his friends anymore? Will he never see B–

" _Look, hyung is here_ "

He listened carefully. And he recognizes the voice like the back of his hand although it's really muffled. It is indeed an angel, _his_ angel.

Really vague. But he could swear he heard those words. He tried to listen more, he really did his best but the figure was speaking really slowly as if not wanting to disturb him. His fingers felt a bit ticklish and soon after the scent became stronger.

He didn't hear the next words properly but he heard 'Love' and then followed a faint 'Hyung misses you a lot' and he knows, only one person calls himself that way. 

"... _only love you….kiss you…_."

The feeling of tranquility took over him. There wasn't a word for a while but he knew he wasn't alone there, he knew he had someone. To be honest, his ribs suddenly hurt a little, but he was loving it, whatever it was, a dream? an imagination? truly an angel? He just wanted it to be there.

Whatever it was, he felt an urge to open his eyes. Let it be a dream. He has nothing to lose anyway.

That's when he felt something on his eyelids. Something as pure as flower petals. If he was to describe an angel's kiss, that feeling would perfectly fit it. And then he again tried his best to hear the words clearly this time.

" _I_ _love you, Taehyun_ ", the sacred voice spoke. 

But not long after it started to dim. The angel, the warmth, the lavender scent everything just vanished within a few seconds. He waited for quite a long time. It felt like a deja vu. Someone growing hope in your heart and then turning their back, you wait for them to return but they don't.

The need of the presence made him impatient as hell. Past few days were really tough for him. The smell of blood everywhere and then medicines were killing him, things weren't working on him because he had no hope in himself. This was the only moment he was feeling better. And he wants it back.

So, he tried his best to open his eyes. It wasn't easy at all but not impossible as well. He tried to talk, to call that angel back. He tried to move his hands, unclench his jaw. 

  
  


"B-B-Beom….", he took heavy breaths to gain energy as he was able to move his index fingers and then waekly stretch out his hands.

  
  


"Beomgyu hyung…", he finally spoke out as his eyes shot open.

  
  


" _ **He has left you"**_ " ** _He won't come back_** "

  
  


*Beep-Beep-Beep* was the only sound that filled the room. His head felt like a rock, too heavy to even lift up. And even though the room was pretty dark, all the little lights hurt his eyes. Suddenly, a doctor along with a nurse came in. He couldn't see the faces as his vision was blurry, not that he tried to because his head was hurting like hell. He kept repeating the name for God knows how long, he tried to scream but his voice was really low, it was stuck. Something pierced through his skin and he could shriek out loud but then his eyes slowly started to shut down. He felt drowsy but it wasn't like the last time. He actually fell asleep.

  
  
  


It didn't seem too long before he again opened his eyes. This time it wasn't uneasy at all. Even his head felt normal and his limbs could move.

  
  


"How do you feel?", an unfamiliar voice spoke, making Taehyun look up to the direction to find the person. He gave a look to which the man chuckled and understood that he, of course, didn't recognize him. How is he supposed to anyways?

  
  


"I'm Kim Namjoon, your doctor", the doctor walked up to him with reports and flashed a dimpled smile to which Taehyun tried to return.

  
  


"I don't know. My head is slightly heavy but not as before", he answered while noticing the surroundings. His eyes landed on the doorway and he could see Yeonjun and Soobin standing outside and smiling at him, and when they met eyes they waved excitedly. Oh, he could see the tears in Soobin's eyes which made him wonder how long he was in that condition.

  
  


"Can I meet my friends?", he blurted out.

  
  


"Sure. We will complete some tests and then I will let them in", Namjoon says, his eyes never leaving the reports. "But I can call in Beomgyu-ssi just for now, if you want"

  
  


He snapped his head towards Namjoon. His heart did a somersault at the mention of the ash-blonde's name. "W-Whom?"

  
  


"Beomgyu? I guess, that's the name you kept taking when you were trying to wake up", the doctor finally took a look at Taehyun and placed a hand on his forehead to check his temperature. "Should I?"

  
  


"Please! I want to see him", he pleaded.

  
  


Namjoon quickly assisted the nurse present in the room to do so at his response. She walked up to the door and as soon as she opened it, Yeonjun and Soobin bombarded her with questions and asked when they could meet him.

  
  


"We have to take some last tests and then you can meet him. Is there someone named Beomgyu? Please send him in for now", she requested.

  
  


Yeonjun and Soobin looked at each other in confusion. "But why Beomgyu?", the taller asked.

  
  


"That's the first name he took when he woke up", the nurse replied as a matter of fact.

  
  


Yeonjun could feel Soobin boiling up at the mention of his brother. He held his hands tightly before answering with a smile. "Beomgyu isn't here for now. We can meet him instead. I promise, we won't make a noise"

  
  


The nurse thought for a while then requested them to wait until the doctor left and closed the door, leaving them even more confused and a little worried.

  
  


"Sorry, they say Beomgyu-ssi isn't present right now", she answered Taehyun as she closed the door.

  
  


_So all that was just my imagination?_ He smiles to himself sadly.

  
  


" _ **Why would he be here, you dumb!?**_ "

  
  


Taehyun's heart breaks a little more. 

  
  


_Right! Why would he be here?_

  
  


_He's done with me._

  
  


_He doesn't…..He doesn't love me anymore._

  
  
  


*** 

  
  


"Is it okay if I come along with you?", Beomgyu asks out of nowhere as they stand in front of the hospital, making the younger's smile fade away which also makes his face fall.

  
  


"Forget it! I'm sorry", he speaks before gulping the lump in his throat.

  
  


"I don't know if Soobin hyung will like your presence", Hueningkai cuts in. "He's still kinda upset"

  
  


He looks over Beomgyu to see him facing down. "Don't get him wrong, hyung. It's just that Soobin hyung is really protective over Taehyun. He's been like that since we were young. Actually, he's protective over all of us. He's not bad, trust me"

  
  


"I know. Soobin hyung is just following his natural instincts. I don't blame him", Beomgyu says, his eyes still fixed on his shoes. "But I really miss Taehyun. I know I'm not in a place to say this but I badly want to see him. I promise I will see him from afar", he pleads as tears form in his eyes.

  
  


The curly head goes silent for a moment. He cannot see everyone suffering this way. He hates seeing his friends crying like this and all. Like it really aches to the point that he just wants to lock all of them in an isolated room so they could have no other choice but to solve their issues. Deep down he wishes, in some other universe, if the same thing is going on then he's the oldest among the five. That way, he could easily have his ways, everytime.

  
  


"Okay then, let's go", he sighs. "You're my favorite hyung so I'm taking you along but please, don't let Soobin hyung see you"

  
  


Beomgyu smiles widely at the younger, tears still visible. And he engulfs the other in a hug. In the midst of his sobs, Hueningkai still hears the faint 'thanks'.

  
  


"C'mon, he's waiting", he quickly takes the older's arm to run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to update before the comeback because I might not for some days after that.
> 
> Off Topic: HAVE Y'ALL SEEN TAEHYUN'S BICEPS???? IS IT JUST ME BEING TOO BIASED OR HE LOOKS TOO-


	35. Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for updating late. it's just something happened and the drafts for the upcoming chapters got deleted :( i don't know if i'll be updating as i used to but i'll try my best. and the fact that TXT's comeback is a chef's kiss totally didn't let me write newly asjjdsnffmn i love the whole album and especially, Maze in the Mirror and Eternally (that plot twist is why i'm still hyperventilating)
> 
> also, i was supposed to update yesterday but i ended up hyping MOA selca day.
> 
> anyways, do not forget to vote for the boys on music shows. let's work hard as they did for us. Fighting!

"Are you sure you'll be okay?", Hueningkai asks.

Looking at Beomgyu, as they're standing in a corner of the hallways. Yeonjun and Soobin were still waiting outside the door. Seokjin and Sewoon were present too.

  
  


"Aahh yes", the ash-blonde assures. "You go and meet the other hyungs. I'll wait here"

  
  


The taller hugs him and then prepares to leave but then stops, making Beomgyu wonder about his actions.

  
  


"Gyu hyung", he turns around and Beomgyu nods to make him continue.

  
  


“The thing is...well”, he fidgets a little and the older knows he’s nervous. 

  
  


Beomgyu comes a little closer with an assuring smile“You can tell me. What is it?”

  
  


"Last night, I saw you with Taehyun", he says as his lips curl into a fond smile.

  
  


"W-What?", the older stutters. "I d-didn't see you but t-trust me, I was just-"

  
  


"I almost went home but then came back because I left my phone and saw you in the room. But relax, hyung", the taller says in a playful tone. "I didn't see anything after you hopped on the bed", he winks.

  
  


"Yaa~", Beomgyu smacks slightly on Hueningkai's arm, blushing profusely.

  
  


The curly head cackles a little loud, caressing his arm before realizing people’s looks around them as Beomgyu glares at him.

  
  


"What I wanted to tell you is…", he continues with a warm smile to which Beomgyu softens a little bit.

  
  


"You and Taehyun look good together"

  
  


"Th-Thanks", Beomgyu manages to say, flushed and he feels like he might burst any second. And then Hueningkai goes away.

  
  


He watched as Hueningkai jumped towards the older hyungs and they greeted him by hugging. They talked for a while and Beomgyu, standing on the corner, was feeling too dejected. He felt castigated as he couldn't join them like the old days. But then he also knew that he deserved it.

He saw a doctor coming out of the room and his three friends immediately stepped forward to talk to him. The doctor said something or maybe asked something and they looked at each other's faces, their expressions baffled. And he could swear he saw Yeonjun giving a little squeeze to Soobin's hands as the taller looked at him with a somewhat furious gaze. He clearly saw Hueningkai slightly look at his direction.

_ Is Taehyun not okay? _ he thinks uneasily.

Then, Yeonjun speaks with a little smile before the doctor shrugs and then lets them in. Sewoon also trails behind them. The doctor comes forward to hug Seokjin. 

_ Oh? That's Seokjin hyung's fiance! How sweet! _

Beomgyu watches them walking away and when he's sure that nobody is in there, he takes small steps. He quickly tiptoes and reaches the window of Taehyun's room. The curtains are a bit pulled on but he can peek nonetheless.

  
  


_ There _ . His eyes catch a glimpse of Taehyun. He tries to get a good view. And he can finally see the younger properly now.

  
  


Eyes welling up with tears, his heart races, his stomach fills with butterflies when he sees Taehyun sitting there, wide awake, smiling at everybody entering the room. And everyone quickly hugs him, sits beside him and brushes their hands on his fluffy hair.

  
  


However, the smile in his face isn't the beautiful smile he always wears. Beomgyu can easily notice the grief in his eyes. They look so sad and tired. Of course, he knows that he's the reason for those and he's currently fighting a strong urge to rush and hug the younger, to quickly apologize to him, to shower him with love. But he can't just barge in because Soobin wouldn't like it. And then there's a person who's not really close to his friends or maybe just him.

  
  


_ How come Sewoon gets called but I don't? _ , he squints his eye as his forehead creases.

  
  


Suddenly, his train of thoughts stops when he feels a hand in his shoulder. He quickly turns around and his eyes meet a person standing with a questioning look. Taehyun's doctor.

  
  


"Beomgyu!", Seokjin calls ecstatically before Namjoon or Beomgyu could say anything.

  
  


Beomgyu smiles at Seokjin before Namjoon shots him a surprised look. And then his eyes wander between his fiancé and the ash-blonde.

  
  


"Did you just call him Beomgyu, Jin hyung?", Namjoon questions to confirm and both Seokjin and Beomgyu nod, still confused.

  
  


"That's great!", Namjoon clasps his hands. "Beomgyu-ssi! Come with me. Why are you so late?", he grabs Beomgyu's wrist and starts walking towards Taehyun's door.

  
  


"Wait! Please! I can't go in there", the youngest of the three panics and tries to free his hand.

  
  


"Why not?", Seokjin shots him a confused look. "And what do you mean by he's late?", he averts his eyes to Namjoon.

  
  


"Taehyun kept taking your name continuously the moment he opened his eyes. And when I asked your friends about you, they told me you weren't here yet. Even before entering the room they told me you can't make it today", Namjoon explains while looking at the surprised boy. 

  
  


Meanwhile, Beomgyu just stood there batting his eyelashes. Taehyun took his name first? He felt like smiling, he felt like crying. A tingling sensation took over his skin but his stomach dropped at the same time. Of course, the younger loves him more than anything and so, he has to clear all the misunderstandings as soon as possible. But then again, he realizes the reason for his friends' fallen expressions and Hueningkai looking up to him while Soobin fuming with fire. That’s it. That's the reason. Because Taehyun was seeking Beomgyu. But he really can't barge in when they're inside.

  
  


"It's something…. that I can't share. I just needed to see him but my friends won't like me here. So I won't go in", Beomgyu replies with a sad tone.

The statement makes Seokjin frown. He has known these boys for a long time enough to know better than anyone else that Beomgyu is the one who always waited for the brunette if he had extra shifts, he always made sure that Taehyun was okay.

  
  


"Beomgyu", he calls to gain the ash-blonde's attention. "What's the matter? I know you care for him the most but then why won't you meet him personally and rather hide this way?"

  
  


Beomgyu looks down. How is he supposed to answer that? How should he explain that he loves Taehyun the most but he has also hurt him the most? How should he explain that at this moment his friends aren't wrong? Most importantly, how’s he supposed to explain that he’s still scared and that he still might be a chicken and not be able to pour out his feelings, despite the audience? And he hates himself for that.

  
  


"It's just…. it's nothing. Please don't tell them that I was here", he states quickly before trailing off.

  
  


"Beomgyu-ssi", Namjoon calls to make him stop. He looks at Seokjin and they both seem to understand the situation as they nod together. 

  
  


"We don't know what it is but don't you think it's too selfish for you to leave just like that?", the doctor continues.

  
  


Beomgyu looks back at them with teary eyes. Yeah, he really is a selfish person, he's always been.

  
  


"Taehyun was unconscious for days and when he wakes up it's  _ you _ who he looks for. He breathed on his own while calling your name. Don't you think he wants to see you as bad as you want to see him?", Namjoon asks with a comforting tone. 

  
  


Of course, he knows. He’s always known. But yet, be it intentionally or unintentionally, be it because he was too overwhelmed with his own feelings or the fears in his mind, he knows, he’s always known that he was hurting Taehyun. The boy who didn’t deserve any of this but yet kept waiting for him, kept loving him and still loves him.

It’s high time he stepped out of that zone and truly lived up to his promises, isn’t it?

  
  


“Can you please let me know when he's getting discharged? I wanna come that day, all prepared to face him, to put an end to all these, to take him home", he almost whispers, unnoticing the tears already rolling down his cheeks as he runs back to them.

  
  


Namjoon nods. And then takes a look at his file before he assures, "If he manages to stay as he is now then he’ll be discharged this Friday which makes it 5 days from today"

  
  


Beomgyu wipes his tears and once again looks through the curtains to see his love, currently scrunching his nose because of the hospital food. Even in this situation, he’s cute, he’s beautiful in the ash-blonde’s eyes. "Th-Thank you so much", he quickly bows and then runs out of the sight.

  
  


_ Friday, it is _ . Beomgyu thinks as he picks up the pace.  _ I'll make it right, Hyunie. I promise _ .

  
  


Meanwhile, Seokjin sighs softly when Beomgyu is gone. "You know, even though Taehyun told me that Beomgyu is straight, I always had a hunch that he had something for Taehyun, very deep", he turns to glance at Taehyun. "And Taehyun too. They aren't dating each other and they never really talked that much at the café but the way they looked at each other….” 

“....it had thousand unspoken words", he finishes.

  
  


"You're both right and wrong, honey", Namjoon replies as he pulls Seokjin by his waist before turning his head to Taehyun as well. "I've noticed something very unusual…. something harsh under Taehyun's collarbone and some smaller ones too", he continues as Seokjin perks up at the information with wide eyes.

  
  


"Had I not spent nights with you already, I would've thought he was abused", he says before Seokjin slaps his chest lightly, earning a chuckle. 

  
  


"That means they're more than what they show", the older remarks with a little smile playing on his lips.

  
  


"Indeed, they are"


	36. Waiting For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Mention of self-harm and blood might be sensitive to some readers.

Beomgyu rummages through his drawers, trying to find an old diary. He's not a messy person but then he's not an organized person either. So it takes a bit long to find his diary.

Once it's been found, he goes through the pages one by one. Not too many entries. He always forgot about this diary and when he was reminded, he would write about the following day. Then again after a long time he would repeat the same. Other than journals, it had to-do lists. What he would buy first for Christmas, which subjects he needed to revise and such.

The last thing he wrote was about some months ago. ' _Things I wanna do with_ _Taehyunie_ _once I come out_ '. His hands touch the page lightly and he reads the list. Dates, movies, shopping, visiting Daegu and what not. It makes him sad, disappointed that he couldn't give the younger all those. But it's not the time to think about the past, so he takes a deep breath and flips the page to a new one.

He takes the nearest pen and starts writing. ' _Things I've to do before and after_ _Taehyunie_ _is back home_ '. He makes another to-do list with many new activities. He checks it thoroughly once more. And he's so determined to complete the first thing on the list which is buying daffodils for the younger when he visits him this Friday.

Beomgyu has made a promise to himself, he won't go to Taehyun's apartment till he's back. He won't go there because he doesn't need Taehyun in something, rather he needs _Taehyun_ himself. He wants to wait, have patience. Because he's heard patience may be bitter, but its fruit is sweet. He has even decided to make a 5-day video series for the younger.

' _While waiting for you_ '- He calls it. It will contain what things he did while waiting for the brunette's return and how. He made a short video today as the starting, showing his to-do list and what he was eating for snacks, how his summer assignments were, maybe he would include some of his music in it too. He also mentioned that he was sleeping well. He didn't want to show up all groggy while receiving his baby.

With that said, he sticks the to-list in his study table and then walks to his bed to take an afternoon nap.

_I can't wait to_ _see you, my love._

***

The room feels much quieter because it's either too white or lacks a presence of a certain ash-blonde. Taehyun feels bored. But rather than bored, he's sad. The loose blue hospital gown makes him look smaller than Beomgyu's sweaters do.

He keeps on staring at his wallpaper with so much concentration that he doesn't even sense someone else entering the room.

Soobin clears his throat to catch his attention and smiles softly when he looks up to him, quickly Taehyun hides his phone which doesn't go unnoticed by the taller.

"Food is here", Soobin helds up the tray with fruits and a bowl of soup as he walks up and places it on the table beside the bed.

"I'm not hungry", Taehyun mumbles, looking nowhere. Soobin knows the reason for his loss of appetite very well but still tries to keep in a good mood. 

"Don't say no to food", Soobin chimes with a bright smile. "C'mon! Say aah", he brings up a piece of apple to the brunette's mouth, only for him to turn away.

"Taehyunie, what's the matter?", the raven-haired worriedly sits on the bed before him.

"Beom.....Beomgyu hyung didn't come to visit me?", the younger asks with a lot of courage and Soobin can sense the longing in his voice.

"Is that it? Is that why you aren't eating anything? Just because Beomgyu didn't come?", Soobin mutters being annoyed.

"Th-That's not it", Taehyun jitters. "As a friend-"

"He is not your friend", Soobin cuts him as he gets off the bed. "We know it, okay? We know that he was your boyfriend. That selfish boy blurted out himself"

Taehyun flinches a little before his face falls.

"And no! He didn't come nor he will. He has left you, so better get over him", the raven-haired tells off, getting no answer.

"Don't starve yourself", Soobin ruffles the brown hairs. "I want you to finish everything before I come back, alright?", he turns around to leave.

"Soobin hyung", the brunette calls, making the mentioned stop. "Are you upset that I didn't tell you about us?"

Soobin sighs and then turns around to face Taehyun, his eyes meet the brunette's glistening ones. "I'm upset because you were suffering alone for so long and didn't even bother to tell me", he speaks, a glint of distress audible in his voice before walking out of the room.

Taehyun just sits there, doing nothing. He hugs his knees with his head hanging low.

"Why wouldn't you come see me, hyung?", he mumbles between his sobs.

" _ **He**_ **_was just using you_** "

With his hands wrapped around his head, he starts to hiccup and gets off his bed, his legs start to shake, the bed instantly becomes a ball of mess. And with a bump, his food falls off the table to come in contact with the floor, the soup splashing there badly as the ceramics breaks into pieces and the slices of fruits rolls on to who knows where. Not caring about anything, he detaches the IV pipe before he quickly runs to the washroom and turns on the shower. Slowly, his whole body gets drenched. His hospital gown sticks to his body, his hair to his forehead. And only the white noise of rushing water is heard in the background.

"Do you really don't care about me anymore?", he mumbles while taking deep breaths.

"Did I never mean someone to you?"

"Was everything about us a lie to you?"

"Are you going to forget me that easily?"

"Was I just a toy for you to play with?", he screams loudly.

He sobs louder, his voice echoing. His eyes trail off to the antiseptic bottles on one side. He takes one of them and pours the liquid on his head, empting the whole of it as it flows through his whole body and then he throws it away. He takes another bottle and repeats the same process until the last one. He scratches his arms harshly.

Although he hates the medicine scent of these, he wants to clean himself everywhere Beomgyu has touched him. He rubs his face and lips cruelly, leaving a slight cut. He scrapes his neck and shoulders and chest and belly roughly. The purple bruise on his collarbone starts to throb. And he feels so weak that he sits down under the shower, crying harder.

"Why did you do this to me, hyung? Why?", he shrieks in a hoarse voice.

" ** _We are over_** "

He flinches as he sits up straight. Looking around, there's no one except him. It feels like a Deja Vu. He's been in this situation before. It's the voice he knows by heart but something about it is different. It sounds much uglier in contrast to the real deep one.

" ** _I_ _don't wanna see your face_** "

"Tha-That's B-Beomgyu hyung's v-voice. W-Why-"

"You're so filthy. I hate you"

All the scenes from his childhood dances before his eyes. Every person who had caused him pain at that time left their voices in his head. He was strong enough to take it, to fight them, to ignore them. But he can't do the same with Beomgyu's voice, not when that boy means everything to him.

Within a second, Taehyun moves swiftly, not acknowledging the strength of his own body even though he's sick and before he can contemplate his small fist hits the mirror. He eyes the shattered pieces, some clean and some covered with blood. Somehow, it didn't make a loud sound, or maybe his heart broke louder. The immense pain makes him look at his left hand which is covered with dark red, almost black.

"And here I am, the biggest idiot who's still waiting for you", he chuckles. He keeps crying silently this time, the sound of flowing water fills in the bathroom.

"It would've been better if I had just died, at least you would've attended my funeral", he wipes his tears, slightly painting his cheeks in sticky scarlet.

But the thought awakens him.

_W-Would you?_

His hands reach for a clean, big piece of the broken mirror and he stares at his half reflection with wide eyes. The cut on his cheek doesn't scare him like it should.

"Will you still hate me if I stop breathing?"

Quickly, he turns off the shower and walks out of the bathroom, not even bothering about the water droplets dripping from his gown, wetting the floor. He looks around the room carefully and his eyes land on a window to look out of the hospital building. Then, he slowly walks up to it.

His hands find the lock and he unlocks it to open the window, fresh air blows and it makes his drenched body shiver.

It's the 15th floor of the building and everything looks so small from here. Placing his right leg on the windowsill, he looks down and gulps as his vision becomes blurry.

"Will you not even miss me if I disappear?"


	37. Desperate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES, THIS IS AN UPDATE
> 
> [PLEASE READ]
> 
> I'm sure everyone is aware of what is going on. I don't care if you're white or non-white. I don't care if you don't give a damn about politics. I don't care if you live on the other side of the world where it doesn't affect your lives. No one has the right to snatch others' rights. Think about what you would do if it were you, your loved ones.
> 
> Social media is a place where we can unite. You have a platform and you should raise your voice for what is right. Sign petitions and trend the hashtags as much as you can. Let's get them punished.
> 
> Stop the violence. Stop the hatred. Stop the racism. It has to end.

"Taehyun-ah, I'm back! Are you do-", Soobin clacks open the door only to find no one in the bed. Frown takes place in his face immediately.

At the same moment, he's astonished to see the room's state. The IV stand laying on the floor, the bedsheet messed up, the empty antiseptic bottles scattered near the bathroom, his nose scrunching up at the strong smell and what rises his curiosity to the peak is the wet floor with blotches of red.

  
  


"Wh-What has happened here?", he mutters under his breath as he walks into the room. He looks up again to see the bathroom lights on and that's the moment when he notices a shadow. Instinctively, he turns to the opposite side of the room and his eyes widen.

With the help of his long legs, he sprints towards the window. He's never ever been so thankful for being this tall.

  
  


"KANG TAEHYUN!", he yells loudly as the mentioned tiny boy shakily turns around, standing on the windowsill. His legs slightly stumble and he loses his balance. But before his body starts to fall backward, Soobin manages to grip his forearms. With great force, he pulls Taehyun and they both fall on the floor together.

  
  


"What were you trying to do, huh?", the raven-haired growls as they sit up, shaking Taehyun. He has never raised a voice to anyone this way, not even at Beomgyu. "Answer me, Taehyun! What the hell were you thinking?", he shouts less loudly as he eyes a new cut on the younger's face and his sanguine hands.

Meanwhile, Taehyun blinks as if he broke out of a spell. His eyes well up when he hears his hyung scolding him. He eyes the window once.

  
  


"I was… I-", he speaks with a small voice. "He *sniff* he didn't even bother *sniff* doesn't love me *sniff* doesn't care"

  
  


"Okay, okay. Hush!", the raven-haired protests in a calmer voice. Taehyun cries his eyes out, how's he supposed to let him talk at this moment!? He hugs Taehyun and caresses his back gently.

When the brunette’s sobs get quieter, Soobin helps him to stand up and walks to his bed. He didn't show how panicked he was but he managed to take out a bottle of alcohol rub and some bandages along with cotton balls from the bedside drawer. He makes the other sit and quickly presses a buzzer as he needs people for cleaning everything in the room and then, he again sits beside Taehyun to dress his wounded hand after taking care of the cut in his face.

  
  


"I understand you, Taehyun! But this isn't a solution"

  
  


"Nobody loves me", Taehyun sniffs. "It’s better if I-"

  
  


"Who said that to you??", Soobin cuts, anger visible in eyes.

  
  


Taehyun goes quiet for a moment. And when the raven-haired is about to talk, he continues.

  
  


"Gi-Gijung had said to me"

  
  


The name pretty much makes Soobin flinch. It's the first time Taehyun mentioned the name in the last 3 years. He thought that the younger had already moved on but seems like he never did. And that's what makes him realize how much, just how much he was suffering which of course, makes him hate Beomgyu even more.

  
  


"Why don't you just forget everything?", he hugs the smaller. 

  
  


"I tried", Taehyun mutters, almost inaudibly. "He...he was right! He was so right that I can't help but agree with him now"

  
  


This time, Soobin decides to listen.

  
  


"He was right that I'm petty! I always beg for love and annoy everyone", his voice shakes.

  
  


"That’s why my parents left me. That's why my grandmother doesn't want me. That’s why even my uncle didn’t stand by my side. That's why Gijung and others didn't want to be my friend. That's why... that's why th-that's why-"

He’s cut as his voice breaks and he cannot but let out the tears. Soobin hugs him tighter and draws circles on his back, he also delivers a faint 'that isn't true'. But the next words make his jaw clench.

  
  


"That's why Beomgyu hyung doesn't love me"

  
  


And with that said, he sobs louder. His tears drench a large part of Soobin's clothing. He starts to get hiccups and then after a while he finally speaks.

  
  


"I don’t want to stay here anymore" Soobin pulls away to look at him but he knows by the look Taehyun’s giving him, he's dead serious. "Please hyung, help me….help me just like the last time", he speaks in a hoarse voice before getting lost in his thoughts.

  
  


"Don't wo-worry, Taehyun-ah", Soobin assures with a smile. "I will help you. And don’t be sad about it, we will come to you whenever we can"

  
  


_ Will he come too? _ , Taehyun wanted to ask but a part of him stopped him. All these feels like a deja vu. The hospital, Soobin comforting him, the older telling him to move on, his wait for a new destination. But this time, he doesn't hope for tranquility. Rather, he knows that he'll be leaving it behind.

  
  


***

"Hyung", he calls as now Soobin's ruffling his hair after the nurses and workers cleaned up and restored the medicines and also checked on his wound, keeping a new gown beside him.  


  
  


"I want to visit my parents for a while"

  
  


He was prepared for a negative answer but felt relieved when Soobin nodded with a smile.

  
  


"Also, I want to leave as soon as possible" He may not be ready to leave everything behind, but he can take small steps. With another hug, Soobin tells him to rest and assures him that everything will fall into place but deep down he knows, for him, it'll never happen.

  
  


“And please never talk to anyone about what you saw today”, he chuckles sadly and Soobin just sighs, an untold assurance Taehyun takes as.

The raven-haired walks out of the room, wiping his tears. He's met with Hueningkai and Yeonjun by the door, who were there the whole time. The youngest instantly hugs him while the oldest looks at him apologetically before joining.

  
  


***

Combing his hairs neatly, Beomgyu smiles while looking at his reflection. His cheery mood is making a comeback as the day to see his dearest is nearing.

This morning he got a call from Jeongin that the other dance major wanted to meet up badly. Come to think about it, he hasn't really gone out with his friends since the vacation started. So it kinda sounded good.

And now here he is, at the Cafe Magic, with Jeongin and Hyunjin. The place really feels nostalgic. He keeps eyeing that one particular seat in which he had seen Taehyun for the first time. A wave of fluttery feelings goes through his body.

His friends keep asking if something interesting happened with Shin-ae, and of course, he doesn't wanna give any information which will only lead to rumors. As a result, he denies and assures that they're only friends.

When Jeongin keeps boasting about how he went to his hometown and got a lot of allowances, Beomgyu's eyes trail off to a newer presence in the place. His cousin, Yeonjun enters followed by his tall boyfriend and the half-foreigner whom they like to call their son. Instantly his face beams with light.

  
  


"Uhh aren't those your gay friends, Beomgyu?", Hyunjin asks, following the path of his sight and the mentioned glares.

  
  


"I still don't get how you aren’t creeped out by them", Jeongin adds in, disgust visible in his tone. "Just because Yeonjun sunbae is your brother, you always have to cope up with them"

  
  


Beomgyu just rolls his eyes in response. He keeps glancing at their table and finally the youngest of the three somehow makes an eye-contact with him and he flashes his brightest smile.

If you look properly, Hueningkai's smile was a little forced and he immediately turned around which made the other two notice him as well and of course, he kept his smile and waved. As expected, Soobin rolled his eyes and ignored him. Yeonjun did smile at him and waved back but stopped instantly, although his boyfriend wasn't glaring at him.

Adding in some more time, the taller trio is now slurping their drinks, hardly talking. To be honest, the hospital atmosphere is really something to drain out your energy. There is something in the air which makes you feel sick even if you're alright. That's why, after the long period, they're finally taking a break.

  
  


"Soobinnie, he really didn't know anything", Yeonjun breaks the silence.

  
  


"Don't you think we should tell him about Taehyun?", Hueningkai asks hopefully to which Soobin just glares for a short time. "You guys don't know but Beomgyu hyung came to see Taehyun the day he woke up", he adds as the other two widen their eyes at the news.

  
  


"He did?", the blue-haired implores before the youngest continues.

  
  


"Yeah! I had met him that day and he kept requesting me so I kinda helped", he laughs nervously.

  
  


Soobin may have felt guilty about what he had said about the ash-blonde's absence but it quickly washes away because practically, he's just being protective. "I don't care! It's already over between them", he spits to which none of the two protests.

Beomgyu, on the other side, has totally forgotten what his friends are speaking about. His mind is thinking about the sudden coldness from Yeonjun and Hueningkai. But his train of thoughts stops when the place somehow fills in with a familiar song, and he knows that is Soobin's ringtone. Who else jams Bebe Rexha's songs like him?

He wasn't going to pay attention but Soobin's salty mood turned happier within a split second. His eyes became macaron shaped as his dimples came in the view along with his bunny smile. And Beomgyu clearly saw him mouthing a name-  _ Taehyun-ah _ .

_ Is he g-giggling over the phone?  _

Beomgyu's eyes became watery and his heart raced at a quick pace. He could see the shine in everyone's eyes as they took turns to speak. And everyone unknowingly flashed their brightest smiles.

_ I wanna talk to him too.  
_

  
  


Before he knows, his legs make their way towards the trio's table, leaving his friends surprised. And before anyone senses his presence, his hands tug the phone when Hueningkai was passing it to the tallest.

  
  


"H-Hyunie! Can you hear me?", he asks with a shaky voice but still hopeful, making the other three stand up with shocked expressions.

  
  


"It's me! Beomgyu. P-Please talk to me", he continues to hear at least a word, anything. He just wants to hear his voice. But before he can go further, Soobin snatches away the phone to show him the call is already disconnected.

  
  


Hyunjin and Jeongin catch up with them. "Is everything alright?", Jeongin manages to ask as the people are pretty much looking at them.

  
  


"Hyung!", Beomgyu pleads.

  
  


"Who is Taehyun to you?", the tallest of them throws a question, making everyone gasp.

  
  


"Why are you so desperate to talk to him?"

  
  


Beomgyu blinks for some seconds. He looks at either side to see Jeongin and Hyunjin with questioning looks as if they're trying to make him admit it's nothing, that they’re just friends or maybe, he doesn’t care. But he's stuck and he doesn't want to lie anymore. He really wants to admit that he loves Taehyun dearly, with all his heart. 

But the way everyone is looking at him, it's giving him daggers. A part of him is itching. He could see some people already making faces at them.

“Oh my god! Boys fighting over boys? Ew” “Aren’t they too pretty to like boys? That’s so unfair” “Let’s get out of here before their gay germs reach us” “If that pretty one doesn’t turn out a gay, I’ll go ask his number”- was all ringing in his ears as he fazed out.

And so, without any explanation, he runs out of the place directly to his house. He did think about spending the night in Taehyun's place but he was reminded of his own promise.

  
  


“Did you have to do that?”, Yeonjun asked slowly, annoyed as people were still giving them strange looks after Hyunjin and Jeongin disappeared.

  
  


“He doesn’t even have the courage to admit his own feelings”, Soobin snorts. “And you expect me to believe him”

  
  


Yeonjun and Hueningkai can only sigh defeatedly.


	38. Start Line

It's Friday. FRIDAY!!!

  
  


Due to the absurd sound of the alarm, Beomgyu's eyes shot open. His hand reach for the clock to stop it but with a happy mood. It may be the first time he isn't irritated because of the sound as he didn't stop it only for going back to sleep.

Jumping out of the bed, he is quicker than usual to do his regular morning routine, his brightest smile shining upon his visuals. After all, it's the day he's going to Taehyun.

But his mother is really happy to have her son's old happy mood back. Although he didn't want to have breakfast, she knew something was up for his smile.

  
  


"Are you going somewhere?", his mother asks, eyeing the way he's all dressed up in a pastel pink shirt with white pants and white shoes with his hairs neatly styled.

Beomgyu shots his blinding smile towards her, confirming that she's right. "I'm going to Taehyunnie. He's getting discharged today"

"Really?", his mother looks up at him, with a genuine smile. "Should I pack some food for him?"

Immediately, the ash-blonde's lips form a shape of 'o'. As if why he didn't have the idea first.

  
  


"Let me make something for him instead"

  
  


With that said, he quickly made some banana pancakes. He also packed some honey syrup as that's how Taehyun likes to eat them along with fruits.

  
  


"You should eat something before you leave", his mother who was concerned by now gives a harmless suggestion.

  
  


"Don't worry, mom! I'll eat with him. I've packed extras", he answers back while packing the stuff before his mother's question makes him look up to her, across the living room.

  
  


"How about you stay with him tonight?"

  
  


"C-Can I?", he stutters.

  
  


"Of course" she puts down the W Korea magazine to meet his eyes. "He may be discharged but he's still sick, you should take care of him"

  
  


And her words make him smile. According to him, he's got the best mother ever.

Without wasting any more time, he jolts out of the house, of course after getting kisses from his mother. He walks down the street at a swift pace as he carries the lunch box folded in a cloth.

Instantly, he fishes out his phone and turns on the front camera and holds it up to shoot himself.

  
  


"Taehyunnie~", he sings while bringing up the box he's carrying. "Look I made you pancakes. By the time you see this, we'll be cuddling on your bed", he giggles. "Also, I'm going to buy you flowers now"

  
  


Stopping with a serious look, he brings the phone closer to his face. "I really hope you can forgive me. I know I've been terrible to you but trust me, I want you to be okay. I want  _ us _ to be okay", he tries his best to not sound wobbly, gulping the lump in his throat. And then, he jumps towards the flower shop being all happy and enthusiastic.

  
  


"Good morning, gentleman", the middle-aged florist greets and the ash-blonde greets back. Before she asks what he was looking for, he states that he wanted to make a bouquet himself.

  
  


"Okay! You can pick your flowers from there", the florist points to a corner where there's different flowers on the display. Somehow, she seems really happy at his request, not every day you see a person arrange flowers themselves.

Beomgyu places the clothed lunch box on a wooden table and heads to the flower-filled corner of the shop with his phone still recording. "What should I choose?~" he sings while looking for the flowers. His eyes land on the beautiful yellow daffodils and a warm smile appears on his face. Remembering yellow as the younger's favorite color and daffodils as his favorite flower, those seem perfect. So he grabs some of them and shows them to the camera.

  
  


"You see these? I'm gonna make a bouquet for you"

  
  


He runs towards the wooden table he had put on his box and asks the florist to help him. With his phone adjusted to a good angle, he makes the bouquet with the guidance of the florist. Of course, he made mistakes and laughed at himself several times but that's what he wanted to capture. He wrapped the flowers with a white gift paper, securing them with a baby yellow ribbon. Once it's made properly, he stares at it fondly and then goes closer to the camera.

  
  


"Isn't it pretty?", he asks, facing the camera. "It may be but you're much prettier"

  
  


The florist chuckles at his actions. "You looked so happy while arranging the flowers. Is it for your special one?"

  
  


"Yeah! It's for the person I wish to spend my whole life with", he answers as he takes in the scent of the flowers, thinking of a certain wide-eyed boy.

  
  


"Do you know what daffodils mean?"

  
  


Beomgyu thinks for a while then looks up at the florist to shake his head as 'no'. He never asked the younger why they were his favorite.

  
  


"As they are the first spring flowers to bloom, they symbolize a new beginning. And the yellow ones specifically are the symbol of happiness and optimism. They can be gifted to someone as a token to freshen their day"

  
  


Beomgyu stares at awe as she explains. And then he thanks her for the information.

  
  


"She must be really lucky", the florist states, handing him the changes after he pays.

  
  


In the pit black universe, there shone a star brighter than ever. And that’s why he doesn’t feel any strings holding him back today. It might be small but it is powerful.

  
  


"It's a  _ h-he _ "

  
  


A heavy weight slides off his chest and he finds himself smiling while meeting her eyes. “Yes, I love a boy”, he shyly admits. "And, it’s me who’s the lucky one to have him in my life"

  
  


She stares at him for a moment, making him anxious, what if she's judging him for his choice? But then she smiles genuinely and he returns.

  
  


"Young love", she sighs before he bows, preparing to leave. "It was nice to meet you. I hope both of you have a beautiful life together"

  
  


_ I hope so too. This is our start line. _

  
  


With his fast pace, he reaches the hospital. He thought of giving a call to Yeonjun or Hueningkai, to ask if they were already in but then changed his mind. He wanted to be his visit a whole surprise, even if Soobin snapped at him today.

  
  


"So Taehyunie", he speaks facing the camera. "This is where I stop filming because whatever happens next, we will be living the moment together. Although after a while you'll be listening from me anyways, I still want to say it"

  
  


"I love you the most"

  
  


And with that said, he turns off filming and then dashes towards the hospital.

  
  


Because he knows the path to Taehyun's room, he didn't bother to ask the receptionist today. Rather he quickly jolted to the elevator to reach at the top floor. He kept jittering at the elevator before people started to look at him weirdly and he could only smile apologetically because he's too nervous.

He didn't even notice when the elevator doors opened and he started running towards Taehyun's room. And once the room comes in his sight from a farther, he runs faster.

Pulling the door with his right hand, as he's carrying the bouquet in his left hand with the clothed lunch box against his chest, he barges into the room. Before catching up on his breath, he flashes his brightest smile.

  
  


"Taehyunie-"

  
  


Just an empty bed with the plain white sheets and other machines turned off is what comes to his view, causing his smile to falter.

Soft huffs escape his mouth as he stares at the bed. He looks around and he knows he's in the right place because he's been here, though it was dark back then, he surely isn't mistaken. Knitting his brows, he walks closer to the bathroom.

  
  


"Hyunie, are you in there?", he asks, ignoring the echoes of his voice in the empty room. "Hyung is here"

  
  


Without getting an answer, he stands there for a while. He's maybe an idiot, but he isn't oblivious. The moment he stepped in, he knew no one was here to start with but somewhere in his mind, he didn't want to believe that.

He walks to the door and eyes the nameplate he had missed because of the excitement. It doesn't read Taehyun's name anymore which makes his frown deeper. And the grip on his stuff tightens.

  
  


"Beomgyu-ssi?", a familiar voice calls, making him come out of his trance and he looks at the direction.

  
  


"Dr. Namjoon!", his eyes lit up as he walks up to the man. "Uhh, Taehyun isn't here-"

  
  


"I know", Namjoon interrupts sternly. "He was supposed to be discharged today but due to some other reasons, I discharged him earlier. He's being treated somewhere else now"

  
  


"Other reasons? Somewhere else? Where is it?", the ash-blonde asks impatiently.

  
  


"Confidential information, Beomgyu-ssi. I'm sorry but I'm afraid my job doesn't allow me to share", Namjoon answers instantly.

Somehow, his demeanor isn't the same as the last time. As if, he was friendlier and he wanted to help him see Taehyun. But of course, he has met the doctor only once so, he can't just guess. And he understands that there are some strict rules to follow.

An ocean of sadness takes over him. He totally has no idea what is going on and he definitely didn't expect Taehyun to not be here. 

_ Has he been moved to another hospital? Because the doctor clearly said he's somewhere else. _

  
  


"Beomgyu-ssi?", Namjoon calls once again to catch the dazed boy's attention.

  
  


"You know, there are very small matters which we can take care of easily but we don't. And that's what leads others to dangerous misunderstandings", he continues. "Don't let it be a reason to stop you if you're true to your feelings", he pats Beomgyu's shoulder, making the boy blink. "You have a lot to take care of. Good luck!"

  
  


With that said, the doctor moves on, leaving Beomgyu alone in the hallway. He once again takes a look at the empty room and his chest tightens as he thinks about Namjoon's words. Of course, the doctor was implying something related to Taehyun.

  
  


Being determined, he repeats the words himself.

  
  


"I won't let it be a reason to stop myself"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sajhfsjdkgf guys! PUMA MV teaser!!! Big Hit really snatched our wigs. Also I-Land traines ㅠㅠ 
> 
> (the fact that the character 'Sewoon' was supposed to be named 'Sunghoon' kinda hurts me)
> 
> anyways, the angst is almost over. be with me as you've been all this time. thank you so much <3


	39. Thrown Out

"Have you met Taehyun yet?"

Seokjin stopped writing a name on the paper cup on his hands and looked up at the question thrown at him.

Beomgyu was huffing. And why wouldn't he? All he's been doing the whole day is running from here and there. After leaving the hospital, the first place he had in his mind was Taehyun's home and he didn't delay.

With a quick run, he was there knocking at the door. But after his fifth attempt, he thought maybe the younger wasn't home at the moment. He left messages, tried calling Taehyun only to hear the same bullshit from the other side.

" _ This user is currently not available. Please leave a message after the beep _ "

Sighing, he didn't have any other options, so he dialed Yeonjun's number before Hueningkai. To heck with all the issues, he didn't even leave Soobin out. Because Taehyun wasn't close to others besides them, he had limited people to ask about him and he didn't want to miss anything. Boy, who was he kidding? None of them picked up his call.

That's how he'd left the place, clutching his grumbling stomach, the almost withered daffodils and the lunch box still in his sweaty hands and made his way to the hill behind their school— Taehyun's sanctuary.

Since it's the vacation, the area around the hill wasn't too crowded. An atmosphere Taehyun loves. He'd walked up as quickly as he could and once he saw a specific tree with a thick trunk, a giddy feeling took over him. And in no time he settled down the tree.

In this hot summer, the breeze under the shelter kind of put him in peace. With closed eyes, he took in the sound of leaves brushing against each other, birds singing melodiously, the silvery shuffles of insects. All these kinda reminded him of that one day here with Taehyun.

Who knows how, but luckily, Hueningkai had missed classes to be with his elder sister because she was back from Hawaii after a long time and Yeonjun was adamant to go on a date with Soobin, to which the bunny-like soft boy would never disagree. That's how they were left alone after their classes. And at that time, the brunette had asked him to go to the hill with him.

  
  


" _ What if someone saw us together? _ ", Beomgyu had asked, instinctively glancing around, although there wasn't an unquestionable distance between them.

" _ Please, hyung. Only this once _ " Taehyun wasn't looking at him but he knew the younger had doe eyes while pleading and he instantly gave in.

  
  


They sat together under a thick tree, facing the city. It may not be that high of a hill but it had a good view with a tranquil atmosphere. They sat there for a while and saw the beautiful sun setting down. At that moment, Taehyun looked so so so breathtaking that Beomgyu couldn't hold it in. He had pulled his boyfriend by the back of his head to place a kiss on his lips. It wasn't too heated and it didn't last as long as their other ones but it was their first kiss outside the four walls or closed terraces which had left them both tinting with red.

And Beomgyu never regretted it.

  
  


" _ If you ever get tired of me and leave then just know that I will still follow you, even if it means going up to the stars _ " Beomgyu had said, curling their fingers together to which flustered Taehyun had answered " _ I won't ever leave you, I promise _ "

  
  
  


Eyes fluttering open, Beomgyu looked around the orange setting just like that day and a small smile crept upon his lips. Everything was the same, only Taehyun wasn't here beside him anymore. The sun which was almost about to sleep kind of left a sting in his heart, a longing for his loved one. Perhaps he didn't know, the younger was also somewhere, reliving the same memory.

Watching the setting sun alone made him more impatient and that's how he took his next cue to check on Taehyun's workplace, totally forgetting about his empty stomach.

Seokjin offers a glass of water to which Beomgyu lets out a faint 'thanks'.

"He has left his job here"

"Are you serious? Why would he leave his job!?", the ash-blonde questions once he catches his breath. But Seokjin only shrugs.

Now this is not settling in his mind. He may have not known the doctor enough but he knows his fiancé. Seokjin wasn't the type to just tell those words with ease, especially when it was about Taehyun and more especially, to him. Because he knew, the owner of this place really adored Taehyun as his own brother and genuinely liked Beomgyu as well. Something was  _ definitely _ off. And the fact that Taehyun loved it here kinda fueled the thought.

"Did he find a better place?", he asks without a second thought, only to be glared at by Seokjin. Of course, it doesn't make sense. Because the café had unique pink visuals to it and it was located in a not-too-secluded area, the crowd never died down. It had impressive popularity among both teenagers and adults. Also the owner, the co-workers, the working ambiance, the wage was like a jackpot for a high school student. Even the rich Beomgyu would love a peaceful part-time like this.

_ Maybe he wanted to rest for a few days? _ He thought for a second but it instantly vanished when he realized that the brunette could've simply taken a leave. Of course, Seokjin would never throw a riot for that, in fact, he himself wanted Taehyun to rest.

  
  


"Dr. Namjoon said that he’s being treated somewhere else and so he was discharged early. Do you know where he is?", he pries only for Seokjin to shrug again.

  
  


"How would I know his hospital history?", he asks back, not looking up from whipping the creme on an iced latte.

  
  


Beomgyu is not that stupid. All of them– his friends, Seokjin, Namjoon and most importantly, Taehyun. Everyone is hiding something from him and by now, he knows it very well.

With a quick bow and a fallen face, he turns on his heels to leave but this time, Seokjin stops him.

  
  


"I understand things are difficult for you but I think we often realize the real value of something after losing it", he says with a stoic face, making Beomgyu tilt his head.

"You should learn to let go some of your fears and try to take a step forward. So you don't mess up everything, not your most loved one"

  
  


Beomgyu's eyes widened at the remark and he was about to ask if he was always that easy to read, if Seokjin always knew that he loves Taehyun. But before that, Seokjin bows and shoots him a wink wishing good luck and calls the name of his customer.

Again with zero information, he walks by the path of his neighborhood. His shoulders slump as Namjoon and Seokjin's words play around his mind. He stops for a moment and then looks around. He doesn't know anymore where he should go now, where he'll meet Taehyun.

One look at the dying flowers makes him sigh defeatedly. And before he knew it, he's in front of Taehyun's apartment again.

"Taehyun-ah. Are you back yet?", he calls in vain.

"See, I'm here to talk to you. Please, baby. Please give me one chance to apologize"

Without getting a reply he lets out a tensed breath and he knows that he can't do this anymore.

"I'm going inside okay?" He dials in the passcode and twists the knob only to fail, making him frown. Once again, he dials it more carefully. But alas! 

  
  


Again.

  
  


And again.

  
  


Another time.

  
  


Yet again.

  
  


1-3-0-3

  
  


The beep goes on once more, indicating the wrong code.

_ Maybe it's just broken _ , he thinks.

  
  


"Tae-Taehyuniee...", His voice breaks. "Let me in, please", he knocks on the door.

  
  


"Your d-door... it's b-broken... s-stopping me", he stutters out.

  
  


"Please let me talk to you", he knocks louder this time.

  
  


"I'm really sorry..."

  
  


And he keeps on knocking and knocking. Staring at the drop of his tear above his shoe, he tries to call again but his voice won't come out because of the lump forming in his throat.

  
  


"Hyunnie... please. Let me i-in"

  
  


As told before, Beomgyu may be an idiot but he wasn’t oblivious at all. He knew from the beginning that the door wasn't broken, it's he who is.

It doesn't take another minute for him to realize that the thing he always feared has become a reality. 

Taehyun has thrown him out of his life. Just the way he had done.

He knew at that time the younger was shattered because of his words but he didn't know that it would sting this cruelly.

The pain, it's unbearable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bruh? PUMA MV💀💀 like wth was that?


	40. Not a Fool

10 minutes. 20 minutes. Maybe half an hour? Maybe one hour.

Beomgyu doesn't know how long he stood there, waiting for the door to open. 

"Open the door, Taehyun! I still love you", he presses his forehead against the door and mutters softly as more tears roll down his cheek, the bouquet and the food long forgotten on the floor.

"He isn't in there", a familiar voice draws attention and Beomgyu instantly turns around, only to scrunch his nose at the presence.

"What are you doing here, Sewoon?"

"I live here, hyung", he answers. "In fact, I'm the one who should be asking you, what are  _ you _ doing here? Or maybe what have you been doing here with Taehyun almost every night?", he raises an eyebrow.

"First thing! Don't call me hyung", Beomgyu scoffs. "And second thing! How long have you been stalking us, you creep?"

"I didn't stalk you, I was only stalking Taehyun. He didn't even know I lived in this building or else you both won't be eating each other's faces here", Sewoon states to which Beomgyu rolls his eyes.

"Now that I think about it, you weren't here for a couple of weeks after you got a girlfriend", Sewoon continues. "I last saw you that one night when you were almost crying and closed the door loudly"

Beomgyu was practically glaring at the male in front of him, making him chuckle. "Don't get me wrong okay? I didn't mean to stalk him till that late. I was just putting out the dustbin so-"

"I don't want to hear your bullshit, you stalker!", the older hisses.

"Have you finally broken his heart or what? Why did he suddenly decide to go away?"

_ G-Go away? _ Beomgyu whips his head towards the other male, confusion tainting his features.

"Oh! You didn't know that he left this place, did you? Poor you!"

That was the last thing Beomgyu heard before grabbing Sewoon and pushing him against the door.

"What do you mean he's left?", he grits his teeth.

Sewoon chuckles again. "Why are you so angry? Is it because I know that you were cheating on your girlfriend? Or is it because I know your small dirty secret? That you too like boys?"

Beomgyu was already tense, thanks to everyone. And this guy in front of him was pissing the hell out of him. His hands around the boy's neck were just tightening but thanks to Sewoon's stars, someone was about to pass by and Beomgyu had to leave him.

"Coward", Sewoon snorts bitterly, rubbing his neck. "Go find out yourself", he says before running away.

Beomgyu, with fire burning up his veins, picks his stuff from the floor and makes a run. At this moment, despite everything, he can only think of one person. That's the last hope for him. May the world burn down but he can always lean on his hyung.

Non-stop tears roll down as he runs for the nth time today, takes the stairs and presses the bell before the door of a certain apartment opens.

"Yeonjun hyung...", he hugs the male who's quite surprised to see him at this hour and breaks down.

"Beom? What is it? Why are you here?"

"Tae-Taehyuniee....why isn't he home?"

"Calm down", the blue-haired pats his head, although he's a little taken aback by the sudden question.

"No.. just tell me", the younger bawls, still holding Yeonjun close. "Where is my love?"

Say anything about Beomgyu but he's not a fool. Although he's too busy crying, he didn't ignore the other being a little stiff. As if he's being watched. Honestly, it broke his heart. 

Aren't they brothers? Haven't their parents taught them to always support each other because they didn't have their own siblings? Didn't Yeonjun promise to be the best hyung for him when they were children? Just because Yeonjun's boyfriend doesn't like him anymore, does it mean that he can't even rely on his own cousin when it's hard for him?

Eyes dry out while thinking about that and he pulls away slightly, only to find the answers of his unasked questions.

Across the living room, there sat Soobin on a couch and Hueningkai on the floor opposite him. The glass table between them had some papers scattered messily. Both of the boys' eyes were on Beomgyu before one of them tears the stare with an eye roll.

He didn't overlook how Yeonjun's hands were suddenly holding his arm tighter, as if preventing him from moving. He didn't even overlook how Hueningkai's hands were suddenly hovering over the papers, as if trying to hide them. He totally didn't overlook Taehyun's photos in Soobin's huge hands.

"What are you guys doing?", he threw Yeonjun's hands off him, striding towards the others, the dead daffodil bouquet and the lunch box still wrapped with a cloth now totally dirty lying on the floor.

Before they came up with any excuse, Beomgyu saw what he needed to. Taehyun's school records, health certificate, his recent recovery papers, some old hospital records he couldn't guess as what they were about. But the most important document– A transfer application.

And that's when he realized that Sewoon wasn't lying. That apartment was empty for God knows how long.

"What...What the fuck are all these? Why is he going away?" His eyes stay fixed on the transfer application before he reaches for it.

"Gyu please calm down. We can e-explain. Binnie, we-"

"Leave that Beomgyu! Give it back to me", Soobin cuts off Yeonjun when he sees that the ash-blonde was about to rip the paper in his hand. With a quick move, he takes it away but it only angers Beomgyu more.

"You!", he growls at Soobin. "You are the one who's doing all these, aren't you? Why did you send him away!?"

"Me?", the raven-haired frowns. "Beomgyu, why the heck do you think I would do that?"

"Soobin hyung, just stop! Stop! Please stop acting this way", he yells loudly, making the others gasp.

"Beomgyu, let's sit down" Yeonjun quickly reaches to hold him. "We'll tell you but please don't fight"

But the ash-blonde again moves away his hands. "No! Enough is enough!" This time he yells at Yeonjun. "Please stop doing this to me. Just tell me where is Tae-"

"Don't you worry about him", Soobin cuts him, arranging the papers properly before standing up again to face Beomgyu. "He's somewhere safe"

"And I'm asking you where is that somewhere! Why can't you just tell me?"

"Because you've hurt him, Beomgyu", Soobin yells back at him. "You've hurt him so much, so so much that he doesn't want to see you anymore"

"Soobin hyung, let's not fight today, please?" Hueningkai reaches for Soobin while Yeonjun pulls Beomgyu. But both the boys are just unmovable. They stand strong and straight in their places, glaring at each other.

"You were the one who wasn't letting me see him", Beomgyu spits back, despite Yeonjun trying to calm him. "Why can't you see that I love him, hyung!?"

Soobin snorts. "You say that you love him and do the exact opposite thing! You can't even get your shit together. Did you ever care what was going through him when you were always clinging with Shin-ae?"

His question silences everyone.

"Beomgyu, even I thought you were interested in her, and I was genuinely happy for you", the tallest continues. "We hadn't any idea but you knew, you knew that Taehyun loved you and you still acted that way? Was it fun to hurt him? Was it fun seeing him cry over you?"

"Th-That's not it", Beomgyu's voice breaks, looking down. "I.. I thought I was just comforting my friend. I didn't realize that she actually liked me. And I'm sorry.. I'm sorry that I didn't pay attention to him. I'm sorry I was scared...I was so messed up"

"Hyung", Hueningkai quickly reaches Beomgyu's other side to join Yeonjun in supporting him. "You're really hungry now. Let's eat first, okay?"

The ash-blonde then realizes that his stomach was grumbling loudly. Obviously because he was hungry for the whole day. But at this moment, he could care less.

"I can't eat, I don't want to" he whispers but it's heard anyways. He turns around to point his fingers to the lunch box lying on the floor "You see that?"

"I was about to have my breakfast with Hyunnie. I was about to apologise properly and beg him to stay with me"

Yeonjun and Hueningkai stared at the covered lunch box and the pale flowers, then at Beomgyu and then at each other. They knew what the other was thinking.

"He was the one who wanted to go away from here", Soobin interrupts the sob session. "He pleaded me that he didn't want to stay here"

"...That's because he thinks I don't want him anymore", Beomgyu says in a rough voice, tired of crying but his eyes burst out again. 

And as more tears follow, he can't help but bring his hands up to cover his face and his knees feel so weak that he gives up to sit on the floor. Of course he has Yeonjun and Hueningkai by his sides, rubbing circles on his back.

"....I told him to forget everything… our beautiful memories....our best nights together…."

Everything, every action stops when he blurts out those words. 

"...He let me touch him...he always let me do what I wanted...", Beomgyu sobs louder, hugging his knees tightly. "...I was so terrible to him…"

"What are y-you saying, hyung?" Beomgyu looked up to meet Hueningkai's eyes, drowning in disbelief. Turning around, he saw the same look on Yeonjun.

"Beom, did you...you know umm, d-did you-"

Soobin suddenly cuts off Yeonjun by grabbing the crying boy by his both arms harshly to make him stand up, distraught visible in his soft features.

"Did you guys have sex?", he asks without an ounce of hesitancy, making everyone present in the room red as cherry.

Beomgyu's breath hitches as heat rushes up to his ears and he doesn't look Soobin in the eye, he could feel the other two boys boring holes on the back of his head.

"Answer me, Beomgyu", Soobin shakes him desperately. "You didn't fuck him, did you?"

"Don't s-say it l-like that…", the ash-blonde briefly meets his fuming gaze only to look down at his feet. But they're waiting for him to finish and he knows it very well.

"We…", he starts, clearing his throat and then shutting his eyes for the next words may be the reason he'll have a broken jaw later.

"We've m-made love"

Silence. No one says a word for a few moments and when Beomgyu decides to open his eyes, Soobin's hands fall off his arms and he lightly pushes him to take the way to Yeonjun's bedroom.

He doesn't catch the older's reaction but the way the other two panicked kinda gives him an idea.

"Beom, look at me", Yeonjun quickly cups his cheeks. "You had his consent right? You didn't force him right?", he asks, internally praying that his brother give him the answer he's expecting.

Beomgyu blinks and then frowns when the questions settle in his mind. "Of course, I had his consent. What kind of person do you think I am?"

The blue-haired pats his shoulders and then runs to his room as well, leaving his brother confused as hell.

Hueningkai, in an instant, takes Beomgyu's arms and leads them to the couch, ignoring his questions.

"Trust me, hyung. It'll be alright", he nods but it seems like he's assuring himself. And before Beomgyu points that out, sounds of muffled crying and a faint ' _ he didn't know anything _ ' dances in the air which makes him stand up and look at the door of Yeonjun's room, the source of the sound.

The curly head acts fast and grabs his wrist. "Don't go in there", he pleads. "Let's wait her-"

Beomgyu yanks his hands away because he heard the voice breaking clearly and makes his way towards the door, Hueningkai trailing behind to stop him.

" _ Binnie, he isn't like that. Beomgyu isn't like him. Taehyun also wanted it because they love each other. Please don't cry _ "

That's what made Beomgyu push the door open, only to be faced by a teary-snotty Soobin who's being hugged by a concerned Yeonjun. Soobin immediately looks away and tries to wipe his tears. 

But Beomgyu is definitely not a fool.

"What is it that I don't know?"

Yeonjun steps forward and maybe he was about to say something.

"Stop keeping me in darkness and just tell me", he yells loudly.

Yeonjun's eyes meet Hueningkai's who is standing behind Beomgyu. They nod in unison, knowing what the other is thinking and what's to be done now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another interlude time. the next two chapters will be about taehyun's past (finally! whewh). so please anticipate😊
> 
> i took the time to read the story from starting and man, i must say, how the hell did you cope up with angst?😓😓 i also read all your comments and it really made me happy (there are also some funny ones that cracked me up😂😂 so thanks)


	41. The Loss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Minor descriptions of death and domestic violence.

The son of one of the best psychiatrists in South Korea and one of the most talented pianists in the country. Being extremely smart, he was suggested to study a grade higher than his. And one of the prominent lawyers of the nation being his father's closest friend, he had a friend slightly older, his hyung named Choi Soobin.

Did Kang Taehyun ever want more than that? No, he didn't. He was happy.

The importance of music not being acknowledged led Kang Hyuntae to be outcast by his own family. After all, his mother had chosen a bride with an excellent business background for her son. Although he was deprived of all the property, Hyuntae had his beloved wife, Haerin beside him. Working hard, he made a name for himself as the best psychiatrist at Busan General Hospital & College and soon after his wife also became a known face for her talent. And then after a year or two when Taehyun was born, it felt like they had nothing lacking in their lives.

Of course, Taehyun never received the love of his grandparents. But it did leave a void in his heart. As he grew up and started school, kids in his class always boasted about their experiences in their grandparents' houses and their allowances. It pained him, to be honest. When his grandfather had passed away, they visited the family in Gangnam that one time but they were treated just like outsiders. He has an uncle who was older than his father. But whenever they visited them (which was once in 1-2 years so there weren't that many encounters), Taehyun noticed that his wife and kids were nothing like his classmates described as family. His aunt was always in a rush, insulting his mother's cooking skills and his cousins never talked to him properly, they were always glued to their phones and if tried to befriend them they would always ignore him with an eye roll.

So, yes. He was really happy with the little family he had. He had his Soobin hyung's family visit them every vacation. His father had a diligent intern learning under him who was new to the city, Min Yoongi. At first, it was for work purposes and then due to attachment, Yoongi became an important person to his family. He had his Yoongi hyung's best friend who knew the city by heart and more than anyone aforementioned because it's his hometown, Park Jimin, an aspiring dancer.

That's what he calls family. Small and peaceful.

***

"Soobin hyung!!", a seven year old Taehyun called over the phone ecstatically. "Taehyunnie is going to be oppa or hyung very soon hehe"

" _And I'm already hyung to you_ ", Soobin answered and Taehyun could imagine him pout already but his voice became gleeful instantly. " _I became friends with a half foreign boy in the park today. He's around your age. He said he'll always stick with me and call me hyung_ "

Taehyun giggled at his friend when his mother called him for dinner. With last greetings exchanged, he ran towards them.

"Mommy! Soobin hyung is jealous because he doesn't have a dongsaeng", he laughed around loudly, making everyone present at the dinner table coo at his cuteness.

"You are his dongsaeng anyways, champ", Hyuntae pulled Taehyun to kiss his cheeks.

"Okay! Enough making people jealous. Now sit and have your food", Haerin scolded but she had a smile on her face.

"Jiminnie hyung will feed Taehyunie today~", he ran towards Jimin who smiled widely, already opening his arms for him to crawl in.

"When is Soobin's family visiting again, Sir?", Yoongi asked Hyuntae to which the older man squinted his eyes briefly.

"You can just call me sunbae, Yoongi!", he answered, making the other blush. "And even if his family visits again, you and Jimin can always join us"

"Uh I'm not so sure...", Yoongi started in a low voice only to be cut off by Haerin.

"You and Jimin are also family to us, so don't be shy"

Yoongi and Jimin looked at each other and smiled, and then Yoongi picked a meatball in his chopsticks to feed Taehyun and the duo giggled as he chomped them.

"You guys look like a couple, do you know that?", Hyuntae chuckled at the 'best friends', his wife accompanying him which made the younger boys turn red in embarrassment.

"What is a couple, papa?", little Taehyun asked, totally oblivious.

"Couple are two people in a relationship who like each other a lot. You see, like your mommy and me. We’re married because we're in love and we're a couple", Hyuntae explained while smiling at Haerin fondly, making Taehyun's eyes wider than they already are.

"That means Jiminnie hyung and Yoongi hyung like each other?", he looked up at Jimin who was blushing madly at this point, not to mention the man beside him was no better.

"Aahhaha stop with this~", Jimin whined, looking anywhere but Yoongi, making the kid more curious and poke his cheeks in wonder.

"Waah! Jiminnie hyung is so red!" Taehyun continued excitedly looking at Yoongi. "If Jiminnie hyung and Yoongi hyung marry each other, it'd be so fun!"

Yoongi only kept picking at his food, glancing at the blushing mess beside him as his own ears turned red.

Hyuntae and Haerin could only grin at the three adorable boys in front of them.

As weeks passed by, Jimin and Yoongi finally confessed to each other which later made it more embarrassing, even Taehyun didn't leave any opportunity to tease them.

But was life ever fair to anyone? No! And it wasn't a different case for Taehyun as well.

Six months later, passing his birthday, he along with his parents were coming back from Seoul by taxi, his mother had the last piano performance before her maternity leave and it was very late at night. That's the night when he lost everything. The driver kinda dozed off and lost his balance which led the car to be hit several times. And Taehyun still remembers clearly how tightly his parents were holding him, protecting him.

When he had opened his eyes, he didn't know where he was but he saw his parents and the driver lying not too far away, all of them injured and covered with blood. He tried to walk to his mom, it hurt him a bit but not unbearable.

His mother was intertwining her fingers with his father who was already gone by then.

"Papa! Please wake up!! Mommy, what's happened to papa?", Taehyun cried, shaking the lifeless body of Hyuntae.

"Tae-Taehyuniee, my baby…", Haerin caressed his cheek, staining them red. "I d-don't have much t-time either, baby. Listen to me carefully"

"No mommy will be okay, Taehyun will save mommy"

"Shh!", his mother put a finger on his lips. "You're my and your dad's most p-precious little baby in this world so don't be scared. Wherever we are, we will always watch you, we'll a-always bless you"

"Mommy", Taehyun sobbed loudly. "Please tell Taehyunnie you'll be okay"

"A-Aren't you my brave boy? What did papa teach you, hm?, she struggled more to put on her words.

"Taehyunnie is the *sniff* bravest boy", little Taehyun repeated his father's words while wiping his runny nose with his sleeves.

"Good! You've got a beautiful voice, just like an a-angel, baby! Try singing, hm?", Haerin continued, smiling. "Be a good kid and respect everyone. You have a big h-heart okay? So always be kind"

"....L-Love the right person with all your heart"

And with those words escaping her lips, she stopped breathing in Taehyun's arms, her hands cold and intertwined with the love of her life, leaving her son to face the cruel world alone.

***

Taehyun's life wasn't normal anymore, it wasn't peaceful anymore. Even though he had Jimin and Yoongi beside him, it was just empty.

At his parents' funeral, Soobin was by his side throughout the whole time. His grandmother and even his uncle were there to take him.

"It's okay, Hyunnie!", little Soobin assured by side-hugging him. "I'm here for you, I'm your hyung and I'll always protect you"

And Taehyun knew that Soobin would really do everything for him, be the best hyung to him.

After all the discussions and arguments, he was finally in Gangnam, Seoul with his so-called family. It wasn't like his older one but he's a brave boy, isn't he? He tried his best to cope up with them. But all he got was a big room which was double the size of his older one with all sorts of facilities like computers and games and all those. In the house lived a very busy working grandmother who was the head of their family-run business conglomerates, an aunt who was running to different salons and parties 24/7, and some cousins older than him who were always in their bigger rooms glued to their phones. The only one who cared about him was his uncle. But he had one of the important positions in the firm and thus, he wasn't home most of the time.

That's how he decided to do something new, something his mother had requested him to do. And that only worsened things as his grandmother started to verbally abuse him even more, saying a music addict snake ate up her son and now he was also trying to do the same.

In that boring house, it was suffocating. They were deciding to even send him to a prestigious boarding school but that only saddened him. He just wanted love.

And then one day, he decided to take a stroll himself at the big house but it led him to an even more difficult situation. His cousin brother, two years older than him, had broken a huge vase right in front of his eyes. And when asked, he smoothly moved the allegation at Taehyun. Now if you ask, Taehyun never disrespects anyone, his parents raised him like that. He was always a quiet kid outside and he liked to listen to people, it wasn't like him to go around and cause trouble. So that particular situation kinda raged him. And he tried to prove that he wasn't the one who broke it, only to be slapped harshly by his aunt.

"Enough is enough, you roach!" His aunt hissed. "You come here out of nowhere and accuse my kid? You say my son, my baby is lying? How dare you!"

If Taehyun was a bit older then he would’ve protested, he would've said that 'yes, your son is lying' and show a logic that this was his home as well. But eight year old, terrified Taehyun couldn't bring himself to do that. So he kept crying as his aunt dragged him to his room and then locked him up.

Who knows how many days passed by and little Taehyun was hungrier, more scared than before. He pounded on the door, begged for forgiveness. He said he won't ever talk back like that but it didn't help. Then one night, his drowsy eyes opened at the sound of a very loud argument downstairs, things breaking and all made him cry once again. And before his mind could settle, the door clacked opened and his uncle entered the room. With no words exchanged, he picked him up in his arms, went downstairs and passed by a very angry-looking grandmother and a glaring aunt and then seated him in his car.

They drove for a while and Taehyun only thought that maybe his uncle was going to abandon him in an orphanage or throw him away. But he was tired and hungry, so he went into a deep slumber quickly.

"Taehyun, wake up!", his uncle called softly and his eyes fluttered open, only to sting because of light. It was already morning? How long were they driving for?

And before he could look around, he knew where he was and his eyes lit up.

Hand in hand with his uncle, they walked up to the small house and with his uncle's pressing the bell, the door opened.

"Jiminnie hyung!", Taehyun broke into tears, seeing the man and ran to his arms. Jimin quickly peppered his head with kisses and let them in.

Taehyun was taken upstairs to Jimin's room. He was washed up and Jimin fed him Bibimbap with fermented soybean soup and chicken nuggets as he was really hungry. It also made the older male tear up. After all, Jimin had missed him badly.

"We will provide him with everything. My mother will send him allowances every month, I promise", his uncle said as now he was seated in the living room with Yoongi in his and Jimin's shared house. "He isn't respected in that house. And my wife throws fits almost every day. I do care but I can't be present for him all the time. It's better if someone who's closer to him takes care of him and I think I can trust you. I can pay for that too if you want", the man pleaded as Yoongi slightly glared.

"We were also worried because of the same reason", he sighed, making the man feel guilty. "We don’t want any money for taking care of him and I think I can afford him with everything he needs. How about I adopt him through paperwork?"

Taehyun's uncle quickly shook his head. "No! I've convinced my mother with much difficulty. That's the least I can do for him, that's the least we _should_ do for him. Don't worry, if in future he comes to claim his right, I’ll make sure to make it happen. I'm just sad that there wasn't much I could do for my brother so please, let me help him the way I can", he pleaded again and Yoongi nodded understandingly. For him, as long as Taehyun was safe, it was enough.

"In that case, you can't show up anytime and take him away from us", Yoongi firmly stated to which the older man meekly agreed.

As Jimin finally came down with Taehyun, his uncle exchanged a quick hug with him and requested Yoongi and Jimin to take care of the boy, to raise him as a good human.

"I'm so relieved now that you'll be staying with us", Yoongi hugged Taehyun who was elated at the news.

"Yeah! Now no one can hurt you", Jimin joined them.

Although the loss was irreversible, Taehyun still had his small, loving family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you can't tell already, I'm a huge fat yoonmin shipper uwu


	42. The Secret

Years went by in a glimpse and Taehyun turned 14. And Soobin became closer to Yoongi and Jimin. With his every visit, he always brought gifts for them. Even though they didn't really accept them at first, Soobin's parents assured them that it wasn't a big deal. And Soobin's house here in Busan being exactly a road across, perfectly opposite of their shared house kinda made them feel comfortable. The four of them started spending a good time together.

Taehyun's domestic life was pretty good, even without his parents, he learned to embrace the world. Sure he missed them and that's what kept him determined all the time. 

But somehow, Taehyun never experienced a normal school day. Because he was quiet most of the time, he wasn't liked by others. A very intelligent student, a favorite of the teachers, the topper in the whole class. And studying a grade higher than he's supposed to only made things more difficult. He had bullies too, always commenting about not having parents, living with men who like men and what not.

  
  
  


"All of you! I've to punish you bad", the math teacher yelled, making the whole class silent. "Everyone except Taehyun barely passed the test. Why does only one student get the full score? Do I not teach everyone of you the same thing?"

The comparison itself made Taehyun a little flinch as he could feel some really angry eyes on him.

"Kim Gijung!", the teacher called, causing the mentioned male to stand up from his seat, head bowed down.

"Aren’t you the class president? Aren’t you a year behind? You’re a model student and 57 in mathematics wasn’t expected from you!", the teacher scolded. "Learn something from Taehyun! He's almost two years younger than you. Don’t you feel ashamed?"

"I'm sorry, Ms. Na. I'll do better next time", he quickly stated and then clenched his jaw but that didn’t last long as he noticed the brown-haired boy with big eyes glancing at him apologetically.

The bell rang, indicating lunch break as the teacher warned them once again and the students sighed in relief, some already showing their hate towards Taehyun. Two boys came up to him when he took out his lunch box.

"Yaa kid!" One of them pulled a strand of his hair, making him wince. "Couldn't you get a lower score to cover up for us, huh?"

"Get your hands off me!", Taehyun scoffed as most of his class started laughing at his misery and some ignored.

"What're you gonna do? Bring your two daddies and dance around?" Another asked and the whole class burst in laughter.

Taehyun was about to say something when he noticed someone, a seat further than him, got up and went out, some girls eventually following. He quickly picked his lunch box and ran away from the class.

Walking past the grounds, he was in a rather quiet place, behind the bushes. Waiting for someone, his only friend for the last three years.

_ Didn't he leave earlier? Why isn't he here yet? _ He wondered.

"Taehyun-ah!"

An instant smile appeared on his face and he turned to the voice.

"Gijungie Hyung~", he called back, eyes sparkling.

"Hyung? I’ve told you a thousand times to drop the honorifics", the slightly taller boy mumbled as he took a seat beside Taehyun.

"But you're-"

"Just take my name as everyone does, yeah?", Gijung cut him off rather coldly.

Taehyun stiffened, a little. But then smiled widely and offered his lunch box to the other.

"Look, I made sandwiches myself today. You don't bring lunch, so take mine" Taehyun hopefully offered and Gijung took one.

"I'm really sorry, Taehyun. You're so sweet but I never tell anyone that I’ve been friends with you for so long", he swallowed the food and looked down at his feet. "I'm the class president and I do nothing about your bullies. I'm such a coward"

"It's okay, Gijungie" Taehyun held his hands and although he was a little hurt, he hid it well. "If being friends with me makes others hate you then I'm okay being a secret"

Gijung smiled widely at him. Honestly, Taehyun would be lying if he said that the older boy didn't make his heart slightly flutter.

  
  


***

  
  


"Ugh! Why did Ms. Na have to take a surprise test?", Gijung groaned before flopping on his bed. "If she'd told beforehand, I could've asked for Taehyun's notes and scored a decent mark"

He closed his eyes for a moment but then realized something. Quick in his actions, he dialled Taehyun's home telephone.

"What kind of uncultured people he lives with who don't allow him a personal phone?" Gijung rolled his eyes as the phone rang.

" _ Hello _ "

"Hello~", Gijung instantly sat up and replied with his sweetest tone. "Can I talk to Taehyun please?"

" _ Sure! But who are you? _ ", the voice from the other side was making Gijung grit his teeth but he still kept his calm.

"I'm Kim Gijung, his class president. I've something important to discuss"

" _ Ah sorry, you often call, right? _ "

And then he finally heard Taehyun's name being called for and heaved a sigh. Not long after he picked up the receiver.

" _ Yes Gijungie? _ " 

Now that Taehyun wasn't in front of him, he visibly cringed at the nickname.

" _ Tae~ _ ", he sang. "You know that I was helping with some work during the science period, right? Can you bring me your notes?"

" _ Sure! I'll be there after I finish my English homework _ "

Gijung's face paled. Why? Well, he wasn't even paying enough attention to know.

"That's great! I was about to start it. Come quick! Let's do it together. I can help you if you get stuck"

Taehyun didn't reply instantly, he was thinking. He had to make sure that Jimin didn't scold him for not finishing his homework before going out to play. But then he was going to study anyways, so it was supposed to be alright.

" _ Okay, Gijungie! I'll be there soon _ " Gijung could already imagine the smile on his face. But then he just had to take it away.

"Uhhm Tae, can you take the longer route to my house and enter through the back door? Last time, Sowon saw you and then the next day she wouldn't stop asking me questions. I barely managed to tackle her"

" _ S-Sure _ " Taehyun's voice broke a little but Gijung could care less. And with a quick thanks, he disconnected the call.

He waited for a while and then started taking out his books when another call came and he instantly received it.

"Let's go smoking tomorrow as well. I hate science anyways. And don't worry about someone finding out! I'm the class president, I've my ways"

The other person said something to which he scoffed.

"I don't need to study. Isn't that why I get better marks than all of you? Y'all will be shocked tomorrow when you see me nailing the English homework"

So this was Kim Gijung. An only child of his divorced parents, living with his mother who worked really hard for a living. That's also the reason why he's a year behind. At one point, he was a promising student, he still can be. But times have changed and he has become uninterested in studies. And then when he joined 5th grade again, Kang Taehyun entering the drama made him feel smaller. So to maintain his own position, befriending the young prodigy- even if it's fake- seemed like a nice idea. 

  
  


***

"Here, these are my handwritten notes for social studies", Taehyun took a notebook out of his uniform vest to hold forward.

Another day of their secret lunch meeting.

Gijung looked up as he finished the lunch box given to him and then smiled at the notes.

"I feel bad for always being the receiving end. You help me with my studies and lunch. And I do nothing"

Taehyun chuckled at the other before placing his notes on his lap as he smiled.

"It's okay. We're friends. And I really like helping you", Taehyun replied with sparkly eyes.

"Gijung?", a student from nowhere called, making the two startled. "Yuck! What're you doing with this nerd here?"

Gijung immediately stood up as he handed the lunch box back.

"C'mon I'm the class president", he walked towards the other. "I've to check up on everyone, no matter if they're friends with me or not"

Although Gijung mumbled the last words, Taehyun heard them and tried to smile after his 'friend' looked back as the other student was walking ahead only to mouth ' _ Be on time today _ '. He quickly nodded and let them go.

To be honest, he didn't mind their friendship. But he knew Gijung wasn't just a friend to him, he was special. At first, he thought maybe it was because he was his only friend but then he knew it wasn't just that. And he didn't want to try something too risky. But if taking a risk meant a chance of being a little more to him then it wasn't a bad idea either.

That evening he went to the older's house and they studied together as usual before it was time for Taehyun to leave and he decided that he had to say it.

"Gijungie hyung", he called. Gijung slightly rolled his eyes at the honorific- and the nickname- but then faked a smile.

"I want to tell you something", Taehyun blushed while looking at the floor and Gijung walked up to him with a concerning look. It wasn't usual.

"Yes? Tell me", he answered, hands on the shorter's shoulders which only made him blush more.

"I know we're supposed to be friends secretly and I know I'm being really selfish"

Gijung flinched visibly, thinking about all the possibilities of Taehyun finding out his real motives. The other seemed to notice his expression, so he continued while looking down.

"It's just... you're really special to me. And I'm not asking you to be more because I know it's already hard for you to keep our friendship away from others. But within these years, I've grown fond of you and I really really like you"

Gijung blinked and then burst into laughter. Oh what an idiot he was for thinking that an angel like Taehyun was about to turn his back on him!

"Why are you laughing that way?", Taehyun pouted and Gijung was snapped at the reality. Okay, so he was confessing. And that brought a moment of silence.

"So you're telling me that you like me. As in  _ like _ , yeah?"

Taehyun nodded. It would be a lie if Gijung said he wasn't creeped out. He hadn't thought that Taehyun liked boys. But another idea bloomed in his mind. Jealousy aside, he never saw someone as ethereal as the younger. Someone so smart, good at almost everything including sports, someone with god-like visuals at such a young age. Wasn't all these the reason for his hatred towards him? He also wanted to know If Taehyun was willing to give so much just as a friend, how much would he give if they were more?

"I like you too", he stated after all the thinking, making the other look up surprised.

"R-Really?"

"Yes, I do..so aren't we boyfriends now? Gijung took a step forward only for the other to step away because of their close proximity.

"I mean it's not a bad ide-"

"Then shouldn't we kiss now?" Gijung tilted his head, his voice had no ounce of care and the other was taken aback. He didn't expect that much pacing.

"Uhh...hyung I don't think we should do it now"

"Why? You don't like me?"

"It's not that. It's just... let's take it slow please?"

"What?" Gijung frowned. "We already know each other enough. Why're you scared? I'm 16 okay? I know a lot more things than you do. I won't hurt you"

Now this was scaring Taehyun. He shook off his hands when the other was approaching to touch him.

"What are you t-talking about? I haven't thought about going that far"

"What the fuck, Taehyun?" Gijung yelled, glaring. "You are the one who confessed to me. Is it wrong to ask for something from my boyfriend?"

With that said, he pulled Taehyun by his waist and threw him in the bed. And before Taehyun protested, he put his hands under his t-shirt to hover the smaller's bare body.

"Wait...please s-stop", Taehyun's voice broke and he wouldn't be surprised if he was already crying. And it wasn't better because he saw the other's eyes filled with lust. He had to do something when Gijung started to push his t-shirt upwards and harshly kissed his neck.

Before he knew it, he gathered strength and kicked the older with his one knee, throwing him off to the floor on his back. He stood up and while the other was processing what had happened, he took his bag and dashed out of the room.

Gijung rubbed his head and then walked to his window. He saw Taehyun running off without looking up to his room. It's the first time Taehyun didn't do it. It's the first time Taehyun didn't let him have what he wanted.

And oh, Taehyun was definitely going to face consequences.

Gijung's lips curled upwards into a playful smirk.

It was the time to disclose the secret but in a twisted way.


	43. The Voices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story ranking #1 in taegyu (in wattpad) is something I never dreamed of. Thank you so much to everyone who always looks forward. I appreciate every read, kudos and comment🥺 And so I made this chapter extra long.
> 
> This is the last chapter for Taehyun's past.
> 
> WARNING: Implied mentions of bullying and panic attacks.

Not knowing why his closest friend, his only friend, was acting like that, Taehyun was lost after that incident. He wasn't able to study or concentrate on anything. He wasn't even eating properly which made Jimin and Yoongi a bit worried.

"Hyunnie. Is everything alright?", Yoongi asked while having dinner, eyes filled with concern.

"Y-Yes, hyungie. I have a test tomorrow so I'm nervous", he lied.

"That's not like you", Jimin ruffled his hairs while looking at him properly. "We know you're going to nail the test. What's the matter?"

Taehyun just shook his head, assuring everything was okay and Jimin patted is head. Sure Taehyun never hid anything from them but now that he was getting older, they made sure to give the younger some space.

Although Taehyun was still shaking from the memory of being touched in a wrong way, thinking what else could've happened to him, he decided to talk it out with Gijung.

The next day at school was odd. Not that he wasn't the topic of gossip everyday but today's different. Students were visibly pointing at him, looking at him with disgust. But he kept his cool and looked for his friend. 

And of course, out of all the days, Gijung had to be late that day. The male entered the classroom right a minute before the classes started which gave them no time to talk. Even Gijung's attitude was a little off. Well, the reason was known to Taehyun, or at least he thought so.

"Eww he's even staring at Gijung oppa weirdly"

A whisper made its way to Taehyun's ears and he turned his head only to find some girls, a few seats forward, to make faces and then turn around. 

As classes started, everyone focused. But as always, when teachers complimented Taehyun, the bickers thrown at him were a little more, maybe he even saw Gijung slightly smirking.

Taehyun hardly cared about all those but his only friend joining them was something he didn't imagine. And that thought had him distracted from his lessons, causing him to look out of the window which only brought more whispers about what weird things he might be dreaming of. 

Before he knew, it was lunchtime and by the time he snapped back to reality, most of his classmates were gone. Okay, he might not spend his time in the classroom but he knew that it was unusual for this many students to leave. Today, it was almost empty. 

He thought of looking for Gijung and went out of his classroom, only for his uniform to be spoiled by someone's chocolate milk.

"Aw Taehyun, please don't mind me", one of his classmates smiled sheepishly. "Why don't you run to the washroom? You don't want that stain to stay, do you?"

Taehyun stared at the other's face and then looked at his uniform. Oh, sure he needs to clean it and so with a bow he runs off.

But as he cleaned himself a little bit, he couldn't help but think of how unbearably quiet it was. And his trail of thoughts was stopped when he was done and walking towards the door, only to be met by some classmates of his. And before he could respond, the washroom area filled up with almost everyone who bullied him.

To be honest, he was never scared of them but today their presence screamed another kind of intimation. The aura, the expressions with so much hate in their eyes weren't settling for him. He didn't even know he was stepping back until he got the wall behind.

"Poor Taehyunnie has nowhere to go now", a girl commented as some students neared him.

"What do you want?", Taehyun asked, ignoring the beating of his chest only for the area to be filled with malicious laughter.

"What're you willing to give?", the boy nearest him asked back, slightly pinching his cheeks harshly. "Are you going to kiss me too?"

An array of disgusted and mocking exclamations weighed the room as Taehyun froze. And before he could talk-

"Just the way you forced Gijung to kiss you", a girl with some carton milk in her hands spoke. But Taehyun's mind couldn't interpret the information.

"... I didn't…I didn't do a-anything like that", he spoke, voice small but desperate.

"Oh come on, you filthy fag! You thought you would just get away with it?", another student spoke.

"What do you have in yourself that would make a straight guy fall for you?", another boy butts in before some come up to corner him and poke his sides, either with their fingers or pencils and pens. Not long after he's curled in a ball as girls and boys start throwing their milk cartons at him and then kick him.

"Stop...please", Taehyun begs between his whimpers. "You don't e-even know anything"

A hard kick lands on his abdomen, making him wince loudly.

"Stop dreaming! You aren't worth it. You don't deserve love, you fag!", the girl again kicked him with more strength.

"Look at this weird boy taking all the beatings from the girls", said another boy as he poured a bucket of used dirty water on his head. "Just because you're a freaking nerd and have your way with the teachers doesn't mean you should have your hopes high”

“Stop.being.such.an.attention.seeker"

With thrashes between each word, Taehyun kept his arms up to at least try to block the hits when the bickerings turned into muffled whispers, and so he looked up to catch a familiar figure walking closer.

"G-Gijungie…", he called pleadingly. He fought the immense pain strangling his body to walk up to the older boy. "They are saying weird things about you and me. Please tell them the truth. That we're frie-"

Gijung cut him off by slapping his hand away with a scared expression. "What are you saying, Kang Taehyun? Why are you telling me to lie? You indeed kissed me without my consent. You tried to..*sniff*..."

Taehyun only stared at him, blinking rapidly. His lips trembled and he ignored the insults thrown at him. "...But  _ you _ are the one who f-forced me..."

"Yaa, kid", a girl grabbed his arms to throw him back on the floor. "Why would he want to kiss that ugly face of yours? Who do you think you are?"

"Gijung, why are you here? We told you we would take care of him for you. You don't have to fear this weird kid. Just go and attend your classes", a boy assured as many agreed with him.

Gijung nodded innocently and then he peeked over at Taehyun, glaring with fire as the latter couldn't just believe his eyes before he walked out. 

And as the door closed, Taehyun was stuffed with a cloth in his mouth before the first –the worst– nightmare of his life started.

  
  


***

  
  


Opening his heavy eyes after what seemed like an eternity, Taehyun's mouth gaped a little so he could spit out the cloth, only to taste the dry metallic iron on his mouth. His eyes scanned the white cloth with red blotches before drifting towards the dirty pile of his uniform. Shuddering uncomfortably, his bare body came in contact with the grime on the surface. 

With his limbs throbbing, all he could remember was the earlier events, engraved clearly on his mind and again tears fell. Head being heavy, he tried to meet the eyes of Jimin and Yoongi by the bathroom door followed by some teachers, expressions shocked.

Yoongi ran and took off his coat to cover him as Jimin was quick to hug him protectively, an array of apology escaping his mouth and he could hear the yelling of Yoongi towards the teachers for being so careless. And then his eyes drooped.

When they opened back, he found himself in a hospital room. Feeling much better, he sat up only to be encircled by a crying Soobin.

"Tae...I was so *sniff* so scared when the hyungs called me. I couldn't help but come to you. Why didn't you tell anyone that you were being bullied in school?"

As Taehyun listened, he was sure that the nightmare wasn't exactly a nightmare but the reality. All those scenes played in his head so vividly that he didn't even know when he started shaking again.

  
  


***

  
  


"Taehyun-ah, please tell us everything. We’ll get them punished", Jimin caressed his cheek as Yoongi sat beside.

A week had passed and thankfully, it was their New year break, so everyone including Soobin were there for him. The wounds were healing faster and he was about to get discharged when everyone pried to know what exactly had happened. But Taehyun still couldn't believe that all of those were actually Gijung's doings, his only friend whom he trusted blindly. So he stayed silent, he needed to confront the older first.

"Soobin hyung…", he called once they were left alone after their hyungs' investigation. The latter was quick to sit by his side. "I'll give you an address, okay? There's a friend named Gijung. Can you please bring him here?"

Soobin frowned. "Who is he? You just said that you don't have friends in school. Does he know something about this matter?"

"N-No! He doesn't. Please hyung, please do me this favor, please?", Taehyun held Soobin's hands and the taller knew that he was hiding something.

"Are you sure he isn't as evil as them?", Soobin squinted his eyes, making the other gulp and look away.

"He isn't" 

Taehyun couldn't let this chance slide, so he kept requesting and assuring that Gijung wasn't harmful. Soobin didn't believe him easily but as his tone broke and tears fell, he couldn't help but give in.

That's how Soobin ended up in front of Gijung's house, wrapped in a padded jacket, rubbing his hands together and waited after pressing the bell, only to be met by a pissed young man.

"Who are you?"

"Hi. I'm Soobin”, he waved. “You've a friend named Taehyun, right? Well, I'm his-"

"I don't know any Taehyun", Gijung was quick to cut him off because oh, he knew Soobin very well, Taehyun's favorite hyung. But Soobin was quicker to block.

"You do! I know this is the right address", Soobin stated while gripping the door and Gijung couldn't help himself.

As he didn't give an answer, Soobin, as the soft human he is, tried to explain. "Look, Taehyunnie wants to meet you. I don't know what it is but he really needs to see you"

"I don't want to", Gijung scoffed.

Soobin took a breath and made pleading hands. "I'm requesting you, please pay him a visit? He'll be really disappointed if you don't"

Gijung rolled his eyes. "Are you in love with him or what? He himself is a fag, so I wouldn't be surprised if you’re too"

Those words made Soobin's blood boil and he was quick to tackle the other.

"MIND YOUR LANGUAGE", he yelled out but instantly calmed himself. 

"He isn't in good condition so I promised him that I would bring you along. I'm ready to beg, just please meet him once"

Experiencing Soobin's strength briefly, Gijung had to oblige.

***

"Why did you want to see me?", Gijung asked, once he was inside Taehyun's room and the latter ran to him quickly, making his eyes roll which didn't go unnoticed by the other.

"Gijungie, why're you act-"

"Drop that fucking nickname", Gijung cut him off coldly.

Taehyun flinched as tears threatened to fall but nonetheless, he collected himself.

"Why did you do this?", he asked, eyes not leaving the older.

"Isn't it already obvious that I hate you? Or do I need to spell it out?"

The words pierced through Taehyun's heart but he knew that he needed to know more.

"Were you lying that you liked me too?", he asked.

"Oh c'mon! From the moment you've entered my life, it's been a hell. Taehyun this, Taehyun that, Taehyun is younger than you, Learn something from him blah blah blah! I'm fed up!”, Gijung shouted. "I've hated you from the very first moment and I was just using you for good grades, okay?"

Taehyun couldn't believe his ears. All he did was stand there, head hanging low and tears streaming down his cheeks.

"I was even ashamed of whatever we had. How was I supposed to tell others that I was friends with someone like  _ you _ ? Because trust me! No one wants you. You're always so clingy, so petty, begging for affection and such an attention whore that it's gross! That's the reason your parents left you, you're such a burden to everyone"

"...That's n-not true.."

Gijung came forward to grab his cheeks harshly. "Do you think anyone will ever love you? All you have is those luscious lips and a delicious ass to have fun with and once they're used, you're no fun!"

And with that said, he turned on his heels to leave but Taehyun was quick to hold his wrist with both of his hands.

"Hyung, you aren't like this... you're my friend, right? You don’t m-mean it, right?"

Gijung ignored his cries which made the other tighten his grip.

"Please... don't leave me. What can I do for you to not hate me?", he asked as his voice broke but it never had an impact on the other.

Gijung forcefully pushed away the younger from him as his eyes landed on a window.

"Do me a favor. Jump out of that window and just disappear", he said, throwing Taehyun with a loud thud to the floor.

It wasn't even a second later when something hit Gijung's head with much louder thud, making him land on the floor as well. He slightly turned to see a filled water bottle that hit him and before he looked up, he was gripped by his collar.

"How dare you say something like that to Taehyun, huh?", Soobin yelled loudly, shaking him mercilessly. 

Gijung coughed roughly as Soobin kept punching him like a madman. And a few minutes later, Yoongi and Jimin along with some doctors entered the room, expressions baffled due to the situation.

Yoongi tried to tear Soobin apart from the beaten boy, his nose was surely fractured by then. But Soobin only got wilder and kicked the other so it took a few more people to help the older man.

"No! He's evil! I'm sure he's the one who did everything", Soobin tried to escape from Yoongi as the doctors escorted Gijung out of the room.

And Jimin picked up Taehyun from the floor. He was so lost in his thoughts that he couldn't even pay attention to the scene in front of him.

Later that night when he was home, he made it clear that he wanted to be totally alone for sometime. Thinking about everything, his head felt like it would explode. And when he tried to sleep, the voices somehow found their way to the back of his head, making it bang louder than bombs.

One high pitched shriek and his hyungs were already beside him but he could barely feel their presence. The blurred visions of students laughing at his miserable state back in the school bathroom appeared before his tired eyes as he was drenched with sweat. The rude comments were all he heard over Jimin's request to relax. He didn't even know he was hyperventilating due to the lack of oxygen and that his nose was bleeding a stream.

"We  _ have to _ find out what happened, Jimin. No matter what", Yoongi panicked as he brought all his equipment to help the other.

Days went by as Taehyun seldom talked to anyone, already missing to attend his school. He was being treated by Yoongi himself so he wasn't admitted to the hospital. Because he was just back from one and what he needed the most was mental support, they kept him home. The more comfortable he felt, the more likely he was to disclose everything.

Well, that was what they thought. Jimin shortened his time in the dance academy only to spend time with him, reading storybooks or walk in the park and visit the orphanage near their house or maybe teach him some dance styles as well. Yoongi too tried his best to join them for all activities, despite his job. Both of them knew that they had to take it slow. 

Yoongi also arranged some of the best counselors, in case Taehyun didn't want to talk about those matters with someone he knew but all in vain. Sure, Taehyun had started to tell them little-by-little but everytime he reached the part they needed to know most, he broke into tears. And Jimin being the mochi he is, didn't want Yoongi to continue with all those sessions which only hurt the younger.

"Jimin-ah, If he doesn't let it out, it'll always haunt him. He would never be normal again", Yoongi replied in his defense. And when it took them months without any development, Yoongi knew he had to use that one last way.

Hypnotherapy wasn't the best idea but he didn't have any other option. Thankfully, Soobin was able to join them as he was back on his vacation again. Earlier, the taller boy had stated that he had only heard the last words of Gijung before jumping at the older.

Jimin and Soobin were both mentally prepared for what they were about to hear and Yoongi also made the arrangements to record the session. Nope! He wasn't going to leave anyone that easily for hurting the boy he loved so much.

Without much difficulty, the session went well. Taehyun did have a slight breakdown but with the comfort, he was able to tell them everything. It made all the other three males' blood boil for sure and that's what led them to take actions.

Gijung was expelled from the school which was to leave a scar on his student's report for the rest of his life because of course, there was no room for lying in hypnotherapy and that Taehyun was an asset to the school. The students who helped him didn't get away as they also carried their mistakes in their records along with limited suspensions. 

But sadly, Taehyun had to take a year break from studies due to the lengthy process of treatment. Well, that wasn't a big problem as Taehyun used to study already a grade higher. Besides, Yoongi made sure to prioritize his mental and physical health first before everything else.

"Soobin hyung", Taehyun called, waiting for Yoongi to pick them up after one of his sessions.

"Yes, Taehyunnie?"

"I don't want to stay here anymore", he said, looking nowhere. 

Soobin looked at him with sad eyes but still nodded understandingly. "You can move to Seoul. I’ll be there for you", he replied as he hugged the shorter.

At first, Jimin cried buckets at Taehyun's sudden decision, blaming himself for not paying enough attention to what was going on with the younger's life but with Taehyun's constant assurance he was okay. 

"It's just that I want to clear my head", Taehyun said while persuading Yoongi.

But Taehyun's uncle, being the legal guardian, had to be informed about all the ruckus. No, Taehyun didn't want him to know about the drama in school but yet, he truly felt like he was a burden to others. And so, he only mentioned the moving away part. He made sure to not make it sound like his hyungs were at fault and it was his sole idea to explore other places.

Taehyun's uncle, after listening, assured him that he would sign the consent and buy him the best apartment in one of the richest neighborhoods, so he could attend the best school as well.

"I want to live in the smallest size of place", Taehyun protested. "I want to live in a neighborhood where normal people live and go to a school where their kids go"

At first, his uncle wasn't really fond of the idea but Taehyun had told him that he wouldn't take any of his help if not this and what could the man ever do? He wanted to be there as much as he could.

And with that, Jimin accompanied Taehyun to Seoul with Soobin by their side. With Soobin's constant request, they moved closer to his neighborhood but where commoners dwelled mostly.

"I’ve got a friend of your age, Taehyun!", Soobin assured as he got admitted to the same school as the older. "Don't worry at all. We will hang out and go to school together as well"

Taehyun wasn't really sure if he was ready to make a new friend again and trust him but oh how couldn't he when someone as pure as Hueningkai was that person? That floofy cotton ball made him feel like an older brother, despite their little age difference. As if, he found that one dongsaeng he was supposed to have.

As time passed, he was much better, hardly ever thinking about his past which made him notice Jimin missing his boyfriend. Yoongi made sure to call each and every day if not every hour. Always checking up on Taehyun's condition and how he was doing in school and stuff.

"What!? You're a middle schooler, Tae", Jimin widened his eyes as Taehyun suddenly suggested he go back to Busan.

"I survived a car accident. I'm okay after all those nightmares and that long treatment period. What scarier can happen to me?"

The question made Jimin look away without an answer and Taehyun knew he wasn't convinced at all.

"Jimin hyung! You're an instructor in the dance academy. Think about them, think about your work. How long will stick around with me?", Taehyun tried again in vain.

"I don't care, Hyun. I've promised to always be with you. Nothing is more than you", Jimin looked at him with puppy eyes.

"Hyung! Don't worry, I'll be fine. I'll find work and-"

"Work?", Jimin scowled. "Why do you have to work? You're so young! No way I would ever let you"

"Please! I don't want to depend on everyone all the time. I want to do something for myself too", Taehyun said in an inaudible voice, looking down. And Jimin knew he couldn't be told otherwise as the younger was always stubborn with his decisions.

So after making sure Yoongi was okay with the idea as well, they found themselves in the Pink Café. It was owned by Jimin and Yoongi's one of the older friends from high school. If Taehyun really wanted to do it that badly then as his hyungs they would always support him. But they had to make sure that he was in good hands.

"I allow minors but he's only 15, Jimin-ah! I can't let him work at such a young age", Seokjin argued as Jimin trailed behind, looking at Taehyun who was seated on the waiting area mindlessly.

"Please, Seokjin hyung! He won't cause any trouble and he's a diligent student. It's just part-time work, you can make him work for shorter shifts", the younger requested desperately. "Have a look at his school records and his guardian's written permission. I can only trust you at this, pretty please~"

With Jimin's constant whining and listening to Taehyun's reasons, he agreed to give him the job. Of course, it was a yes-or-yes situation for him.

Like that, the night before leaving Seoul, Jimin kept lecturing the younger to keep them informed about him and to call Yoongi immediately at any slightest symptoms. Even before boarding to his train, till the last minute, he told him to eat properly, to sleep properly, to study well, to live with Soobin's family if any problem arose.

With a deep huff, Taehyun lied on his bed in the empty apartment, staring at the ceiling. The voices weren't with him then. 

And so, he was looking forward to a life in this city full of buildings and cars. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surpassing 'Universe', this is the longest chapter with 3998 words (excluding author's note).
> 
> [the story will be back to present in the next chapter and continue after 'Not a Fool']
> 
> Thank you once again and stay safe everyone <3


	44. Skip Beat

Birds mindlessly chirping around a nearby tree. What a pleasant summer day it is! Wanna know what's more pleasant? Choi Beomgyu standing with his back on the outside of a familiar apartment, wearing a white loose shirt tucked in his black ripped jeans paired with his black high cut converse and running his fingers through his ash-blonde locks. Simple yet stunning! 

He looks down at his bags and then his watch, foot tapping as he's getting restless. Last night was a hectic one.

He was confused. He was aggrieved. He felt guilt rushing through his veins as he acknowledged the altitude of his uncertainty.

  
  
  


"Did all of you know all these about Taehyun?", Beomgyu had asked after silence had enveloped them, dry eyes finding Hueningkai who was standing near a window.

The latter looked at Yeonjun who still hugged Soobin tightly as his hands instinctively rubbed circles on his back.

"Unlike them, I only came to know recently", the blue-haired replied.

"Why didn't anyone tell me then?", Beomgyu almost whispered as he was only digesting the new information.

"Why couldn't  _ he  _ tell you himself?", Soobin asked back, his voice croaky.

Beomgyu, for a second, gave it a thought. Wasn't he trustworthy enough? Or maybe, Taehyun didn't want to bother him with his problems?

Either way, he thought it was his fault for making it seem that way. So in a second he stood from the floor (that's where he was sitting the whole time as his knees gave up at some point, listening to Hueningkai talk about everything he had to know) and walked up to Soobin, sitting on the edge of the bed. Kneeling, he held the other's hands in his.

"Hyung…", his voice broke for the nth time that night. "P-Please take me to him. I _have_ _to_ apologize. I _have_ _to_ get him back"

Soobin looked at him, soft eyes veiled with a thick curtain of tears. Maybe he tried to seem tough but the vulnerability was way too visible for that.

"What if you...h-hurt him ag-"

"I won't", Beomgyu cut him, firm and confident.

Everything in the room fell silent again for a while. Beomgyu wasn't sure if Soobin was convinced yet, but he knew the older was giving it a thought.

He gulped before adding. "I won't f-force him, hyung. Okay. Okay, if.... if he doesn't want to come back to me, I'll respect it... I'll leave him alone"

Although the thought twisted his belly, Beomgyu just had to say something to convince the older anyhow. He stared at Soobin with hopeful eyes, chest thumping harder as he was incredulous of what was going on inside the other's head.

"Go h-home…", Soobin finally spoke, almost mumbling.

Beomgyu tightened his grip and he knew he might cry any moment. "Hyung...please.."

"Go home and pack your bags"

Everyone in the room snapped their heads at Soobin. In his peripheral vision, Beomgyu could make Hueningkai take small steps towards them.

"...We're taking the first train for Busan tomorrow", Soobin finished, Yeonjun smiled widely at him as the raven-haired turned around and snuggled closer.

Beomgyu looked at both Yeonjun and Hueningkai's smile plastered faces before the youngest of them took his arm and made him stand.

"Taehyun is in Busan, hyung", the curly head squealed and jumped at him. "We were supposed to visit him tomorrow and now you're joining us"

Beomgyu blinked and then he smiled, finally taking in the information and hugging his dongsaeng back. 

"Hyuka, please go get something for Beom to eat", Yeonjun happily stated as his fingers stroked the raven hairs of his boyfriend. "I'll join later"

Hueningkai lightly nodded and guided the ash-blonde almost out of the room before Soobin turned to them and spoke. 

"Remember your words", he said, making the others a little confused.

"You can't force him if he doesn't want to", he told Beomgyu before turning back to his boyfriend.

To be honest, Beomgyu was a little unsure if Taehyun still wanted to be with him or not. He didn't know what he would do if Taehyun didn't agree to come back to him, didn't have a plan on how he was to convince him either. But he knew all of it was worth a try. 

  
  


And so, that's how we're here. Beomgyu sighs slightly as the door to the familiar apartment opens.

"Oh? Gyu! You're early", Yeonjun beams as he places his bag out and turns to lock the door.

Beomgyu laughs awkwardly. "I just couldn't wait anymore"

Yeonjun ruffles his hair, smiling fondly. And then they make their way down together to be met with Soobin and Hueningkai in a taxi several minutes later.

***

"So, we are gonna stay at my house. Hueningie can stay with Taehyun if he wants", Soobin explains as they are now seated in the train compartment. Hueningkai by Soobin's side with the Choi cousins opposite them.

"But I want to stay with him", Beomgyu mumbles, pouting. Yeonjun nudges his side and he looks up to see the raven-haired slightly squinting his eye at him, so he flashes an idiotic grin.

But Yeonjun is quick to change the topic. "I will share the room with Soobin", he declares as Soobin shyly smiles at him. But before he can agree, Hueningkai scoffs.

"If you two share a room, I and Beomgyu hyung won't be able to sleep the whole night"

"Yaa!", Soobin playfully smacks the youngest's knees before contemplating as Yeonjun turns red as a tomato, Beomgyu cackles beside him. Sure, Hueningkai isn't lying at all.

"Okay, then", he claps his hands together. "I and Hyuka will stay in my room and you guys can have a room for yourselves"

Yeonjun immediately shoots a glare towards the youngest as he sticks out his tongue and Soobin plasters an apologetic smile.

Beomgyu heaves a sigh of relief at the sight and looks out of the window. He's glad to have his friends doing okay.

Now, he has to make sure that one particular person is also okay.

  
  


***

  
  


It takes them 2.5 hours to reach Busan. Hueningkai had fallen asleep on Soobin's shoulder, accompanying Soobin himself. Yeonjun couldn't stop cooing at them for 5 minutes before waking them up. Somehow, Beomgyu couldn't even blink an eye for he had so much in mind with his chest hammering loudly. He's finally going to see the love of his life.

They take a cab to the neighborhood where Soobin's house is and he shows them around a little bit. The parks and where he goes whenever he visits every time. But Beomgyu doesn't find himself quite listening. Well, don't get him wrong, he's just getting more restless every moment.

And to end his misery, he catches a glimpse of a baby smile, slightly flashing a pokable dimple.

Beomgyu's heart skips eight beats at once and everything stops. His friends are walking a bit ahead of him but he stands in his position with his mouth agape and wide eyes.

_ Is that…?  _

  
  


_ Yes! It is… It definitely is… _

  
  


_ Taehyun! _

  
  


Beomgyu's quick to his feet to cross the road, he gets a better view as he's standing only a few meters away. There's someone with pink hair, shorter than Taehyun beside him whom he's linking arms with, making Beomgyu's chest tighten. They were having a smiley conversation before noticing the new presence. 

Taehyun's eyes at once brimmed with tears as he saw the older only some steps away. His arms gracefully unlinked, falling to his sides before he couldn't bear looking at the other so he lowered his gaze to the concrete pavement. The man beside him looks between the two, confusion visible on his features.

Beomgyu, unaware of the brunette's mind state, smiles nonetheless, his own eyes brimming with tears. Unconsciously dropping the bag he was carrying, he makes his way towards Taehyun.

Bigger steps turn into strides and within a split second Beomgyu is in front of Taehyun. The younger took a step back as he heard the other's quickening footsteps but before he could move away, he's pulled into a hug.

The ash-blonde's hands protectively encircled around his small frame and his head rested on Taehyun's shoulder, seeking the so-familiar warmth.

"I missed you, Hyunnie", he says between soft sniffles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Eternally' MV crushed my heart and my last two brain cells and I almost went to heaven🤯


	45. Good Luck

Beomgyu’s hands tighten and he pulls the younger a little closer, leaving no space at all as he can feel the boy slightly trembling.

Taehyun struggles a little to push the older, only to be held tighter as a forearm now pulls him by his waist. In his peripheral vision, he notices some passer-by looking at them.

"Hyung...What are you d-doing!?", he finally says, still trying to move away in vain. "People are w-watching us"

Beomgyu pulls away to look at him. "I've cared enough about people, Taehyun. Now all I want to care about is you and only you"

Taehyun again looks away before Beomgyu attempts another hug, only to be interrupted.

"Excuse me?", the pink-haired male says and reaches for Taehyun and the younger quickly stands closer to him, making Beomgyu gulp down the lump in his throat.

"He's still recovering, so hugging like that might hurt his ribs", the man continues as he rests a hand on Taehyun's trembling shoulders. Beomgyu can't help but grit his teeth at the sight.

"Beomgyu hyung? Oh! Taehyunnie?"

All three whip their heads towards the voice and sees Hueningkai standing in surprise, Beomgyu's forgotten bag slung over his shoulder. Yeonjun and Soobin also follow behind.

"Jimin hyung!", Soobin notices the older male beside the two and runs towards them.

_ Jimin hyung?  _ Beomgyu looks at the pink head while taking his bag from the youngest and blinks several times as a wave of guilt rushes through him. Oh, what the fuck was he thinking?

As Jimin greets Soobin with a hug, the raven-haired is quick to introduce him to his friends and the yeonjuneez introduce themselves too.

"Hyung, what were you guys doing?", Soobin asks once he takes a look at Taehyun who instantly goes to hug him.

"Just walking around. We were about to head home. Why don't you join us? You guys must be really hungry", Jimin quickly suggests with a smile. Beomgyu notices that his eyes really disappear at that action, just as Taehyun had described.

A shrill of 'yaay' is heard from his friends and then Soobin leads the way. Beomgyu adjusts his bag straps on his shoulder as he looks at them; Taehyun being pampered with hugs and kisses on his head, just like a baby. The brunette slightly looks over, meeting Beomgyu's eyes before the older smiles fondly at him, and then he sighs as Taehyun turns away.

Beomgyu turns to notice Jimin tilting his head while looking at him and Beomgyu follows the action cutely before the former chuckles, resulting in him to scratch the back of his neck with an awkward smile.

"Taehyun speaks about you a lot", the ash-blonde initiates to escape the weird silence as they start walking.

Jimin doesn't answer and Beomgyu can feel him being examined again, following another chuckle. That's when he realizes that he didn't even introduce himself earlier.

"Oh! I'm sorry, I haven't introduced myself!" Beomgyu bows 90 degrees as he continues, "I'm-"

"Choi Beomgyu? I know", Jimin offers a hand. The younger is quick to shake their hands although he's a little taken aback.

"You're just like what Taehyun had described" Jimin replies to the question in Beomgyu's head, making the latter look up in surprise.

"Taehyun has talked about... m-me?", He asks, pointing at himself before Jimin smiles widely and nods.

"Yeah, he used to talk about you a lot"

_ Used to.  _

Okay, that stings but Beomgyu is at least happy to know that Taehyun spoke about him to an extent that Jimin recognized him instantly. He couldn't stop the smile forming on his lips.

And then, he continues following Jimin. Honestly speaking, he can't even take off his eyes from Taehyun who's walking ahead of him. Why should he though? Taehyun looks back at him some times but turns away quickly. But the thing that prickles his skin is the latter’s  _ linked arm _ with Hueningkai. 

Now, don’t get him wrong, he doesn’t doubt the friendship between the two maknaes. He isn’t that petty but he can’t help feeling a little jealous for he has never experienced it, of course, because he’s never walked that close to Taehyun, neither he ever looked his way to notice the adorable action. Once again, he drowns in the ocean of guilt.

Jimin takes a notice of the ash-blonde's bitter expression but chooses to not say anything.

  
  


***

Reaching Jimin and Yoongi's home, they're welcomed by a tranquil atmosphere. Beomgyu could tell they weren't very rich but the interior really had the boys' look around in awe. 

This living room seating area is warm, natural, and cozy thanks to a graphic boxy floor-to-ceiling bookshelf anchored by a simple black fireplace; natural materials like wood-paneled ceilings and hardwood floors; a jute rug and comfortable upholstered seating. Pops of color from the books and throw pillows keep the neutral space feeling lively and inviting.

Just in the distinct corner, there’re Eiffel chairs and a wooden oval dining table which has rounded corners that preserve the room's flow, anchored by a striking pendant light to create a soothing, sophisticated, harmonious space for dining.

As they took their places on the sofa, Taehyun quickly went up the stairs. Jimin did tell him to join his friends but Taehyun declared that he wasn't feeling very well, so he wanted to rest. Beomgyu kept his eyes in his direction even though he heard a door closing with a slam.

"Where is Yoongi hyung?", Soobin asks, munching the blueberry bread he loves so much, Hueningkai by his side drinking grape juice and Yeonjun galloping the cupcakes. It's just Beomgyu who doesn't feel hungry.

"Yoongi hyung is at the hospital. He can't always leave his duties, you know?", Jimin smiles, scratching his head. "It's okay though. I'm taking some days off to be with Taehyun"

Although he was smiling, the longing for his work, passion was still visible in his voice. They looked at each other but then shrugged it off heavily.

"Where are you guys staying, Soobin? Your house?", Jimin changes the subject and Soobin nods.

"That's cool. Have your meals with us"

"Sure"

All of them chit-chat for a while but Beomgyu can't cool down the blaze in his heart. Now that he's this close to Taehyun, he doesn't wanna waste any second. But the way Taehyun's giving him the cold shoulder, he isn't sure how long he can just sit and pretend that he's listening to others.

As he kept restraining himself, now he's sitting in the dinner table in Jimin and Yoongi's house. They had been to Soobin's house, across the street, to freshen up and rest for a bit. Hueningkai spent all his evening time in Taehyun's room, so Yeonjun took this opportunity and went to Soobin's room to do who knows what, and Beomgyu was lying in his and Yeonjun's shared room as his mind was racing at the thought of his love.

He also noticed the other man in the house and knew that he's Min Yoongi. It's weird how accurate Taehyun was when he said both Jimin and Yoongi look like cats. One as a cute tabby cat that loves cuddles, another as a little grumpy cat –a hidden softie actually– that loves to sleep. It's even weirder how they're actually each other's opposite version yet click so well, just like him and Taehyun.

Mentioning Taehyun, he's not at the dinner table which is only making Beomgyu restless than ever and he knows he can't take it anymore. *sigh*

"Where's Taehyun?", he asks, interrupting whatever fun conversation was going on.

"He's had his dinner early, don't worry" Jimin is quick to answer. But that answer only makes Beomgyu grunt annoyingly and he puts down his chopsticks, making them clink together with the dish. The room suddenly becomes silent due to the action and Beomgyu notices everyone's gaze at him.

"I need to talk to him", he says hesitantly before they misunderstand him, that's when it becomes crystal clear that the hyungs actually know  _ very well _ what he's done to Taehyun as the air in the room thickens.

"...please", he quickly adds. 

Yoongi looks at Jimin first, having an eye-to-eye conversation only they understand. Then at Soobin who gives a slight approving nod.

"Upstairs", Yoongi answers, and Beomgyu's eyes light up. 

_ Is this his way of approving? _

Beomgyu slowly stands from his seat, still confused if he's allowed or not.

"Don't disturb him if he's already sleeping", Yoongi adds before focusing back on his dinner. And Beomgyu smiles when he sees Jimin showing him his little thumb, wishing good luck.

Who knows what he looked like when he started heading for the stairs because an array of laugh– the kind when someone cracks a very funny joke– followed his ears. But he could care less as now his mind is clouded with only one thought, with only one person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoof! They're FINALLY having a converstaion in the next chapter hehe.


	46. Fine Not Fine

"Taehyun?", he calls, softly knocking at the door.

Beomgyu pouts, furrowing his eyebrows before noticing the door's already opened.

"I’m coming in, okay?", he asks, intaking a deep breath and pushes it slightly.

Walking in, he's met by a dark room. It's bigger than Taehyun's room in his apartment. A bed with pillows and comforter arranged properly which had dragon ball z prints on it. A balcony on one side, a window on the opposite; the walls are covered with posters of different music bands. He takes a look at the cupboards and wardrobes which seem old. The whole room gives off the vibes of a middle schooler. And then his eyes travel to the study table near the window.

More specifically, the sleeping figure with his head amidst his arms on the table.

White curtains flailing and the moonlight seeping through the windows make the boy's stunning visuals stand out. Although he's lost a little weight and gotten paler, Beomgyu still can't help but be endeared by his handsomeness.

Chest beating rapidly, he approaches with light steps.

"Taehyun-ah?", he calls but he can clearly hear the soft snores. Of course, as Yoongi said, he doesn't want to disturb the other's sleep but he should be sleeping in the bed comfortably, right?

He puts his hand on Taehyun's back and taps lightly. "Hyunnie, you're gonna get a sore neck if you sleep here"

As he still doesn't get a response, he presses his lips into a thin line. He really can't leave the other here like this. And so, without further delay, he takes Taehyun's one arm to fling over his neck after crouching down to slide his own arm under Taehyun's knees while his other hand rest on his side to hold him closer, carefully hoisting him into the air.

_ Oh no! He's gotten so much skinnier _ , he thinks as he walks and places him on the bed. Taehyun groans and snuggles towards him. Beomgyu chuckles, taking in the familiar scent of the other's soft brown hairs, blush appearing on his cheeks.

With Taehyun still holding onto him, he takes a seat next to him, hitting his back in the stacked pillows and pulls the boy closer, face buried in each other's neck, making him feel a little ticklish.

"Such a baby you are!", he whispers before kissing the top of Taehyun's head, swaying slowly. "I'm really sorry, bub"

For some moments, he stays like that. He could stay in that position for the whole night if he didn't feel a little watery in the neck area, making him startled.

_ Is he... crying? _

Beomgyu gingerly lifts up Taehyun's face to soothe him to not cry but the situation here is different and his heart drops to the pit of his stomach. 

A thin scarlet stream is flowing from Taehyun's nose and looking back at his shirt where the latter's face was placed, he sees small blotches of red.

Panic– is the first feeling that envelops Beomgyu. He carefully looks back and forth, he touches the other's nostrils gently, only to confirm his doubts.

"T-Taehyunnie...", he shakes the sleeping figure.

_ What should I do? What should I do? WHAT SHOULD I DO? _

He lightly taps Taehyun's cheeks, not wanting to hurt him further and speaks a little louder, "Tae please, wake up please"

Taehyun's eyes slowly open and a scowl instantly appears as he jolts away from the older.

"What are you do-"

"Don't move", Beomgyu grips his arms, making him flinch. "Tae, your nose... it's bleeding"

Taehyun looks at the older with his wide eyes before touching the place between his upper lip and nose, heaving a sigh.

"What should I do? Why's this happening?", Beomgyu continues to panic.

"Hyung, lower your voice!", Taehyun whispers, annoyed.

Beomgyu's eyes widened at realization. "Jimin hyung? Yoongi hyung? Fuck! What a dumb I am! Wait here, I'm gonna go and call-"

"Hush!", Taehyun puts his index finger on top of Beomgyu's lips to silence him.

They stare at each other for Beomgyu's mind can't process anymore, Taehyun's delicate finger– the touch he was craving for– making him feel all mushy as his ears burn and his eyes slowly trail off to the younger’s finger before looking back at his eyes.

Taehyun quickly retreats his finger, looking away and then walks to his dresser to treat himself.

Beomgyu simply follows behind, still blushing and stares at the younger as he faces upwards to stop the flow, taking a cotton ball first to clean his nose and breath through his mouth; after a couple of seconds of pinching the tip of his nose, he takes some petroleum jelly to massage the insides.

It doesn't seem like an occurrence he should panic about, rather it seems like a daily routine, as if it's  _ a part _ of his life. A part, no actually,  _ one of those _ parts that he is tired of.

Taehyun notices the other's gaze through the mirror. "What is it?"

"Since when has this been happening?", Beomgyu asks back, ignoring the younger's question.

Taehyun looks down. "I'm fine"

Beomgyu walks to the other, pulling him by his arm and making him turn so they're face-to-face now, the younger instantly looks away.

"You're not fine! You were never! Why didn't you ever tell me about all these?"

Sure, Beomgyu was told most of the things but not everything.

"What if I had? Would things be different now?", Taehyun briefly meets the older's eyes and Beomgyu doesn't see the sparkles, rather they're tired and gloomy.

".. Hyunnie... I'm sorry..", he starts.

"Is that why you're here? Because now you know everything?", Taehyun deadpans. "I don't want your pity. Please go back to h-her…"

He's cut off as his voice breaks and then turns away to hide his tears. Beomgyu instantly hugs from the back to stop him.

"There's nothing between me and Shin-ae. I've told her that I love you and she's okay." He says while making the younger face him again, despite him trying to move away.

"Tae...I know I've been terrible to you. Please forgive me. I really lo-"

"Hyung please!", Taehyun hisses with his tears rolling down before Beomgyu wipes them. "Please don't tell me that you love me, it hurts, it really hurts"

Beomgyu bits his lips anxiously.

"If you never knew then you would've never showed up here", he tells off, freeing himself.

"That's n-not true! I know I was a jerk but I'm so much in love with you in every way that I would’ve come to you at any cost", Beomgyu desperately tells him, his hands reaching for the younger only for the latter to move away.

"Go back, hyung", Taehyun replies, shutting his eyes. "Go back to your life. You don't have to worry about dating me anymore. You don't have to keep any secrets. You can join your friends to call me mean names. I won't ever bother you again"

"Tae…", Beomgyu hiccups and hugs his side and the brunette slightly winces, making him pull away in concern.

"..S-Sorry. Did that cause you pain? I didn't mean to…"

He looks at the younger who's still avoiding his eyes.

"...I don't want that life, Hyunnie. I want to take you with me-"

"I'm moving away"

Beomgyu clenches his jaw, losing his patience."Yeah? And you think settling here, where your past is directly connected will help you?"

Taehyun looks at the older with his puffy eyes. "I'm not settling here, hyung"

"Then wh-where?"

The younger again looks away, not wanting to answer and Beomgyu gulps down a lump.

They stand there in silence for a while before Taehyun walks to his bed to put the pillows together.

"...Is that only the amount of trust you had in me? Did you ever-"

Taehyun looks back at him, hurt written in capital letters over his face and Beomgyu mentally smacks him for still being a piece of shit, reminding himself that Taehyun had trusted him more than enough and he's the one who actually fucked up.

"I'm.. I'm really sorry, Tae. I didn't mean-"

"Close the door properly when you leave", Taehyun cuts him with his stone cold voice, turning around to continue what he was doing.

"No, please, Taehyun! Listen to me, please"

But the younger climbs up to the bed and tugs the comforter, facing the other way.

Beomgyu lets out a breath and heads for the door, turning to eye Taehyun still facing away before leaving the room. He stands with his back against the door for a while, cursing himself for possibly ruining their chances to get back together.

With slumped shoulders, he heads down and when he's about to take the last step, he hears something from the room beside.

" _ Are you sure that him being near Taehyun is okay? _ ", Yoongi's faint voice speaks. And Beomgyu tiptoes to the door. He knows it isn't good to eavesdrop but he gives up to his instincts.

" _ I don't know but I think they need to talk it out. Beomgyu doesn’t seem like a bad person to me _ ” Jimin’s words make Beomgyu smile to himself.

Yoongi lets out a huff, trusting his boyfriend. “ _ Let me be with him tonight _ ”

“ _ It’s okay, hyung. You have work tomorrow and it isn’t that bad, definitely not as the last time _ ”, Jimin chuckles, trying to keep the mood light.

“ _ Does he still wake up in the middle of the night crying? _ ”

This time, Jimin doesn’t answer his question, rather Beomgyu hears a little shuffling and then they’re whispering good night to each other. The ash-blonde moves to hear more, trying not to miss their words but the door suddenly opens to reveal a surprised Jimin, resulting in Beomgyu to scratch his neck awkwardly.

"Sorry I didn't mean to, uhm, Taehyun- He- Is he not getting better?", Beomgyu asks, looking down at his feet.

"Don't worry. He'll be okay soon", Jimin assures in a small voice.

Beomgyu takes note of the older's dark circles, probably he got from taking care of Taehyun. Suddenly, his heart clenches, remembering the conversation he just heard.

"C-Can I stay the night with him?", he blurts and Jimin looks a little taken aback.

"No, it's okay! I don't think you'll be able to get a sound sleep, Beomgyu", he panics.

"Well, he too isn't getting one", Beomgyu looks up and if not before then Jimin is definitely flabbergasted now.

A sad smile takes place in Beomgyu's lips. "He hasn't been able to sleep properly since….who knows when", he chuckles. "...I wasn't there for him back then but I want to take care of him now"

"You do?"

"I really do. I had promised him that I would take care of him and never let him feel lonely but I broke it", he replies as a puddle of tears forms on his eyes. "Please? Can I?"

Jimin flashes a smile, a genuine one as his eyes disappear, then nods. Returning the gesture, Beomgyu rushes back to Taehyun's room.

"Jimin hyung, you don't have to-"

Taehyun's cut to see Beomgyu again by the door as it creaks open, looking away instantly.

"Why’re you back?", he asks instead.

Beomgyu shuts the door and walks to the bed. "I'm replacing Jimin hyung"

"I d-don't want to... sleep with y-you", Taehyun says, his voice so small that Beomgyu could've easily missed the sadness in it but he doesn't. He looks around a little bit and places himself on the floor near the balcony.

"I'll just stay here"

Taehyun looks at him as if he said or did something unbelievable, Beomgyu laughs nervously before ducking down his head on his knees.

"I won't stare at you weirdly. Now go to sleep Tae! It's already late"

It would be an understatement if Beomgyu said he wasn't cold. Although it was hot in the day, nights in summer are still chilly. He’s slightly shivering but he calms himself down as he heard shuffling from Taehyun's direction, guessing as him laying down.

But then something warm wraps around his frame, making him instantly look up– only to meet the doe eyes, the eyes he loves the most.

Taehyun's hands fell off from the comforter between them and he gives Beomgyu a pillow.

"Those are extras. You can use them", he says missing the older's sparkling eyes and fond smile before going back to his bed.

Beomgyu's smile grows wider as he embraces the pillow tightly that smells like Taehyun’s hugs, watching the other's back.

_ Even if it’s vague, there's still a chance for us. _


	47. Coward

Three nights of mindlessly staying in Taehyun's room had to take a toll on Beomgyu. At first, he was scolded by Yeonjun for not being back to Soobin's house that night, moreover not informing them about his stay. He knew Soobin would oppose the idea so he quickly revealed that he wasn't forcing Taehyun to sleep with him or something like that and because the brunette didn't actually make a fuss about it, Soobin was okay. 

He noticed the little bags under his eyes that he's rewarded for staying with the younger. But he isn't sad about that, rather it hurts him to see Taehyun wake up crying every other hour and treat his nose, fumbling on his feet and sometimes tripping but always shoving away Beomgyu if he offers to help.

"Tae, let me help you please? I'm here to take care of you", Beomgyu said, trying to make the other stand.

Taehyun moved his hands away. "No need"

"Stop being so stubborn" Beomgyu defeated the other, pulling him by his waist to pick him up bridal style as he made his way to the bed.

"I don't want you to see my miserable state. Please stop staying here, stop making me feel so small", the brunette mumbled, tugging the comforter to cover himself.

Beomgyu smiled at the blob, realizing why Taehyun kept it a secret. Caring about others more than himself was a personality trait of him. He knew Beomgyu wouldn't be able to take it but he didn't want his condition to be the reason for the older's headache. All of this just made Beomgyu guilty more than he was. Without further pushing, because he wanted to respect the other, he ruffled Taehyun's hair and went back to his position.

Only to shot open his eyes after who knows when to see Taehyun doing the same drill, making his heart clench again.

***

"Ouch!", Beomgyu shrieks as he slightly cuts his index finger while slicing the meat.

Yoongi left the kimchi batter he was combining and went to his side immediately. "Aish! Beomgyu! This is your third cut. Give it a rest now!", the shorter exclaims, holding the other's finger.

"Haha it's no big deal", Beomgyu pulls back, laughing nervously, sucking the cut and showing it to Yoongi. "See it's just a minor cut, nothing serious"

Yoongi shrugs and tells him to be more careful before they continue making breakfast. It's the weekend so Yoongi and Jimin both are home today.

"Is there something I can do to ease him down?", Beomgyu asks suddenly.

Yoongi thinks for a while before he nods, "Hug him, comfort him and say sweet things to him. Make sure to make him feel safe with you. It'll take some days but it'll work"

Beomgyu smiles and nods, taking a good note.

  
  
  


"Taehyunnie look! Beomgyu has made you tofu stew for breakfast", Jimin happily passes the dish as Yeonjun, Hueningkai and Soobin watch Taehyun hopefully. 

"I don't want it", Taehyun moves it away and reaches for the  _ Kimchijeon _ Yoongi made.

"Why? You love it, don't you?", Jimin still asks happily, only for Taehyun to ignore him.

"It's... it's fine. Should I help you?", Beomgyu pries as he reaches for the rice bowl. The younger quickly shakes his head and helps himself, leaving everyone in the room feeling dejected.

Beomgyu looks down at the little cuts in his hands, sighing heavily. Looking up, he smiles sadly when he meets Jimin's eyes.

  
  


Later in the morning, the Yeonjuneez joined Soobin to an arcade nearby. They wanted Taehyun to tag along but he had a therapy session which only discouraged them to go. After all, they were here to be with him. But with Jimin's constant reassurance they respected the brunette's problem. Yoongi was the one who actually suggested the idea saying, "You guys better enjoy yourselves as long as you're here. Once he's in much better condition, he'll want to go out himself"

What about Beomgyu? Oh well, if Taehyun wasn't going then why would he?

Currently, Taehyun is seated on the floor with Yoongi by his side, the older ruffling his hair as he’s diligently painting the scenery from the hill in the back of his school, the beautiful sky, the small buildings, and the birds dancing. Beomgyu is just staring at him from the kitchen counter when Jimin takes a seat beside him. 

“You said he had a therapy session”, he tells the pink head, pointing at Taehyun’s direction.

“Oh! That’s a part of his therapy”, Jimin chuckles before explaining. “Look at the way he’s so concentrated! Things like painting, reading, listening to music, or taking a walk helps in these cases. Especially, talking helps a lot. The problem with him is called auditory hallucination. All those activities need a lot of interest, so a patient remains distracted from those voices. It’s a long process and sometimes the voices disappear which is obviously a rare case but yeah, it surely helps”

Beomgyu stares with his mouth open, his tiny brain taking in all the information. “Wow! I see… I mean, you know a lot”, he laughs awkwardly.

Jimin’s eyes disappear instantly. “Right? Perks of having a smart boyfriend”, he huffs proudly, looking at Yoongi who’s complimenting Taehyun’s painting, asking him about the scenery so the younger explains happily.

"But hyung! Why does his nose bleed?", the ash-blonde furrows his eyebrows.

Jimin thinks for a while before answering, "Because of anxiety. He can’t help but overthink about those voices in his head, so he gets bad headaches and thus, his nose bleeds like that. It's not deadly but it isn't something pleasant either. I mean, I’m sure it hurts too"

Beomgyu's face takes a form of little 'o' and his expression falls, thinking about how Taehyun could've shared his every pain if only he wasn't a coward.

“Well, aren’t you bored?”, the pink head asks Beomgyu and he replies with a small nod.

“I brought Taehyun’s childhood photo album with me”, Jimin shows the album and Beomgyu’s eyes lit up as he reaches for it, making the older of the two cackle.

Beomgyu goes through every picture of Taehyun, touching them slightly, sometimes staring a little more with a fond smile on his face, sometimes squealing as he catches the other two’s attention as well. Jimin finds it extremely adorable when Beomgyu is literally crying over Taehyun’s small self and Taehyun glares at him from across the room, trying to act like he isn’t blushing profusely.

“Can I take a picture of this one?” Beomgyu suddenly asks, pointing at a picture of Taehyun when he was probably three or something. “My god! He was so so so cute!!”, he squeals loudly again and this time he notices the brunette’s eyes on him, making him scratch his neck and smile like an idiot.

“I’m not sure if he’ll like it” Jimin catches his attention before leaning forward to whisper. “Not now at least, but I’m sure you can change that” He winks, sitting back. 

“Yoongi hyung~~”

“Hmm Jimin-ah?” Yoongi answers from the living room.

“Why don’t you make something to eat before the boys are back?”

Yoongi visibly widens his eyes, looking at the time. It isn’t that long since the boys have gone out but they might be hungry when they’re back. 

“Thanks, darling! That didn’t cross my mind at all”, Yoongi walks to the counter and quickly pecks Jimin’s lips as the smaller giggles and then he scurries over.

“Wait, Yoongs! Let me help you” Jimin gets off his seat and looks at the ash-blonde to jerk his head towards Taehyun who’s determinedly painting before running to his boyfriend to envelop him in a back hug, soft giggles escaping both of their mouths.

Beomgyu smiles at the couple before taking the album with him to walk into the living room and taking a seat beside Taehyun. The younger side glances at him as he continues.

“Tae! You were really cute when you were a kid”, he says ruffling the soft brown hairs. 

“I know” Taehyun shrugs.

“Yeah? You had this cute baby fat and oh? Oh my god! Look at your tummy”

Taehyun whips his head with wide eyes at the picture– a picture of himself where he's just wrapping a towel to cover what's needed and smiling all toothy, showing off his dimple.

"Hyung! Give it to me"

He reaches for the album only for Beomgyu to move it away.

"Why?~ Let me take a picture, please?", he pouts and tries to fish out his phone. But before he can do anything Taehyun is already pulling the album, causing him to pull back.

"Not at all, hyung! I said, give it back"

Both of them struggle to free the album, one tackling the other equally but end up in a rather questionable position. With Beomgyu's one hand resting in the floor to balance himself while other hand extending to Taehyun's opposite direction, trying to keep it as far as possible from the younger and Taehyun leaning forward as his one hand makes its way around Beomgyu's neck so he can capture the album using his both hands, his painting long forgotten.

Beomgyu turns a bit to say something but the proximity hitches his breath. And as he tries to move, his hand on the floor loses its balance, capturing Taehyun's waist while the latter's hands circle around Beomgyu's body, making him fall on his back with a soft thud with Taehyun on top of him.

The older feels Taehyun's hot breath against his mouth, as their faces are only inches apart. He wonders how long has it been since he's seen the other this close. Flickering his eyes from Taehyun's doe eyes to his flushed cheeks to his angled nose which almost touches his own, finally lands on his plush lips.

Beomgyu gulps, his mind racing a mile as he pulls the other a bit closer. Both of their hearts beating in the same rhythm against each other. He notices a tiny bit of blue paint smeared under Taehyun's bottom lip, maybe it got there amidst their little scrimmage. Instinctively but slowly, his other hand leaves the photo album on the floor to cup Taehyun's chin, thumb carefully wiping off the paint. But he lets it linger for longer than he’s supposed to, rubbing against the rosy lips while biting down his own.

When Beomgyu's about to look the other in the eye, Taehyun moves away from him to sit up. He huffs at the loss of warmth but he lies there for a few seconds more, calming himself down.

Suddenly, his mind registers and he looks at the way the album was for it to be missing now. Sitting up properly, he notices it in the other's hands, pressed against his chest, trying to hide it from the older.

"Yaa~", Beomgyu groans.

Taehyun is still breathing heavily but he manages to speak. "You can't keep  _ that _ kind of pictures of me"

"Why not!? Tae, it's not like I haven't seen you nak-"

"Hyung!" 

Realizing his words, Beomgyu covers his mouth and visibly smacks his head, noticing the younger's teary-wide eyes. He shakes his head in embarrassment, covering his whole face. "I'm extremely sorry Taehyun. I didn't mean to say it that way. Fuck! I need to control my mouth! I'm sorry..." 

Not getting an answer from the other, he removes his hand to apologize properly but finds Taehyun staring somewhere else. Following his gaze, Beomgyu sees Jimin and Yoongi cooking together, sometimes attacking each other, sometimes hugging each other, resulting in them laughing and then stealing kisses. He looks back at Taehyun who's smiling fondly at them but his eyes are still glossy. 

Taehyun notices the older's gaze. His expression turns into something bitter in a split second as he faces him. Throwing the album from his hands, he stands up. Beomgyu immediately holds his wrist.

"Hyunnie?"

"Stop calling me nicknames", Taehyun harshly replies despite his crumpled voice, yanking his hands away. "I don't want to talk to you"

Beomgyu watches him go upstairs before looking back at the hyungs still romancing in their own world.

_ He must've wished u-us to be like that too. _

Beomgyu sighs in frustration, throwing his head on his hands.

_ Oh God! Why was I such a stupid coward!? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pardon my little knowledge on auditory hallucinations. i'm really sorry if i delivered something wrong. feel free to educate me if i made mistakes.


	48. Flashbacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Implied Sex (No Smut or anything Explicit)
> 
> I've put Start/End markings to make it easier to understand the flashback.

**< Flashback: START>**

It was the third night of Taehyun staying in Beomgyu’s house. The two were huddled up on the living room couch, watching a movie on the TV. A blanket wrapped around them as Taehyun lied against Beomgyu’s chest. They were peacefully watching the movie until Taehyun suddenly shivered.

“H-Hyung!”, he called. Beomgyu turned to see a red hue covering his face, humming so he could continue.

“Your leg suddenly brushed with mine!”

The ash-blonde knitted his eyebrows together, still not getting the point as Taehyun turned redder.

“It...It t-tickles me, hyung”

Beomgyu stared at him for a minute longer with an amused look which only made Taehyun blush more before he broke into laughter.

“That tickles you?” he said between his loud cackles. Taehyun humped and tried to move away.

“Okay okay sorry! I won’t laugh”, he said in contrast to his actions which only made Taehyun pout more as Beomgyu snuggled closer. “Yaa~ Don’t move! I’m not laughing anymore”

“Huh! You’re making fun of me”, Taehyun rolled his eyes.

They became quiet for a whole minute, focusing back on the movie when Taehyun again felt the same sensation go through his body.

“Hyung~~”

This time Beomgyu burst into obnoxious laughter as he intentionally brushed his toes on Taehyun’s foot repeatedly. 

“S-Stop it, hyung” Taehyun giggled trying to protest but too occupied with being tickled.

“Oh my god! This is so much fun” Beomgyu increased the pace of his toes before Taehyun lied down on the couch, their loud giggles echoing through the room. Suddenly, Beomgyu's hand brought up his foot, grazing his fingers against the delicate skin. As Taehyun was a giggly-struggling mess at this point, Beomgyu kept tickling his toes, his ankles and then reached up to his calves.

The younger let out a somewhat whiny moan at that, making Beomgyu stop. He looked at the little creature in front him. Taehyun's rosy cheeks, parted lips and disheveled brown hairs made him feel some type of way. 

Taehyun noticed this while catching his breath. "What're you looking at?"

Beomgyu pulled him by his knees and let his fingers slip through his t-shirt as he drew soft circles, extracting a low whimper from the other.

"Where else does it tickle you?", Beomgyu asked, his voice playful but deep.

His fingers ran through Taehyun's arms, neck, waist over and over, earning him a few more moans from the other.

"Hyungie! Don't... don't do this", Taehyun giggled, trying to hold back the inappropriate noises.

"But you're liking this, aren't you?"

"It's turning me on"

Beomgyu stopped again to look at him, this time no playfulness visible in his eyes. He crawled forward to capture the younger’s lips for a chaste kiss. His fingers kept doing their work, making Taehyun gasp between their kisses to let their tongues caress each other.

They made out passionately, TV noise blurring in the background before Beomgyu felt both of their erection touch, making him pull away with a jolt.

“Why-”

“Tae!”, Beomgyu cut him breathless. “...I don’t want to hurt you again...you were normal just today...I can’t-”

“But now I’m okay, hyung. Please, can we?” Taehyun weakly held on to Beomgyu’s wrist but he still managed to move away.

Taehyun sat up in his position, watching the older run his fingers through his ash-blonde hairs. He bit his lip before mumbling, “Just say that you don’t want to do it with me”

Beomgyu craned his neck towards him instantly as he looked away, tears almost about to escape his eyes. So he stumbled forward to hug the other. “Babe! It isn’t like that, you know it, right?”

Taehyun didn’t answer which made Beomgyu anxious, sighing defeatedly, “...okay but please stop me when I'm too-”

“Hyung! I trust you, okay?” Taehyun slightly pulled away to look at the older’s eyes. “It took me a lot to trust you this way, please don’t push me away”

Beomgyu flashed a smile and kissed his dimple, forehead and then captured his lips for a deep kiss, hands trailing to the hem of the younger's t-shirt to pull it over his head. Taehyun’s knees felt weak at the action and he fell with his back on the couch. Beomgyu pulled away to eye his bare body, messier hairs.

“Stop staring like that” Taehyun brought his hands to cover his chest, only for Beomgyu to pin them above his head and lean closer.

“You’re too beautiful”, he whispered after kissing his earlobe, making Taehyun look away. Beomgyu chuckled at the flushed mess.

“But Tae! I forgot to ask you earlier. What are these scars?”, Beomgyu caressed the little faded scratches in the sides of his chest, causing Taehyun to tense up.

“I don’t know…..I think I got them when I used to play around” he lied, stuttering.

Beomgyu hummed before kissing them, replying against his soft skin. “Well, those don’t make you less pretty”

And then he took off his own tee before pulling Taehyun to his lap, turning off the TV and standing up to head upstairs. Taehyun rested his head on the other’s shoulder, basking in the feeling of their bare bodies touching. But they weren’t heading to bed, rather-

Beomgyu entered the bathroom and pinned him against the wall, turning on the shower to already get them drenched.

“My way this time?”, he asked demandingly. Taehyun gulped before nodding. In a second, their lips mingled again, leading their bodies to mingle soon.

  
  


***

  
  


They came out of the bathroom just like they had entered, this time without clothes and sharing a towel. Beomgyu carefully placed his boyfriend on his bed as he stacked up pillows to support his back.

To say Taehyun was tired was an understatement, he was _overwhelmed_.

“You okay, angel?”, the older whispered. Taehyun hummed, still clinging onto him.

Beomgyu smiled at the boy. He brought the blanket closer to Taehyun so he’s covered properly before taking the towel away and standing to leave.

“Don’t go, Beommie”, Taehyun whimpered, causing Beomgyu to chuckle before kissing the top of his head. And then the soft kisses trailed down to the side of his ears, his jaw, his neck– the fresh new hickeys– making him let out a low hiss. Eventually, a sweet peck landed on his lips.

“Let me bring you some clothes, hm? And we need to dry our hairs”

With that said he moved to put the towel away for laundry and walked up to his closet. Taehyun watched Beomgyu get dressed all comfy with sweats and dry his hair before bringing a set of hoodie and pants for Taehyun. He dried the soft brown hairs nicely, carding through them sometimes. A comfortable silence enveloped them. Beomgyu then took the clothes kept at the end of the bed which he took out for Taehyun to start dressing him up.

“I can wear them myself, hyung”, Taehyun took the bear-ish looking hoodie from him. 

“But Tae-”

“Please? You’re already doing so much for me” the brunette held his hands and looked at him with shiny eyes. That certainly flipped Beomgyu’s stomach upside-down but he still pouted. Because he was still a chicken to come out and accept his gayness for the boy he was making love to, he really wanted to do as much as possible for him.

Taehyun giggled, trying to disbelieve the fact that the boy who was dominating him for an hour, is now throwing kicked-puppy looks at him.

“I’m hungry, hyung” Beomgyu’s pout transitioned to a concerned look. “Can you bring me something to eat while I get dressed?”

The younger watched his eyes go a little wide and he nodded enthusiastically, making his lover giggle again. He handed the clothes to Taehyun and rushed out of the room to bring some food.

When Beomgyu entered the room with a little tray of cupcakes and a glass of water, he saw Taehyun in his brown bear hoodie and matching pants, waiting for him patiently. The outfit is a little big for Taehyun’s smaller frame, giving him sweater paws. He squealed loudly, surprising the younger as he almost ran towards his boyfriend to keep the tray on the bedside table and engulf him in a hug.

“So cute! So cute! So cute! aaaaa~ SO CUUUUTE!!”, he kept repeating as he kissed Taehyun’s features again and again, causing the other to giggle once more. Drowning in his favorite sound, he pulled away to look at the little creature, now blushing a bright red and pressed their lips together.

“You should keep this for yourself. Oh God! You're the cutest being in the entire universe”, he rejoiced, making Taehyun smile. A low grumble interrupted their conversation and Beomgyu mentally smacked himself. Taehyun then noticed the food.

“Cupcakes?”, his large eyes lit up. “Hyungie when did you make them?”

Beomgyu kissed his forehead, replying “This afternoon when you were taking nap”

Taehyun smiled at him and then went for the one with red frosting with a cherry on top. Beomgyu watched him gulp down some more. Taehyun offered the older several times but Beomgyu would be lying if he said it didn’t make him already full watching his baby eating like a hungry squirrel, causing him to have a meltdown.

A little mixture of colorful frosting smeared on the corner of the younger’s lips caught his attention. Instinctively, he leaned forward to lick them off, leading another deep kiss between the two. 

“mmm...tired Beommie” Taehyun mumbled against his lips as he smiled widely at the nickname. He pulled away to hand over the water, soon they were ready for the slumber.

Taehyun gasped softly as Beomgyu lied down beside him, making the other look at him.

“Don’t you want to sleep beside the window? I thought you can’t sleep without the stars”

Beomgyu’s lips curled upwards at the innocent remark. He spooned Taehyun and patted his back. A moment of silence went through them before he replied.

“I don’t need the stars when I have my galaxy with me” 

But when he looked at Taehyun, he was already snoring softly. Beomgyu caressed his cheeks and kissed his nose.

_Must've been too tired_. 

Soon after, he also fell asleep.

**< Flashback: END>**

  
  


The sweet flashback played before both the boys’ eyes as they stared at each other. If it was another situation, it would’ve been really cute. But was it still something to think about at the lunch table while sitting across from each other when everyone was laughing at Yeonjun because his dad jokes can compete against Seokjin’s, especially Soobin sitting between them?

There was a slight brush of their toes together and thus the whole memory made its way to their minds. A similar shade of pink appeared on their cheeks as Taehyun looked away, pulling away his foot as he chomped on a _kimbap_. Beomgyu too slurped his soup.

But soon he felt another brush, sending him shivers and he looked up at Taehyun with wide eyes. The latter glanced at him slightly but didn’t pay attention that much, leaving him frozen in his spot. Smiling, he let his foot linger with the other one under the table. With his eyes fixed on Taehyun, he brought a spoonful of soup to slowly send them down his throat.

Little did he know, the second one was not actually Taehyun.

Meanwhile, Soobin felt a little tickle on his toes. His first instinct is to look for Yeonjun, so he does. But the blue-haired boy beside Taehyun is too far away to do that and is conversing happily with the hyungs, accompanying Hueningkai. Yeonjun notices his gaze, head tilted with a little pout beckoning if he has something to say. Soobin smiles warmly at his boyfriend, gesturing him to continue eating– and talking. He looks at the older boy with heart eyes, the mesmerizing male always had this impact on him ever since they were middle-schoolers.

But he realizes, now’s not the time for that. Another little tickle breaks him out of his trance and then he looks at his one side– Taehyun eating his kimbap pieces well, oh? _Did he just throw a glance at Beomgyu?_ Looking at his other side– Beomgyu’s trying his best to stiff a smile, but his lips betray him, cheeks flushed. Soobin again looks at Taehyun– cheeks equally pink as the other as he tries to ignore the little stare Beomgyu is giving him.

That’s when it clicks. Sighing, he leans closer to Beomgyu.

“It’s me, Gyu”, he whispers as slow as he can.

“Hmm?~” Beomgyu muses as he takes in another spoonful of his soup, his eyes still fixed on the brunette opposite him.

Soobin clicks his tongue, as he cards his raven hairs. He doesn’t know how long he can hold back the itching on his knuckles.

“It’s.MY.leg”, he grits his teeth, repeating a little louder so only the ash-blonde can hear him.

Beomgyu’s eyes widen at his words and his sweat runs cold. He tears his gaze from Taehyun to look at Soobin. Gulping, he points downwards with a nervous-but-questioning look. Soobin nods with a pissed smile, causing Beomgyu to choke on his food, pulling his legs away instantly.

Jimin, who’s the closest to him, is quick to rub circles on his back, offering him water as others stop their actions to check on him.

“It’s okay yeah, I’m okay”, Beomgyu assures everyone awkwardly once he's feeling better. With his side vision, he sees Taehyun reaching for the corn soup.

"Yoongi hyung! It's delicious", he comments after one slurp and shoots his thumbs up.

Yoongi smiles at Beomgyu. "I haven't made it", he says after Taehyun slurps a little more.

"Beomgyu did", he finishes, resulting in Taehyun to clear his throat and look at Beomgyu, letting out a small 'oh'. The older watches him finish the soup wholeheartedly.

He faces Soobin again who silently mouths ‘pervert’ at him, causing him to mumble a sincere apology.

But looking back at Taehyun, he just can't hide the little shy smile growing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fluffy chapter bc the next chapter will be the last angsty chapter


	49. Pathetically In Love

The same afternoon they were all supposed to visit an orphanage where Taehyun used to play before because he didn't have any siblings or friends. Well, at first it was just supposed to be Jimin taking Taehyun out for a walk but then he thought why not take all of them. And so, they were all getting ready.

Beomgyu finished first and went up to Taehyun's room immediately to check if he was done too. But the sight in front of him was alluring.

Taehyun was soundly sleeping on the bed, making butterflies flap inside Beomgyu's belly. He had a strong urge to head down to inform Jimin about the cancellation of their activity but before that he found himself sitting beside the sleeping figure, gently stroking the brown hairs.

"I should probably go and inform them", he mumbles to himself before preparing to leave. But his mind stops when he hears sniffles– soft sniffles.

He blinks quite a few times, trying to find the source of the sound and when he finally looks at Taehyun, his heart drops.

Taehyun is crying in his sleep. 

He wonders why. 

_ Is it a nightmare? And what should I do? _

That's when Yoongi's words seep into his mind.

_ ‘Hug him, comfort him and say sweet things to him. Make sure to make him feel safe with you.’ _

He takes a deep breath and looks at Taehyun's tear-stained cheeks, his quivering lips and shuddering shoulders. But he needs to calm himself before trying anything.

Slowly he leans forward and takes the younger in his arms, with his head on his shoulders, Beomgyu pats his back and sways him.

"Tae! It's okay. Hyung is here for you", he whispers but Taehyun is still whimpering. Beomgyu rocks him side-to-side and whispers sweet nothings in his ears. He pats the younger’s back and then after a while, when Taehyun is finally calming down he draws soft circles. 

It doesn’t take Beomgyu that long to soothe the other as soft snoring fills in the room, making him smile to himself. He slowly takes the other's head, placing it in the plush pillow before looking at the younger. 

_ Angel. You’re an angel! _

He leans forward to move some of Taehyun’s bangs from the way and places a peck there but once he’s about to move, he can’t. Taehyun’s little hands hold his waist, preventing him to inch away. He finds himself smiling again when he looks at the younger fondly. 

The pretty eye-lids, his fluttery eye-lashes are much clearer to him now. Shamelessly, his eyes land on the pair of lips, slightly parted. 

Beomgyu slowly leans forward to press their foreheads together, noses rubbing.

“I miss kissing you”, he whispers. "But I can wait until you want it too"

He shuts his eyes, basking in the other's presence. It's quiet and peaceful for some moments. What he didn't expect is, suddenly getting pushed away, making him open his eyes in surprise.

Taehyun sits up, hugging himself as his cheeks are flushed pink and covers himself with the comforter.

"What….What were you trying to do?" he asks breathlessly, looking anywhere but Beomgyu.

The older blinks, registering the question.

"It's not what you think, Taehyun", he reaches forward, only for the other to move deeper into the pillows which makes him stop because he doesn't want to scare the other.

"Tae, I swear I wasn't doing something weird", he explains. "You were crying so, I was just comforting you. I really didn't-"

"Why should I believe you? You're always telling me lies", Taehyun spits.

Beomgyu flinches. "Tae…You were just okay with me at the lunch table. Why’re you-?"

Taehyun cuts the older by chuckling. "Hyung, you really thought just because I had something you made meant I forgot everything?"

The ash-blonde just looks down to his feet, biting his lips. "I thought perhaps you're willing to give me another chance"

"Why's it always what  _ you _ want?", Taehyun scoffs disbelievingly. "Can't you ever think about others?"

Beomgyu doesn't answer, feeling small because he too realizes his own actions.

"Once you said that you want to date me, I accepted you. Then you said you want to keep it a secret, I had no problem. You went around telling everyone you're straight and let the girls rub themselves to you, I said nothing. You said you needed time, I still waited", Taehyun continues. 

"...Your friends always used mean words for me but I still believed that you loved me. You said you didn't want your best friend to know that you were dating a boy, I was okay. And then each day, I saw you getting farther away from me, I saw your friend fall for you, I heard that you two make a perfect couple, I listened to your friend talk about you having feelings for her, I even saw her kiss you. I did everything I could if it meant I could have you at the end of the day…"

Taehyun is again crying by now, so he is Beomgyu. His broken voice but didn't stop him from letting out everything he was bottling up for a long time.

"And then you told me that you didn't want me anymore, you told me we were over but I still kept waiting and waiting like a dumb person. I waited until I was completely broken inside. You told me to forget everything we had, it might be easy for you but that was all I had. When we were together, I cried every day and thought it was me who's the one to blame, the voices inside my head reminded me that I wasn't good enough for you and that's why I tried to make myself better each day. I studied hard, I tried to look good, I tried to make other friends so one day when you decide to come out, no one would laugh at you...I tried so hard but-"

His words were cut off by dry cough, due to excessive crying. Beomgyu quickly sat by his side to rub circles in his back, hiding his trembling hands from everything he heard. To be honest, he was hoping that Taehyun would yell at him for all his doings but he never expected this. 

Meanwhile, the younger completely broke down, trying his best to move away but unable to do so from the lack of his energy.

"Tae, breath p-please...breath", Beomgyu tries to sound calm, despite his chest beating rapidly and his mind despising himself for everything he has done to the younger. He pulled Taehyun to his chest, still rubbing circles as the boy sobbed harder.

"...You were right about me being selfish. I was getting tired of living like that, I was getting tired of myself", Taehyun says as his tears stained Beomgyu's shirt, the older still shushing him.

"Taehyun, please breathe for a second. Please calm down", he said, swaying the younger as now he wasn't trying to move away, rather held him tightly. Beomgyu was sure that whatever may Taehyun say, he was still in need of comfort, the comfort no one was able to give him. He doubted if Taehyun ever told anyone all these, including the hyungs. 

It was for him. The outburst was for Beomgyu. And he needed to be told, those words needed to be engraved on his head.

_ I'm the worst _ , he tells himself.

Taehyun is still silently crying, huffing out of breath while Beomgyu is massaging his hair. 

"....those moments...they *hic* they meant nothing to you. You got everything you wanted *hic* now please let me be. I *hic* have to pick my pieces together"

"Taehyun! Hush!", Beomgyu buries his head on the younger's neck, voice wobbly. "You need to calm down now please, for me-", he pauses, "f-for yourself….please, please..."

Taehyun stopped after a while. The room was silent but he could definitely hear the older's sobs. This time, he listened carefully. He had never seen the older cry, let alone this way.

Beomgyu wasn't in a condition to talk or offer comforting words anymore.

He knew exactly what Beomgyu was feeling because he has always felt the same thing himself, he knew what impact his words had on the older. If this was another situation, he would've embraced Beomgyu and even though the little explosion was totally out of impulse, something he thinks he could've kept inside him, he just knew he would've combusted if he did so.

A part of him screamed loudly, asking him to say something at least, his fingers ached to run through the older's now fading ash-blonde strands. But he just sat there, staring at nothing, as Beomgyu's tears sent shivers through his body. A part of him wanted to cry with Beomgyu, a part of him wanted to apologize right away and he would be lying if he said a part of him didn't itch to take Beomgyu's hands and go back to Seoul.

More than anything else, a part of him– his heart– knew that deep down he longed for the older. And he didn't know why he was still like this. He should've doubted his self-respect at this point but somehow, that didn't matter to him. Maybe he wasn't that ashamed to at least admit it to himself.

_ I'm so pathetically in love with you, hyung. _

Even though his hands weren't on Beomgyu's frame, he let the older hug him, cry in his shoulders, thinking about the time when he was badly in need of one. 

Beomgyu's sobs became louder and Taehyun's heart softened each minute. He gave up the aching of his fingers and reached for the older's hair, but before he could touch it, something interrupted his thoughts.

"Taehyun-ah are you ready?", Jimin yelled from downstairs.

The brunette lowered his hands which were hoisted in the air and moved away from Beomgyu, causing him to yelp at the loss of warmth. 

Without a word he gets off the bed and walks out of the room, leaving the older alone. Because he knows if he looked back, he couldn’t help but stay. Carrying a heavy heart, he went down to the living room where Yeonjun and Hueningkai were on the couch, Jimin on the kitchen counter as he’s packing stuff.

“Where’s Soobin hyung and Yoongi hyung?”, he looks around.

“They’re out already”, Hueningkai answers, looking up from his phone briefly.

“I haven't seen Beomgyu in a while. Wasn’t he supposed to be here?” Yeonjun knits his eyebrows together as his eyes look around for his brother, eventually landing on Taehyun but a smile appears when he looks over the brunette’s shoulder.

Taehyun tenses up when he hears the footsteps on the stairs, he doesn’t dare to look back. 

As Beomgyu nears, everyone in the room stops their doings to take a good look at him, Taehyun notices their expressions transition into worrisome faces as they look at each other.

Hueningkai clears his throat before coming forward and linking their arms. “Taehyunniee~ You know the math homework we got for the vacations? I’m not quite getting the problems. You will help me, right?~" He sways their hands in a cute manner, his voice pitched like a baby. Still, Taehyun sighs.

"I told you, I'm not goi-"

"Are you trying to escape from your studies?"

Beomgyu's words stop him and then no one says a thing, nervously looking at the two back and forth.

"I'm sure you've piled up a lot of homework, Taehyun-ah! I'm a year ahead than you. I can always help you, you know?"

Taehyun blinks at the extremely confident voice but he still doesn't look back. Wasn't he crying a while ago? Wasn't Taehyun screaming at him like a madman? Wasn't he just a fragile being hugging him for comfort?

_ How is he so calm? _

"..A-Alright, everyone", Jimin breaks the silence, clapping his hands together. "They're waiting, so we should get going"

And with a last look at both of them, the three of them nod and get out of the house.

The shorter of the remaining two balances his breath, schooling his face as if nothing happened. But when he hears the small footsteps coming towards him, he hesitantly takes a step forward to move. Only to be held back as a hand now stops him, holding onto his wrists not too tightly but firm enough.

Pulling closer, Beomgyu wraps his hands around Taehyun's upper body which is pressed against his own chest. He leans forward to the other's ears.

"I did so many bad things to you, Taehyun", whispers, voice laced with a familiar sadness. "yet, you never gave up on me"

Taehyun's lips quiver and he shuts his eyes before he hears the next words.

"So don't even think that I would give up on you so easily, hm?"

And then, within a millisecond, Beomgyu unwraps himself and rushes out.

Taehyun lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He gulps and brings a hand on his chest which is about to break his rib cage. He thinks about the last words again and again and again as heat rushes up to his ears.

"Taehyun-ah?" Yoongi's voice brings him back to reality and he quickly answers back, running towards the door, despite the puddle of thoughts in his head.

_ Oh, Choi Beomgyu! Once again you've put me in a confliction _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL I kinda forgot about this (I'M SORRY ASDFGHJKL). Because I was busy preparing my taegyu one-shot!😉
> 
> Anyways, we're done with the angst part yay🥳


	50. Dumb and Dumber

"So you like him too, right?" 

Beomgyu tears his gaze from Taehyun who's making  _ Bingsoo _ , the Yeonjuneez accompanying him, for the little orphanage kids. He looks at the new presence, standing in front of him as he's seated on the side-benches, before them the kids are playing a not-so-abided-by rules baseball game.

The little girl with a pink dress takes her seat beside the confused Beomgyu. As the male registers what she asked earlier, his face grimaces.

“Too? Who else does?” He asks back, causing the girl to roll her eyes.

“ _ He _ likes you, dumbo! And you like him too”

Beomgyu’s eyes crinkle as he smiles shyly. “How d-do you know?”

“He showed me your picture last year! He couldn’t stop talking about you the whole time he was here”

Indeed, Taehyun had visited Busan last year when it was their short Autumn vacation, because he wanted to see the fireworks. At that time, they were dating too and Beomgyu remembers the night before he left very well, he couldn’t stop clinging on to the younger for the whole time even if Taehyun said it was only for a few days. 

“Yeah? What did he say?”

The girl thinks for a minute. “He said that you’re a hyung he looks forward to. He said you always make him flustered because you’re cute, like, it’s not just about your face, he loves your personality too. And you always care for him”

The ash-blonde just hums sadly, eyes fixed on Taehyun. Their eyes meet and Beomgyu just smiles, making the latter look away. But he still keeps his eyes on him.

“I told him that he should confess to you”

Beomgyu cranes his neck towards her, his eyes begging her to continue.

“...He said that one day if he manages to be better than who he is now, you guys will be together”

The ash-blonde exhales a deep breath, massaging his temples and mutters a low "Dummy"

The girl scoffs, “Exactly! Both of you are one dumber than the other! I mean it’s so clear that you like him. He even said that he wishes to see the fireworks with you someday”

“Oppa?” She calls when he just keeps staring at Taehyun without saying anything, causing him to hum again. “Why don’t you confess first?”   
  
Beomgyu smiles, looking at her. “Sure! I will. And this time, I won’t disappoint him”

The girl looks at him in confusion but then he asks, “What’s your name?”

“I’m Bunhong! Taehyunnie oppa gave me that name since I love pink”, she answered, swaying her dress.

“And my name-”

“You’re Beomgyu oppa, I know. Taehyunnie oppa has talked about you so much that I feel like I've known you since forever” she finishes, rolling her eyes but with a teasing smile.

Beomgyu laughs loudly. He doesn’t know if he’s so happy to converse with Bunhong or to know that Taehyun loved to talk about him.

  
  


***

Yeonjun looks at Hueningkai and nods before clearing his throat to catch Taehyun’s attention.

“So, Hyunnie….umm where’s Soobinnie btw?”

Hueningkai rolls his eyes before Taehyun answers, eyes fixed on the shaved ice, “He and Yoongi hyung love to teach the kids inside the orphanage. I also do the same and usually Jimin hyung is the one to make  _ bingsoo.  _ I just wanted to switch today”

Yeonjun nodded and smiled awkwardly, looking at Hueningkai who's jerking his head towards the brunette with wide eyes, signaling him to start the conversation.

"Well... Tae, the thing with Beomgyu..."

Taehyun freezes, then looks at Yeonjun.

The blue-haired inhales a breath before continuing, "Look, I totally understand that whatever Beomgyu has done to you was really wrong but he badly wants this to work out. I've never seen him being this passionate for anyone else before"

Taehyun tears his gaze away and starts working on the ice again.

"He loves you, hyunnie", Yeonjun starts again. "You know the day of your accident, he couldn't stop crying when he saw you in the ICU. He even stayed in your place because Soobin grounded him from seeing you, you know, after knowing about..."

Taehyun whips his head towards Yeonjun, his eyes bigger, chest beating rapidly. "He d-did?"

The oldest smiles, ruffling his hair. "He even came to see you the day you woke up"

Taehyun looks at his feet before looking up at Beomgyu who's conversing with Bunhong happily, his lips form a pout in an instant.

Hueningkai snaps his fingers in front of his eyes to catch his attention. "He even visited you before the day you woke up"

Before Taehyun can say something, Yeonjun shoots a surprised "Really? Are you serious?"

The youngest smirks as now both are giving him his full attention. "Yeah, hyungs were sleeping and I left for home but because I forgot my phone, I came back and saw…"

He looks at both of them, staring at him with big wide eyes, pleading him to continue. He hums as he arranges the toppings, only to get his butt smacked by Taehyun.

"Yaa!" He scoffs before continuing, "I saw Beomgyu hyung lying beside you and hugging you tightly"

As Yeonjun let out a teasing  _ 'ooo~' _ , Taehyun just blinked.

  
  


_ So, I–I wasn't dreaming? _

  
  


_ He really was there? _

  
  


_ He was with me then? _

  
  


"... I'll go and have a walk around", He says before leaving the Yeonjuneez by themselves, Yeonjun asking Hueningkai to spill some more.

Taehyun let his feet lead him, not knowing where to go, his head wrapped with the information he just received. And he didn't realize that a baseball was making its way towards him, not until he fell on the ground with an extra weight. Sitting up carefully, he came out of his headspace.

"Are you crazy?" Beomgyu scolds as he blinks, eyes locked with the other. "I've been calling you for a while but you're totally out of the world"

Taehyun looks down guiltily. Beomgyu's features soften at the sight.

"Tae? Hey! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scold you but–"

Taehyun doesn't let him complete and stands on his legs to walk away. Beomgyu watches his figure getting farther and sighs.

Later, they offer the kids the _bingsoo_ while staying until the sunset but Taehyun remains distracted the whole time and so, returning home, he goes to bed without having dinner.

All of them decide to give him the space he needs, but Beomgyu still returns to spend his night in Taehyun's room. He looks at the boy who’s facing away. Sadly, he sits near the balcony as always to fall asleep.

***

Taehyun wakes up in the middle of the night, all startled, thanks to the excruciatingly loud thunder. 

He places a hand against his chest, catching his breath before he looks at the window. It's suddenly raining heavily in the summer night. 

_ Thank God, I had closed the windows. _ He sighs.

But then his eyes widen at the realization and he looks the other way. Sure as he guessed, Beomgyu is trembling. And it's more than enough for Taehyun to leave the bed to join beside the ash-blonde.

"Hyung? Are you ok?"

Beomgyu, who's hugging his knees tightly, instantly looks up with teary eyes.

"I-I'm fine T-Taehyunnie…", he assures, forcing a smile. "Go...Go b-back to sleep"

Taehyun gives a disbelieving look before snaking his arm around his frame. "Come with me"

"It's r-really fi-"

"Hush!" Taehyun scolds.

Beomgyu zips his mouth shut and lets Taehyun lead them to bed, helping him to lay down in a comfortable position.

"You d-don't have t-to...I'm not scared, it's just-"

Taehyun glares at the older to cut his words and tucks the duvet nicely.

"Sleep here tonight", he says before returning to his side of bed.

As time passes, the thunders calm down and so does Beomgyu. But he couldn't fall asleep, not when he's literally beside Taehyun after ages.

"Tae? Are you sleeping already?" he whispers.

Without getting an answer, he turns to Taehyun's side who, of course, is facing away from him. He inches forward to be closer to the brunette.

"Taehyun, I know you're upset with me. I wouldn't be surprised if you hate me already", he chuckles sadly.

"I do admit that I'm the biggest dumb and I've only taken the dumbest decisions but perhaps,...falling in love with you was the only best decision I could've ever made"

He reaches forward to keep his head on the other's pillow, still maintaining a safe distance.

"...I know I've failed my promises and I regret every bit of my actions, trust me, I really do. It was cheap of me to say that you were selfish because in reality, I'm the selfish one. I don't know what'd gotten into my head, I was thinking that my feelings for Shin-ae were coming back, I was starting to hate myself for that. I was starting to think that you deserved better than me, well you really do, but I couldn't bear to see you with anyone else. Of course, I sound like a hypocrite, I was doing the same thing to you which I couldn't bear myself and then I was suddenly pushing you away. I was trying to be a good friend but I had forgotten that you're the one I should care about before anyone else…"

He hiccups before continuing, "I'm genuinely sorry for always doing the wrong things. I'm sorry that I was such a mess, I'm sorry for always hurting you. I wanted to make things better when I realized that I couldn't live without you. I m-made videos to surprise you, I made you pancakes you know, banana pancakes which you really like. I bought your favorite daffodils, yellow ones, so we could have a new beginning together"

Beomgyu wipes his eyes before burying his face into Taehyun's soft brown hair. "...Y-You will be proud of me to know, I admitted to the florist who helped me make you a bouquet that I like a boy, that I'm the luckiest one to have you, and she wished us good luck" He smiles at the memory. "It isn't that victorious, I know but I also know that you'll be very proud of me. Because I know that deep down you still love me"

"...And I love you too, I really really love you, Taehyun-ah!"

He goes quiet and soon, the vanilla scent of Taehyun's strands soothe him to sleep.

But he wasn't the only one with tears in the room.

Taehyun slowly turns around, sniffling. "Hyung? 

He finds the older sleeping peacefully so he doesn’t call further, scared that he’ll wake him up. Sitting up, he wipes away the little tears rolling down Beomgyu’s cheeks. 

Taehyun lets out a breath, his mind registering Beomgyu’s little confession. Groaning, he walks up to his cupboard to take out his phone and switch it on.

His shoulders slouch a little more when he sees the number of texts from Beomgyu. From the day they broke up to the day Taehyun was discharged, till the day before Beomgyu had arrived at Busan. With shaky hands, he taps one of the voice messages.

“ _ Hi umm, Taehyun-ah? I've been trying to reach you for a while but you aren't picking up so I'm saying it here, please reply to me, please? I know you’re sad, I'm so sorry. I really want to talk it out. So, can you let me in? I think your door is broken” _

Taehyun huffs, bringing his hands to cover his face. With another sigh, he keeps the phone in its place but this time he doesn’t turn it off. And then he walks up to the bed and lies beside the older, without facing away.

“..Mom..I’m scared”, Beomgyu mumbles in his sleep, making Taehyun chuckle in amusement.

Slowly, he reaches forward and hugs the older. Ever since they've been together, it's the first time he's the big spoon.

He ruffles Beomgyu's hair when the older clings to him like a sleepy koala. He smiles before letting the sleep take over his body.

***

Beomgyu wakes up to the light seeping through the window blinds, his features immediately scrunch. He cuddles closer to the soft pillow, or whatever he's holding.

His eyes shot open. He takes in the familiar huggish smell before realizing what or  _ whom  _ he's clinging to. Instantly, he tries to move.

Taehyun wakes up in the sudden action, staring at him as he gulps. The younger looks away, attempting to leave the bed before Beomgyu grabs him to pull into his chest. 

"Did you sleep well?" Beomgyu asks and Taehyun just hums.

"You?"

The older smiles as he cards the soft brown hairs. "I had the best sleep in a while", he replies, making Taehyun chuckle.

They stay like that for a while, basking in each other's presence before Taehyun breaks the silence.

"Hyung! I can never hate you"

Beomgyu stills for a second, finding for words but Taehyun snaps at him, "But you're really dumb"

The older lets out a somewhat nervous laugh. "I am"

Taehyun puffs his cheeks as he's squished against Beomgyu's chest. "I mean you should've told me everything the moment you got here! Paboya!"

The older's eyes widen. "D-Did you-"

"Yes, I did! Now shut up, dummy!"

Beomgyu presses his mouth in a thin line as he rubs the younger's back inside the warm comforter while ruffling his hair.

"Hyung? What're you making for breakfast today?"

Beomgyu smiles widely against Taehyun's soft hair. "What do you want to eat?"

"Pancakes", the brunette answers after a bit of thinking. "Banana pancakes"

"Sure, I'll make it for you"

Then another moment of comfortable silence envelops them.

"...So" Taehyun clears his throat, blushing. "G-Go start making breakfast..." 

"Taehyunnie, it's only 6 am! Can't we just stay like this for a while?" Beomgyu whines.

But he huffs when he gets no answer. Moving away, he replies "Okay, if you don't want to-"

Taehyun suddenly pulls him closer, wrapping his arms around his waist and putting his face on the older's neck.

"...Only because y-you're saying so"

The way Taehyun's cheeks feel so warm against his skin, makes him smile wide as he blushes. Oh, how badly he wants to coo lifting up Taehyun's face and boop his nose! But he only snuggles closer to his neck before muttering,

"I'm not that dumb, you know"

And all the tension disappears amidst their soft giggles.


	51. You, Us

"The vacation is almost over. Did you convince him yet?"

Jimin's question made Beomgyu come out of his little trance of Taehyun. It's a movie night after an early dinner and they're all gathered together in Yoongi and Jimin's living room, just with a scanty amount of snacks and comfortable duvets. They're all scattered around not too far from each other in the spacious living room; Yeonjun and Soobin cuddling, Hueningkai and Taehyun beside them– immersed in the movie and Beomgyu third-wheeling yoonmin at the back.

He sighs as he takes one more look at Taehyun. "...I don't know, I mean he treats me normally but I think he… he's still a bit…"

Beomgyu looks at the two hyungs who're giving him disappointing looks and he just bites his lips being embarrassed. He wants to talk but he wants to do it carefully without scaring the boy, although he's a little desperate.

Suddenly, Hueningkai gets up and makes his way towards the bathroom. He takes this chance, pushing himself up to block the youngest's way. Hueningkai raises an eyebrow, confused.

"...I want to sit with Taehyun. Please?" Beomgyu pleads and the curly head rolls his eyes playfully. "Finally!", he mutters before rushing for the bathroom.

Beomgyu pouts but then he immediately goes to sit beside Taehyun, tucking the comforter.

"Woah! That was fast-"

Taehyun turns around but then gets cut when he sees it's Beomgyu instead of his best friend. Clearing his throat, he shyly looks away.

"What brings you h-here?"

Beomgyu smiles fondly at him. "I wanted to be with you"

Taehyun slightly nods and pays his attention back to the movie. The older looks at his small hands which are safely folded above the duvet.

' _Why couldn't you hold hands with me back then when I put my hands out?_ '

The words make their way to Beomgyu's mind, tightening his chest as he smiles sadly at the memory. It feels as if it was only yesterday they were arguing over the petty issue.

With an instant, he reaches for the younger's hands to entangle with his own. Taehyun looks at him, surprised due to the sudden action and Beomgyu doesn't miss the little pink shade across his face despite the darkness. He just smiles again as he wraps his free hand around Taehyun's shoulders, pulling him closer.

"Hyung...what're you-", Taehyun looks around sneakily before continuing, "They might catch us-"

He again gets cut noticing the cute little pout on the older's face as he tilts his head. He looks down at their hands and lets out a breath before leaning towards Beomgyu, keeping his head on his shoulder and getting back to the movie.

Beomgyu smiles, taking in the cute scent of Taehyun's strands.

Two hours pass by and it's almost the end of the movie when Beomgyu steals another glance at the younger in his arms– he's been stealing glances since the movie started although. Taehyun is sleeping so peacefully that he finds himself staring at his face until getting interrupted.

He hears his name in a whisper and turns his head towards Jimin to see the pink head in the middle of two sleeping fellows using him as their pillow. He almost laughs before he notices Yoongi's face. If Beomgyu didn't find his resemblance with a cat before, he's sure of it now.

"Yes hyung?" He answers to Jimin who's struggling to move Yoongi's head from his shoulder to the couch without disturbing Hueningkai on his lap.

"Ahh.. the movie is over. Is Taehyun asleep?" Jimin asks with a smile amidst his little hazard.

Beomgyu looks at the TV, sure the movie is over. He didn't even watch the ending as he was too occupied staring at the boy in his arms. Quickly, he looks at Taehyun again and nods.

"Please take him to his room, will you? I'll make it comfortable for Kai to sleep"

The older's words make Beomgyu a little wary. He takes a look at their other hyungs– the clingy boyfriends are huddled up together in a sleeping ball. He snorts but then contemplates Jimin's words.

Jimin instantly replies, "Yoongi and Soobin won't be sleeping for too long, don't worry. Though, I don't know about your friends, I can still manage"

Beomgyu smiles. "It's okay, they'll also wake up in no time"

And then, he puts his one hand under Taehyun's knees, supporting his shoulders with the hand which was already placed there and picks him up. He walks up to the stairs carrying the sleeping boy.

Once in his room, he places Taehyun on the bed carefully. The weather is still hot and so he doesn't cover the younger, worrying it'll be bothersome for him. 

He hums while walking around, finding nothing to do while the younger is sleeping. But something catches his attention. Knitting his eyebrows, he walks over to the cupboard to take a good look at the object which stole his attention.

“Oh? It’s a guitar!” Beomgyu exclaims with surprise, taking out the instrument by two hands from the corner of the cupboard. He takes a good look at the room to sit somewhere, eventually ending up on the study chair.

"Hmm, it's quite old. I wonder if Taehyun used to play", the ash-blonde mumbles as he tunes the keys. He hums his own music as he keeps strumming mindlessly but the guitar is too old that he stops with a pout.

"Why did you stop?" 

The question out of nowhere startles Beomgyu and he almost jumps out of the chair. Placing a palm on his heart and calming his breathing down, he turns to look at Taehyun who's blinking his doe eyes in oblivion.

"Oh God! You scared me!", he lets out a sigh as the younger just giggles, washing away all of Beomgyu's worries and makes him smile. He places the guitar on the floor before walking towards the bed. Taehyun, in the meantime, sits up properly as his legs dangle down the bed and Beomgyu sits in front of him on the floor. They stare at each other for a few seconds before Taehyun breaks the silence.

“Before you ask, let me tell you that it’s not my guitar. It’s Jimin hyung’s, and sometimes when I couldn’t sleep he used to play for me. Both my hyungs are really fond of music” he states, making Beomgyu nod in awe. Well, he had something to ask but that wasn’t it.

“...O-Okay but there’s something else I wanna know”, he starts carefully as Taehyun bits his lip, looking down.

“I know what’s it about”, he almost whispers slightly looking up at Beomgyu. “I’m not sure if I want to..”

The older’s heart clenches, he reaches for Taehyun’s little hands, lacing them with his own. “Are you scared of me, Taehyun? Are you scared that I’ll hurt you again?”

“It’s just….”, Taehyun clears his throat, smiling weakly. “I’m not used to...you know being this loved and all. I always thought somehow it’s my fault. I still have those voices in me, always reminding me of my lack-”

The brunette gets cut off when Beomgyu suddenly hugs his waist, his shoulders shuddering. “I’m sorry, Hyun-ah! I’m so sorry that I made you feel like that. It isn’t your fault, It’s mine, I-”

“Hyung, it’s not like that!”

“It is!” Beomgyu looks up and brings his free hand to touch the other's cheeks, Taehyun leans on to the warm touch.

"Look Taehyunnie! I know you're scared to get your heart broken again but please trust me, I don't wanna hurt you anymore. I know it's hard to trust me again, I know it's really hard for you to take me back in your life. But I do want to make things right"

Taehyun looks at the older's eyes sympathetically. He knows Beomgyu isn't lying but something really is holding him back and he's too scared to step out of his shell once again.

"...I really want _you_ to be okay, I want _us_ to be okay, Hyun", Beomgyu desperately continues when Taehyun doesn’t say anything. "I'll make sure you feel safe with me, no matter what. Even if it means giving up my homophobic friends, even if it means that I have to get my shit together, I'll do it. I don't wanna be a coward and just sit back watching you get hurt anymore"

Taehyun smiles at the older's genuineness. He's happy that Beomgyu is willing to take such big steps for him. And the older returns his smile. He slowly stands up from the floor to hug the brunette, but suddenly his ankles strain and he stumbles forward.

"Careful, hyung"

"Watch out, Tae"

Taehyun tries to catch the older from falling hence, both end up in a rather questionable position; he loses his balance due to the extra weight and falls on the bed hitting his back while Beomgyu towers over him but he quickly supports himself with his two palms against the bed.

They stare at each other without blinking for a good while before Beomgyu realizes the situation. 

Clearing his throat, he attempts to move. "I'm sorry I didn't mean-"

But Taehyun stops him by tugging at his arm. And Beomgyu doesn't need to be told twice when he sees the pink shade across the younger's cheeks, eyes pleading. Slowly, he lowers himself on his one elbow.

Taehyun bites on his lower lip, looking at the way Beomgyu's fingers seep through his own beside his head. Suddenly, he feels warm against his cheeks, instantly he smiles causing a pair of lips to peck his dimple. Closing his eyes, he feels the same pair of lips move to his eyelids, placing soft kisses on each of them and then his nose.

"I want to make up for everything, Tae", the older whispers against his skin.

"Is _this_ how you're going to do it?"

If Taehyun had asked him the question in a normal way, he might've panicked, he might've thought the younger is pissed by his actions. But it’s otherwise, as Taehyun asked it with a low chuckle, a very clearly playful one. So, Beomgyu decides to tease along.

"Is it working?”

“Mhm depends”

Beomgyu lets out a small laugh then stares at the younger below him and the latter stares back. This time both of them stare at each other with equal fondness. Beomgyu takes a good look at Taehyun’s eyes, his fluttery lashes, his proud nose, his cute dimple, and then finally his inviting lips.

Gulping, he looks back at the eyes which are looking at him expectantly. He feels Taehyun’s warm breath quickening against his own skin. He leans to whisper, 

“I’m going to kiss you now”

And then he creates a little space between them, trying to find any sign of discomfort; for Taehyun to get annoyed, to push him away. Rather, Taehyun closes his eyes, his breath quicker than before, his fingers tangling with Beomgyu’s tightly as his mouth instinctively parts.

With a relieved smile, Beomgyu takes the cue, closing his eyes. Their foreheads touch, so do their noses. 

As soon as they're about to close the gap, the door clacks open.

“Taehyun-ah, we’re leav- umm, what are you guys _doing_ , may I ask?” Soobin asks, too confused. Just as Yeonjun had done once.


	52. First Priority

Taehyun laid on the bed with Beomgyu over him, supporting himself with his one hand and one knee. Their eyes closed, fingers entangled and heads tilted, ready to close the gap.

The moment the door clacks, their eyes shot open and heads whip towards the door to see a startled Soobin.

Unlike in the presence of Yeonjun, Beomgyu didn't move even an inch away from Taehyun this time. Yet, he was a bit embarrassed for his current position and he noticed Taehyun avoiding Soobin's eyes, so he slowly detached himself from the younger.

Once he's standing properly, he helped Taehyun sit up and faced Soobin's fuming eyes.

"What were you trying to do, Beomgyu?" Soobin deadpans.

"I...I was just-"

"You promised me if he wasn't ready, you would respect his decision!"

Taehyun looks back and forth at the two while Beomgyu panics, "Yeah I know-"

"Woah, hold on!" the raven-haired raises a hand as he walks closer before continuing, "You weren't forcing him, were you?"

"What!? No, I- Hyung, why do you think of me so lowly?" Beomgyu hisses, annoyed. Sure, he would take every insult thrown at him for hurting Taehyun earlier but the idea of him  _ forcing _ or doing  _ anything wrong _ that would make Taehyun uncomfortable boiled his blood.

"Because I don't trust you, Gyu. I don't trust you at all"

Both the males were face to face, breathing heavily. Their little argument was vehement enough to alarm the others, resulting in them already crowding in the room.

Taehyun, however, gulps while taking steps towards his two hyungs. He fully understands Soobin's concerns as he had trusted the wrong person twice in the past, despite the older's warnings. He knows Soobin is a very protective hyung and he thanks the universe for having a friend like him. Hence, he also knew after whatever had happened to him, Soobin wasn't lenient with anyone who even talked to him rudely.

But more than anything, he knew Beomgyu didn't deserve to be treated like this. Call him lovestruck, or whipped, or maybe foolish but he just knew that the older  _ really _ wanted to make an effort for him. He's waited too long for this, for Beomgyu to finally make him feel loved.

"Soobin hyung, he wasn't forcing-"

But he's cut off when Soobin suddenly pushes Beomgyu against the hard cupboard, the ash-blonde instantly reciprocates the action. The others who're standing at the door make their way towards them to stop the ruckus.

"You were the reason he was about to jump off from the fucking 15th floor!" Soobin shouts, grabbing Beomgyu's collar.

Beomgyu freezes, so does Taehyun. They look at each other and the older gives him a look of disbelief with a mixture of fear before looking away, his eyes particularly lost.

_ Is he going to h-hate me now?  _ Taehyun gulps before yelling with his shaky voice,

"Soobin hyung! I had told you to never speak about it", he looks at the raven-haired with hurtful eyes.

Soobin's eyes widen, finally realizing his words. "Taehyun-ah, I'm sorry I-"

"You had promised me, hyung"

Taehyun takes small steps back and Soobin leaves Beomgyu by himself who's still lost in his own headspace before walking towards Taehyun, reaching to calm the other down.

But before anyone can do or say anything, Taehyun's eyes spill the tears he was holding and he runs to the bathroom, closing the door shut. He sits on the floor with his back against the door, crying profusely and all he can hear is his pathetic sobs over the knocks on the door and the string of his name.

Beomgyu breathes heavily as his knees give up, making him sit against the wooden cupboard. 

_ He...He was about to j-jump…because of m-me? _

Suddenly, his chest tightens and he musters the courage to look at the direction of the bathroom. The hyungs and Soobin constantly knocking, Hueningkai already crying amidst calling Taehyun's name while Yeonjun's trying to soothe the youngest.

_ N-No! Now is not the time to shame yourself, Beomgyu, _ he tells himself. 

_ Every time I curse myself for my own doings, I end up ignoring him and then he's left alone. _

Beomgyu wipes his tears and pushes himself off the floor, trying his best to not limp and walk towards the bathroom where Taehyun's muffled cries are coming from.

Soobin notices him, grimacing, he growls, "Why are you coming here? You're-"

"No!", Beomgyu protests, his voice so tempestuous that everyone present in the room visibly flinches. "I'm not the reason he's like that!  _ You _ are. Only if you'd let me see him, let me stay with him then all these wouldn't have happened"

Soobin blinks, his mouth shut and his hand which was used to stop the ash-blonde, falls off his arms.

As the room silents (even Hueningkai isn't crying anymore), only Taehyun's raucous voice is filling in the place. Beomgyu takes a step towards the door before stopping.

"You don't even know how to calm him!" he taunts, looking at Soobin menacingly while Yeonjun tugs at his boyfriend to part them.

Yoongi and Jimin nod at each other before giving Beomgyu the space he needs, and the latter is already knocking at the door softly.

"Taehyun-ah", he calls, his voice honeyed with affection as if he wasn't screaming his lungs out at somebody.

"It's me. Beomgyu, Your hyung! Please, come out" he continues, pressing his forehead against the door and he knows it's working when the muffled cries slightly die down.

He inhales before whispering, "I'm here, Hyunnie. Don't be scared. Please?"

There's a deafening silence before he hears a little shuffling from the other side. He steps back a little. Looking at the others, he's being questioned wordlessly.

"Shh!" Beomgyu puts a finger on his lips. "He's about to open the door"

And as he finishes the sentence, the bathroom door opens with a slight gap. All of them look at the way expectantly, sighing in relief when they see the small blob of brown hairs.

Beomgyu smiles when Taehyun peeks at him from behind the door, his eyes red and puffy. Soon, he steps out of the bathroom with his head hanging low.

The older holds out his hand and Taehyun stares at it before meeting Beomgyu's pleading eyes. He takes the hand without tearing the gaze and within a second, he's pulled into a warm hug.

Burying his head on the crook of Beomgyu's neck, he lets himself break into a fit of tears, the older constantly rubbing his back. His knees weaken and he sits down, taking the older with him. They just sit there holding onto each other while Beomgyu kisses the top of Taehyun's head.

"It's okay, you're okay", he whispers to appease the younger. 

Taehyun hiccups although he's stopped crying and shaking, basking in the older's lavender scent.

"I thought you'd hate me. I thought I'll be left alone again", he stutters between his sniffles as the arms around him only tighten their grip in a more comfortable manner.

Beomgyu pulls away, making the younger whine but he instantly cups his cheeks to wipe the stray tears. Taehyun blinks to send the tears back, trying to look through the blurry veil. 

"I'm a burden, aren't I?"

The ash-blonde kisses his nose before continuing in his affectionate voice, "You're not. We all love you, Taehyun-ah. Haven't you seen the hyungs always caring for you? Of course, after your parents, they're the ones who love you the most. You're their first priority"

Even with the heavy air strangling them, Yoongi and Jimin smile at each other. As the older man reaches for his lover's hand, Jimin smiles proudly at Beomgyu.

"Haven't you seen how Soobin hyung was about to beat me up? He's done that before when he found out how badly I hurt you", Beomgyu chuckles with lucid distress. "Yeonjun hyung? He's always acting as your own brother, be it setting up your love life or beating up the bullies. They even introduced you to me saying you're their son, remember?"

Taehyun nods with his glassy doe eyes.

"Right! You're their first priority and they're gonna do everything for you"

Soobin looks down at his feet before Yeonjun grabs his hand to give it a squeeze. He looks up to see the blue-haired male already staring at him with a small smile, and then two hands wrap around his waist to pull him closer.

"And Hueningkai, isn't he the first friend you made in Seoul? Hasn't he been your best friend since then?"

Taehyun looks at the youngest who's smiling at him despite his cheeks being stained with dry tears. He returns, nodding as Yeonjun reaches to ruffle the curly head's bouncy hair.

"See? You're his first priority too"

The brunette averts his gaze to Beomgyu who seems to be ambivalent about himself, keeping his smile still.

"...I might not have something to say about myself but from now on, I'll show you that you're  _ my _ first priority too and I love you a lot"

Taehyun's smile widens and he hugs the older tightly. Beomgyu reciprocates the hug and kisses the side of his head.

After a while, when Taehyun has composed himself, he pulls back to stand up and makes his way towards the two oldest hyungs. Jimin quickly throws his arms around the younger and kisses his forehead while Yoongi ruffles his hair.

"Thank you so much for everything and I'm really sorry, hyung", Taehyun starts and Yoongi shakes his head.

"No thanking or apologizing. We're a family, aren't we?"

Yoongi's words aggravate the tears in his eyes and he can't help but think how idiot he was being. After a quick family moment, he goes to his other hyungs.

Reaching for Soobin's hand, he catches the tallest's attention.

"I'm sorry, Taehyun. I-"

"It's okay. You've always wanted the best for me" Taehyun interjects, enveloping him in a hug. 

Soobin smiles sadly before wrapping his arms around the smaller. The Yeonjuneez smile at each other before joining the hug. Beomgyu gazes at them lovingly before he gets beckoned by Soobin to come near. Taking slow steps, he walks up to them and the others notice his presence, quickly he's welcomed to join them.

Jimin leans onto Yoongi's shoulder as the latter snakes a hand around his waist, espying the five boys.

"They remind me of our old days", Jimin giggles, making the other shrug.

"Do you think others can make it to the wedding?" Yoongi asks instead, thinking about his old friends.

"Hoseok hyung said he'll be able to take a break from his dance academy in Gwangju. What about Jungkook and Taehyung?"

Yoongi thinks before replying, "Taehyung’s new clothing line did great and Jungkook just finished a tour. I think they'll be able to make it"

Jimin hums, resting his head on his boyfriend's shoulder. "I miss them"

And the two reminisce about the old days when the seven of them were carefree but had each other. Just like the five boys hugging and comforting one another before them.


	53. Okay? Okay

After their little reunion, Beomgyu and Taehyun were decidedly left alone to talk their issues out. With Yeonjun being the last one to pass, shooting them a thumbs up, the door finally slammed shut.

Taehyun looks over his shoulder, only to catch Beomgyu already staring. Somehow, after their intense series of breakdowns, the air was awkward.

He takes a deep breath before turning to face the other but as he’s about to start-

"Will you go on a date with me?"

Taehyun's breath hitches and his blood rises up to his ears, warm beneath his skin.

"What- I umm, what did you j-just say?" he stutters out in disbelief.

Beomgyu almost immediately answers, "A date. Tomorrow" 

"Date?"

"Date"

"Us?"

"Us"

"T-Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow"

"For real?"

"Yeah, Taehyun. For real" Beomgyu nods with a smile, finding the younger's curious expression amusing.

Taehyun stares at him, mouth hanging open. And it makes Beomgyu a little anxious so he pries again, “Please? Will you-”

"Yes! Yes. Yes, of course. I will go on a date with you"

Beomgyu chuckles loudly at his abruptness and the red across Taehyun's cheeks deepens as he looks down embarrassed.

The older grabs his shoulders and peppers his cheeks with kisses until their eyes meet.

"Okay?"

"Okay", Taehyun whispers.

They stare at each other for the nth time without being tired before Taehyun continues, "Hyung….you don't have to stay here tonight"

Beomgyu visibly frowns.

"Because you'll have to prepare for the d-date, right?"

Now  _ that _ makes his frown dissolve into realization. Sure, he has to prepare  _ a lot _ . So he flashes a smile, nodding.

"But then-"

"Hyuka can stay with me" Taehyun cuts him before adding,"....and help me for the date"

The older shrugs.

"So…"

"So…?"

"I should get going then"

"Yeah, you should"

They tear their gazes away to look at their intertwined hands, both equally warm. Who knows when that happened! They part away and looking back at each other's eyes, they know very well that the other isn't too happy to let the other go. But they also know they need a little 'me-time' tonight.

"Goodnight, Hyunnie!"

"Goodnight"

"Sleep well"

"You too"

With a final smile and a chest full of butterflies, Beomgyu turns around, running on his feet because he too knows if he waited one more second, he wouldn't leave at all.

Taehyun lets out a deep sigh he didn't know he was holding, eventually flopping on the bed.

_ Breathe in. Breathe out. _ He tells himself multiple times before his eyes shoot open.

_ A date! Beomgyu hyung is taking me on a date.  _

He squeals loudly, kicking the air with his feet and rolling around like a happy puppy on the bed just like a teenager. Now tell him, he  _ is  _ a teenager.

"Oh!" He jumps off the bed. Biting his lip, he walks towards the window; his fingers curling on the thin white fabric of the curtains.

"Is hyung already gone?", He mumbles while peeking carefully. Pouting, he's about to move away when a clumsy figure comes to his view.

Beomgyu is walking– jumping– out of the house which makes Taehyun giggle at the sight.

What he didn't expect was, the said man suddenly stopping in his tracks to look back. And Taehyun isn't sure if he's more embarrassed for the loud sound or that he's caught peeking.

Beomgyu flashes a wide smile, hand waving while walking backwards. Taehyun too raises his hand to wave, the admiration in the older's eyes is making him melt.

Suddenly, the ash-blonde stumbles and Taehyun's eyebrows furrow in worry. But the latter shoots his thumbs up and grins idiotically, the one Taehyun loves so much, which washes away all his worries.

Taehyun watches Beomgyu walk to Soobin's house safely, not forgetting to wave just before entering the house.

Heaving a sigh of relief, Taehyun walks to his bed, his body tired from the sudden rise of happiness.

_ I can't wait for tomorrow _ . 

***

Beomgyu waddles into the house, being a giggling mess after locking the door properly. He hums himself and jumps up to his and Yeonjun's shared room.

"Yeonjun hyung~", he sings gleefully, walking up to the bed and flops beside the blue-haired.

Yeonjun chuckles, ruffling his faded ash-blonde hair. "What's up? Why are you so happy?"

Beomgyu hugs a soft pillow before replying, "I'm taking Taehyunnie on a date tomorrow"

The door opens to reveal a jumping Hueningkai who joins them on the bed as Yeonjun makes space for the younger.

"And what about that?"

"What?" Beomgyu sits up with a pout. "I'm taking him on a date. We're going on a date. _A date!_ " he emphasizes. "Oh God! I'm so nervous!"

As the ash-blonde hides his face in his palms, Hueningkai takes out his phone to scroll through the internet, piping in, "Why are you nervous, Beomgyu hyung? It's just a date. Do it as your regular ones"

Beomgyu removes his hands and huffs, the other two looking at each other when Yeonjun realizes the matter.

"Don't tell me you've never taken him out on a date!" he gasps. And he knows how right he is when Beomgyu bites his lips and shakes his head.

A string of curses leaves his mouth and Hueningkai blurts out a laugh, making Beomgyu groan.

But there's a slight creak and they're all silent when they crane their neck towards the doorway and notice Soobin. The raven-haired clears his throat at the sudden attention, smiling nervously as he enters the room.

"Take him to the amusement park near the orphanage", he shyly says as the other three just stare at him, mouths agape.

Soobin stiffens at the awkward silence and he totally understands the situation, it's because of his change of demeanor towards Beomgyu.

He scratches the back of his head and continues, "Taehyun loves the firework display there. It’s summer so it won’t be as grand as the one during autumn but it’s still nice”

Beomgyu just blinks his eyes, causing Soobin to leave the room, not before smiling apologetically.

“Woah! Beomgyu hyung, he didn’t break your neck!” Hueningkai exclaims with wide eyes.

Yeonjun squints his eyes towards the youngest. “Soobinnie isn’t that mean!” he defends, causing Hueningkai to stick out his tongue. He then pokes Beomgyu’s shoulder.

“But really? You guys never went on a date before? I mean, you’ve gone so far, like, popping his cherry”

Beomgyu chokes.

“Damn, Hyuka!” he hits the curly head’s shoulder. “You’re like three, for god’s sake!”

“Aha? Well, Taehyun is the same age as me!” Hueningkai teases, rubbing the aching shoulder while Beomgyu blushes a deep shade of pink.

“No fighting with my kiddo!" Yeonjun draws out his hand between them, stifling a laugh.

"But he started-"

"Gyu!" The oldest of the three glares at his brother, causing him to huff and Hueningkai sticks out his tongue again.

"Anyways, I think you should have a chat with Soobin", Yeonjun says with a serious tone. 

"Yes! Go and solve your issues so that he doesn't beat you again the next time-"

"Yaa~" Beomgyu whines to cut off the youngest, causing him to cackle out in a dolphin tone. This time Yeonjun also joins him. Beomgyu rolls his eyes before leaving the bed and once he's out, he hears the Yeonjuneez break into a fit of laughter.

He sighs before looking for the raven-haired, stopping when he sees the other standing alone in the roof area.

"Soobin hyung?" he calls, sliding the door open.

Soobin whips his head in surprise, quickly rubbing his eyes which only concerns Beomgyu.

"Soobin hyung, are you crying?" he knits his eyebrows while running to the older.

"No. It's just…", Soobin starts. "Gyu, look, I'm really sorry"

Beomgyu tilts his head in confusion.

Soobin continues, "Ever since that incident, I can't stop worrying about Taehyun. I've seen him at his worst and I know he trusts people easily. All he wants is to love and be loved. I know you aren't Gijung but I just couldn't shake off the feeling of you hurting him. I know you had your own reasons but Taehyun doesn't deserve to be a secret…"

"Okay, hush" Beomgyu hugs the older who's already hiccuping while trying to contain his tears. He never thought Soobin would have so much in his mind.

"N-No! I'm sorry that I–we couldn't be such friends to whom you can talk about stuff like these. I'm sorry you couldn't trust us with you being gay", Soobin cries as the ash-blonde rubs circles on his back.

"I'm the one who should be sorry, Hyung. If I had told just the three of you, maybe you could've stopped me from hurting him, maybe you would've slapped me some senses, maybe things wouldn't get bad at the first place"

Soobin lets out a sad chuckle, "Yeah, I guess we both are equally guilty"

Beomgyu hums, "And I'm also sorry for shouting at you earlier. I know that you’re really concerned about him but at that time, I had to show him that I care. I was a real coward to always let him be even though I kinda knew I was hurting him. I had to show him that I'm no longer a selfish person, that I truly love him, that I'm worth a second chance"

Soobin just listens, his face at the ash-blonde's shoulders.

"... Aren't you going to tell me to take good care of him?" Beomgyu asks after a moment of silence and Soobin only laughs but this time, less sad before pulling away.

He ruffles Beomgyu's hair. "I saw how you comforted him. And honestly, I think he feels very safe with you"

Patting his head, Soobin finally smiles, "Just don't leave him alone ever again"

And Beomgyu smiles back.

Yeonjun and Hueningkai peeks at them, making a little gap on the door. The blue-haired exhales contently.

"Are you happy because your boyfriend and your brother are again getting along or because everything is falling in place?" Hueningkai asks, noticing the big smile on Yeonjun's face.

"Both", the older answers. But soon they're scattering away as they see Soobin, after another hug, is coming towards the door.

Beomgyu sighs in relief as the older leaves. Finally, he's on good terms with him again and that just makes him even more belated. But suddenly, his phone rings to get him out of his headspace.

He's surprised but smiles widely when he sees the caller ID.

"Yes?"

"Hyung, I saw you with Soobin hyung just now. Is everything alright? Are you guys okay?" Taehyun asks in a panicked voice from the other side of the phone.

"Whoa, relax! But where are you?" Beomgyu looks around and notices Taehyun still standing near his window when the younger waves his hands, causing him to wave back. The houses are only a street apart so it isn’t that hard to see each other.

"Don't worry. We're back on good terms", he assures and listens to the other let out a relieved  _ 'Thank God'. _

"Well…? Is that it?"

"Ahh...I just wanted to… nothing special but, you know-"

"Aww" Beomgyu coos at how Taehyun looks tiny from where he's standing. "Just tell me you were already missing me"

"What! No, I mean..you..", Taehyun exasperatedly looks around before continuing, "You f-forgot your guitar here"

Beomgyu rolls his eyes playfully. "Taehyun-ah! You're the one who told me that it's Jimin hyung’s and both the hyungs are fond of music"

"Aa-h!" Taehyun stops for a moment, scratching his neck. "I-I did? Then, it must be theirs haha"

The ash-blonde leans on to the railing, enjoying the other's flustered state and then chuckles, "Admit it. You miss me! Because you know what? I miss you too"

Taehyun snorts, "Cheesy"

"Mhm?"

And then there's silence for a while before Beomgyu makes a request.

"Can you move the curtains a little bit? I want to see your face"

Taehyun doesn't reply but obliges almost immediately.

They stare at each other in comfortable silence. Both blushing the same shade of pink. They don't use words but they hear the hitches of the other's breath through the phone, smiling as their hearts beat like broken recorders.

Suddenly, Taehyun lets the curtains loose and hides behind it and Beomgyu doesn't question him, instead he lets out a breathy laugh.

"It's e-enough for today. I should go to b-bed now", Taehyun stutters, breathing heavily.

"Okay...Bye"

"Bye"

"....."

"....."

"H-Hyung, hang up!"

"Not until you tell me that you were missing me"

"That's so childish!" Taehyun puffs his cheeks and although Beomgyu isn't watching, he really wants to squish him right now.

"Is it? Then you hang up" he shrugs, stiffening a laugh.

"Okay! Yes, I was missing you", Taehyun scoffs but the shade across his cheeks is getting darker. Thank God, Beomgyu isn't looking at his face now.

The ash-blonde just chuckles, "I can't wait for tomorrow"

Taehyun lightens up at the mention of the next day and so he doesn't lie this time. "Me too"

And with that, Beomgyu hangs up the phone first. He sighs and takes in the fresh air before turning around to leave once he's sure Taehyun isn't standing near the window anymore.

But he's surprised to see the other three standing still near the slider.

"It's weird to see you like this", Soobin comments with a laugh, Yeonjun instantly joins.

"That too with a baby like Taehyun", he adds.

Beomgyu just rolls his eyes. 

Hueningkai wheezes, "You guys are disgustingly cute!"

"Can't believe you guys were eavesdropping!" Beomgyu mumbles, bringing a palm to his face when another ring breaks out.

"Look!" the youngest of all lifts up his phone. "I bet he's gonna eat up my ears rambling about tomorrow's date"

And before Beomgyu can catch up, Hueningkai lets out a dolphin squeak, running away. He huffs and looks back at the other two almost lying on the floor due to the excessive laughing, making him smile lovingly.

_ I really can't wait for tomorrow. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe our penguin ningning, our babie hyuka is already 18 I mean no way, he's just three right?🥺🥺


	54. Boyfriends (Date pt.1)

"Do I look okay?"

Yeonjun rolls his eyes. He was woken up at 7 am to do this but that's not the problem. The problem is Soobin was just about to give him what he was asking for the whole night. Alas! He has to wait another whole day. 

"Beomgyu, you're asking me for the fifth time now! Do I need to spell it out? You look great, okay?"

Beomgyu huffs. Although he's confident with his dressing style, something is still irking him. He's never dressed up for Taehyun before. 

Well, they never went out together aside from walking to school and back home and the hill behind the school. That's why he's putting an extra effort to look presentable. He knows Taehyun wouldn't care how he looks but he really wants to make an impression to show that he's excited, that he wants to have him back.

He's wearing a black ripped jeans and a red and white striped shirt with a white t-shirt underneath it. He looks nice, he wouldn't deny but it seems a bit overdone. Letting out a breath annoyed, he rummages through the pile of his clothes.

"You're changing again? Oh my God!" Yeonjun sighs as the ash-blonde just smiles sheepishly.

"It's the last one, I promise"

Beomgyu quickly changes to a white button-up, leaving his collar undone and pairing with a black loose necktie. Now, this makes him more confident. He's on the casual side but it's perfect.

Hastily, he puts on his black high converse, shoves his wallet and phone into his pockets, and makes a run, yelling a 'Thanks' at Yeonjun who smiles and wishes him luck. Gliding down the stairs, he’s met with Hueningkai and Soobin stuffing their mouths with various bread sent by Yoongi early in the morning.

Hueningkai scrunches his nose as he sees the ash-blonde. “Hyung, quick! I can’t believe you’re making my best friend wait on his first date”

Beomgyu playfully mumbles a small apology.

“Have breakfast before you leave”, Soobin offers, gulping down a mouthful of a strawberry jam filled bread.

“Oh, I had it early in the morning” Beomgyu replies with an apologetic smile as he rushes towards the entrance. Both his friends wish him good luck and he thanks them, feeling the giddiness flowing through his veins.

Once he’s out, he carefully crosses the road. It isn’t a main road so there aren’t cars or any heavy vehicles, just some pedestrians and kids cycling around so it doesn’t take him very long.

_ Okay, Beomgyu. You can do it _ . He takes a few deep breaths before finally pressing the bell.

After a few seconds, following a little bit of shuffling, the door opens to reveal a happy Jimin who becomes happier at his presence.

"You're here? I'll send Taehyun, just wait"

Beomgyu just nods as his heart is about to break out from his ribcage. And then the older slightly closes the door to head back.

He pats his palm over his chest as an action to calm himself down when the door again opens, brown hair coming into the view.

Taehyun peeks a little and then fully steps out the door, staring at the ash-blonde. He's wearing a white and pale blue asymmetric oversized t-shirt which has loose sleeves, covering up to his elbows and black jeans pairing with white low converse.

The way he's fidgeting, Beomgyu can already tell he's also nervous. They both take a moment to admire each other silently before Beomgyu breaks the ice.

"I'm sorry you had to wait this long"

Taehyun smiles and waves his hands, a friendly dismissal to his apology. "It's okay, really. You had breakfast, right?"

"Yes. Did you?"

"Yep"

"...."

"...."

Both of them laugh out nervously.

"It's really awkward", Beomgyu scratches his neck.

Taehyun nods, "I think it's because we haven't done this before"

That's when it hits Beomgyu. It hits him like we've–dated–for–a–while–but–I–never–took–him–out.

"Then let's do this now", he says quietly and Taehyun hums. They start walking together side-by-side, leaving the house premises.

"So where are we going?" Taehyun cranes his neck towards Beomgyu as they finally pick up their pace.

The ash-blonde just gives him a mischievous smile replying, "Just wait for it"

And Taehyun doesn't question him back. Well, he would love to get a surprise from the older.

Beomgyu recalls the way to the orphanage which was within walking distance from where they were staying and he does remember an amusement park on their way. Now all he had to make sure was giving Taehyun a good time and asking him out before the day ends because they have to head back to Seoul by the next day. Only four days are left until their school re-opens.

Keeping aside the heavy thoughts, he startles Taehyun by reaching for his hands. Taehyun visibly flinches before looking at him with his doe eyes while Beomgyu smiles, finding the blushing mess adorable.

The younger lets out a dry laugh, he's suddenly out of breath and allows Beomgyu to intertwine their fingers together. It's whimsical how they've always fit each other perfectly just like the pieces of a puzzle.

And the walk remains silent in a comfortable manner, just sneaking glances at each other, smiling shyly when both of them get caught.

But all the awkward tension disappears when they stand before the amusement park.

"We're having our date here?" Taehyun asks, almost taken aback.

Beomgyu, unable to comprehend his expression, pouts. "Soobin hyung suggested this place. Why, you don't like it?"

"Oh! I love this"

The older smiles widely as Taehyun jumps in joy, dragging him along.

Soon, they're walking around, riding different roller coasters including catapults, boomerangs and some spinning and twisting ones. They've also bought matching hats; a bear for Beomgyu and a squirrel for Taehyun.

"Hyung, no more roller coaster please", Taehyun huffs out clutching his stomach after another of those nerve-wracking rides which the older loves. 

But Beomgyu tenses, seeing the younger rubbing his belly.

"Is anything wrong? I mean are you okay?" He asks as he caresses Taehyun's back.

"Yeah, I am. But let's try something else. I think we've tried all those terrifying ones"

Beomgyu nods but he finds the little pout formed on Taehyun's lips cute. Stiffening a smile, he looks around and spots a haunted house.

"Tae, how about we try that?" he points at the scary mansion, and the younger's face pales as he follows the line of his sight.

"I can't even watch horror movies-"

"You'll be fine"

"I'm scared"

"I'll be with you" Beomgyu makes a sweet request, fluttering his eyelashes. 

Taehyun puffs his cheeks, but then smiles. "Okay, let's do it"

And then they're wandering inside the scary haunted mansion. Taehyun eventually ends up linking arms with the older. Not that Beomgyu minds. It would be a lie if he said he wasn't enjoying the scaredy cat clinging to him, in fact, he's been wanting to do this since he’s discovered the cute habit of Taehyun’s. 

For the first time and finally, he's able to touch and hold Taehyun without caring about the audience.

And so, he doesn't even bother to look at the disguised ghosts that appear in front of them; his full attention to the love of his life's little squeaks and jumpscares.

He doesn't care if they're getting any weird stares or not when they're just walking around, mindlessly eating their churros and Beomgyu reaches to dust away the powdered sugar from Taehyun's mouth.

He doesn't care when they're playing the shooting game because the brunette insisted on getting a gift for Hueningkai's birthday and he's shamelessly staring at the way Taehyun is focusing to hit the target.

"Ugh! Only one chance left", Taehyun pouts defeatedly after his ninth failed attempt to win the biggest plushie.

Beomgyu lets out an amused laugh while walking over to the younger. "You're doing it the wrong way, Hyunnie. Let me help you"

And then he positions himself behind Taehyun, both of his hands reaching for the younger's hips, making a half-turn to show him the perfect stance.

"Keep your one leg forward and angle your body this way, then raise the gun. Point out your index finger to the forward while placing it against the slider and use another hand for the trigger"

Beomgyu elaborates as his hands reach for Taehyun's, touching his fingers to show him the correct grip while enveloping him, his face very close to the shorter's ears.

Taehyun suddenly realizes how close they are as he slightly turns to look at Beomgyu and he can't help but stare at the older while he's talking, Taehyun's mind unable to register his words.

The way Beomgyu’s face is so serious while explaining is making Taehyun feel butterflies in his belly. Although the older’s bear hat is making him look very cute, he’s fascinated by his beautiful features. His chocolate brown eyes and long lashes, his nose bridge never fails to capture Taehyun’s attention. The disheveled ash-blonde strands which are losing their color and turning black strangely make him more attractive. Taehyun’s skin tickles when his eyes land on Beomgyu’s lush lips, especially the demanding cupid’s bow.

Beomgyu notices his intense gaze and looks back. That's when he realizes their position. Both of his hands wrapped around the younger's, his chest against Taehyun's back and their faces only inches apart while their fingers tingle.

He gulps while Taehyun's breath fans over his lips. And then they're having a sudden staring competition. But the little moment is ruined when Beomgyu accidentally shoots the gun, causing them to jump at the unexpected sound.

"Oops! You lost your last chance too" The staff announces, making Taehyun's shoulders slump.

But then she continues with a little tease, "I think I should give you one more chance since your boyfriend explained you so nicely"

_ Boyfriend. _

Both of them look at each other before averting their gazes with innocent smiles, trying to hide their blush.

"Let me try this time", Beomgyu suggests and Taehyun just hums, handing over the gun. He then moves away to watch the older.

Beomgyu tries to calm his breath, ignoring the staff's teasing looks and focuses back to shoot. Fairly enough, he shoots several times hitting the target and wins the plushie Taehyun was aiming for. 

"Look Taehyunnie, I won it"

He jumps up to the younger to show-off the prize but notices that Taehyun isn't looking at him. Rather, he's looking somewhere else with a soft smile.

Following the line of his sight, Beomgyu catches a couple; a boy and a girl wearing the same hoodies, drinking the same drink and clicking pictures while giggling.

Taehyun finally tears his gaze, so does Beomgyu. They look at each other and the older is again reminded of how ignorant he was to the one he loves so much.

But Taehyun's smile widens as he walks up to Beomgyu.

"You won the biggest plushie, hyung!", he squeals happily, making the older smile as he offers the plushie to Taehyun. "Thanks"

The brunette takes it and turns around to walk but he's stopped when Beomgyu suddenly hugs him from behind.

"I'm sorry", he whispers, his arms wrapped around the younger's frame as well as the plushie, making Taehyun squish between the two.

Taehyun lets out a laugh and turns slightly to touch the other's cheeks. "It's okay, hyung"

They bask in each other's warm touches before Taehyun's belly interrupts.

"Ahh, I'm sorry" Taehyun blushes while Beomgyu gets the message of him being hungry so he pulls out the map of the park to figure out their way to the food corner.

"Let's go grab an early dinner before it gets crowded", he suggests showing the map.

Taehyun mutters, pouting, “But we've to walk a long way"

That's when it hits Beomgyu that they've been walking around the whole time and Taehyun has recently recovered from a big accident. It's obvious he still lacks energy.

Quickly, he's in front of the younger, kneeling with his own back towards him. "Hop on"

Taehyun looks around to see people murmuring because of the sudden action from Beomgyu. Flustered, he asks, "Hyung? What are you d-doing?

"You're hungry but you're tired! I'll carry you there. So, hop on"

Taehyun clears his throat, trying to bite back the blush. He hesitantly takes a step forward and bends to get on the older's shoulders, the plushie afore Beomgyu. And the younger had to hide his face in the crook of Beomgyu's neck, because of the side-eyes.

Well, you can't really blame them. A bear head carrying a squirrel head who’s holding a giant plushie is quite a scene to watch.

Beomgyu cautiously holds on to Taehyun's thighs on either side as the younger keeps his grip around Beomgyu's neck tight, securing the plushie at the same time. 

Even though they have eyes on them, Taehyun couldn't be happier that Beomgyu is able to put things aside and finally make an effort for them, like he wants Taehyun in his life. And it's not hidden from the older as well; he can already feel Taehyun's warm skin against his, the upwards curve of his lips, and the beating of his heart against his back which matches the rhythm of his own.

The two just keep smiling themselves on their way to get some food.

## 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might be late but let me just rant please,
> 
> OMG DRAMA MV!!! ACTOR BEOMGYU DID A GREAT JOB, I'M PROUD OF YOU BUB🥺👏👏
> 
> Also, BTS's DYNAMITE is just PHENOMENON🎆🎆


	55. Fireworks (Date pt.2)

"So, what do you want to eat?" 

They're now seated across from each other inside a decent restaurant in the park premises, the plushie and their hats put aside, and after their own reasonings, Beomgyu won the discussion with "I'm the one who asked you on a date so I'm paying" and Taehyun had to give up.

The ash-blonde let Taehyun choose whatever he wants. They knew the place wasn't very crowded for the time being so their food would arrive sooner than they expected. But still, something was very awkward.

Every time their knees bumped into each other's under the small table, it made both of them mushy and nervous at the same time.

They didn't know what to talk about while waiting for the food because they've only been out with their friends, thanks to their never-ending stories and boisterous laughter that they didn't experience silence for one minute. But now that they are by themselves and although Taehyun has always wished for a date with  _ only  _ Beomgyu, they totally don't have any idea how to keep the flow.

They keep glancing at each other secretly with admiration in their eyes and the moment food arrives, they visibly exhale a sigh of relief.

"It's okay to be nervous in the early phase of your relationship"

They look at the waiter simultaneously as the man is setting up their table with food, making him laugh out awkwardly at the sudden attention.

"Ahh, when I was coming over with your food, I kind of noticed both of you are being very shy so... I'm sorry though", he responds shrugging as Beomgyu waves his hands.

"It's okay. It's just our first date"

"Really? I hope you have a good time then" 

The waiter puts the bowls of their ordered _ Naengmyeon (Cold Noodles) _ before each of them, the cans of cola and cider in the middle and then bows finally, moving away.

Taehyun takes the cider can while Beomgyu takes the cola, opening and bumping against each other's as a start to dig in. The older splits his chopsticks to curl his noodles before devouring it. But when he's about to relish the taste, his eyes betray him, falling at Taehyun and suddenly Beomgyu is blown away.

The bright reddish-yellow light from a nearby window enhances the radiance of Taehyun's golden skin as if the sun is made to kiss him. The way he brings the noodles to his mouth with the help of his chopsticks; his lips forming a small  _ 'o' _ to ease off the relatively low temperature makes Beomgyu stare at them fondly. And when he slurps a mouthful of his noodles along with pieces of meat and vegetables, an evident bliss takes over his features as he closes his eyes, chewing and savoring the taste. Adding his flailing brown bangs over his forehead, Taehyun looks just ethereal.

Beomgyu swallows, trying to act normal despite the younger's effect on him. He watches Taehyun gulping down more of his noodles, some of his cider before he catches Beomgyu's eyes on him, causing his mind to run a mile but he manages to smile sheepishly.

  
  


"Hyung, eat quickly! Your  _ naengmyeon _ is warming up"

Beomgyu huffs out a queasy laugh in response before looking down at his bowl, still full. He wraps a few strips of his noodles around his chopsticks and munches them down.

Surely, the noodle dish isn't as palatable as it is when cold but Beomgyu doesn't mind at all. In fact, he's thinking about how breathtaking Taehyun looked a while ago and how he's screwed up most of their time together when he could've experienced the gleeful feeling of being with the younger, take him on dates and see him eat with a lot of appetite instead. 

All those times are gone now and Beomgyu can only chuckle bitterly at his own wrongdoings. But he also knows that from this day, this very moment, he's going to dedicate his whole life selflessly to love Taehyun with everything.

Once again, he looks up to admire the boy in front of him– only to see the other's lower lip protruded in a sulky pout, brows furrowing while rummaging through the bowl of his noodles as if he's looking for something. Suddenly, his shoulders slump.

Beomgyu acknowledges his action and grins. Picking up a quail egg from his own bowl, he transfers it to Taehyun's. The younger gives him a look of curiosity.

"You've finished your toppings, right? Take all of mine", Beomgyu offers his bowl happily.

"But what about-"

"It's okay. Eat a lot and get healthy soon", Beomgyu assures affectionately with a huge smile plastered on his face.

Taehyun blinks, but then breaks into laughter; his eyes turning into crescents, dimple popping out as if he's heard something very funny.

"You're so cheesy!" he tells, taking short breaths as he eats the offered egg and passes the older's bowl back to him. But Beomgyu just keeps his smile and picks up all of his toppings to give them to Taehyun, shushing him before he can complain.

He stares a little more at the younger before there's a giggling beside him. Craning his head, he's met with two girls looking at them from the next table.

The long-haired brunette, being caught, scratches her neck and waves shyly; the other following her confidently. Taehyun and Beomgyu look at each other before waving their hands with a friendly smile.

"The way you're giving away your food and keep staring at him, I can already tell you're totally whipped", the girl with short-blonde haired smirks at Beomgyu, causing him to blush.

"Aish, Ryujin!" the shy one slightly slaps her hand before turning back to them. "I'm sorry. My girlfriend here means to say that you guys make a very lovely couple", she smiles timidly.

"Not more than me and Chaeryeong!" Ryujin shrugs and her girlfriend squints her eyes at her. Taehyun simply giggles, causing the other three to spontaneously join him.

"You also make a beautiful couple" Taehyun compliments before Beomgyu asks, "On a date too?"

The girls nod in response.

"Wanna join us?"

"Would love to", Chaeryeong answers to Taehyun enthusiastically before they merge their tables to sit together.

And then suddenly it becomes a double date with the four of them conversing enthusiastically, most of it being Ryujin teasing Beomgyu yet, they all become comfortable with each other.

***

"It was nice"

Taehyun looks at the older who's swaying their hands together. After their little encounter with the girls, they're now carrying their hats with the plushie and walking mindlessly.

"You know, like, meeting people like us and sharing our stories, getting teased for being whipped" Beomgyu continues, chuckling. "It felt nice to talk with those girls"

Taehyun smiles tenderly. If his other hand wasn't occupied with the plushie and his hat, he would've put it over their held hands. So, he just replies,

"I'm glad you think so"

Beomgyu hums before abruptly stopping to look at him, Taehyun raises his eyebrows.

"Where are we going now? We almost rode all the rides"

Taehyun realizes that it is indeed true. And he couldn't risk getting on the rides now because it might upset his full stomach. He fishes out his phone to look at the time and there's still a bit left for the fireworks. Out of nowhere, an idea pops and he looks around to find there aren't many people in the view, probably picking their dinner. 

"Let's get on the ferris wheel," he suggests. Beomgyu thinks for a moment before taking out the map and figuring the way to the ferris wheel, nodding with a smile.

"Okay. Do you need me to carry you?"

Taehyun instantly shakes his head, cheeks reddening as Beomgyu laughs quietly. He links their arms before they walk along together.

Beomgyu tries not to smile too hard. He doesn't think he can ever get used to Taehyun being a baby koala clinging on to him. Honestly, he doesn't want to either.

***

Thanks to their early dinner, the line to get into the ferris wheel wasn't really crowded. They only had to wait a few minutes to get themselves a passenger car.

"Enjoy!" The staff who helped them get into it finally shuts the compartment.

They sit opposite of each other and Beomgyu places the plushie beside him, he makes it wear his bear hat and hangs Taehyun's squirrel hat to its neck because it was getting a little stuffed for them after wearing those for a long time.

The wheel takes off and their compartment shudders a little, causing Taehyun to stiffen at the sudden convulsion; his hands tightly folded on his lap. Beomgyu throws a look of concern but the younger just smiles at him, trying to hide his inner turmoil.

But Beomgyu exhales a breath and stands up from his seat, making the compartment shake vigorously. Taehyun looks at him fearfully before the older quickly sits beside him and places a palm over his shaking hands.

"It's okay. I'm here"

"Thanks" Taehyun smiles at him again, this time more genuine and they sit there together while the wheel takes them far from the ground.

Taehyun keeps his eyes fixed on the scenery. Everything looks so tiny, tinier than  _ he _ usually seems to appear that it makes him stare at awe with wide eyes. Beomgyu can only smile at his cuteness. As the sun is setting, they're on top and it looks more beautiful than ever, causing the younger to let out a satisfied  _ 'wow' _ . 

But to Beomgyu, Taehyun looks more beautiful than anything. It's the golden hour and he's never seen the younger so astonishingly gorgeous, well except for when Taehyun was under him but they haven't been in that position for a long time so for now, Beomgyu is malfunctioning inwardly.

He gives up to the strong urge of kissing Taehyun's flawless skin and leans forward.

"Hyung, look at th-"

Taehyun turns around unexpectedly to show Beomgyu something interesting he saw but gets cut off by a pair of soft lips landing on his own instead of his cheeks.

Time seems to stop momentarily as both of them stare at each other, eyes equally wide, hearts equally pounding. They feel each other's warm skin against their own and let their mouths linger for a while, taking in the other's breath.

Beomgyu pulls away first and the younger just averts his gaze.

"I'm...sorry, I–I didn't mean to, you know,....so s-suddenly", he stutters out, despite his voice being caught at the back of his throat.

Taehyun just mutters quietly, "It's okay"

The older bites down his lips, considering the possibilities of Taehyun minding the impulse action. He decides not to further embarrass himself by asking directly and pulls his hand.

But the brunette doesn't let him, instead intertwines their fingers before protesting in a barely audible voice,

"I told you! It's okay"

Beomgyu looks up at the younger who's refusing to meet his eyes while gasping softly, his bright red ears clear all the doubts Beomgyu had, lifting the corners of his lips upwards.

Although it wasn't a proper kiss and it's not the first time their lips have touched, somehow it managed to ignite a spark between them.

To the rest of their way down, it was silent but comfortable and if only they stole a glance at each other, they would've noticed the other licking their lips every two seconds, trying to relive the moment.

"Did you guys enjoy it?" The staff from earlier questions them once it’s over.

They shyly look at each other before Beomgyu replies in affirmative, Taehyun just nods.

"...So can we go and watch the fireworks now?" The older asks as they start moving again, hands still connected and this time, Beomgyu carries the plushie. The sun is already down and it's getting dark, so it's better if they hurry before they start getting bunch of texts from the hyungs.

"S-Sure. To the lake area"

Beomgyu follows the younger and he notices the area being overcrowded. They didn't expect this many people at all. When they're making their way through the crowd, they bump and collide to a huge number of people, unfortunately forcing them to let go of their grip.

Taehyun looks around himself. Finding no trace of the older, he suddenly becomes wary of the situation. He tries to look through the crowd, call Beomgyu's name, wave his hands for the other to spot him— all in vain.

  
  


" **_He's left you for good_ ** "

Taehyun freezes. 

" **_You aren't worthy of love_ ** "

He encloses his ears, his head throbbing hard as he kneels to sit down in the pavement.

" **_He's left you to rot alone_ ** "

"N-No...please...stop", he mumbles out incoherently, tears already rolling down his cheeks.

" **_He doesn't lov-_ ** "

  
  


"Taehyun!" 

  
  


A voice he knows like the back of his hand brings him out of his miserable headspace. But that doesn't help him to look up, rather he keeps his head down.

Soon, there's a soft thud beside him and he's wrapped up in a cozy warm hug.

A hand rubs circles on his back, voice laced with concern as he hears, "Taehyunnie, I'm so sorry I had lost you! You're okay now, yeah? I'm here, I'm with you! Relax and count till 3"

Taehyun does as told and after some minutes, he lets out a breath of relief. Looking up, he sees Beomgyu's ebony orbs drowned in worry.

He wants to speak. He wants to say that he thought he was left alone again. He wants to say that he's okay after seeing the older. He wants to thank the older for being here with him.

But he's unable to, words won't roll off his tongue right now. Instead, more tears follow and Beomgyu tries to wipe them all. He suddenly stops and Taehyun sees a hint of uncertainty in the other's eyes. 

And he can already feel a negative remark coming at his way just like a screech on the chalkboard. 

But before anything happens, Beomgyu leans forward and captures his lips gently. 

And his vision starts to blur out when a burst of giddiness rushes through his veins, addictively unfurling all of his senses as he gets the taste of Beomgyu's sweet cola mixed mouth, eventually shutting all other noises in the world; his heart a ticking bomb.

Taehyun remains stunned. Beomgyu's hands come up to cup his cheeks, his eyes satisfyingly closed and his cushiony lips flutter against his shaky ones.

He closes his own eyes and slowly responds, letting the older push and pull on to his lips before reciprocating the action. His limp fists clutch onto Beomgyu's shirt while he half-liddedly opens his eyes, sneaking a guilty peek just to make sure this isn't a product of his imagination.

"Get a room, for God's sake!"

Someone's comment makes them pull away from each other, suddenly waking up to the fact that they were kissing in a totally public place. 

A blush takes place in their cheeks before Beomgyu dusts the dirt off plushie while picking it up from the ground and stands up, offering a hand to Taehyun which the latter takes immediately.

"All okay now?" Beomgyu asks after clearing his throat and Taehyun just nods.

They look around to see the huge crowd suddenly dispersing away and that's when Taehyun realizes.

"...I think we just m-missed the fireworks", he tells the older and in no time, Beomgyu is frowning like a puppy. Of course, he’s sad because that was the main reason for him bringing Taehyun to this place. 

But it goes away as soon as it appears and suddenly, Beomgyu's cheeks are covered in a red hue. Taehyun notices the sudden change of the expression and looks down at their reunited hands, the older playing with his fingers. 

Then, Beomgyu looks back at him, batting his eyelashes which stir the butterflies in his chest once again. Taehyun's eyes twinkle; already getting the signal, he smiles softly.

And so, the plushie falls off Beomgyu's hands as he places them on Taehyun's waist, the younger's hands reaching for the base of his neck when both of them, with closed eyes, lean forward at the same time to connect their lips once more.

This time, it's just undoubtedly safe and comfortable.

They hold each other closer, leaving no room at all. Although there's a bit of snickering and cooing around them, they hardly care; their full focus on caressing each other's lips with swift and tender movements.

Sure, they missed the display. But nothing in this world was even closely enthralling in comparison to the fireworks they felt inside while kissing each other so passionately.


	56. Again and Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so sorry for updating late hehe. I was very sick hence, I had to take some rest. So, I merged two chapters and updated them as one and longer. Enjoy...

As per Taehyun's insistence, they stayed in the park's lake area for a while, before deciding to head back when it's already dark and receiving a call from Yoongi to check if they're okay.

To their way home, they walk in silence. But this time Beomgyu wraps his arm around Taehyun's waist as they lean close to each other.

"Taehyun-ah, I've to ask you something", Beomgyu confesses when they're standing right in front of Yoongi and Jimin's door.

"I know what it is"

The ash-blonde looks up from the ground with a bewildered expression. "You d-do?"

Taehyun hums. "I want to think over my answer tonight, so I'll tell you tom-"

Taehyun gets cut off when he sees the sad pout on Beomgyu's lips, his heart clenching at the sight. "Hyung?" He calls but the older doesn't look up from their intertwined hands.

Taehyun chuckles amusingly. He waits for Beomgyu to show any reaction but the said boy doesn't so, he clicks his tongue before grabbing him by his tie, pulling closer and pressing their lips together for a brief kiss.

Beomgyu stares at him with dazed eyes, unable to process when Taehyun pulls away, chuckling again as he notices the older's blown expression.

"You kind of know my answer though!" He whispers against Beomgyu's lips but when they chase him again, he moves away, giggling.

"Hey, I didn't get to kiss you back!" Beomgyu protests with a frown.

The younger snorts. "What are you talking about? Back in the park, you were the one who started it"

Beomgyu huffs defeatedly. "Fine!"

"Goodnight then?" Taehyun tilts his head as he takes the plushie from the older.

"Yeah, goodnight"

There appears the sad pout once again. Taehyun tugs his hand but the older is unconsciously holding onto his fingers tightly, still not ready to let him go.

Taehyun rolls his eyes. He would be lying if he said Beomgyu wasn't the most adorable person he's ever seen and that pout just enhanced his adorableness but he still found himself asking,

"Just one kiss, okay?"

Beomgyu instantly beams up with sparkling eyes and Taehyun holds back himself from cooing, his lips pressed in a line but cheeks turn pink.

The older wastes no time and cups Taehyun's cheeks, more than ready to close the gap.

"We're watching you though"

They hear a loud shrieking voice before Taehyun slightly pushes Beomgyu away from him, the latter clears his throat and looks back at the source of the sound.

"I'm g-going inside, bye"

Taehyun quickly rushes into the house, shutting the door before the older can even say anything.

Well, what was he expecting when he had the most crackhead people as his friends?

In Soobin's balcony, the three of them leaned to the railing, eating snacks as if some movie was going on, their hyungs glaring at the youngest for ruining the moment.

With slumped shoulders, Beomgyu too heads in.

"Yaa! How much did you guys see, huh?" Beomgyu yells, his skin burning up.

"You shouldn't be kissing like that so openly", Yeonjun scolds as the four of them are now in Yeonjun and Beomgyu's shared room.

"Hyung! That big plushie is for me, right? Hyunnie said he'll buy a plushie for my birthday. Is that the one?" Hueningkai asks as if he didn't just cockblock his romantic moment.

"It  _ was _ for you! But now I'm not letting you have it", Beomgyu grunts, causing the younger to cross his arm, pouting.

"I didn't even get a goodnight kiss!" He mumbles before picking his comfortable clothes and heading to the bathroom.

"What do you mean!? We just saw Taehyun pulling you into a kiss, for God's sake!" Soobin snorts, causing the ash-blonde to just groan annoyingly in response behind the door.

When he's out, he starts to nicely pack his things in his luggage. Soobin and Hueningkai went back to their rooms so it's just the Choi cousins.

Beomgyu looks at the clock which screams 10:40 PM at him, and he yawns. Taking a good look, surely he's done with most of the packing. So he decides to call it a day. Stretching his back, he mindlessly walks to his window, instinctively looking out at Taehyun's window.

But what he sees alarms him. A figure climbing down the window, off to the ground.

He's about to scream but stops at once when he acknowledges the red hoodie.

_ Taehyun!? _

Quickly, he hides behind the curtains when Taehyun slightly turns around to look over at his window, making sure he isn't being watched. And Beomgyu observes him pull the hoodie over his head before walking off at a swift pace. 

Beomgyu walks up to his bed and picks up the closest hoodie; wearing it, he runs off without any delay, despite Yeonjun's inquiries.

***

Taehyun rubs his hands together before inserting the key, twisting it as it unlocks the door to the house before he enters.

He leaves the door open and wanders inside, taking in the smell of old books and wooden furniture. He tries to switch on the lights but they're out. It isn't surprising at all, for he knows it's been a while since someone has lived here.

"Long time no see!" He whispers as he's standing in the living room, his eyes glued to the hanged family picture of the three; little Taehyun with his parents.

Taehyun looks at it for sometime before walking up to the grand piano residing in the center of the room. He slightly blows the dust away and adjusts the lid, his slender fingers run along with the keys, stringing a soft melody. He looks for a piano bench so he can try to play some of his mother's pieces before there are some footsteps.

He chuckles. How's he going to embarrass Beomgyu that he'd seen the older hiding behind the curtains?

"Hyung, you didn't have to sneak-"

He's cut off when he turns to see the figure, face paling distraughtly.

"Taehyun, I-"

"What are y-you doing here, Gijung?"

***

"I'm pretty sure he came here", Beomgyu mumbles quietly as he's standing before an old house, doubting his assumptions. In this dark night, he was hiding to make sure Taehyun didn't catch him following. He knows he isn't supposed to go after the younger stealthily but he couldn't help because it could be dangerous.

Looking around carefully, he enters the house, tip-toeing not to make a noise. Somehow, he ends up hiding behind a huge vase. And then he decides to peek.

Taehyun's standing with another figure—male, facing a piano, heads hanging low. Beomgyu squints his eyes, grimacing.

_ Why’re there always so many boys around him? _

But then he presses his lips together when he realizes the time when he was with Shin-ae and his face falls.

_ Taehyun must've felt like this too. _

Amidst his inner turmoil, he loses his balance and colliding with the vase, he falls with a thud on the tiled floor, alarming the other two males.

Making direct eye contact, he simply grins idiotically; Taehyun giggles and the other boy tries not to laugh.

"Hyung!" Taehyun calls before motioning his hands towards himself. "Come here"

Beomgyu pushes himself off the floor, scratching the back of his head before walking up to them with an embarrassed face.

"This is Beomgyu hyung" Taehyun introduces and the other boy bows with an unsure smile while the brunette turns to Beomgyu.

"And hyung, this is... G-Gijung"

Beomgyu keeps his smile until the gears in his head start to work. "Gijung… Gijung? Gijung, the prick!"

He glares at the boy even before Taehyun can say anything, his hands protectively enveloping Taehyun.

"What the heck are you doing here? Were you trying to hurt Taehyun again? How dare you! He isn't alone now. I'm here to pro-"

"Hyung~" Taehyun whines while Gijung just stands there with a guilty expression on, facing down.

"Listen to me first", he continues before Gijung cuts him, chuckling sadly.

"It's okay, Taehyun. It's only fair for him to hate me"

Beomgyu steps forward angrily but Taehyun holds his wrist, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry, Gijung. He isn't a bad person. He's just-"

"No, I'm the one who's sorry! I think I should just leave now. You can introduce us properly next time" Gijung waves his hands before bowing to Beomgyu again, "Please t-take care"

The latter just scoffs and once he's figure retreats, he turns to Taehyun.

"Why are you wandering around at this hour? Do you know how the hyungs will react if they discover you sneaked out to- to meet  _ him  _ and that too in such an abandoned place? And why are you suddenly defending him? But first, what the heck was he do— oop"

Taehyun shuts him by closing the gap between them, and once again Beomgyu is baffled.

The younger pulls away when he's about to kiss back, making him groan as he chuckles.

"Long story short; he saw me at the park earlier but when he was about to approach me, I was having a panic attack and by the time he figured what he should do, you were already by my side. And he happened to notice me when I was coming here. He was just apologizing"

Beomgyu blinks, taking in all the information. But he thinks about the 'next time' Gijung said and wonders what it meant. Nonetheless, he decides to ask Taehyun, only to get interrupted by a call on the younger's phone.

Taehyun takes out his phone and Beomgyu unintentionally notices the caller ID– 'Admission Office' and stiffens.

Taehyun looks at him and clears his throat, he takes the call after walking a bit away from Beomgyu. In the meantime, the older takes a good look at the place and then he notices the family picture, sighing guiltily when it clicks.

_ So this was his late parents' house! _ Beomgyu thinks as he rubs his temple.

"Yes, I'm sure of my choice and I'm not changing it"

Beomgyu whips his head at Taehyun in a jolt, listening to his words.

"To be honest, I'm really grateful to you and Soobin hyung. I mean, I'd just said once and you guys helped me instantly"

Beomgyu's eyes start to well up as he gulps and looks down at his feet, his heart shattering into pieces and suddenly all the bad doings, all the bad memories make their way to his mind being just enough to make him realize how bad of a person he was to Taehyun. 

_ Am I really the worst? Is this the punishment I have to accept? _

Honestly, he's tired of acting he's okay because without Taehyun, the boy he loves, he isn't, he can never be. And so, he doesn't bother to wipe the tears streaming down his cheeks.

Taehyun exchanges a few more greetings before hanging up and turning to Beomgyu, only to see him facing low with tears dropping to his shoes. 

"Hyung! Are you okay?" The brunette rushes to Beomgyu, his sudden sad state worrying him. He cups Beomgyu's cheeks to face him as the older doesn't respond. "Why are you crying?"

Beomgyu sniffles. 

"Is that the r-reason why Gijung m-mentioned 'next time'?" He asks, almost breathlessly. "Because you won't l-leave this place and hang out with him?"

Taehyun blinks, totally clueless about what Beomgyu is referring to.

The older wipes his cheeks and grabs Taehyun's shoulders, desperately continuing, "Taehyun! I'm really sorry! I thought my actions were enough to prove that I’m willing to change for you but if it wasn't then I'll still try my best, I'll-"

"Hyung, calm down"

"Please don't leave me", Beomgyu pleads, shaking his head, voice hoarse. “Please, Taehyunnie don’t-”

"I'm  _ not _ leaving you!"

The older looks up in surprise.

Taehyun sighs. "I was supposed to tell you this tomorrow but hyung, I'm going back with you"

He waits for Beomgyu to respond but the older doesn't, so he takes his cue to continue. He takes the other's both hands in his own, circling his thumbs over the little sealed cuts.

"...I'd called the office last night to inform them that I'm canceling my application so they were just checking if I'm sure or not. And Gijung was talking about us– you and me. He meant the next time  _ we _ visit here"

Taehyun looks at the older, his eyes glistening in the dark, thanks to the moonlight being the only source of light. He caresses Beomgyu's cheeks with both of his hands as the older just keeps staring at him.

"How can I not go back to you when you're trying so hard, hm? You don't have to prove anything as long as you love me just the way I do. I'm sorry you had to-"

This time, Beomgyu is the one to surprise Taehyun by slamming their lips shut, his hands pulling him closer by the back of his head. Taehyun smiles before kissing back, letting the older take the lead and pull him into the black hole where all gravity is lost under his touch. 

The kisses aren't delicate and innocent unlike earlier that evening, rather they’re extremely fierce. It's not a secret that both of them are pouring all the emotions they've harbored for the other, the long wait just making it more intense. It's just full of love, desperation, longing and affection from both sides.

Taehyun's fingers curl into Beomgyu's fluffy hair and he feels his knees going weak once the older starts to put more pressure on their kisses, causing him to stumble back; one of his hands reflexively finding support behind him– only to collide with the piano keyboard, eliciting a tune of music.

The sudden action causes Taehyun to gasp, and so does he feel the older’s bratty smirk! Shortly after, he senses his inner lips being licked so he gapes his mouth and Beomgyu's hot tongue washes over like a wave of warmth before the older's hands slide down to his waist, gripping firmly and then he's swept off the floor, causing him to wrap his arms around Beomgyu's neck in a tight manner as Beomgyu makes him sit on the piano's music rack.

It becomes more heated when Taehyun moans contently and Beomgyu tilts his head to immerse deeper. Their tongues fondle together while mouths glide against each other with little squelching noises, shamelessly turning it into an open-mouthed kiss.

They, at last, run out of breath and pull away. Soft gasps fill in the place while they rest their sweaty foreheads together, a thin string of saliva still connecting them. Both of them lean forward and peck each other's lips at the same time before Taehyun giggles.

"Th-That was…." Beomgyu breaks the silence, his voice dangerously low from all the making out.

"The best kiss we ever had", Taehyun finishes him breathlessly.

"Yeah"

They fall in trance, staring deeply in each other's eyes as if they're hypnotized by the other while Beomgyu runs his thumb over Taehyun's swollen lips.

"Hyung…" Taehyun calls, his one hand coming down to caress Beomgyu's pink cheeks. "I...I love you"

The older nods, smiling, he takes the hand caressing his cheeks and kisses Taehyun's wrist and then his palm without breaking the eye contact.

"I love you too"

The brunette instantly pulls him into a hug, burying his face on Beomgyu's neck. And the older ruffles his soft brown hairs. They stay like that for a couple of minutes, basking in each other's warmth before a thought bugs Beomgyu's mind.

' _ You were the reason he was about to jump off from the fucking 15th floor! _ '

His mouth dries, so he speaks after clearing his throat, 

"Taehyunnie"

The younger just hums.

"I...I want to come out with you as a c-couple"

Taehyun abruptly pulls away, utterly confused about those words. Beomgyu smiles and continues,

"Tae, do you want to be my boyfriend? Let's go on dates and do stuff like normal couples. Let's tell the whole world that I'm yours and you're mine"

Taehyun blinks the tears back. "B-But hyung? What about your m-mother? Friends? You're scared, aren't you? I d-don't want-"

"Tae, relax" Beomgyu rubs comfortable circles on his back. "Don't get so worked up"

"But-"

"Hush!" The older puts his index finger against Taehyun's lips. He pulls Taehyun back to his chest, fingers carding through his hair.

"The night before I came here, I told my mom everything. And...I'm not gonna lie to you, she wasn't really happy with me loving a b-boy"

He felt Taehyun trying to pull away again but he didn't let the younger, humming disapprovingly.

"But when I told her it's you, she wasn't actually that disappointed. In fact, she was flabbergasted how I got so lucky to have someone like you by my side"

Taehyun heaves a sigh of relief, finally not wanting to pull away anymore, Beomgyu chuckles, "I guess she likes you more than me! I mean she also told me she'll talk to dad and try her best to convince him. Isn't that great?"

The younger doesn't answer but slightly nods his head.

"It's just... I-I almost lost you several times, all because of my stupidness. I'm gonna admit it, I'm still scared of not being accepted but please let me take this chance for you. Because you deserve it, you deserve everything, you're an amazing person and you shouldn't be kept as a secret. I must've done something very righteous in my life to be rewarded with your love. I'm sorry for not being a good boyfriend to you but please give me one more chance"

Taehyun sniffles, making the older worry so he detaches himself to lift the younger's face gingerly.

"Hyung, if I had done anything reckless, would you hate me for breaking my promise and leaving you?"

Beomgyu looks at Taehyun's deer-like eyes sparkling with tears, and reaches to wipe them with his thumb.

"You do remember I told you that I'd still follow you anywhere if you ever leave me, right?"

Taehyun nods.

"I really meant it when I said even if it means going up to the stars for you"

Taehyun blinks, more tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Aww, Beommie hyung" He hugs the older's neck as Beomgyu chuckles before kissing the top of his head. "I'm so sorry, hyungie"

"Okay, shh! Enough of crying, yeah? You'll run out of tears!"

"Tomorrow morning, before we leave, let's go to the graveyard, hyung. I wanna show my parents that I have such a loving person beside me"

A warm feeling takes over his chest as Beomgyu hums with a warm smile.

"We need to head back now. It's late"

Taehyun contemplates for a moment but then wraps his arms around Beomgyu's neck to steady himself and the older lets out a laugh, pulling him off the piano and making him stand on the floor.

But none of them pull away, not wanting to create a room between them.

Taehyun closes his eyes and leans forward but Beomgyu moves away, making the younger narrow his eyes at him.

"You didn't answer my question though!"

Taehyun raises an eyebrow with a perplexed expression.

"Kang Taehyun, will you be my boyfriend... again?"

The younger rolls his eyes in a playful manner and smacks Beomgyu's chest lightly.

"Of course, Choi Beomgyu! I would love to be your boyfriend again, and again and again. Now please let me kiss you?"

"Desperate, I see!" Beomgyu smirks, only for Taehyun to pull him into a chaste kiss.

Beomgyu's big hands clasp onto Taehyun's slender waist, drawing circles on his sides while Taehyun's hands roam around Beomgyu's chest. Right the moment they're about to deepen their kiss, a call interrupts them. 

Swiftly, Beomgyu pulls away and takes out his phone but puts it back when he sees the caller ID 'Yeonjun'.

Taehyun raises an eyebrow, his hands still on the older's chest.

"It's just Yeonjun hyung", Beomgyu assures before chasing Taehyun's lips again, whispering, "C'mon, get back here"

They engage themselves in pulling and sucking the other's lips, pressing their tongues together; sometimes pulling away to leave kisses on each other's jaw and ears. And once again, the sounds of their wet kisses echo through the room before another call interrupts.

Beomgyu curses, rolling his eyes.

"Just take it!" Taehyun says, trying to stiffen a laugh. The older takes the phone out and it's Yeonjun once more, so he receives it.

"What's-"

" _ Beomgyu! Where the heck are you at this hour? Why did you leave suddenly? What's so important at this fucking hour? _ " Yeonjun screams from the other side, causing Beomgyu to move away from the phone, grimacing.

"He's with me, hyung~" Taehyun sings and the ash-blonde just smiles at him and they hear a relieved ' _ Oh _ ' from Yeonjun.

" _ You could've just told me, right? I was sick worried- _ "

"You're only worried because Hyuka has to sleep with you guys tonight and be the cockblocker just like you're being right now" Beomgyu deadpans, causing Yeonjun to scoff disbelievingly.

" _ Fine, fine! You guys do deserve some time alone but you didn't need to sneak out _ "

Beomgyu narrows his eyes at Taehyun, and the latter just mouths a little 'sorry' at him. And then, Yeonjun hangs up, leaving the room silent again.

Taehyun blinks with his doe eyes before Beomgyu reaches to kiss his nose. The younger takes Beomgyu's hand to intertwine them, swaying as they start to walk out of the place and soon, Taehyun leans on to Beomgyu's shoulders as the older wraps his arm around him.

They get to Jimin and Yoongi's house, and climb back to the room, not wanting to disturb anyone by calling for help.

Beomgyu tucks Taehyun to bed, lying beside him. 

They keep staring, caressing cheeks, pecking lips and ruffling hairs, giggling and smiling against each other lovingly until they're embraced in a sound asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, expect the last chapter sooner :(( i ain't ready to say goodbye to this story ㅠㅠ


	57. Hold You Tighter

**1 Year Later…**

  
  


" _Now drop all your weapons and to a festival, just stay_

 _It will be alright, alright, alright_ "

  
  


The crowd cheers for the five boys performing enthusiastically on the stage. Amidst the tough year, the students of the school are celebrating their annual music festival.

Although Yeonjun has officially graduated and goes to a well-renowned university to pursue his dreams as a dancer, he was allowed to participate with his friends because he truly was a gem for the practical dance department, everyone's favorite, and his skills will encourage the visitors who wish to enroll in their school next year.

Beomgyu and Soobin, now on their final and senior year, had to participate due to the extra points they'll be getting albeit being busy with their studies. And so, Hueningkai and Taehyun also decided to join them. They're in their 2nd year so they might as well enjoy before time runs out and they also become seniors.

  
  


" _It’s been a fatal error, but been it’s peaceful (Alright)_

_Now stop for a second, oh I want to stay (Alright)_

_(Alright) It will be alright alright alright_ "

  
  


With their last verses, the crowd goes wild for the nth time and the boys hug each other before bowing to the audiences for their support and leave the stage with big smiles pasted on their faces.

"Woah! That was more tiring than I thought it would be", Hueningkai gasps out, while gulping down cold water from a bottle.

"I know right? Yeonjun hyung, couldn't you come up with an easier dance?" Beomgyu asks as they're all taking their mics off from their costumes in the backstage.

"You should've just practiced more and basically, I just saved your ass, didn't I?" Yeonjun scoffs, slapping Beomgyu's butt.

The now black-haired rolls his eyes, causing Soobin and Taehyun to laugh out loudly.

"Tell me, babe. You're gonna get excellent compliments on your reports for this, won't you?" Yeonjun scoops Soobin, who's wiping off his sweat, from behind.

The tallest of all shows a dimpled smile as he takes another towel and wipes off his fluorescent haired boyfriend's forehead. "Of course! Thanks to the efforts we all put in it together"

All of them have worked together for the performance, even though it'll just reflect only two of the boys' results. With Yeonjun leading the choreography, Soobin alongside him, and Beomgyu's composition, adding some of Hueningkai's instrumental drafts and Taehyun's beautiful adlibs as the cherry on top, blending in with everyone's voice smoothly– they finally made the song " _Can't we just leave the monster alive?_ "

Yeonjun smiles widely at Soobin as he kisses his boyfriend's cheeks.

"They're getting disgusting again" Hueningkai rolls his eyes playfully, leaning against the wall and mindlessly scrolling through the internet. They keep silent not for very long before Soobin clears his throat to catch their attention.

"So...me and Yeonjun hyung are going on a date-”

“I and Taehyunnie want to spend some time alone too”, Beomgyu cuts him, surprising everyone as Taehyun hastily smacks his shoulders, his eyes about to fall off.

“What!?” Beomgyu whines quietly because Taehyun keeps glaring at him to shut his mouth.

Hueningkai senses the confused atmosphere. Shoving his phone inside his pockets, he walks to the other four, who are glancing at each other guiltily.

“You guys don’t have to worry about me, go enjoy your dates”

“But-”

“Yeonjun hyung!” The youngest pats his shoulders. “It’s really okay. I’m not a kid so I won’t get lost”

Yeonjun sighs and looks at the other three before looking back at the curly head giving him an assuring smile.

“Okay! We promise you we'll be back soon” 

“We'll be back before TWICE's performance”, Taehyun pipes in and the others nod to agree.

"That wasn't really necessary but fine!" Hueningkai smiles. They come to hug him and then he watches Yeonjun and Soobin going one way, Taehyun and Beomgyu the other. 

He heaves out a breath deeply before there's a tapping on his shoulder and turning around, he's a bit surprised.

"Hi, Hueningkai!"

"Sewoon-ah, hi" The curly head waves his hands.

"You guys did a great job on the stage. Seriously, I loved your performance" Sewoon tells him.

"Really? T-Thanks", he stutters out and curses himself inwardly because he can feel his face burning up. Nonetheless, he continues, "Taehyun was here but he just left, if you're wondering"

"He left?" Sewoon frowns. "Too bad! I wanted to greet him though. We haven't talked for what seems like ages"

Hueningkai forces a smile, Sewoon's words, he doesn't know why it kinda pierces through his heart. He knows Sewoon liked Taehyun but he also knows that Sewoon should let the other go now because Beomgyu was trying and succeeding to be a better boyfriend to Taehyun– openly enough.

"I don't think it's appropriate for you to be looking for Taehyun", he says, suppressing his heart with a stone.

Sewoon tilts his head in confusion.

"I mean, you know Beomgyu hyung and Taehyun are dating, so you need to understand that Taehyun doesn't want to-"

"But I was looking for you"

"Huh?" 

Hueningkai blinks his eyes, completely taken aback. They just stand there facing each other and Sewoon chuckles when the other is visibly blushing a deep shade of pink.

"The thing is my friends are either roaming around with their dates or helping some of our seniors for their performances so I have no one to crash with and besides…

We can get to know each other more, what do you say?"

And suddenly, the pang in his chest starts to disappear as Hueningkai registers Sewoon's words.

"I still like Taehyun but not in that manner anymore. And I think I owe you a lot for helping me back then. I never got the chance to thank you properly"

Hueningkai acknowledges Sewoon's smile as a genuine one, and so he returns.

"S-Sure" He steps forward and takes Sewoon's extended hand, smiling ear-to-ear.

"So where shall we go first?"

And both boys stride away from the hallways together, with big smiles and a growing new feeling on their chests.

***

"Binnie? What're you thinking?" Yeonjun touches Soobin's hands across the table they're sitting.

"Huh?" Soobin looks up, coming out of his bubble.

"You seem lost. Is everything okay?" The now blonde-haired male pries again, more concerned.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine. Just some thoughts" Soobin waves his hands and slurps his blueberry smoothie but Yeonjun abandons his and scoots over to the taller, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Is it about your grades? Soobinnie, I'm sure you're gonna be fine and maybe join the same university as me-"

"Hyung, it isn't about that. I'm just thinking about... Beomgyu, you know"

Yeonjun gives him a confused look. "What about him?"

The younger doesn't reply and this only makes Yeonjun more restless. "Please Binnie, don't tell me you still don't trust him"

Soobin almost chokes. "No! It's not like that hyung!" He turns to the older and sighs. "He's been really good to Taehyun ever since we came back from Busan. Like really, really good. I appreciate him for trying to always stay back with Taehyun in his apartment and giving his best to help Taehyun recover. Yoongi hyung and Jimin hyung also said that this time results are much better with Beomgyu's participation. I can't be more grateful to him for this"

"Then what is it, bun?"

Soobin slightly blushes at the nickname but tries to hide it, continuing, "I think he's still a bit scared. I just hope he doesn't back out because of those stupid people, who're always talking behind him, who used to like him but left his side because he's dating a boy or just Taehyun particularly. I know it's new for him and it's normal to get scared and we just can't change the way society thinks but I hope he doesn't get affected by all these"

Yeonjun listens to his every word and nods. "I can't believe you had so much in your head, Binnie!"

He reaches to ruffle some of his boyfriend's raven hair before squishing his soft cheeks.

"Don't worry though! Beomgyu is my brother. I know he isn't really good with criticism but I also know he's ready to protect the one he loves. And he was dying to meet Taehyun when he left this place, remember? He won't be able to leave Taehyun ever again, I assure you"

Soobin lets out a breath and flashes him a smile but Yeonjun isn't contented with that, he wants to see his huge bunny smile.

"If he ever dares to leave Taehyun again, we will beat the shit out of him together, okay?"

Soobin laughs out loudly at Yeonjun's words, throwing his head back and two cute dimples popping out, making the older's chest bloom with pride. 

He couldn't describe how beautiful Soobin looks smiling and giggling so happily!

The younger wipes a fake tear and leans towards the blonde, resting his head on his shoulder.

"I'm glad they're together now. And I'm also glad that I have you"

Yeonjun smiles and lays his head on top of Soobin's.

"Me too. I'm glad after everything happened, we're all still supporting each other"

Soobin hums but then pulls away. "But I think Hyuka is somewhat lonely"

Yeonjun smirks. He clearly remembers just before they were out of the school, he'd thought of going back and asking the youngest where they should wait for him (Thankfully, his mind didn’t remind him that he has a phone). But that thought didn't last long when he caught the curly head afar, holding hands with Sewoon, walking around as they were giggling and smiling at each other with sincerity filling up their eyes, and so he decided to not bother them anymore.

"Well, Soobinnie, I think he'll find someone very soon,” Yeonjun tells Soobin with a confident smile, the younger shrugs and side-hugs him as Yeonjun takes a sip of his blueberry smoothie before cuddling his boyfriend back, shutting his eyes.

He wishes to go back in time when they were just middle schoolers and thank his past-self for approaching the shy bunny-looking tall boy to help in arranging the books in the library one day, for that's the reason he's got such a nice family.

  
  


***

  
  


"Hyung, Shin-ae noona called me last night"

Beomgyu doesn't turn around but huffs out a breath. "The audacity! She rarely calls me and whenever she does, she's always threatening me to keep you happy but she never forgets to call you every week!"

Taehyun giggles, trying to keep his pace with the older as he's been dragged by his wrist. They are already outside the school and currently running to who knows where.

"She said a boy proposed her and she'll consider him but only after they pass the college entrance exam", Taehyun says and finally, Beomgyu comes to a stop and turns.

"Really? I'm happy. But tell her to respond fast, so she can take him as a date on her prom", he smiles. 

How fast the time is going by that he didn't even realize he was nearing the end of high school! He's currently studying hard, although he takes care of Taehyun very well. In no time, he'll be taking the college entrance exam too, his final exams, and then attend his prom. It might sound sappy but he's already thinking of buying matching tuxedos with Taehyun for his big day.

"Hyungie, now at least tell me, where are we going?" Taehyun asks, only for his boyfriend to shush him and walk ahead.

They suddenly turn a corner and enter a dark alley, Beomgyu pinning Taehyun against the wall.

"A quick kiss, please?"

The brunette chuckles. "Is this where you were bringing me without saying a word at all?"

"No!" Beomgyu scoffs, rolling his eyes. "That's a secret but for now, I just want a kiss"

Taehyun crosses his arms. "And what if I don't?"

He lets out an amused laugh when the older looks at him like a kicked puppy– his eyes widening and lips pouting. Even after all these times, Beomgyu is the most adorable person he's ever seen.

"C'mon Tae~" he whines, nuzzling his face in the younger's neck. "We've been busy practicing for two weeks. Two weeks straight we had to sleep in Yeonjun hyung's apartment. I miss kissing you!"

Taehyun giggles when Beomgyu stomps his foot like a stubborn kid. Times like this he wonders who's actually the old one.

"I'm not convinced yet", Taehyun, holding back his laughter.

Beomgyu's about to object but stops when he realizes Taehyun is just teasing him. He takes a step forward and places his palms on both sides, smirking when Taehyun's breathe hitches.

"We aren't moving from here until you kiss me", he lets the other know and Taehyun acknowledges his finality. He still doesn't get how Beomgyu's aura changes in a split second.

"Let's s-see how long you can hold me a hostage here", he daringly scoffs. 

"Fine by me!" Beomgyu shrugs, unbothered. "The longer you delay, the longer it'll take me to go to the place I planned and all of it will eventually make us miss TWICE's performance"

Taehyun gasps and is about to protest but Beomgyu continues,

"It isn't everyday TWICE visits our school to give a concert-like feeling, right? Aww, poor Taehyunnie!"

"Oh, You cheeky devil!" Taehyun slaps his chest lightly and Beomgyu raises his eyebrows in an amusing manner. But nonetheless, Taehyun reaches to press his lips against the older's, Beomgyu instantly reciprocating.

Taehyun soon melts into the kiss, Beomgyu hums contently as his hands wrap around the younger's waist and Taehyun loops his one hand around Beomgyu's neck, the other hand tangling with his hair, pulling him closer.

With eyes closed satisfyingly, they tilt their heads to get more of the other. Although Beomgyu isn't much taller than Taehyun, he still tiptoes to tug at the older's lower lip, startling him. Beomgyu smiles and let's the younger do his way. But as their movements get quicker, Taehyun kind of forgets their whereabouts and moans. For that, Beomgyu slightly pulls away and Taehyun mindlessly chases his lips, causing him to stumble but thankfully Beomgyu helps him.

"Woah! Easy there, bub!" Beomgyu chuckles at the younger's clumsiness, a deep blush appearing at Taehyun's cheeks as he blinks at the older with dazed eyes.

"Y-You're at fault" he huffs, averting his gaze and Beomgyu finds it cute when he presses his swollen lips together. Beomgyu gives him a quick peck and pulls his wrist, Taehyun drops his annoyed facade and giggles, following the older again.

They smile at each other as they leave the alley for the place Beomgyu is taking them, but suddenly halt, encountering the two familiar figures.

"Umm Hi, Beomgyu… and Taehyun" Jeongin greets with a nervous smile, Hyunjin imitating the drill.

The two were also a part of those people who stopped mixing with Beomgyu since he came out with Taehyun. But the amusing fact was, they never bad-mouthed him or support the ones who did. They just kept their distance with him, sometimes scolding the others as if always mocking Beomgyu's sexuality was becoming a boring topic. Nonetheless, they were on the neutral side and Beomgyu was grateful for that. 

As he said, he didn't need friends like those who couldn't support him but he also couldn't just force his friends to accept something they didn't want to.

Taehyun stills at their presence and looks at Beomgyu, the older looking back at him. And then he feels Taehyun loosening their hands but he quickly holds it firmly and faces the other two.

"Hi, Jeongin and Hyunjin. How have you guys been?" Beomgyu asks with a friendly smile.

Hyunjin scratches the back of his head before answering, "Yeah, we're good. And you guys also look happy haha"

Beomgyu intertwines their hands, Taehyun uneasily tugging at his arm. "That's because we're way too happy"

The air becomes heavy and the four of them are aware of it. Jeongin tries to ease it off, but that doesn't prove to be the right move.

"Well, umm...it's a bit weird to see you like this. I mean, we thought you're also straight like us-"

"You guys are straight? You sure you aren't kidding?" Beomgyu cuts him off, and suddenly the three of them look at him with bewildered expressions.

"H-Hyung…" Taehyun whispers anxiously but Beomgyu doesn't pay heed and continues,

"C'mon Jeonginnie! I saw you stealing Hyunjin's drinks when he wasn't looking and drinking from the same straw countless times!"

Everyone's jaws almost drop to the ground at his words.

"Hyung!" Taehyun clears his throat but no one can really stop Beomgyu today.

"And Hyunjin! You're always sneaking glances at Jeongin and whenever we used to hang out, you kept calling him 'cute' even after he thanked you at least a hundred times. But Jeongin is so oblivious that he never noticed your heart eyes"

"What!?" Jeongin and Hyunjin say in unison, blushing deep red visibly.

"Oh, and you guys are always with each other! Even now, you're out as if you're on a date"

"We're not on a date!" Jeongin protests, trying to hide his burning state.

"...Yeah, w-we aren't" Hyunjin stutters.

"Anyways, enjoy yours and let us enjoy ours!" Beomgyu shrugs and finally pulls Taehyun to walk away with him.

"You d-didn't have to do that!" Taehyun scolds, still shocked at the older's bluntness.

"It's high time they realized how whipped they're for each other"

Jeongin and Hyunjin just stand there looking at the two retreating backs– Taehyun slightly punching Beomgyu but the black-haired just laughs.

Their eyes suddenly meet, causing them to avert their gazes instantly.

"So, Is that true that y-you used _my_ straw when I wasn't looking?" Hyunjin breaks the silence.

"So, you call me cute because you…. _like_ me?" Jeongin asks instead.

Hyunjin flinches. "Let's t-talk about it later. Let's just enjoy our date first"

Jeongin perks up at the word 'date'. "Wait a damn minute! You didn't say it was a date though!"

"Oh y-yeah, it's not-"

"Hyung, I'm asking you one last time so please tell me the truth. Do you really like me more than just a friend?"

"Fuck!" Hyunjin curses, rubbing his temple. "Okay, fine. I don’t know if you’ll find me creepy but yes, I like you a lot. And maybe I want to be...m-more than friends with you"

Hyunjin keeps his head low, his ears bright red from the embarrassment. He hears Jeongin puff a breath and then links arms with him, the sudden action making him look up with surprise.

"What!? Let's enjoy our date as you said", Jeongin tells him, shrugging.

"Wait, so do you like me too?"

Jeongin rolls his eyes and faces Hyunjin. "Of course, I like you too, idiot! Or else why would I ever steal your drinks? Besides, you just said we can talk about it later"

Hyunjin blinks but then both of them chuckle together. They sway their held hands as they walk down the street.

Sure, none of them ever expected their confession to be so sudden but then again, it's not important everything should happen as presumed. Definitely not important when at the end of the day, they have each other.

  
  


***

  
  


"So, ready? 1...2...3! Ta-da"

Beomgyu removes his palms from Taehyun's eyes, letting the younger open his eyes slowly. He's taken aback when he realizes where they are. It's the hill behind the school and they're standing right beneath the tree Taehyun had once brought Beomgyu once.

But what's different is, there are little colorful balls hanging down the branches and a small mat with a food basket.

Taehyun gapes at the scene before turning back to Beomgyu, the older's smile greeting him.

"This is beautiful, hyung! When did you prepare all this?" He squeals, making the older squish his cheeks.

"Well, I had to plan it secretly because I didn't want to get caught"

"What if someone actually spotted all these and ruined it before we got here?" Taehyun asks light-heartedly, as he takes a seat on the mat and reaches for the basket, smelling the delicious sandwiches.

Beomgyu too sits beside him, cuddling his side. "You're the one who's always telling me this place is secluded from the other areas"

Taehyun chuckles at the older pouting. He brushes Beomgyu's black strands out of his face, leaving a small kiss on his nose.

"Thank you so much! I loved this", he says, his eyes sparkling.

"And I love you!"

Instantly, Taehyun giggles, taking out a sandwich and chewing on it.

"Yaa!" Beomgyu whines, "You've become a brat! You don't say that you love me back and even kiss me back easily now huh!?"

Taehyun's eyes crinkle and his lone dimple pops out. Beomgyu knows best that Taehyun always finds his rants amusing, so intentionally or unintentionally it has become a habit for him to whine about every other thing, just so he could see Taehyun this happy.

The younger leaves the sandwich on the basket and circles his arms around Beomgyu's frame.

"I love you, I love you, I love you, okay?"

Beomgyu too hugs him back and nuzzles his soft brown hair.

"Hyung?"

"Hmm?"

"I haven't heard those voices in a while. I think... I should visit Busan this weekend to run one final test and confirm that I'm okay now"

Beomgyu slightly pulls away, his face reddening as Taehyun looks up at him with hopeful eyes.

He thinks back to one night at Taehyun's apartment, just a few months ago when they were re-watching Beomgyu's self-made video series for Taehyun– the one he made when Taehyun was admitted in the hospital– for the umpteenth time.

  
  
  


_"Taehyunnie~ How many times are you gonna watch this? Ugh, this is so embarrassing!" The older groaned as Taehyun chuckled, shutting Beomgyu's laptop and putting it aside._

_"Fine! Let's go to sleep"_

_Taehyun adjusted his pillow and just before his head hit it, Beomgyu took him in his arms._

_"We need to cuddle first", the older pouted and Taehyun giggled, giving in to Beomgyu's adorableness._

_It was like they were sharing two apartments from time to time. After they came back from Busan, Beomgyu swore he wouldn't leave Taehyun alone even for a second. Honestly, the way he witnessed Taehyun getting a panic attack in the park, it scared him to death. And so, Taehyun either stayed the night in Beomgyu's house– his mother making sure the boy was eating well, or Beomgyu stayed in Taehyun's apartment– he, himself making sure Taehyun took a healthy portion of breakfast after skipping dinners. And they made it a routine for Taehyun to share even his scariest nightmares and insecurities with Beomgyu._

_They kept leaving soft and sweet kisses at each other's head and cheeks until both their lips came together. Beomgyu left a peck but then the younger didn't let him pull away, rather pushed himself against Beomgyu's body._

_Somehow, their kisses became fervent and Beomgyu remained stunned when Taehyun climbed up on his lap pushing him against the headboard. No wonder, Taehyun was getting stronger as he was taking some exercising sessions with Yeonjun. The older tried to keep up until he felt Taehyun tugging his sweatshirt._

_"Hyunnie…", he whispered. But Taehyun seemed displeased._

_"You d-don't want to?" he asked, cheeks flushed. Beomgyu knew what Taehyun was going to think and so, he quickly pulled him in a hug._

_"...How can I not, Hyun? It's just...I’m sorry for letting my hormones take over and do all those to you when you were emotionally vulnerable and I didn't even have the slightest idea about it"_

_"Beommie, do you regret m-making love to me?" Taehyun mumbled from Beomgyu's neck._

_"What?! No, that's not it, Hyun. But I should've waited until I had the courage to come out, until you were at least an adult, until you trusted me enough to share your problems. It's… It's my fault that you were unable to and I even left you once because you didn't let me touch you. I mean, I know I had a lot in my mind at that time but you went through much harder times than me, you’ve experienced so much pain in life, and that only worsened your condition. Those voices...they..." Beomgyu's voice broke, Taehyun combed his hair._

_"They told you I was using you because of my own sexual desires as that prick did, they made you feel like you hold no importance to me, and even I was being a dickhead so it's basically my fault that you were broken"_

_"Hyungie…" Taehyun sniffled as he realized Beomgyu was crying by then, pulling away slightly to wipe those little tears._

_"Hyunnie, I do love you okay? I love you more than I used to and I'll love you much more in the future. And that's why I can't let you think otherwise. I want to be patient and show you that to me you're more than just your body. I want to be by your side till you recover and remind you every single day how much I love you. Then, I swear we can do everything you want, okay?"_

_Taehyun nodded with a smile. He never knew Beomgyu cared so much about him._

_"Well, thanks to Gijung's apology, I'm now able to get out of that phase myself"_

_Beomgyu snickered at the mention of Gijung, Taehyun rolling his eyes playfully. He pulled the brunette closer and kissed the top of his head. "I'll make sure that my baby won't ever fall into that phase again, that he's worth everything in this world"_

_"In that case…" Taehyun pulled away and took both of his wrists, pinning him down. "Once I'm finally okay, do I get to top you?"_

_"What!?" Beomgyu blurted out, not believing his own ears. He had never ever imagined a scenario where Taehyun, his little angel, would do unholy things to him, or even suggest something like that._

_He lowkey tried to move his hands but Taehyun was stronger than before. Oh, Beomgyu had made a promise to kick Yeonjun's ass but before that, he had to get out of the grip. And the way Taehyun gazed at him, he knew Taehyun wanted an answer; an affirmative one._

_He felt the pace of his heartbeat quickening as he cleared his throat. "Tae...umm, I-I...", he slurred._

_The younger let out an amused laugh and let his hands free, snuggling back to his chest._

_"You should've seen your face, hyung! I'm just kidding, okay?"_

_"Aish! You brat!" Beomgyu scoffed, his one hand circling around Taehyun's waist and another coming to touch his own cheeks, sure enough, his face, ears and neck were burning. He bit his lips as Taehyun continued giggling and suddenly his mind couldn't unthink Taehyun's words for the rest of the night._

  
  
  


"Hyung, why are you so red all of a sudden?" Taehyun asks, finishing his sandwich.

Beomgyu blinks, the train of his thoughts coming to a stop. The younger took another sandwich and offered, he shook his head with a smile. "Mom made them especially for you"

Taehyun knits his eyebrows, scooting closer to Beomgyu. "So, what do you say? Should I get a check-up?"

Beomgyu tries to keep the weird thoughts aside and think of Taehyun's well-being for now. _He most probably doesn't remember that conversation_. 

"Yes, you should. But I think you need to observe some days more. Yoongi hyung had told me that those things seem to go away but then comes back suddenly. So once you're sure it doesn't, I will escort you to Busan"

Taehyun's eyes light up at the suggestion. "Then how about we go next month? It'll be the autumn vacation and we can go see the fireworks display this time, much grander than what we missed last time"

Beomgyu grins at how excited Taehyun becomes for the fireworks. He considers his schedule and sure enough, soon he'll be busy with the heavy stuff but before that he would love a weekend break with Taehyun in another city, enjoying the fall and relaxing the last days as a high school student, so he nods.

A small silence passes by before Taehyun whispers shyly, "Hyung...you d-do remember what we promised to do after I get well, right?"

Beomgyu pales, his hands tapping his knees as he looks away, biting his lips.

"Woah, don't worry. We can g-get there after all your exams are over and maybe even a-after your prom", Taehyun raises his hands as a surrender when he notices the older's blushing state.

"Umm, Tae?" The black-haired takes the courage to meet his boyfriend's eyes, Taehyun nodding for him to continue.

"Are you sure... I-I mean, d-do you really...?"

Taehyun smiles, taking the older's hands. "Yes, I am sure that-"

"Do you really want to top me?" Beomgyu blurts out of the blue, his eyes widened and cheeks flushing a deep shade of red.

Taken aback, Taehyun agapes his mouth. "I'm s-sorry, what?"

"You'd said that you wanted to top me once you're finally okay"

Taehyun stares at the older for a while, then scoffing disbelievingly as he untangles his hands from Beomgyu's and rubs his temple.

"I also said I was only joking" 

"Oh? So...you were, like, really just kidding? You didn't m-mean it?" Beomgyu asks but surprisingly, rather being relieved, he's a tad bit...sad.

"You're unbelievable, hyung!" Taehyun turns away and crosses his arms. 

"Okay, okay I'm sorry, Tae!" Beomgyu quickly hugs him from behind, laughing boisterously. "Honestly, I wouldn't mind any one of the two if it's y-you"

Taehyun abruptly looks back at Beomgyu, the older hesitantly adds, "I mean, I did promise we would do everything _you_ want"

And Taehyun knows that Beomgyu really means it, the older's genuine smile confirms his words, so he smiles back. Fluttering his eyes shut, he leans on to the hug and rests the back of his head on Beomgyu's shoulder, the older following him as a comfortable silence envelops them.

It's one of those early-autumn evenings, the breeze is soft, causing the dry leaves to rustle. The tree above them is starting to lose its leaves and one of them lands on Taehyun's head. Beomgyu, alerted, takes it and staring at it, an unusual thought crosses his mind.

"This is a very nice place to propose later", he tells aloud. Taehyun, albeit surprised, looks at him with a playful smile.

"You're already thinking that far?"

"What? Oh!" Beomgyu covers his mouth. "Did I say that out loud?"

"Cheesy boy!" Taehyun lets out a breathy laugh and closes his eyes again, going back to relax on the older's shoulders and Beomgyu only smiles at him because he knows even though Taehyun calls him cheesy and all, he secretly liked it– the instant blush being the proof of it.

Beomgyu brushes the brown bangs from his forehead, the softness tickling his fingertips. He shuts his eyes too, leaning forward to kiss the side of Taehyun's head and then his eyelids; following the curve of his smile, his lips land on the little dip of Taehyun's face– causing him to smile wider as Beomgyu kisses it longer.

"Hyunnie?" Beomgyu calls, rubbing the dimple with his nose, Taehyun hums.

"You know, back in the time, I promised you a lot of things and failed to keep them"

The younger opens his eyes, Beomgyu's serious tone makes him a bit wary. 

"Obviously, I'll make sure to keep them but I want to promise you one more thing. I promise you that this time…", Beomgyu reaches to connect their fingers together.

"I can hold you tighter"

Taehyun doesn't respond, or you can say he becomes speechless. But in a split second, he turns around properly to straddle Beomgyu, interlocking their lips.

The older smiles between their kisses, his arms looping around the younger's waist to keep their balance as Taehyun cups his chin, their kisses sweeter than ever. 

"I love you" They confess in unison once they pull away, giggling at their timing before Beomgyu pulls Taehyun for a protective hug, the younger keeping his head on the crook of Beomgyu's neck.

Sure, they know they have to head back soon but no one would be mad if they delay a minute or two. And so they take the opportunity to relax in each other's arms.

Beomgyu thinks of the time when they had first met and he would be lying if he said he didn't already know back then that he would fall in love with the doe-eyed boy, but what he really didn't know was he would change and grow stronger to keep the same boy safe from every harm as well as nurture their beautiful relationship. 

For Taehyun, Beomgyu is the same bright and jolly boy who brought colors to his once monochrome world and that shall never change.

**_— The End —_ **

**_  
_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoof! Finally, after long 6 months THIS FIC IS COMPLETED (drumrolls please)
> 
> I'm extremely sorry if I made it too long. The thing is I was planning this for quite a while before publishing it, hence so many happenings. English isn't really my comfort zone and I'm not very fluent, so I actually had a difficult time writing this. Also, let me not talk about the lack of my "brevity" skill which is the reason I can't explain things in short paragraphs/fewer words which are also the reason for this fic to be SO DAMN LONG😅 (the last chapter was the longest with 5K+ words sksksksk)
> 
> Another thing I'm sorry about is, I took a very long to update this. At first, it was daily then it became every other day and then suddenly it became an average of 4-6 days😓 The thing is, I'm a very problematic person irl and every other thing triggers me (jk jk) But I have very low self-esteem and there were times I had breakdowns and didn't want to continue and just delete this work and disappear (I'm sorry😣) Bc it always made me feel like no one really connects to the story or waits for it to be updated. But I was wrong and you guys are very sweet.
> 
> So, I want to thank every one of you. Everyone who read it, left kudos, left comments (especially the ones who are always engaging in every chapter, I love you so much🥺 and I don't think I need to take names bc you know who you are😏) and even the ghost readers— THANK YOU SO MUCH FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART😭😭 Trust me, I've never been complimented so much in my small 18 year lifespan. Y'all always kept me motivated and wanting to write more.
> 
> Write more? mhm😏😏 Yesss, I'm already planning another fic and that will be TAEGYU again (duh!) but it will have a hint of BEOMJUN (bc why not!) and YEONBIN as a side ship (with some others as well asdfgh) and Hueningkai will have a big role to bring the main ship together.
> 
> I can't promise that I'll be back soon but I'll try my best. I have a lot of loose pieces of the story but I'm threading it all along. It won't be angsty and too long (hopefully!) as this one so please anticipate.
> 
> Anyways, please take care all of you. Drink a lot of water, eat a lot of healthy food and rest well. Please use a mask and take precautions every time you step out.
> 
> If you ever feel like talking to me or you want to see more from this universe, please contact my  CC  . (i know i won't get any messages but anyway :33)
> 
> That was all from Taesquiger, your author-nim🥰


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